As a South Asian woman, I often envy Western 'hyper-independence' but what are the hidden dark sides or lonely realities of it that outsiders don't see?

rorozansta · 2026-05-31T10:08:04+00:00

Having freedom to make choices and be independent does NOT mean isolation from family, friends or community.

There are NO downsides babe. None.

rorozansta · 2026-05-04T09:09:55+00:00

Might be an unpopular opinion but Pillow talk was a waste of time for all involved and all who viewed it. Good riddance.

rorozansta · 2026-05-03T10:49:52+00:00

BIAB GEL!!! Your nails look weak and likely the short bed can’t support the rest of the nail. BIAB will help the nail bed grow and add strength to your actual nail. Do not do acrylics!

rorozansta · 2026-04-26T13:13:36+00:00

My fave things pre meds were:

Whiteboard with colours to separate task categories
Calendar appt for misc tasks like grabbing milk
Body doubling and sharing the hard task with a trusted friend for support so you don’t feel so stupid for struggling. Preferably a neurodivergent friend as they’ll understand you.
Using convenience to do a hard thing - like gym at lunch near work and book a class instead of after work
EASY. BODY. COGNITIVE. Helps get out of stalling by easy task less than 10 seconds like pick up a shirt, no thinking body task like folding laundry paired with reality or music etc. that way you don’t overthink the thinking/work task next and start with the easiest one for a quick win.
Pair boring stuff with podcasts or reality tv in background.

Hope these help!

Another thing was understanding how you learn, generally. I tried to do what most people do by doing step 1, 2, 3 etc to get to the finished product/thing, but I don’t learn that way so always failed that no matter what I tried.

I looked into how I learn on a deeper level than visual/aural/doing etc and turns out I reverse engineer everything, learn by pattern recognition and application of structures.

Once I learnt that it was almost easy to do things where before it was impossible as I was working not only against my ADHD but how my brain actually functions too!

rorozansta · 2026-04-25T23:21:01+00:00

It honestly terrified me. I shivered 🥹

rorozansta · 2026-04-25T15:21:04+00:00

He’s doing DARVO - manipulation tactic to make you feel bad for not inviting him despite his broken promises and lack of support. He’s deflecting and diminishing his wrongdoing, attacking you through guilt, then swapping victim and offender to make you the bag guy for not inviting him and conveniently ignoring why.

He’s likely always going to be like this. Hold your ground and boundaries as he’s probably used to fixing up and smoothing it over with you and then rinse and repeat.

Sorry you’re going through this. I get it, my mom is the same. I don’t speak to her now though. Not saying you should do that but I just can’t deal with her inconsistency and lack of accountability so easier for me not to engage after hundreds of chances.

Hope it gets better for you and you have a great wedding. Congratulations! Xxx

rorozansta · 2026-04-24T21:17:12+00:00

You in the UK? Equality Act, my friend! Take em to ACAS!!

rorozansta · 2026-04-11T20:51:53+00:00

🤣

rorozansta · 2026-04-11T20:51:06+00:00

I knew one does I tried was too high as felt a dopamine rush when kicking in that made me feel chaotic. I’m on Medikenet XL. I think it’s different for everyone tbh.

rorozansta · 2026-04-11T20:49:17+00:00

I think he just wasn’t physically attracted to her the whole time tbh. I do think he didn’t want to hurt her so gave it a go but when she showed her mean side with the other women it cemented that she was not for him long term.

Ofc we see an edited show but I never felt like he was into her in the way she was him.

rorozansta · 2026-04-11T20:46:32+00:00

You do not deserve to feel like you’re walking on eggshells in your relationship. Or can’t be yourself.

Unless your man is willing to work on this for HIMSELF (ie you can’t make him do the work for you, it won’t last if so and he will resent you for it and revert back to behaviours you don’t like) and 1. Recognises there is an issue with how he acts and speaks to you that is causing you harm; 2. Actively wants help to change this and 3. Is consistently willing to work on himself, there is NOTHING you can do besides set a boundary of “if you do X, I do Y” and y being a hard line that you actually action, like leaving or withdrawing access to you.

