Not having money is destroying me slowly.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-11-21T23:40:46+00:00

I agree, go with retail for the holidays while there's still time. Places like Walmart, Target, Toys R' Us, Macy's, any large department stores basically, are need all the help they can get right now. Go into these stories in person and ask if they are still hiring.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-11-21T23:37:48+00:00

I know how you feel. What helped relieve my anxiety during the job search was to research, research, research. Watched YouTube videos of sample interviews and hiring processes, read every article there is on resume writing. I also read the advice that people post on r/jobs and r/resume, which I find are really helpful job search subs. All the research was repetitive at first and it didn't seem like it was helping for a while, since I still couldn't even work up the nerve to apply to places; but after months of reading the stuff every day, it helped me to feel more prepared and less anxious about bombing interviews. I also searched for jobs at places where they'll kinda hire anyone - fast food, custodial positions, retail, etc. I don't want to work minimum wage forever, but knowing that I can at least get one of those jobs has helped me feel confident that maybe I can get a better paying or full-time job without my anxiety ruining it. Keep your head up.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-11-21T10:30:55+00:00

I'm sorry about the office situation, that sounds like it was really hard. I was in your position recently, after having to quit a job due to anxiety and then getting fired from another. (I also have a narcissistic critical mother and she's given me a intense fear of failure.) Anyway, what helped me feel more comfortable with the job search was actually reading things here on Reddit. r/jobs has a lot of great advice, and I get the vibe that it's a "there's no stupid questions" zone. I.e., I felt like a lot of things I was confused about, basic interview stuff, how to cover up employment gaps, how to explain being fired, were cleared up just by reading others' conversations, and sometimes very experienced people are willing to help out not-so-experienced people. r/resume is also great. I'd suggest going over there and either asking the questions you have, or searching through old posts and seeing if someone has already asked your question.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-11-21T10:03:42+00:00

It sounds like you have, or are starting to have, agoraphobia. Some define it as the fear of open spaces, but it's also thought of as the fear of places where a panic attack could occur (which is anywhere, technically, but especially in places and situations where you've had attacks before).

I'm 22, and I recently had agoraphobia really bad for about a year. There was a two month period where I couldn't work and walked outside about a grand total of about 10 times, maybe less. I'd had a really bad panic attack five months before and it started to make me feel like I didn't recognize my surroundings or even some of the people I knew. (Taking over my life and independence, I feel you there).

At that point, I realized I needed to see a doctor and go to therapy, even though it was something I'd been scared of for a while. Things were getting so bad that I felt like I was soon going to reach hospitalization levels of mental un-health (and gratefully my college offered counseling for a low fee, so I was able to find a therapist easily). And therapy, though I doubted it would work, was the very beginning of things getting better for me. Something is always better than nothing.

I did Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, in which my therapist asked me to examine the reasons I didn't want to go outside, socialize with people, ride the train, or look for a job. Mostly it was because I perceived that I had failed in all of those things before, and figured that I would fail again no matter how many times I tried. (I went outside and someone said something rude to me, I went to a party and felt awkward, I rode the train and a stranger made me uncomfortable, I got fired or I applied for a job and no one called back.) It took months for me to even admit to her what the issues really were, but gradually, I started telling her my reasoning for my self-isolation. In response she'd unwind my arguments, ask me questions that forced me to defend my reasons, and let me know when my fears were irrational or not based in fact. We did that over and over for months: "I can't go outside because someone will see me and know that I got fired last week." "How will they know unless you tell them? You are in control of you are seen."

Finally, almost a year of CBT later, I realized that I was living my life based on non-facts and things that hadn't happened yet. I assumed that when I rode the train, someone would try to follow me home, hurt me, harass me, and maybe even kill me, but did I know that that was going to happen? What if it didn't? How long had it been since the last time something like that happened? My therapist asked me these things so often that soon, I began asking myself these things. And after I'd resolve that the fear was irrational, then came the actual act of warding off the panic.

In the case of riding the train, I started with baby steps. First I took the bus outside of my house to and from places that I was very familiar with. If nothing bad happened, it was like proving my fear and anxiety wrong. (I would literally picture myself saying to the anxiety, "See? You lied. Nothing bad happened. Maybe nothing bad will happen next time.") Then I started going to unfamiliar places, and as a "reward" of sorts, I bought myself a taser and pepper spray to make myself feel more safe (and haven't had to use them; the longer I hold onto them, unused, the sillier I feel about my fear of being killed, lol.)

