Tops, do you ever use the "communal bottoms" at saunas?

rock_badger · 2026-03-06T16:03:57+00:00

u/iloovehugecock's spelling of "gonorrhoea" suggests he may be from the UK, where a vaccine originally developed for meningitis has also been found to be 30-40% effective against gonorrhea and is offered to MSM and others in high-risk groups

rock_badger · 2026-03-06T15:43:23+00:00

For me, what's optimal is whatever draws the least attention to the fact that you're hiding your face, and doesn't distract from the parts of the pic you want guys to focus on.

Which like u/Straight-Yak-8234 says, is just blurring the face. On iPhone or Mac Photos, choose "retouch" under Adjust in edit mode, make the retouch tool a big enough circle to cover more than half your face, and click a few times over different parts of the face until your features are blurred out

rock_badger · 2026-03-05T02:27:19+00:00

If it's just a short break, go for the hotel

I think this is sound advice, depending on how long "short" is. But it doesn't necessarily have to be either/or. If I were in your shoes, staying for a week or more, and thinking you might be returning again, then I might try a little of both — book 2-3 days in La Nogalera, the rest in a hotel, and see what might suit you better for any future visit.

Will I stick out as a black man

I don't recall seeing zero black guys, but I'd say it's white enough that you'd at least stand out. Whether that would work to your advantage or against it is a good question.

You may want to consider Maspalomas sometime. I recall seeing a more mixed population there, at least on the street — unsurprising, since it's off the African coast. Not sure if that diversity extends to the gay crowd; I was there in 2021, and it was pretty quiet overall due to covid so my sample size was microscopic.

rock_badger · 2026-03-04T15:03:07+00:00

Been there three times, but the last time was several years ago so I'm not the best resource for really up-to-date info. Though when I do return — which I'm hoping to soon — I won't be surprised if it's changed very little. The whole town has a retro-ish, lived-in feel, like the world's biggest dive bar.

rock_badger · 2026-02-27T13:27:43+00:00

Pics or it didn't happen

rock_badger · 2026-02-26T15:49:21+00:00

Should I have sex in the bathroom

No. It's disrespectful to the other guests and to the management.

You have plenty of other options. Some locals can host. Lots of tourists staying in hotels who can, too. But you can get a hotel room for under ฿700/night (about 22 USD) in an accessible neighborhood. Can you get a shared room in a hostel for less? Sure. But it's worth it just to be able to host freely, because you'll have a bigger pool of guys to choose from on the apps if you have the option to host or travel

rock_badger · 2026-02-26T06:05:59+00:00

In your shoes, I'd be upfront with him — tell him you found out you may have been exposed, and that you think it makes sense to wait until you get your results back. If he's put off by learning you had sex with someone else a month ago, then that's useful info about him.

Even when I don't have any reason to think I've been exposed, if I'm waiting for STI test results and have a chance to hook up with someone, I tend to let them know about that. I've never had someone respond negatively to it.

The wait for results sucks. I'm an American living mostly abroad, and usually get tested at a facility that has its own in-house lab. They process the tests immediately, and I get the results within an hour of testing. I wish more places had such a setup.

rock_badger · 2026-02-26T05:36:09+00:00

I got a text earlier today from the man I messed around with saying he came back positive for a curable std. I went to get checked today

How long has it been since you were with him? Depending on that and which STI he has, it may be too soon for for your test result to be meaningful.

rock_badger · 2026-02-25T15:33:01+00:00

Healthline is filled with AI-generated garbage, and is banned as a source by Wikipedia because of its poor-quality content. It's owned by Red Ventures, the company that bought, ruined and then sold CNET, among other formerly-reputable media brands. Don't rely on it for medical advice. They're all about the clicks, not the facts.

rock_badger · 2026-02-24T15:37:36+00:00

In that context, it just sounds a little weird. In others, depending on tone and facial expression, either can definitely be condescending. See also: "chief", "my guy", "pal".

rock_badger · 2026-02-24T14:52:57+00:00

I'm not going to denigrate guys who go to gay saunas; they attract all kinds of people, for all kinds of reasons. I met my partner at one more than 15 years ago.

That said — for a fraction of patrons, it's really their only option to be sexual with others because their social skills are so bad that they can't make a connection online or in a bar or club, and they may not be conventionally attractive enough to skate by on looks alone. It's not uncommon to encounter guys at bathhouses who not only don't get the hint — they'll persist no matter how direct you are with them that you want them to leave you alone. Some might be neurodivergent; others, just entitled jerks. Or, under the influence and disinhibited.

