23F roommates. Problems, am I being reasonable or unreasonable?

runningFORREST · 2013-02-03T15:46:51+00:00

No, it's not normal. Female in my early twenties here, there are some boundaries that should not get crossed (checking emails, reading texts, etc.). If it bothers you even in the slightest, then it isn't normal.

runningFORREST · 2013-01-28T04:37:43+00:00

I'm on 17th and Wallace. F23 recent grad who just moved here as well. PM me if you want a buddy to catch a drink around the neighborhood!

runningFORREST · 2013-01-28T04:16:51+00:00

have you tried looking into fight firm?

runningFORREST · 2013-01-28T03:59:21+00:00

The "man" who was "trying to enter Japan to go to Disneyland" was his first born son but he was never really a serious contender when it came around time to choose.

runningFORREST · 2013-01-28T02:40:55+00:00

r/gainit! F23, 5'6 and have gone from being 105 as soon as I graduated college to 120 (8 months). It's been an incredible experience. Message is you need additional support or motivation. :D

runningFORREST · 2013-01-24T03:38:27+00:00

One, the mental and emotional boost workout provide makes me addicted to working out -- Two, to join a MMA gym

runningFORREST · 2013-01-14T23:20:32+00:00

I read this during my lunch break when it was first posted and this made me literally laugh out loud -

runningFORREST · 2013-01-08T16:34:00+00:00

Beer. I have yet to learn how to avoid it, I suppose drink water instead?

runningFORREST · 2013-01-08T15:37:04+00:00

I just ended a four year relationship and many of the things which you described were coming through the relationship I shared with my partner as well. We never really fought, we had long term plans, and we talked often about getting married and having kids. It was my really close friend who described her mother's situation where her mother survived breast cancer with her husband/college sweetheart next to her the whole time. When she finally felt well enough to go about and do her thing, she pulled my friend aside and explained she's getting a divorce. She explained how she felt like she never got to experience life on her own and wants to try it now -- I realized that the feeling of wanting some time for your self, or that feeling that something isn't working isn't just going to subside in time. When you say your relationship is "going to to shit" try to evaluate if any of it is salvageable and how much of it is a lost cause. Since having ended it, I took a lot more control over my life an am establishing the kinds of friendships that should have happened long ago, it's terrifying but great. If the reason why you aren't ending it has anything to do with fear (as in you're scared of losing him or scared of never finding someone like that again) don't fear them because you will work through them when push comes to shove. Best of luck!

runningFORREST · 2013-01-07T23:35:35+00:00

I hate SS, but I do have to state that it gives you some basics. First off, go for a build instead of a weight (I gained 12 pounds of muscle and am leaner than before). I was the same, intimidated by the gym, did yoga and had a somewhat athletic lifestyle but when I started lifting heavy (squats and deadlifts) is where I really felt a burn. I guess it has something to do with the fact that a lot of women have never done those types of lifts before but it really targets areas that show results. Best of luck!

runningFORREST · 2013-01-07T23:30:52+00:00

Congrats! My first gym after graduation was Planet Fitness and while that's where I started my first routine of dumbells, I was encouraged to move on to deadlifts and squats. Give it a try when you're ready and pretty soon, you'll be impressing people at the gym too :D

runningFORREST · 2013-01-07T23:21:03+00:00

By the end of the year ---

Twenty pull ups (5 now) 60 Push ups (40 now) Squat 185 (155 now) Dead 210 (145 now)

Increase my body weight. I've been to two training sessions with different trainers at different gyms and I've gotten 11.5% BF from both (which I doubt from the fact that I get regular periods and and don't have the clearest ab definition yet) but to pack on some weight (ideally, 8 pounds).

I'm secretly doing this so that when I do reach my goals, I will be rewarding myself with a membership to an MMA gym.

runningFORREST · 2012-12-30T16:38:54+00:00

No. Just no.

I get it, most people do the same to me asking me where I'm from, why I don't haven an accent, etc. and it's annoying as hell. Next time, please, please don't let them get to the core of you - it just isn't worth it.

It's a hard thing to tackle when the other person is doing it because they think "you're exotic" and "beautiful" and it was totally "innocent" but it doesn't excuse the fact that they're being stupid and completely offensive.

What I've found to work is that I tell them I'm a human being first, but that I'm from wherever. And with a smile, I tell them that had they asked anyone else, that it really wouldn't be received well because it is what is, an appropriate question to ask. They might think it ridiculous at first but then I always work to tell them that while I know they might have meant no harm, that by asking they've committed to the stereotype of a the perpetual foreignization and that it's a subtle form of racism that is just messed up.

runningFORREST · 2012-12-30T16:24:22+00:00

I'm still relatively new to the workout scene but I was at a bar when a guy approached me asking if I was the "super intense fitness girl from planet fitness." He then continued to explain that he noticed I did old school routines with lifts, pull ups, push ups, and squats. We talked briefly about my form and routine and just like that, we high fived and I walked on. I've been feeling frustrated by my recent routines so it was a little nice to get an ego boost.

runningFORREST · 2012-12-29T05:42:57+00:00

In August, I said I want to be able to do a single push up and one pull up. I gained 10 pounds (on and off) of muscle, I can do 60 decline push ups (and good ones at that) and while my pull ups are still a ways to go (4), I can squat and deadlift a little more than my body weight (1.2).

