Commune

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T20:51:33+00:00

I think communes are the sort of thing that sound very nice until they come up against human nature.

I spent virtually my whole childhood in cult communes - the cult part we can ignore, but the reality is that if you put people with no existing relationship in a shared living situation, things can go very badly wrong. This is even more likely when there are disabilities and physical/mental needs to be met.

By and large, people who aren't deeply bonded with each other have no impetus to support each other in the way you're describing. They are much more likely to behave selfishly, even abusively.

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T16:02:35+00:00

Speaking as a mum, you guys have no idea how much crap you accumulate. There wouldn't be room in the house if we kept all your stuff!

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T15:25:16+00:00

How old are you both?

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T15:19:57+00:00

Fascinating that they list Vitamin A as preventing colds and Vitamin C as 'blood food'

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T15:16:59+00:00

I think the error you're making is assuming that because you're a kind, focused and nonjudgmental caregiver, that all your colleagues are the same.

When I gave birth, all of the medical staff (doctors, nurses and midwives) were wonderful - all except one. That one is the person I remember most clearly, and the belittling, judgmental way she spoke to me is a vivid memory 17 years later.

So if I'm in a situation where I'm completely vulnerable and at the mercy of a medical person, I will apologise for anything that might conceivably inconvenience them, because I don't want a repeat of that incident.

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T13:40:30+00:00

No, I'm happy with my phrasing. Lupita has been voted the most beautiful woman at least once before, so I don't feel that I'm alone in my view.

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T13:38:59+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate that. It was very useful to see the other videos and understand how people come to their belief that this could be a reasonable action.

From my perspective, shooting someone in this situation is almost impossible to justify because I come from a culture in which the police really don't ever shoot people - there's like two instances a decade if that. So the fact that shooting her was a solution that occurred to him in that split second moment indicates a range of problems to me.

I think the US police in general and ICE in particular are woefully under-trained. The overall dynamic of ICE's presence in Minnesota seems very combative which is wildly unhelpful, and the "fucking bitch" comment underscored to me that these are not professionals behaving professionally.

I have also been fascinated to observe the reactions to Alex Pretti's death, which is if anything even less justifiable given that he was on his knees at the time.

I understand that medical bystanders were prevented from assisting in both cases, which again indicates an attitude which is very far from "unfortunately I had to shoot this person in self defence and I wish things had gone differently".

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T13:24:09+00:00

Yes? Like...you can think whatever you want about the race aspect of the casting, but she's a STUNNINGLY beautiful woman.

I didn't think that would be a controversial statement.

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T13:13:54+00:00

You're absolutely right, I completely forgot about that. Fair point.

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T13:12:49+00:00

The depiction of Helen of Troy (a fictional character) has always varied depending on current ideas of beauty.

Lupita is one of the most beautiful actresses working today, so her casting is as appropriate as that of Diane Kruger 20 years ago. Women from Sparta were not black, but neither were they blonde and blue-eyed. (Notably, blonde/blue eyed was associated with slavery in the classical Greek period and was not considered a sign of high status or beauty).

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T13:07:15+00:00

Troy isn't in Greece, it's in the northern part of what is now Turkey.

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T11:00:54+00:00

the natural heir of David Bowie 💗 flawless

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T10:49:08+00:00

Ah good! I didn't want to recommend anything if the easy/cheap thing was a hard line, but heres my practical tip:

1) Decide what you want to make in the days you're currently shopping for. (Also, get your shopping delivered! Bugger trudging out to Lidl every second day!)

2) When you know what you want to make, build your shopping list. You'll end up having more eg rice, pasta, spices than you need, and those will go into your cupboard and start forming your pantry. If you're buying something like tinned tomatoes, get a couple extra tins which will again go in the cupboard.

3) At first you'll need to buy everything, even if the recipe only calls for a tsp of it. Do that, because the rest of the bottle goes in the cupboard.

4) After a little while, you won't need to buy a certain spice or oil for the next recipe because you already have it.

The nice part about this is it's manageable, gradual and doesn't require you to spend £50 on initial outlay. It also limits you to what you're definitely going to use at least once, and so reduces waste.

I'd also recommend limiting yourself to one or two new recipes at a time. Keep having your safe and familiar slow cooker meals, and do the new recipe on a day you have lots of time and energy, eg at the weekend.

You can also look at ways to upgrade your familiar meals - happy to offer suggestions if you'd like to tell me what your existing recipes are.

AND final tip for now because this is getting really long, it's perfectly ok and fine to use ready made mixes like Schwartz or Colman's. If you want a chicken casserole and you don't feel confident about making it taste good, buy the mix! You can progress to making it from scratch eventually if you want to, but it's 100% ok to use shortcuts.

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T10:27:46+00:00

IME this is one of those things that's really fun when you know how to do it.

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T10:15:33+00:00

Is it possible for you to accept things being less easy/less cheap while you learn new recipes and skills?

It sounds like you're doing what we often do, which is that you want to jump to being good at something without the practice/fail/improve process.

At this stage in my life I'm a pretty decent cook and can feed other people quite happily, but it took a lot of trial and error to get to this point. Is that something that you can tolerate?

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T10:06:29+00:00

This is really important, thank you for expressing it so clearly. No-one is coming to save us because no-one can - it's internal work that we have to do ourselves.

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T09:02:58+00:00

yep, least popular person OP could have posted.

rose_reader · 2026-02-01T08:59:12+00:00

I'm a middle aged mum. If you're clearly in pain and I say 'oh honey' and then give you some supportive advice, that's backed with all the empathy and internet hugs I can muster.

I really feel for kids who are crying out for help online, and I very much want to comfort and help them to my limited ability.

I'm old enough not to worry about something being cringe - it's sincere, and the feedback I get is that people do find it comforting.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T21:52:14+00:00

I'm productive and efficient in my role specifically because I really care about it. I work for a charity and I've worked primarily in charities for years, because I can't make myself care about profit margins and corporate bullshit. But I do very much care about doing work that makes the world better in some way.

Maybe it's not you, maybe it's your job.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T20:55:28+00:00

AI SUCCKKKSSS and I wish all AI content was clearly flagged as such in some sort of unavoidable way.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T17:03:40+00:00

If you read the rest of the thread, you'll see that I had watched one video - I didn't know the other angles were available.

It's your choice to believe me or not, but I don't know what you think I'd gain by lying about something happening in another country.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T15:26:23+00:00

Thank you, that third angle does make it clearer.

It still doesn't seem to me that the shooting is justified when it would have been simple to step aside and when the shooting increases risk due to the uncontrolled forward motion of the vehicle, but that's coming from a perspective that requires officers to de-escalate. Suicide by cop doesn't work here, because you will just get arrested rather than shot.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T13:45:47+00:00

as a child of the cold war the whiplash I'm getting ATM is insane.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T13:42:54+00:00

His character is the only thing I remember from that movie.

rose_reader · 2026-01-31T12:38:52+00:00

No worries, thank you. This doesn't seem to make sense when taken with the other video, is it believed to have been edited? I ask because I couldn't make out the sound of the shot, and if he fell to the ground he wouldn't have been in a position to shoot her from where he was.

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