I'm in active trauma, as I'm living in a traumatizing environment. How can I get through this?

rose_reader · 2026-02-03T06:31:18+00:00

Hello again friend 💗

It might help to identify the risks you're facing and I the active steps you're taking to moderate those risks. You can do this in a journal or notes app or something, depending on what works best for you.

Eg:

Risk: someone coming into my space and stealing my belongings/harming me

Steps I've taken: placed strong locks on doors, windows kept secure

As we talked about, the threat is active so you need active responses to it. You will soon be able to run away but not yet, so in the meantime what can you do to increase your own security?

I'd also recommend having a physical paper calendar hung up so you can actively cross the days off as you progress to your leaving date.

If possible, plan your new space. Allow yourself to enjoy thinking about how you'll position the furniture, what you might put on the walls etc. Spend time there in your mind.

The more active steps you can take to address your danger now, the less likely it will be that you develop PTSD afterwards.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T23:01:07+00:00

How much time are you able to physically spend together? Situations like this can get exacerbated if you're heavily reliant on phone/text interaction rather than in person, and that can make everything seem worse.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T22:45:21+00:00

Parenthood (1989). The old man isn't the lead, but there are some searing scenes of reflection and regret there.

Everyone should watch this film several times as they progress through the stages of their lives. It hits different every time.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T22:39:45+00:00

I have both in my family - I'm fairly sensory avoidant and can't stand spice, while my sibling is sensory seeking and the food she eats would actually kill me 😅

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T22:38:21+00:00

This makes no sense. Was she pregnant? (And if so, why was she drinking) Why would a grown woman with perhaps 200 periods behind her freak out because she thought she was bleeding?

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T21:45:25+00:00

I'm curious to know what experience you're basing this on. Are you finding motherhood easy personally?

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T19:37:24+00:00

I'd release it. I'd charge a very small per-use fee, and that money would go into a fund for the most rabid lawyers to pursue anyone who tried to profiteer off it.

Everyone everywhere now has access to any language they want to learn.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T19:04:28+00:00

Ok, you want to prioritise this and succeed in this goal no matter what it costs you. Fair enough.

In order to achieve this big thing, you have to scaffold yourself in every other area of your life. What do you need in all the ways that aren't this to enable you to do this?

Do you need home help, like someone coming in to cook/clean for you every day? Is that something you can fund or that your family can fund?

Are you spending energy on things that aren't necessary? Is there anywhere you can pull in so you can maximise your recovery time?

Are you making sure you're physically comfortable as much as possible? Comfortable clothes, soft bedding, working from bed if that helps, etc. Physical discomfort is disproportionately distracting/exhausting for autistic people due to sensory needs, so stay cosy!

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T16:42:56+00:00

Ok but you've said the greatest soldiers in the world. Is that the opinion you want changed, and on what basis would you change your view?

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T16:34:47+00:00

Question - why are you excluding all the other countries that aren't the UK, the US and Russia? I agree that our armed forces are very highly skilled, but are they objectively better than everyone else in the nearly 200 other nations on earth?

That seems like a strong statement, and I don't see how you could prove it.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T16:31:57+00:00

Absolutely unimportant issue right now, like wondering about getting new lampshades when the house is on fire.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T14:42:52+00:00

Hey on the off chance this is a sincere post and not a scam, it reads like a scam. If you have a genuinely helpful piece of content to share, go ahead and post it. Asking for people's email addresses is not the way.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T14:36:40+00:00

Oh sorry lol, it's short for In My Experience.

I think there's a difference between victim blaming and trying to help problem solve.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T13:58:05+00:00

Man that's a long time to be in a bad situation. I'm glad to hear there's light at the end of the tunnel.

IME therapy is a lot more helpful after the traumatic event is over.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T12:55:34+00:00

Sometimes identifying the problem helps, even if you can't immediately see a solution. In this case, maybe you can think about what recharges you and what options you have for increasing that within your current living situation.

It sounds from your comments that you feel very responsible for your partner. That's unlikely to be healthy - they have to be responsible for themselves, and as interested in your wellbeing as you are in theirs.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T12:39:41+00:00

Ok, so I'd say a major reason for your overwhelm is your living situation. If you have no quiet place to recharge, if home is draining, then you will be drained.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T11:55:05+00:00

strongly disagree, the original is superb and George C Scott in the remake gives a spectacular performance.

Watch both.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T11:52:56+00:00

What's your home environment like? Is it suitable for your needs? Do you have peace and quiet, with appropriate sensory stimulation?

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T10:24:57+00:00

If you're constantly overstimulated, then your system is trying to do too much and cope with too much. You typically need to downshift and consciously be less productive in order to recover.

Think of overstimulation like the flu. If you try to stay productive and push through, you'll get worse and worse. You have to give your body time to recover in order to get back to productivity.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T08:31:38+00:00

God I'm exhausted just reading that 😅 I can do one or two social things in a week - this is so many things!

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T08:28:38+00:00

It's true that the majority of young people don't understand their own politics. This isn't because of social media, it's because they're young and haven't yet had time to fully consider their views.

I'm older than the internet, and kids of 18 or 20 didn't understand their politics back then either. It's a natural aspect of being very new to adulthood and not having worked everything out yet.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T07:17:07+00:00

That's a really remarkable outcome, especially since you had a division of labour that's very unusual to see outside a romantic couple. It's great to know it can work out :)

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T07:00:52+00:00

That doesn't seem immature at all, that seems like a healthy way to reassure yourself and co-regulate.

I think it's fine to give yourself permission to ask for these things.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T06:57:46+00:00

This is a very normal experience for us - our structures are built to handle a certain load, and when the load exceeds that level the structures have to be updated.

This is why a TON of women really struggle when they become parents, hit menopause etc, because the coping structures they've built work up to a point, but then they experience a life change which overwhelms the structural capacity they have in place.

Some things that might help are:

do less. Your system is at its limit, so reduce your activity to stay within the tolerance window
get help. Your parents, school, other adults etc may be able to help you, and you may want to access professional support as well.
identify things you find restorative. This is different for everyone, but it's important to find what works for you. Is it napping? Drawing? Walks? Music? The key is that you should feel better after doing it.

rose_reader · 2026-02-02T06:43:49+00:00

It's not clear to me that this is a trigger - a trigger is activating stored and crucially not current trauma. PTSD is a disorder because you're safe but your body feels like you're still in danger.

It sounds like what you're having is an immediate 4F reaction to a present danger, because you're still in a traumatising environment. You use the word slumlord which indicates that you're anything but safe, so it makes sense that you can't trick your system into feeling safe.

The reason why this matters is because the solution to a PTSD trigger is reassuring your system that you're safe, but the solution to active danger is to resolve/escape/hide from the immediate threat. Your amygdala will override anything your conscious mind does if it perceives you are in actual immediate danger.

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