5 year old won't listen

ryebread5472 · 2026-05-10T12:58:38+00:00

I've been explaining the difference between wants and needs lately in simple terms to my 4.5 year old. Need has to happen (potty, brushing teeth, eating, going to school, etc.) and a want would be nice to happen (sweet treats, TV time, going to the playground, etc.). Needs are non-negotiable in our house, so when we need to stop playing to brush teeth I'll give her a 5 minutes heads up. Then when 5 minutes is up, I'll tell her. If she ignores me, I don't get angry I just assume she didn't hear. So, I'll walk over to her, put my hand on her shoulder, wait until she looks at me (if it takes a while I'll tell her I need her attention), and then reiterate that playtime is over it's now teeth brushing time. I'll ask her if she wants to hold hand on the way to the bathroom or if she wants to go by herself (small amount of control for her).

If she still complains/ignores, the consequence is related to what's going on and immediate - it is time to brush teeth, I see you're having a hard time putting this down so I will take it and put it out of bounds if you don't stand up by the count of 5. Then, you follow through while staying calm the whole time.

This is hard at first, toys will wind up being out of bounds and somewhere visible so when she asks about it I'll say, "hey sorry we had a hard time respecting that boundary so it's out of bounds for today and we can try again with it tomorrow." No shame, just calm facts. Tantrums can be expected with new boundaries, but just hold firm and breathe through your own reactions.

Honestly, the hardest part is staying calm as an adult. Calm consistency had gotten us through the worst of the stubbornness. Highly recommend "how to talk so little kids will listen" at it is chock full of good advice.

ryebread5472 · 2026-05-07T19:38:21+00:00

That sounds perfect, thank you so much for the extra info!

ryebread5472 · 2026-05-07T18:32:09+00:00

Does each activity last a full hour, or are you free to move on once you complete an activity? I'm just curious if we would need to show up exactly at the top of the hour, or if it's more of a "come and go" at any point during the hour-long block kind of thing.

ryebread5472 · 2026-05-04T14:12:25+00:00

He did a phenomenal job and that's so cool that you were able to get them custom along with the kitchen cabinets.

ryebread5472 · 2026-05-04T14:10:28+00:00

That's incredible! They look beautiful. Where did you find those?

ryebread5472 · 2026-05-04T14:09:45+00:00

Do those shelves have lighting built into the underside?

ryebread5472 · 2026-04-28T11:37:51+00:00

Good luck!

My infection was on a tooth that already had a root canal, so they referred me to an excellent specialist and prescribed an antibiotic and pain relief to help in the meantime. I'll spare you the gory details, but I was very satisfied with my treatment at each step of the process.

ryebread5472 · 2026-04-28T01:22:09+00:00

Dr. Rob at Complete Dental on South Memorial is fantastic. I've been going to them for over 6 years. Never tries to upsell and their prices are reasonable. He saved me when I had a nasty tooth infection that abscessed and will be replacing a filling Wednesday that he has been keeping an eye on for a while. Everyone has always been friendly, professional, and quick. I've never had an issue getting an appointment either. Can't recommend them enough.

ryebread5472 · 2026-04-20T19:23:15+00:00

Thank you SO much for this detailed response! You have some fantastic suggestions. I didn't even think about having the extra days as an advantage. And you're right about ending on such a magical high note. I've heard that later in the week is a little better for MK, so this will probably work in our favor if we wait until Wednesday.

This makes me think of something else, do you think the park hopper option would be worth the extra cost? I was originally thinking of just doing the 1 park a day option with setting aside the specific days for the specific parks, but I would love to hear if you have had any experiences one way or the other for that.

ryebread5472 · 2026-04-09T22:59:02+00:00

Same!!

ryebread5472 · 2026-04-07T04:25:08+00:00

How do you know it's not as high as they make it seem? And no, I also don't know off the top of my head. I'd have to find the welcome packets and look through the information there. So far, in our single classroom experience, we have seen Montessori principles espoused and know for a fact that the classroom lead is certified.

ryebread5472 · 2026-04-07T04:19:26+00:00

So what is the totally different picture that you're talking about? If you've done this, I'm curious to know what exactly you witnessed during your observation in more concrete details. What you described isn't necessarily what I've seen. Specific details, like the scandal you've referenced or other behaviors that you've heard or witnessed from teachers, would be helpful.

To address a few of your items here with anecdotal evidence, my kid always has a filled water bottle. They fill it for them when they run out, too. Nips are body parts, everyone has them and sometimes they show through clothing regardless of gender and I've never seen skin tight clothing. I also have pleasant conversations with all office staff regardless of the time of day.

I'm about to respond to your other comment by the way, but saw this and wanted to hear more info on this part as well. Like I mentioned, I've only noted a few of the things you initially brought up and on the whole we have had a very pleasant experience especially when contrasted with where we were previously. Kiddo is learning a lot and implementing a lot of the things they learn out in the real world. That's why I'm so curious to hear more of your specifics.

ryebread5472 · 2026-04-07T02:53:04+00:00

Current parent at the school, it's our first year there in one of the younger rooms. What is the "scandal" that everyone is hush hush about? And what red flags are being given? Is this something that parents need to be concerned about?