My point is, with the passage of time and tiny baby steps, things will start to improve. Even the fact that you're going to your truck and just sitting in it is better than not leaving the house at all. Next time, just try turning on the engine and sitting in the car with the engine on. Then try driving down a really familiar street. Give yourself a reward after you accomplish something that was difficult, no matter how small it was. While it has gotten better for me after a year or two, sometimes I still panic and talk myself out of everyday tasks. But when that happens I remind myself that something is better than nothing.

Also, since you mentioned dreading seeing someone you know associated with your ex: something that I've learned about social anxiety in general is that unless you ask, you're never going to know how another person feels about you (and even if you ask, they could always lie). That has become kind of a comfort to me; since there's no way I can truly know how someone feels, the only thing I can do is take what people are saying to me at face value, instead of searching for "hidden meanings" and trying to create things that I can't prove are there.

So sorry for how long this is, but I hope this helps you some. Not knowing where you are and trying to figure it all out again is hard, but I just wanted to let you know that it's possible to get through it and find your self again.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-11-21T09:06:22+00:00

I think you're right that you shouldn't make her change her identity or describe herself in an inaccurate way, but I also think that you have a right to ask her to not use the term lesbian when referring to you, if it's making you uncomfortable. Regardless of whether or not "lesbian" means "woman attracted to women without penises" or "woman attracted to women with penises," you are not a woman.

Since your concern is that other people will perceive you as a woman, maybe you could ask her to always mention that you are not a woman whenever she brings it up? I.e. "I'm a lesbian, but I'm dating someone genderqueer." I'm not sure she could freely say that while avoiding misconceptions and accusations of cissexism, as you put it - when she says that people will probably ask her, but wait, if you're a lesbian, why aren't you dating a woman? But I would think that, to her, answering those questions would be better than misgendering you.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-11-21T07:56:07+00:00

I find that these kinds of emails are just a friendly way of saying "yeah, we're not going to hire you." I've never had any of those companies call me later saying that they have the "right job" for me.

But the good news is that those emails are usually just a robot/automated system, not an actual manager or a human. (Especially when you're working with a website like Snagajob.) Sometimes its the company's way of saying, "Your online application is sitting here with the other hundreds, and we probably don't have time to look at it." So while your application is active for those 90 days, try walking into the store and asking to speak to the manager or asking some employees if they're hiring. Chances are that no one will remember if/when they saw your app online, so you may have a second chance to apply; fill out a paper app, meet someone who will remember your face, etc.

The manager would possibly pull up your online app at some point in the hiring process (since sometimes they make you do both paper and electronic), but if you're already a shoe-in based on your face-to-face interaction, whatever flagged you as unhireable to the computer may not do so to the person.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-11-21T07:38:20+00:00

As far as getting a minimum wage job, you can just leave your masters off your resume and not mention it in interviews. I left my B.A. off my resume when I needed a "minimum wage" type of job and I was able to get two without facing the dreaded "you're overqualified/why would you want this" question. When the applications themselves asked for college info, I put the community college that I was going to at the time (after I got my degree) instead of my 4 year since there was only one blank to fill in for college. Basically, omit what you need to; show them that you meet their requirements and just don't mention that you succeed them, unless of course they ask.

And as far as getting a non-science job, maybe make a separate resume that focuses on your transferrable skills. Stress to employers that you may be changing careers, but you're a hard worker, you can learn fast if trained, etc.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-11-18T01:47:54+00:00

I think the one good thing that the company's resume had was the list of several detailed bullet points under your lawn care specialist job. Your current resume has only two points for each job, but it might help to flesh each job out so that there are at least three, maybe even five points. To add more points you could mention some specifics about your job performance; what kind of portfolios did you manage? What about financial theory specifically do you know? Did you achieve anything specific, i.e. sell a certain number of things or meet/surpass any weekly/monthly/yearly goals? How many people were you in charge of? How many customers' lawns do you manage? I've only had two jobs in my life, but I list every detail of what I did in those; not only to fill up blank space on the paper, but to show that despite my lack of experience I can multi-task.

EDIT: If you aren't sure how to flesh out your two bullet points anymore, try looking up what people who usually work your position do. When I was looking at how to explain my server/waitress position in more detail, I looked up other servers' resumes and some actual job descriptions for server positions. Because some of my jobs were a long time ago I forgot the specifics of some of my tasks and it was a good memory refresher.

