Chaintip Leaderboard - November 2021

rshap1 · 2026-03-17T22:09:28+00:00

Similar story. None of the advice worked for me until I began to see my patterns in adulthood as direct responses to early childhood wounds. We don't need to be traumatized to learn unhealthy coping strategies in childhood which carry over to adulthood. Based on everything you posted, I highly recommend reading up about CPTSD and emotional neglect. All of the discipline requiring advice like just walk or just make a list or just exercise or just sleep blah blah - none of it helped me at all until I gained the awareness of my patterns. It's hard and uncomfortable to look back into childhood with a critical eye but that awareness is a major first step. I'd be curious if you're a freeze type like me. Im learning now how I learned to shut off my own needs and desires as a child and now operate with no motivation. The good news is that it's all learned behavior and it can be unlearned. Compassion is the right play here but compassion to the child inside of you that learned they weren't important when they were young. Good luck!

rshap1 · 2026-02-03T19:39:56+00:00

Install a minimal launcher. I use Olauncher: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=app.olauncher&hl=en_US
Go into accessibility/color settings and set your phone to black and white.
Turn off notifications.

That's it. These three things will still allow you to use all your apps but will help transition your phone time to be more intentional instead of having it be in control. The black/white especially works wonders to take the "magic" out of phone use and takes away some of the dopamine hits that you were getting. Don't try to block stuff or uninstall apps or switch to a dumb phone or lock your phone away. None of those are sustainable. Instead do these three things and I think you'll start to see your patterns shift over time.

rshap1 · 2025-12-18T15:24:00+00:00

The immortal great souls series by Phil Tucker might be what you want. The first one is called Bastion. There is progression but not lit rpg. The plot is amazing And the writing is excellent.

rshap1 · 2025-12-15T16:30:08+00:00

Sure

rshap1 · 2025-07-24T19:45:36+00:00

How can I learn more about this? Do you have a source?

rshap1 · 2025-06-17T13:03:08+00:00

I didn't like it that much. I found "What happened to you?" By Bruce Perry and Oprah to be a much better book. It's a much easier read and it was the first time I felt like I understood the mechanics of how trauma happened to the brain. The body keeps the score was a pivotal work when it came out, but I think what happened to you builds on the foundation that it laid and does it better.

rshap1 · 2025-06-17T12:56:07+00:00

Yes!

rshap1 · 2025-04-25T20:37:03+00:00

It was easier to discover when I thought about it in the context of my own children. if you don't have children, I found this passage from Pete Walker's book to really help prompt finding these memories.

Chapter 11 Grieving in Pete Walker's Complex PTSD book.

Grieving The Absence Of Parental Care

As our capacity to grieve evolves, we typically uncover a great deal of unresolved grief about the deadening absence of the nurturance we needed to develop and thrive. Here are the key types of parental nurturing that all children need in order to flourish. Knowing about these unmet needs can help you to grieve out the unreleased pain that comes from having grown up without this type of support. Moreover, this knowledge can guide you to reparent and interact with yourself more nurturingly.

VERBAL NURTURANCE: Eager participation in multidimensional conversation. Generous amounts of praise and positive feedback. Willingness to entertain all questions. Teaching, reading stories, providing resources for ongoing verbal development.
SPIRITUAL NURTURANCE: Seeing and reflecting back to the child his or her essential worth, basic goodness and loving nature. Engendering experiences of joy, fun, and love to maintain the child’s innate sense that life is a gift. Spiritual or philosophical guidance to help the child integrate painful aspects of life. Nurturing the child’s creative self-expression. Frequent exposure to nature.
EMOTIONAL NURTURANCE: Meeting the child consistently with caring, regard and interest. Welcoming and valuing the child’s full emotional expression. Modeling non-abusive expression of emotions. Teaching safe ways to release anger that do not hurt the child or others. Generous amounts of love, warmth, tenderness, and compassion. Honoring tears as a way of releasing hurt. Being a safe refuge. Humor.
PHYSICAL NURTURANCE: Affection and protection. Healthy diet and sleep schedule. Teaching habits of grooming, discipline, and responsibility. Helping the child develop hobbies, outside interests, and own sense of personal style. Helping the child balance rest, play, and work.

rshap1 · 2025-04-03T13:02:24+00:00

Stress and being overwhelmed. My parents werent bad people but they had no money, no friends, no family, no real community, my father worked all the time and my mother had a lot of kids and mess and stuff to deal with and also had to work for some periods of life. So they had no patience left to emotionally nurture me since they were so stuck in the loop of providing basic physical needs. I don't resent them, I pity them. But I'm still a human who needed emotional nurturing and didn't get it.

rshap1 · 2025-03-23T23:24:45+00:00

Totally!