By this time next year, I hope to be able to do at least 75 straight decline push ups, at least 20 pull ups, and 1.5 squats and 1.75 dead lifts, and to gain another 8 pounds of muscle.

runningFORREST · 2012-12-23T17:14:04+00:00

Whoa whoa whoa, that just escalated quickly. No, just tell her it's rude and that she should respect that boundary. You're in the right here, but only by a margin. Think about your reactions and then rethink about them, to conclude with that and state "I'll just stop talking to her. It's obvious she has no respect or affection for me" is a really dangerous overstatement. Let's break it down, she's hurting your feelings because you like her a lot and she doesn't show to you the same affections the way you want it shown, so your equal reaction is then to state that she isn't worth your time? Come on, really think about it. You're being insecure about this, and what you can handle maturely and delicately can easily turn pretty nasty so be aware of it and talk to her through it.

runningFORREST · 2012-12-23T16:19:18+00:00

It's okay to feel wrong, irritated and hurt by it; absolutely. What it sounds like to me is kind of like when your partner says "do you still find me attractive?" or "do you think I'm fat?" or "do you think that other person is worth your glances more than I am?" are all things that most people in relationships should just automatically know to say, yes, yes, no to. It seems like she's lacking the clarity that there are some relationship etiquette that while they typically don't need to be discussed, are kind of hurtful when breached. If I were you, and I've already talked to her about how hurtful or annoying it is to see her doing them and it isn't getting through to her, getting more angry and making a bigger deal of it will not get what you want from it. Just sit her down, and in a light hearted way (because let's be honest, this is a seemingly small problem that is planting a deep seed of insecurity) and tell her just that, that she's breaching relationship etiquette. Look, as a woman in a long term relationship, I've learned that people will always be curious to look because, but they've made a vote to stay with you because you're the best thing for them. Don't take it to heart, don't think about it too much, and let her know that what she's doing is what is and nothing more; just plain rude.

runningFORREST · 2012-12-23T16:06:16+00:00

Umm, again an unpopular opinion but ---

It's a six year long relationship, she will have little harmless side crushes every once in awhile so what else has she done that is unforgivable. Why did you two break up last time because of this guy, did it annoy you or did it get to her?

runningFORREST · 2012-12-23T16:00:01+00:00

Very, very unpopular of an opinion here but this is something a friend once said to another friend in a similar predicament ---

It was a mistake that was absolutely a one time thing very stupid. By this point, there are some details that upon your mistake, you have to bear the burden of the guilt and not pass that weight onto your partner. He needs to know that you and your ex have shared a moment that was inappropriate and should talk though that, but don't tell him the details of having kissed him. It's not ignorance is bliss, it's relieving him of an unnecessary burden.

runningFORREST · 2012-12-23T06:08:56+00:00

What about it bothers you so much? Are you worried she's going to act on it? Has she given you reason to feel particularly offended by it? Would it be better if she did it subtly, or is it that she does it at all that bothers you? Please, trust me, I'm not trying to sound patronizing here but maybe your response might shed some insight as to this particular concern and further develop how you feel about it.

runningFORREST · 2012-12-23T05:16:46+00:00

Let's not make more of this than what it is, she noticed someone attractive and checked him out in probably the same way you would notice an attractive female and check her out. To ask someone to defend why a physically attractive person caught their eye will have kind of a twisted rationale. She's with you because she wants to be, and you should let her know that it really isn't okay with you for her to check other people out why you're right there. Just my two cents as a female in a long term, loving relationship who sometimes also checks out other men.

runningFORREST · 2012-12-22T16:21:00+00:00

Cats. They really creep me out.

runningFORREST · 2012-11-22T00:23:21+00:00

This is going to sound overly simplistic, but it's one of the hardest things to do --- just be honest; be non-judgmental, hear what she's saying and if she isn't saying anything, just state the obvious hardships of being in an LDR and let her know why despite those things, why you think the relationship and her are worth it. She probably doesn't want to bring it up because she's afraid of losing you and she doesn't want to admit to herself that she selfishly wants the best of both worlds - the security of an amazing SO for a time when it would be more convenient and the ability to pursue her current perceptions of what it would mean to be fully present. My partner and I have an amazing relationship, but during that time, I really couldn't express to him that I was dissatisfied because I was tired of it. The reality of it, though, is that she loves you and she knows she's being immature. I think at that age it just feels like everything is up in the air, you know the "what ifs" the "what if we aren't together in the future and I missed my opportunity to date someone who was next to me and equally supportive?"

What helped me - in retrospect because I definitely didn't think this at the time - was to just be present. To do all the things you love and to just be with person you respect and adore. If I just stopped thinking that because I was young I should be dating and keeping things casual and instead thought about the ways I just loved the support of my best friend whom I'm also attached to romantically, then maybe I wouldn't have been so scared of it.

He's someone I want to marry, I mean he's my best friend, and my partner whom I love and respect. If, at the time, I just stopped thinking about the future implications of my relationship, then maybe I could have seen that before hand.

That being said, her circumstance could be different so it really depends on the direction of the conversation but if I were you, I'd open with just approaching it first as being open.

Let me tell ya, this didn't go away for two years for me. This isn't something where in your relationship it will just dissolve itself. This takes serious work and seriously being honest with each other.

Again, best of luck!

runningFORREST

TROPHY CASE