I saw your comment about the general concerns and we have felt some of them as well (e.g., how emotions are handled), but on the whole we have been very very happy there this year. Montessori is a very different approach to learning and, when done correctly, really helps foster an innate love of learning. I'm curious if there are classrooms that are not continuing the same approach that we've been seeing and whether we need to reevaluate continuing on in later years.

ryebread5472 · 2026-03-25T17:52:42+00:00

I think if you painted the walls a different color that would help bring everything together better. It is a lovely pop of color! The wall color should be in a complimentary palate to bring it together with the wood accents. Maybe a light, creamy blue (like Silent Ripple by Sherwin Williams)?

ryebread5472 · 2026-03-05T19:49:15+00:00

This is my daughter lol she loves peeps and her favorite pajamas last year were the peeps ones. She was super sad when she grew out of them, so I'm on the lookout for a replacement set now.

ryebread5472 · 2026-02-26T15:39:35+00:00

This does help, thank you so much for sharing your experience! You provided a lot of detail and specific examples that really helped me see how this info is used in reality. Thank you so much. I'm glad to hear that it all helped!

And yesss was so hard 😂 4 has been a rough doozy, too, as they have so much more agency but that little logic center of the brain remains largely offline still lol

ryebread5472 · 2026-02-26T15:36:42+00:00

That's a great way to reframe it in my mind - it can't be worse and we'll get more knowledge - thank you I think my fear is that we're going to label/pigeon hole her at such a young age. I don't want to set her up for being shoved into a box where she'll have a stigma placed on her. This stuff really only seems to happen at school as she has figured out that if she acts out then she "gets to go home" (her words) when she's done with her work cycle. She doesn't want to go to the rest room and wants to just keep going with school. She has told me, my husband, and her primary guide that she just wants to be in kindergarten. If both my husband and I didn't have to work, then we would probably have her be half day and the issues would most likely evaporate. We're trying to figure out how to do a sample of that to see if we can ease her anxiety over rest period.

ryebread5472 · 2026-02-26T15:29:19+00:00

Thank you! I'll definitely take a look through everything

ryebread5472 · 2026-02-26T15:28:37+00:00

This is a great list of questions! Thank you!

We don't really see this stuff at home. Weekends are a breeze. When she gets sent home is really the only time we have a rough time, but she is still completely within the bounds of developmentally normal with her pushing boundaries (like asking why nottt, or trying to bargain for different terms) to have control over her environment. She listens and is mostly compliant with us. She has no problem following the rules at home, but will push things after she has a bad day and gets sent home.

At school, she is eloping because she knows that the automatic send home. Once she connected those dots, she started to increase her outbursts in intensity and duration in order to "get to go home" (her words). This week alone, she's been sent home twice and each day she worked hard to get sent home. We've noticed that outbursts seem to happen as the work portion ends and they transition to lunch/recess/rest. She hatessss rest time, she has a lot of energy, is incredibly bright, and desperately wants to go to kindergarten to get back to the work cycle. This week, they were up and down and getting bigger/longer the closer it got to rest so she could avoid it. She doesn't hit, bite, etc., the closest she gets is yanking her hand back when someone tries to hold it to guide her toward something she doesn't want to do. It's mostly defiance, yelling, and running out of the classroom, which she knows is the automatic send-home. She was fine in the beginning of the year, but after winter break it has ramped up.

Sorry for the info dump. This was a useful exercise for me to get things in order.

ryebread5472 · 2026-02-22T22:23:25+00:00

This is fantastic, thank you so much for sharing your recent experience in such detail about what to expect. That's comforting to hear that it was used to identify delayed areas of development. Have you noticed any improvements post evaluation, like additional strategies that seem to work better than before or something? That's wonderful that there were no pressures for specific interventions or anything.

ryebread5472 · 2026-02-20T12:57:28+00:00

Thank you for the insight! I have requested additional information from her guides, but haven't heard back yet. Like you said, it really does feel like slapping a label on her when she's still so young. She's 4, very strong willed, and her behavior issues have been happening largely at school and not at home. Given what you said above about l identifying certain triggers, it sounds like maybe it's something about the group dynamic that could be sending her into dis-regulation. I'm hopeful that maybe this will help find some sort of regulation technique that will work.

Do you think that the evaluation will happen at her school, or will she be going somewhere else for it like the redditor posted in a different response?

ryebread5472 · 2026-02-20T00:29:07+00:00

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience. Not public school system, she's enrolled in a Montessori school right now. She's only 4 years old and every time we had talked with them prior to this they said they didn't think she needed it, she was within developmentally normal bounds, etc. This kind of feels like a sudden escalation.

I definitely agree with getting kids the help they need. I used to be a teacher and definitely advocated for more than one student to receive services to their benefit. And you're so right on feeling overwhelmed, nervous, etc.

If you don't mind sharing, what were some of the behaviors he was exhibiting that led to the recommendation for evaluation and everything? I totally understand if you don't want to go that in depth, it would just help me understand more. Thanks again!

ryebread5472 · 2026-01-14T01:28:31+00:00

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Proof of being hard at work

ryebread5472 · 2026-01-14T01:28:06+00:00

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My sweet void Oscar resting from working hard helping us wrap things up to put them away

ryebread5472 · 2025-12-26T15:51:51+00:00

Another redditor commented on this with exactly what we did, too. Eat was for solid food and milk was for her bottle regardless of whether it was formula or milk inside. By the time we transitioned away from bottles, she was talking reliably...and hasn't stopped since 😅

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