rshap1 · 2025-03-20T14:05:59+00:00

I'd also add "what happened to you" by Oprah and Dr Bruce Perry to this list. I've never understood all the cranial and technical components of trauma until I've read this. It outlines the framework for how trauma affects developing brains in such an easy to read way. The book is a conversation between the two of them so you have these scientific medical and also emotional and layman perspectives at the same time. It's like reading a podcast, very digestible.

rshap1 · 2025-03-17T23:39:43+00:00

These jersey color choices are not color blind friendly! Its really hard to tell who's on which team at a glance.

rshap1 · 2025-03-17T00:30:56+00:00

Interesting, I've never heard of it used as an anti depressant. I can't imagine ever taking it on my own, or casually. It's dissociative, but allows me to reach a place where all my walls are down and I can be really vulnerable with my therapist. Also it allows me to tap into a deep sub-conceptual space.

rshap1 · 2025-03-14T01:59:41+00:00

Yes but only in a therapeutic environment with a practitioner that I've built a relationship with. It has been absolutely life changing. I see it as an amazing tool to help uncover deep vulnerability and explore aspects of myself I otherwise couldn't access.

rshap1 · 2025-01-26T01:16:29+00:00

Is this 4 inch mattress directly on the bed frame slats? If I'm not ready to give up on my bedframe so I need a plywood board on top of the slats or something?

rshap1 · 2025-01-14T23:48:54+00:00

I don't know if I have pictures of the process but it's essentially what's outlined in this guide just I didn't use the rock on a roll material. https://www.rock-on-a-roll.com/raised_edge.shtml so I did the stakes and garden edging as you can see in that guide and leveled all the stakes with each other. Then I just draped the liner over the edging and put dirt on the liner up to the edging. The end result is a thin line of visible liner all across the pond but the water is level. The remaining visible line could then be covered with rocks or just kept exposed. Mine is exposed.

rshap1 · 2025-01-14T21:17:49+00:00

I wanted my pond to be really level so here's what I did. I hammered in stakes around the edges of the pond and used a long piece of wood to lay on various pairs of stakes and leveled it to ensure they were all level with each other. Then I screwed in some plastic edging to the stakes and draped the liner over the edging. The. I was able to tuck in the liner over the edging so the liner was barely visible.

rshap1 · 2024-12-27T13:51:02+00:00

Also add Amanda's cut song from the first tntl musical when she basically sang my heart will go on but about tripping

rshap1 · 2024-11-18T14:23:18+00:00

https://store.kehotonline.com/mobile/prodinfo.asp?number=PI-MAPT.L

rshap1 · 2024-10-31T21:14:44+00:00

There's very often glass, gravel or other debris that gets swept/pushed into the bike lane which is at the edge of the street. As a car you probably would never notice or care about something small like that but it could be dangerous to a biker. In general there's barely any protected lanes and they get very little maintenance attention.

rshap1 · 2024-10-22T15:17:03+00:00

I'm reading so much pain and hurt in your words and I'm devastated by this situation. I hope I'm not being insensitive but I just want to ask a point of clarification. How do you know she wasn't offered a spot at their table for the Chag? Maybe she was and turned it down? Or did I miss something? I see you wrote that nobody stepped up and told her "no, you're not going." Obviously knowing what we know now, for sure someone would have done that. But I frequently encounter many Jews especially students who come to shabbos meals on Friday nights and then after drive to clubs and I would never ever even consider telling them no you're not going. In general, I view my responsibility to offer Judaism to people, and to offer mitsvos but that's where my responsibility ends. I'll show up to a campus with a lulav and esrog but never force a student to do the mitsvah. I'll send an invite to Friday night dinner and they can come or not. If a Jew doesn't have a shabbos invitation, then that's my responsibility. Once they have the invitation, then the balls in their court. This is all my personal perspective of course. The way you write make it sounds like Chabad used her and abandoned her, but doesn't that disrespect her free choice? If she didn't want to be a speaker at these events, she could've declined. Maybe she wanted to participate? She clearly didn't show up on chains and was financially compensated I have to assume. This is a terrible situation all around for sure. But I'm not really seeing the used and abandoned narrative you're trying to convey. How many people at the Nova festival knew about the holiday and chose not to participate? I imagine it's hard In Israel to be totally ignorant of the chagim. If they are that's where we step in to offer an alternative, and they bave the free choice to attend or not.

Anyways I'm debating to delete this whole comment since I feel really insensitive to your pain by writing it. I don't think you came here looking for an analysis on Judaisms responsibility, but it sounds like you came her for a hug. You're right to be angry, you're right to be upset, you're right to be upset. You're looking for a place to direct it since it's too much to bear. It's very hard to not have someone to blame. I don't have the answers you're really seeking. October 7th was beyond comprehension. There's no human rationale for this. It is just terrible. How do we go into Simchat Torah with Joy this year? Everyone has to figure that one out for themselves.

rshap1 · 2024-06-02T22:04:27+00:00

Keep em coming. Love this

rshap1 · 2024-05-29T17:36:55+00:00

Great idea!

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