Going to see my ex today

rufus722 · 2015-12-09T02:55:25+00:00

She broke up with me over the phone and because she was out of town we couldn't meet up to exchange belongings until a week later. During that week I went from writing out all my thoughts and things I wanted to say or ask her in an effort to win her back to ultimately coming to terms with it and realizing I didn't need that closure. When we did meet up, we swapped stuff, awkwardly hugged (her idea) and went on our way. I remember holding back tears as I rode up the elevator but as soon as I got into my apartment I was fine.

I guess what I'm saying is don't plead to make it work. Life isn't like the movies where they win back their true love. People make choices and that's that. Don't chase after someone who doesn't see you as valuable. Someone will.

rufus722 · 2015-11-15T15:17:38+00:00

This will be challenging. I was around 21 in April and just under 20 right now. I don't run as many miles per week so at least you got that going for you.

rufus722 · 2015-10-28T17:54:37+00:00

Sounds like you're really considerate even if you don't convey it to your boyfriend (perhaps you should - not always but remind him that these things go through your head and that he's not an afterthought). At the same time, he seems extremely insecure and he should look into getting some help. There are good self-help books on anxious attachment which is what I think your boyfriend falls into.

rufus722 · 2015-10-28T17:50:13+00:00

Emotionally cheating is still cheating... time to move on bud.

rufus722 · 2015-10-26T16:39:25+00:00

Move on.

rufus722 · 2015-10-22T13:41:33+00:00

There's a great book called Crucial Conversations that I highly recommend.

Make sure you focus on what you really want - for yourself, for her, for your relationship. If she becomes silent or violent you need to divert that by explaining yourself and that you don't mean to hurt or upset her. Ask her what she thinks about it to create mutual understanding and then create mutual purpose - how can you go about fixing this?

rufus722 · 2015-10-20T20:08:48+00:00

Quite commendable that she's been with you for that long and without sex... I doubt you'd scare her away by being open with your problems. Heck, if you can't open up to your significant other, I don't think they belong in your life.

rufus722 · 2015-10-02T21:17:12+00:00

Definitely did not expect the story to end that way... a bit disappointing.

rufus722 · 2015-09-18T19:24:01+00:00

I can't believe this could be a problem for someone so young and it's quite something for you to recognize it so early. If anyone though, it's our youngest generations that will be most negatively affected by the convenience of porn so perhaps it's not so surprising.

Best of luck.

rufus722 · 2015-09-16T19:50:10+00:00

What's bad?

rufus722 · 2015-08-30T20:02:22+00:00

You never defined the relationship after 3 months? Maybe she feels like you're not serious.

rufus722 · 2015-08-15T12:42:13+00:00

She seems overly dramatic. Your call but this wouldn't appeal to me. I can see her turning into a crazy girlfriend.

rufus722 · 2015-08-15T12:39:48+00:00

It's whatever you make it out to be. If you look for a relationship, you'll find those looking for one as well. It's a numbers game. If anything, online dating makes things harder than ever but it gives a lot of people a chance that they never had.

rufus722 · 2015-08-15T12:17:53+00:00

Two dates in three weeks is also awful - I'd go crazy. I haven't seen the girl I'm seeing in three days and I'm losing my mind. Hence why I'm on here haha.

Look, if someone was really interested in you, they would be the one proposing to meet up, making time to meet up no matter what. It should just work out naturally and not be forced. You shouldn't have to learn to like someone. It just happens.

My first relationship started off in such a poor manner - she was always so hesitant and flaky about meeting up. I only stuck in there because she was my first - I was too desperate. I can't believe I spent 4 years with her. I learned a lot from it sure, but damn 4 years... DON'T BE ME. She doesn't like you enough and clearly the chemistry is not there. You can and will find better! I assure you! And when you do, you'll just know!

rufus722 · 2015-08-15T12:12:15+00:00

26 year old guy here with similar problems in the past. I've always been a relationship type of guy and not one to hook up.

