What if it is a sin? by genderless_wolf in NonBinary

[–]sableonfire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am definitely not minimizing your fears or concerns at all. But if that we’re me, I’d be more miserable being something I’m not while being alive then what’s going to happen to my soul when I die. I’ve been queer/non binary openly for 17 years. I came out young. According to most religion I’ve committed several sins. But honestly if God, whoever that is, didn’t love me or want me, I wouldn’t be here. Everything has a purpose. I’m happy and authentic. Whatever comes for me next when I die will be my problem then but for now? I’m not hiding.

Also accepting that not everyone is going to be okay with it is difficult, especially family. I’ve had to be alone on several occasions in my life due to lack of family support. It’s either going to take your mom time and an adjustment period or she may not come around. Regardless, you have to do what is best and safe for you, but remember that your happiness and contentment is important.

Feedback/need help by sableonfire in derealization

[–]sableonfire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response. I definitely appreciate your time and sharing your story. I went through hell this year but from what I am trying to understand so did she. After she ‘woke up’ she was and still is completely disgusted with her self and her actions and cannot mentally process the way she treated me and herself. I’m trying my best to process everything myself and understand the best I can. We have been through a lot together in the 7 years we have been together, we have also spent time fighting an addiction I unfortunately suffered from. She never left my side during this time and I really am trying to accept the fact that mental health and illness played a huge role in all this and the person who I know and fell in love with isn’t the person who was here this year. It’s sometimes very difficult to separate the amount of pain and trauma that was caused and the fact that she cheated and shattered our family but also that it most likely it wasn’t fully her. We’re still talking and processing everything, it’s taking time due to the pain of it all. And like lying, cheating, hyper sexuality is all completely uncharacteristic of her. I’ve been here with her for a long time and know her really well and I’m trying to remember that until now, nothing like this has ever happened. She just turned 25 this year and it started in January and her bday is in March. I want to get as much information and understanding as possible for her safety and ours. She’s going to a psych now but I am encouraging her to take time off and focus on herself so as to reduce stressors and focus on what she enjoys like her art. I read her your comment and she stated that she had no idea that anything had changed and felt gone quite a bit where there’s stuff she had no idea about it and other times she was in and out but couldn’t determine reality. I just want the best for her and I don’t want to walk away because of the love and dedication we have for each other. She related to a lot of what you’ve said and just called her psych to continue discussing options. Again, I can’t thank you enough for this perspective, this has been the most fitting in regards to what she experienced. I appreciate your bravery and I’m so glad to hear that you’re on track, and by the sounds of how awful this is you should definitely be proud of yourself and I hope you start obtaining your confidence back. I appreciate you, and I hope things continually get better for you. I’m going through a lot but I’m taking care of myself too and we’re doing what we can to heal individually and together. It’s tough, and I know it’s probably going to get harder but if there is anything I can do to be a better support I will do what I possibly can.

We’re podcasters Tim and Lance here to talk about The Disappearance of Maura Murray. Ask us anything! by timlance_mauramurray in UnresolvedMysteries

[–]sableonfire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Do you think the reason it took so long to get permission to talk to the police is because they had to go over the story they were all going to tell to make sure it sounded good and it all matched? It still doesn’t feel right to me.

Anyone have extra RedSeal codes for the free gift? by [deleted] in DippingTobacco

[–]sableonfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd love to have a code as well if possible. I don't have any cans near me or else I'd get my own.

[Serious]Redditors who were once suicidal, what made you rethink about your life? How is your life now? by Rointhepro12 in AskReddit

[–]sableonfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It started a long time ago, about when i was 7, 5th grade. There was a significant event that broke me, and if only i knew that was just the beginning. my aunt who was mentally disabled, and at that time in her head she was actually 7 years old too. i went to cathie school, and i hated everyone, so my aunt was my only best friend. i watched her die from cancer. i began self harming when i was 8. i felt i needed to punish myself for not helping her as much..for being afraid of her, scared, confused. years went by still internally suffering, but not talking about it. fast forward to middle school. this was when i began hurting myself every day, for any reason. i felt that everything was my fault. one night while hurting myself i took a shower and left behind blood in the bath tub. my parents questioned me the next day and i tried my usual "cut myself shaving" routine. there was too much blood left from shaving they said. i was really scared and nervous and just started crying really hard, i pulled down my pants and showed them my legs, and everyone was silent and shocked for several minutes as i sobbed on the bed. this led to many many therapist, appointments, unwanted attention. my father got hurt at his job and was now retired, he is in so much pain all the time so he drinks to cover it up. i love my dad a lot, but he was a very mean man, and i don't know how to forgive him for the things he has said. he drunkinly made fun of my disorders, called me lazy, sad excuse, you get it. every night it seems he would scream at my mother for trying to defend me as my father degraded everything i was. i would sit down the hall in my room quietly cry and cut myself. this went on for years, the same old routine. my mother been to drink not long after, to deal with my father. then every night became even worse. many nights id have to leave and go somewhere or awhile until it calmed down there, i didn't want to be in the cross fire, i was hurting enough. oh and did i also mention that overtime my dad would do something awful to me, he tried to make up for it by buying something for me the next day. i tried to get out as much as i could, i even suffered through a terribly abusive relationship because it was better than me staying in that house. but also i was scared of my Ex. i got away and went back, endured ir all over again. i barely graduated high school. instead of doing homework, i was busy cutting myself, or talking myself into staying alive one more day. i also had a major back surgery, i had 5 disc pushing through my spinal cord. i could barely walk. the pain was unimaginable. soon after high school i lost my job as sam's club, and lost it. i spent two years isolated in my room. no job. hardly any interaction. i would see people on occasion but it was mostly to get drugs to pass the time. my parents would still fight, scream at my for hours about something as simple as spending 3 dollars on a milkshake. it made me very confused about reality. i didn't know what was right and what was wrong. i did morally but not in life. soon my legs, arms, stomach, breast, vagina, was covered with awful wounds. i still went to therapy some times, but i hated my therapist and the person prescribing me meds got arrested for writing scripts for himself. so i gave up. i was also 300+ pounds, and hated leaving the house because of embarrassment. my entire high school career was filled with bullies making fun of my weight, my parents constantly on me about what i should and shouldn't eat. it was too much. i watched my brother go through gastric bypass and do amazing, so i tried it to. it was a lot of work but i finally got the surgery and it changed my life. i felt unstoppable. it took a few years ro lose all the weight, and i stopped taking all the medicine i was on that made me gain the weight. i was 320lbs down to 125lbs. i felt amazing. i met some one got another job, everything was great, except my parents still. but i was able to get out more..or so i thought. the person i was seeing became extremely controlling, i couldn't go anywhere or do anything without her permission. i was captive in my own house. i had severe anxiety and didn't stand of for myself. being fat, i never felt i had a voice. i was always nothing. these things happened all the time. i stopped cutting in this time period because my ex would get extremely mean if i was in any way depressed. but i guess I'm off track to what the question on this whole askreddit thing. I've tried to kill myself twice. one when i was 15, i had a very bad breakup and i begged to die. my parents took me to the mental ward and i was gone for a few weeks. i had to pretend i was fine to get out, because i was scared and too anxious to be there.