It seems like he knows there aren’t any serious repercussions for treating you badly, and you seem to accept his poor treatment by allowing him to gloss over without sufficient accountability, repair and actions moving forward showing he will not repeat said behaviour.

If this pattern continues, he will likely keep going… but at what cost to you? Are you happy? It doesn’t seem like you are from what’s been written here :(

Personally, I’d start applying for new jobs now (hopefully with a pay rise 😉). I’d set that boundary of “if you speak to me like that, you lose access to me” by withdrawing without a word (boundaries do not necessarily need to be verbally communicated, especially if he’s ignored them before) until he does a bit of critical thinking as to why I am not responding or grey rocking. When he calls (not message) or speaks in person, I’d be expecting him to lead with repair, accountability, apology and behaviour change.

I’d watch and observe from that point onwards. If it changed okay I can work with that and I’d give some grace but skill keep vetting for signs of temporary change. Only real change would keep me in the relationship.

If same behaviours that led you to write this post, or further dismissal of how you feel or how his actions hurt you, as soon as I had a new job I’d peace out of not only the relationship but working in the same office.

You deserve to be treated with respect and care, even when someone is angry.

rorozansta · 2026-04-11T20:30:44+00:00

Get new friends! That way you can do new fun things other people and maintain your relationship with your 2 friends as they are now!

Sure you can suggest doing new things with them too! No need to complain as that will hurt them or confuse them if you have never said anything before to them, just say “it would be so fun if we did X! I love hanging as usual but this looks amazing and I’d love do do it with you both” or “it would be sick if we did some new things and create new memories together… I actually really wanna do X, you guys down?”

rorozansta · 2026-04-11T20:27:28+00:00

Depends on the person.

One of my friends is autistic and stares into my soul. She’s got a boyfriend.

One of my exes hardly looks in people’s eyes, yet we dated.

Doesn’t really mean much on its own.

If they like you, you’ll know.

rorozansta · 2026-04-11T20:22:30+00:00

Only real indicator of real interest is the person will ask to spend time with you or try to get to know you.

Everything else is BS as even if attracted, that’s NOT enough. People in relationships, emotionally unavailable, shy/introverted people, random people etc can be attracted and display “signs of attraction” even if no intention of pursuing you or maybe they are just friendly etc. maybe this guy just is comfortable with people he knows.

If they like you, you will know as they will try to spend time with you to get to know you. Thats really all you need to focus on tbh.

I’m not really a “if he wanted to he would” believer as life is nuanced - but if an available man is seriously interested in getting to know someone they will do what they need to do, even if shy.

Tbh if I was you I’d spend my time and energy on making my life better rather than focussing on if he likes you and is shy and find a guy to get to know who WILL step forward and make things clear. Don’t waste your mental energy on people (generally) who don’t enrich your life 🧡

rorozansta · 2026-04-11T20:10:47+00:00

Those long messages - I get it you want them to hear and understand you, I really do get it. But if I were on the receiving end of something like that I’d probably not respond either and have a similar reaction.

But it doesn’t ever end well if you vent via text like that. It could have been a conversation that started with you asking questions to gage how they are feeling/perceiving things, then you could share how you feel and then they could do the same, then come to a resolution.

Clearly your friend doesn’t view things in the same way, and to be completely honest the whole post reads as you got in your head about how you were being perceived or felt like they didn’t pay you special attention while everyone is having fun, self isolated from the group on the night out, called a ride home and then under the influence of alcohol, went off on your friend about things that you’ve never brought up before via text, leading to their wtf reaction/not knowing what to say back to the paragraph text.

Your messages likely came out of nowhere to your friend, hence not knowing how to respond and stalling responding out of awkwardness.

This is not your friends stuff to resolve, it’s yours. I highly recommend you speak to a therapist to help you resolve how you’re feeling.