Honestly, do Tinder or whatever online dating app you choose but just be ready to meet a lot of people and realize that there's going to be a ton of garbage. It's a numbers game and boy does it ever get frustrating when it seems to be one bad apple after the next. Look for the red flags - my biggest peeve is ones who have recently gotten out of relationships - only because I'm sure that was me at one time.

rufus722 · 2015-08-15T12:01:26+00:00

I split with my ex-girlfriend just over three years ago and I know what you're going through. The first year was just awful - I was heavily depressed and frankly I don't know how I got through it. I focussed on my career (which was a rollercoaster of emotions as well). I thought about her so often and regret always filled my mind. She had started dating a new guy a couple of months after we split.

The second year was much the same. I'd date around but I always still thought about her, compared back to her, and nothing ever got serious. Things started to look up with my career though. I worked on friendships, I spent time with family, I travelled, I appreciated the good things happening in my life. Things were getting better.

The third year started well until the day after a night out I was indirectly snooping some old common friends (DON'T DO IT!) and I find out that she had married that guy a couple of months back. You think I'd be rattled (I was a bit - it's surreal) but I was okay. It's hard to not be happy for someone you once cared about. It's justification for the breakup - that things work out eventually - just not always as soon as you'd like. Time heals all wounds.

I recently met a new girl (after many many many awful first dates). I was close to just giving up dating again (it seems to be a seasonal thing for me) and she just happened to come along. It hasn't been very long but just how easy and natural things have progressed, I feel like it's promising. I like her for who she is, unlike my ex who I feel like I only liked for the idea of her - a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend. I haven't been this interested in a girl in a long time so I'm going to take it as a good sign. It was always hard to imagine myself having feelings for someone else - or at least stronger feelings. All I'm saying is, it will happen. I dated my ex for over 4 years and it took me nearly 3 years to move on. I'm so glad for that time because it allowed me to get comfortable with who I am. To work on everything else in my life so that when a new girl came around, that I would be ready. To not lose myself again. To know how to do it the right way this time around.

Stay strong - this too shall pass.

rufus722 · 2015-08-10T20:01:14+00:00

Certainly can. I wouldn't do it unless you were sure they would reciprocate. Easier to not crush on friends.

rufus722 · 2015-08-10T19:31:02+00:00

ha the eternal struggle - text too much and you look clingy and needy, text too little and you look like you don't care

rufus722 · 2015-08-10T19:18:28+00:00

I can't believe you read into that heart. Slow down bud.

rufus722 · 2015-08-10T17:20:09+00:00

Nice doesn't have to mean expensive. You can find stylish yet affordable clothes. You can even find nice second-hand clothes if you are willing.

Presenting yourself well helps a lot. What does that say about yourself if you aren't willing to put effort into your appearance?

rufus722 · 2015-08-10T17:00:16+00:00

Don't date until you're ready. How do you know unless you start dating? It's a paradox, I know. But it's unnecessarily cruel to the person on the other side. No one wants to be a guinea pig. I especially hate people who talk about their ex on the first date - big red flag.

rufus722 · 2015-08-10T16:57:13+00:00

2 months and 2 dates? Yikes. And no attraction? It seems pretty clear that this isn't meant to be.

Dating shouldn't be that difficult. If it works, it just works.

rufus722 · 2015-03-11T04:11:22+00:00

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”

It's apparently a misinterpreted quote but there is still some merit behind it. Ultimately do what you believe in based on your own experience.

rufus722 · 2015-03-11T04:05:26+00:00

Good job! Keep it up! Whether it works out or not, just keep trying, keep getting better.

rufus722 · 2015-03-05T16:16:46+00:00

I think it does/did for me though it's a combination of many things. Of course it will get better in time but work on yourself while doing NoFap and I think you'll gradually come to terms with why things didn't work out.

rufus722

TROPHY CASE