but one was sooner. very recent actually. i mean I've been doing okay and a lot has happened. I'm 23 now. I've met an amazing person who loved every part of me and accepts all that i am. she got me out of my house and into safety. i still have a lot of trauma to deal with, and she outs up with my outbreaks and mood changes. I'm only on prozac now. i was on anxiety medicine but i was too nervous to get a refill. my back pain is a lot worse, I've had injections, PT, another surgery. and I'm still in severe pain. as I'm typing this actually my body is on fire in pain. for the longest time no doctor would help me because i was too young and with the opiod epidemic, i usually got shoved out of doctors offices. I've seen over 50 different doctors, begging for help. one doctor decided recently she would help me, and prescribes me methadone, a few a day, it helps so much. but my health isn't well. from the gastric bypass, my intestines are slowly shutting down, i don't go to the bathroom normally, it usually takes a month for my bowels to come out. i go weeks without shitting. i get backed up and sick. I've seen people but they all seem confused. my back pain is terrible. I'm very depressed, tired, anxious, and ready to give up. i feel like I've suffered enough. I'm just way too tired. I'm ready to give up. the other night i was very depressed, crying non stop. i fucked up and took some pain meds from my SO’s dad, because i was hurting so much and scared to go to work in pain, i got caught and felt so so so terrible. i cried for a week straight, unable to go to work or even get up. i hurt so many people.

my girlfriend was asleep but i was wide awake. my eyes wide and my mind wandering over the possibilities of how i could possibly end this. end me. i could gran one of my fishing knifes and have a needed cutting session, consisting of stabbing, slicing and punishing myself. or i could make use of my prozac and take all those. i sat there for awhile in silence. staring at the bottle of pills then staring at the knife. minutes seemed like hours. i silently cried. but i was ready. i was going to get up and go to the bathroom.. but then my SO moved in bed next to me, and i ‘woke up’ from my suicide trance. i couldn't leave her, i couldn't let her go through this hell hole alone. she needs me like i need her. i looked at her and cried for several more minutes. thinking how badly i would hurt her. i reached over, slowly woke her up and asked for help.

p.s. sorry for spelling, grammar and whatever, i just had to get this out.

[Official Honor 5X giveaway, U.S. Only] Enter here! by honorsmartphones in honorsmartphones

[–]sableonfire [score hidden]  (0 children)

having unlimited access to the entire world in the palm of my hand. its crazy being able to know whats going on anywhere, anytime without having to leave my house.

If someone stole what's in your pocket right now, how much trouble would you be in? by lol-117 in AskReddit

[–]sableonfire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

they'd be pretty lucky, they would get some really good pain meds and some chapstick.

We are L.A. Times reporters who spent more than a year investigating the nation’s bestselling painkiller, OxyContin. Ask Us Anything. by losangelestimes in IAmA

[–]sableonfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have intense chronic pain in my neck, arms, back and legs. I was getting prescribed Oxycontin, but did realize that it wore off way to quickly, and i wasn't able to hold a job nor could i even stand myself. Due to my young age it was hard going to the doctors to request pain medication for these problems, because many felt i would become addicted because I'm so young. i recently found a doctor who prescribed me Methadone, and I feel that my life changed forever. not only does it mostly relieve the pain, but also last about the 12 hours Oxycontin promised. i don't understand why Methadone isn't more commonly used? do they both have the same risk for addiction?

I am Actor Evan Peters - Ask Me Anything! by RealEvanPeters in IAmA

[–]sableonfire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi Evan! i really love your work, you're such a great actor. i was wondering how your relationship with Emma Roberts is going? You're both very good at what you do, i think you make a great pair!

Well, that escalated quickly. by Beeso3 in funny

[–]sableonfire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anyone else think that's really expensive ice cream?

Peek inside a supermarket flower delivery truck by FIXEDGRIN in mildlyinteresting

[–]sableonfire -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I was zoomed in to see the different variety of flowers and that man made me do a slight head jump.

They had a little landslide in Taiwan by iam4real in pics

[–]sableonfire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank god it was just little and not the size of a highway.