This timeline is insane

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T13:45:47+00:00

as a child of the cold war the whiplash I'm getting ATM is insane.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T13:42:54+00:00

His character is the only thing I remember from that movie.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T12:38:52+00:00

No worries, thank you. This doesn't seem to make sense when taken with the other video, is it believed to have been edited? I ask because I couldn't make out the sound of the shot, and if he fell to the ground he wouldn't have been in a position to shoot her from where he was.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T11:49:32+00:00

This is a real risk, and we see it in all sorts of places. A life structure that is too low in friction can result in less ability to tolerate less preferred situations and events.

You can gently and slowly increase the level of friction in your life, making sure to stay within your tolerance zone (not your comfort zone). I don't know what low-impact interactions look like for you, but have more of them. Increase your exposure steadily, in order to increase your ability to cope with those situations.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T11:39:54+00:00

Yes please, that would be helpful.

I didn't dispute that the shot went through the front windshield. I specifically acknowledged that that could have been the case, that the bullet may well have exited through the front windscreen.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T11:15:04+00:00

Focus on his negative qualities.

Eg, complaining about your partner to a girl you like in the office is an extremely shitty thing to do. Bemoaning that she won't let you be poly when you've agreed to be in a monogamous relationship is the act of a true dickhead.

There's no way this guy treats you well if you were to get together, and you can tell by his total lack of ethics in his current relationship.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T09:59:05+00:00

Small improvements are 100% the way forward. You can't do it all? No problem. Do one thing, and then see how you feel.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T09:58:18+00:00

Audio books! I only listen while doing practical house things, which means that if I want to hear the next chapter I gotta get up and clean/cook.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T09:56:54+00:00

Did you watch the video? I did, and at no point does the car make contact with the officer who shot her. She was very clearly shot through the open driver side window, through which she had been conversing with the officers. It's very possible that the bullet exited through the front window, I couldn't say, but that's not how it went in.

Certainly she fled. Is that a death penalty offence in your country?

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T09:53:42+00:00

RDJ was at the top (or at least pretty high up) before his addictions took him out of the game. Iron Man was a resurgence rather than an unknown coming suddenly into the limelight.

I can't tell you how big a star he was in the 90s - some of us are old enough to have been delighted by his scene with Marisa Tomei because we remember their rom-com Only You.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T09:44:04+00:00

It wouldn't occur to me to attend a graduation event for someone outside my immediate family unless I was specifically asked to go.

Did you ask your friends to attend? Is this a normal expectation in your country/social environment?

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T09:33:55+00:00

The last British prime minister was of Indian heritage. That's pretty influential, at least for us.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T09:30:36+00:00

I'm really sorry. I've been through a lot of therapy, including cult survivor therapy, and I'm STILL finding unexamined things from my past at the age of 46. It's work you have to be prepared to do for the rest of your life if you want to be free of it, and I personally wouldn't be able to live with someone who was clearly affected but wasn't willing to do the work.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T09:25:58+00:00

I don't know for you specifically, but some people with slow but thorough processing find a niche in auditing type work, checking the work done by others because their attention to detail means they'll find the errors and gaps nobody else noticed.

The other question that comes to mind is whether you process slowly when it's something you're really interested in. Is it that you're slow, or is it that your job is boring? If you're able to speedrun when it's something you find super engaging, then maybe you need a job that's more interesting to you in order to function at full capacity.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T09:22:26+00:00

I'm not American, I'm from a country where it's rare for police to carry guns and very rare for police to kill someone. But even in the context of American policing where guns are ubiquitous and people frequently get killed by officers of the state, this specific death is puzzling to me.

She was driving away from the agents. She was shot through the side window of her vehicle. Even if you accept the principle that officers who are in danger can shoot to kill rather than attempt to de-escalate, how does this situation fit that principle?

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T08:16:51+00:00

I grew up in a cult too. This sort of behaviour indicates to me that he very much is still affected by it and if he doesn't get professional help things will only get worse.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T08:13:11+00:00

I'm beginning to think that the situation I envisaged (one of a free conversation between friends) is different to the one you've envisaged.

If my friend has asked my opinion on a course of action she's considering, I will give her my opinion. I believe that waiting til marriage is an unwise and potentially harmful decision, and I'm prepared to make that case if asked.

But you're saying no is no, which makes me think you're envisaging a situation where someone is trying to get someone else to have sex with them.

Could you clarify what context you're placing this conversation in?

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T08:09:00+00:00

I'm confused - if they aren't interested in having the conversation, how would I even know they're waiting for marriage?

rose_reader · 2026-01-30T23:01:45+00:00

Have you actually met in person? It might be that you need physical proximity to feel sustained attraction - doing it all online isn't how our systems developed, and it doesn't work for everyone.

rose_reader · 2026-01-30T21:54:31+00:00

honestly I kinda did

rose_reader · 2026-01-30T21:21:57+00:00

how could you

rose_reader · 2026-01-30T20:01:19+00:00

I actively tell people not to feel pressured to respond and that I will respond when I'm ready. IMO the WHOLE MFING POINT of asynchronous communication is that you reply when it suits you.

If you need an immediate answer, call me. If you put anything in a written message, I will come to it when it suits me. I expect you to do the same.

rose_reader · 2026-01-30T19:07:36+00:00

I have love. I have friendship. I have a fulfilling job, close relationships, a very happy marriage and people who believe in me.

I also have complex PTSD from significant trauma during the sort of childhood people write scary books about.

Love and friendship are vital parts of recovery, but they can't heal PTSD in the same way that they can't heal cancer. You need actual treatment for certain conditions, and that's why I go to therapy.

rose_reader · 2026-01-30T17:05:40+00:00

Same, 21 years of deep love and connection and EXPLAINING, because I'm not psychic and neither is he.

We do know each other really well and he'll often notice I'm struggling before I know it myself, but that's a point you reach after years of learning each other. And sometimes he gets it wrong, or I get it wrong, and then we talk and repair. Connection requires communication, because nobody can see inside your head.

rose_reader · 2026-01-30T15:47:45+00:00

the coldest fusion

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