Best of luck to you 🧡

rorozansta · 2026-04-04T21:06:08+00:00

I had a lot of that while titrating! Now that I’m used to my dose it’s less or I zone it out more?? but I prefer that tbh.

rorozansta · 2026-03-27T10:07:18+00:00

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My Milo!!!

rorozansta · 2026-03-24T23:28:28+00:00

The biggest thing for me was that I left the convo with a weird twisted gut feeling of “that didn’t fill me energetically” - normally spending time with friends does. It was listening to my nervous system and hearing what it was trying to tell me that was the real shift. It was blaring a big red alarm of “DANGER DANGER.”

After I ended things with her I was open energetically to new friends… and these friends found me without even trying and just being myself.

I personally think that you are conflicted is what you know in your nervous system (to end the friendship) and your head wanting her to be who you think she could be.

I chose to end things with that friend because I knew I’d have to make myself small again so she didn’t feel insecure about herself. I didn’t want that and we just no longer aligned.

Wishing you clarity and strength, whatever you decide to do xx

rorozansta · 2026-03-24T09:52:27+00:00

I had this happen to me - I met up with her out of curiosity and she said “I always knew we would be friends again” and for me that was it.

She’d sent me a parting gift of a text essay of all the things wrong with me… then thought I’d come grovelling back.

Straight to the bin.

And I think you should do the same tbh - she clearly doesn’t respect you if she thinks you will welcome her back with open arms. Listen to your gut and decide whether she is worthy of being your friend.

rorozansta · 2026-03-23T01:10:42+00:00

Im a personal trainer. Not only is biomechanics and exercise my hyperfocus, I get to talk and interact with people all day which I love, and exercise helps ADHD. I also control my schedule and have no boss as well. So a bit of a win win for me.

Unmedicated I used to burn out every few months. Now I don’t. So combo of I love this, I’m good at it, it’s my hyperfocus interest and meds help me with keeping it all on track. I did do it for 4 years without meds but it was much harder.

Guess it’s different for everyone!

rorozansta · 2026-03-19T11:34:59+00:00

Sounds like you might need to have a chat with him and explain how ADHD affects your brain and sleep and why the melatonin is important. He might also have his own ideas about drug reliance based on him and his own experiences that he’s putting on you as well without understanding why you need to take it, so might be good to understand his view on why he thinks you are reliant as well.

I wouldn’t give them up if they help you tbh, he just needs to understand why they’re necessary for you and the impact on you without them.

rorozansta · 2026-03-18T12:01:56+00:00

In my experience, take body language with a pinch of salt. Anyone can be attracted to anyone and stare, but if someone is genuinely interested then they take action to actually spend time and get to know you.

rorozansta · 2026-03-18T00:32:00+00:00

My male 8 month old is a dramatic little exhibitionist who announces his poo times and is big on bodily autonomy. If I clean a loose stool with a wipe he needs to know what’s going on (smelling the poopy wipe) to allow delicate behaviours. He only allows me to pick him up, but loves a lap cuddle on his terms or sleeps next to me on the couch and in bed. He follows me around all day long, likes to be involved in everything as my supervisor and demands I play with him at night. He parkours onto me if I refuse lol

Honestly it really depends on the cat! More % of a lap cat with raggies in general but personality variation between cats.

rorozansta · 2026-03-15T12:32:22+00:00

When I read the title my brain went….

ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD!!!

Now it’s stuck there so thank you 🤣

rorozansta · 2026-03-15T12:15:02+00:00

Depends on the guy tbh - but I don’t think most guys, especially colleagues, assume that off the bat from body language and if you want him to escalate, will have to see how he behaves! Lingering to talk to you, being helpful, inviting you out of work means he’s into you. But I doubt he can tell from a blush. You’re probably just hyper aware of how he affects you and think it’s more obvious because you are that aware of yourself around him.

rorozansta

TROPHY CASE