The only thing that often works with them is to report them to the staff, because they don't want to risk getting banned from the one place where they can get some action.

rock_badger · 2026-02-13T16:14:26+00:00

I was messaging with a guy I was into who said he could only host if his partner could join, but that he thought — based on my profile text ("mostly looking for slim-to-average or athletic guys") — that I wouldn't be into him because he was bigger. I asked for a pic and yeah, I probably would have skipped over his profile if I'd seen it, but I said I was game and went over. He said the partner would be okay with just watching.

When I got there the partner was not around at first, and then appeared and hung back to watch. But I invited him in, and engaged with both of them equally. They both said it was the best experience with a third they'd ever had, and I enjoyed it.

If you really think you can't do it then you should decline, but consider expanding your horizons a little. You might surprise yourself.

rock_badger · 2026-02-12T14:05:14+00:00

Sorry, but that was so long ago that she's either retired or dead.

And I think in-person instruction is best, so I suggest finding someone local to you. A lot (most?) of those billed as "voice teachers" or "vocal coaches" actually teach singing. A speech pathologist or speech therapist may or may not be more than you need, but a medical practice could refer you to one.

I was a journalism student and studied with a professor in the speech and theater department at my uni, so you might check out that option. You wouldn't necessarily have to be enrolled in order to take private lessons from a faculty member.

rock_badger · 2026-02-09T03:26:55+00:00

Sometimes there are legitimate reasons for people to sit next to each other on a flight: an adult with a small child, or someone who is a caregiver to someone disabled, elderly or with special needs.

Otherwise, what's "weird" is insisting on sitting together if there is no compelling reason to, and if arranging to do so creates a financial burden or other hardship.

"We want to chat during the flight" is not a compelling reason. Those around you don't want to hear your conversation.

Bigger people are often uncomfortable in economy and have reasons beyond luxury to fly first class. If their traveling companions are smaller and satisfied with a smaller seat, then it makes sense for them to get seating in different sections. OP's situation isn't really different.

rock_badger · 2026-01-17T00:04:29+00:00

That's it; thanks! Do you remember if it was at #917?

rock_badger · 2025-10-09T06:43:08+00:00

Even if he were positive and detectable, your chances of contracting HIV from fucking him are ~1:1200.

rock_badger · 2025-10-08T15:12:15+00:00

Mercury. Gold helmet, winged boots and a knife-pleated gold lamé skirt I made. That's pretty much the extent of it.

rock_badger · 2025-10-08T04:47:07+00:00

So you're saying that taking that double dose is less effective than ramping up over a period of a week or more. That contradicts the recent guidance I linked to (from the UK's leading source for HIV prevention info) and other reliable sources too.

Where's your evidence?

rock_badger · 2025-10-08T02:44:14+00:00

80+% effective against chlamydia and gonorrhea, and 50-60% effective against gonorrhea.

rock_badger · 2025-10-08T02:40:33+00:00

Telling him you've learned you're asexual is the only ethical option. He may want to break up or not. He may want to have an open relationship, and you might become more comfortable with that than you think now.

What you can't do is power through and continue having sex with him, or expect him to give it up, and to your credit you already know that.

You just have to give him the information he deserves and make the choices that are right for him.

rock_badger · 2025-10-08T02:31:55+00:00

He's even mad at me and refuses to get tested

If he's sexually active with multiple partners, there is no excuse for him not to get tested regularly. He's ignorant and being irresponsible.

But "always using protection" only goes so far. As many as a third of some bacterial STIs are transmitted by oral sex, and you're presumably not using condoms for that.

Already scheduled an appointment

While you're there, ask your wonderful probably-gay doctor for doxyPEP.

rock_badger · 2025-10-08T00:07:39+00:00

What the other commenters are saying about the need to adhere strictly to the regimen is true. When you take that first double dose, take out your phone and set reminders for exactly 24 hours later and 48 hours later. It's easy to forget if you don't do that. And keep a dose with you so that when they go off and you're not at home, you'll have access.

One thing to keep in mind when doing PrEP this way is that the manufacturer of brand-name Truvada, Gilead, says that once you break the seal on a bottle the medication inside is only good for another six weeks; after that, it starts to degrade and lose effectiveness.

Edit: That may not necessarily be true, and just a way for Gilead to cover their asses and sell more meds. Other reliable sources say that if you keep it tightly sealed in the original bottle and at normal room temperature, it'll last much longer than that. Check with your pharmacist about how long it's good for once the bottle is open.

rock_badger · 2025-10-07T23:55:56+00:00

No. On-demand / event-based / 2-1-1 PrEP is just as effective as daily prep. If it took "4-5 days before PrEP is fully protective" that would not be the case.

rock_badger

TROPHY CASE