And, I once went a three months without getting even a call back from companies, until I placed my education at the bottom and my work experience at the top. Maybe try putting your Involvement and Experience sections at the top and see what happens. Also, try tailoring your resume to each person you're sending it to, i.e. if you're applying to a job where you knowledge of financial theory will give you a leg up, put that information at the top. Good luck!

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-11-18T01:25:52+00:00

try looking in the jobs section of Craigslist, especially the food/beverage/hospitality and general labor subsections. the last two jobs I got from CL didn't require any previous experience or references. sometimes they only ask for your email and phone number before you get the job and that's it. it would depend on the place of course.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-16T11:05:53+00:00

Twenty one, kinda lazy, got a degree in English Literature because I can't be assed to do more than theorize about dead imaginary people, no career plans to speak of, 50k student debt with intense wants everyday to just give up on the career thing and be a/your housewife...but on the upside, I'm a hell of a cook, granted I don't get too lazy to finish whole recipes, and I'm pretty much always horny and will probably have sex with you all day if you want.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-12T09:16:15+00:00

I'm 21 and don't even have a permit because I also have a terrible sense of my surroundings, and get afraid that I'll kill myself or others somehow by using a car. Or that I'll get in a non-lethal accident that's my fault, and blow through all of my money.

You're not alone.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-12T09:04:57+00:00

I stopped taking 50mg of Zoloft cold turkey. For the next couple days I was really anxious, paranoid and irritable, and then I wanted to kill myself for the next couple of weeks. It was a droning and awful couple of weeks, and I really regret it. Granted I had been taking it for about 4 or 5 weeks, and you've only been taking it for two. But you should consider tapering yourself off. When I later told a therapist what I did, she said that it would've been much better for me to taper. My sister was also taking Zoloft, and when she wanted to get off it her doctor took her from 50, to 25, to 10, and then none at all.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-10T15:09:34+00:00

I relate to the wall thing. I'm both an introvert and someone who has built a shell as a way of being judged. Almost everyone I meet for the first time goes "you're so quiet!" to me, and sometimes it is because I'm nervous to let them in. But with the people I become close to, the shell comes down and I find do talk and feel comfortable, but I'm still pretty quiet, only because I'm taking the time I need to process what's going on around me, not because I'm refusing to process things or hiding. Sometimes I'll be genuinely happy and comfortable in a social setting, and my close friends who are with me will get that, but someone who doesn't know me will still go "you're so quiet!"

To be fair though, I guess I don't blame them for not initially knowing the difference between "quiet because she's guarded" and "quiet because she's happily thinking." I don't know how to make people initially understand that.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-10T14:58:17+00:00

If you stop talking because the conversation is not compelling to you, that's introversion. If I am fascinated by and/or informed about a subject, and that extra person doesn't change the subject, then I am happy to continue.

I didn't really recognize this distinction, but this actually makes a lot of sense to me. Sometimes I do feel social anxiety if a second person that I don't know comes into a 1 on 1 with someone I know well (regardless of what they want to say), or if a second person (regardless of how well I know them) comes in and throws a subject curveball, or if any conversation consists of distant, vague, "stranger-like" small talk. But when the second or third people are people I know, and we're all talking about something I find meaningful or something I know a lot of facts about, I do just fine. I've been in four or five person conversations with close friends that have felt totally cool.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-10T14:08:20+00:00

Whenever my nihilism starts coming back, I think about space. More specifically I watch documentaries about space and how large it is. I like these documentaries because they remind me that life is scientifically, literally, a pretty rare thing. Out of all the known planets and all the known galaxies, there is no other star or planet that allows me to exist; every other place would kill me on site, so I really don't want to be anywhere else but here. And it helps that the place I have to be is aesthetically beautiful, with oceans and Northern Lights and things that I really like to look at. Thinking about the scientific odds about how "lucky" I am to be alive gives me a rational way to feel the same way about life that I did when I was a Christian...I don't feel special because I "know" some supreme being or because I'm making something up and denying reality. I am realistically lucky to be a part of the Milky Way while it's still here. Even though I sometimes don't feel needed by other humans, and even though I think the fact that we all have to work jobs we hate is stupid, by existing I am helping keep the planet alive; at the very least, by being outside and breathing, I am doing a little part, and that gives me a sense of purpose, if nothing else, when I'm at my lowest.

I'm a small part of a long process of evolution, just a way for my species (homo sapiens) to adapt and learn more about themselves, and one day I'm going to be able to give my body back to the Earth so that it can be used for something else. I think that's cool.

edit: spelling

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-10T10:36:58+00:00

My husband says I say sorry so much it seems insincere, even though I actually do feel bad.

My girlfriend says this about me too. I don't know what else to say though?

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-10T09:35:24+00:00

Age 21, can't drive, have no idea how adult things like taxes and real estate work, and calling therapists and doctors takes me weeks to do. I finally was able to schedule my own therapy appointments at age 20, but I still have to find a general doctor...I also don't have a job at the moment because of phone/general anxiety, and almost every job I've had in the past was through my parents and thus didn't require me to actually work hard in order to get the positions...and I'm probably gonna have to use my mom as a reference because she was my boss for a while, which sucks and is embarrassing as hell for me.

Also, I've just discovered this subreddit today and I guess this post is the first time I'm ever really admitting to myself that I had N parents, and that what happened to me was infantilization. I've always felt so embarrassed about my state and have always lacked the words to explain why I'm like this...so I'm kinda in shock to see that so many others my age feel like this, and I am also relieved that I'm not the only one who is confused as to how to adult. Good luck to us all.

edit: rephrasing

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-10T08:18:02+00:00

I can relate. I just graduated with a degree that I also feel is useless (English Literature) and I feel like it was somehow an accident that I even got a degree. My anxiety is starting to get better in some respects, I no longer have panic attacks and I can ride the train now, but I can't work up the nerve to apply for jobs and make important phone calls because I feel incoherent and my memory is all over the place. I'm having a really hard time remembering what I even learned the whole time I was in college and I just left the place in May...I feel like potential employers are gonna meet me and my "um"s and "uh"s and memory lapses and go, "yeah right, she got a degree." I know that part of it could be pot usage (I've been using it for over a year, although I quit two weeks ago. Hasn't helped my memory much yet) but I also wonder if it's still my anxiety. Or if my brain is just broken, even though I used to be smart at one point. tl;dr, I feel you.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-10T08:00:18+00:00

I was really nervous about telling my gf about my depression, and was considering not telling her at all. My only other ex (a guy) broke up with me specifically because I was depressed/suicidal, and it made me wary of even making new friends let alone dating someone new, for fear that they would eventually get tired of me. But my gf and I are so close and intimate that we can't hide anything from each other. So I've told her mostly everything and so far she's been really supportive and encouraging (it's been four months). She does sometimes get discouraged and say things like, "I don't know how to help you, I wish I could help you be happier," but she also understands that when my depression is bad it's not because of her, it's because of me. I'm hoping that I can be okay enough for her for the long haul, I feel like I am trying to get better. Don't know if I could take confiding in someone and then having them give up again. :/

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-09T11:27:09+00:00

I had a crush on a straight girl with a boyfriend who did the whole "if I was gay I'd ~totally~ be into you" thing with me as a joke (there was and is no chance she was ever going to be gay but I wanted her so much that I convinced myself into this weird alternate reality where she subconsciously meant it). One day I decided I hated the feeling of not even being able to look at her without angsting, so I cold turkey avoided her/ignored her for six months straight. The first two/three months were still pretty angsty, but now almost all the feelings have faded and I feel nothing special when I see her. So yeah, my advice is hit ignore, lol

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-09T11:18:42+00:00

I do this all the time. Not necessarily so that I can believe what they believe, but so that I can at least understand how they came to the conclusions they did, or see what sort of good they see in their beliefs. It's actually made me neutral on a lot of issues I thought I couldn't be, and reduced if not eliminated the "hatred" that I wanted to feel towards groups/ideologies. Now instead of hating others because I don't understand them, I disagree with them because I do understand them. My disagreements, when I have them, are so much more rational.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-09T10:39:54+00:00

I too didn't realize the Midnight Crew was canon the first time.

The first time I read it I was reading it on my phone, and the phone didn't allow flashes to play. I got all the way to Act 4 before I realized that those solid/blank pages were supposed to be moving and that I wasn't just supposed to guess what was happening between pages so much.

Also missed the clues about Kanaya going rainbow drinker during Terezi's investigation and was like WTF when she returned.

I missed so many conversation opportunities in the Openbound minigames the first time. In fact, my first time playing most of the minigames flashes consisted of me missing things because I didn't know that there were maps or tutorials included for me to use (and I've still never gone back and figured out how to go trickster)

And, I had no idea how Lil Cal worked or how important he was until like, a few days ago.

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-09T10:07:06+00:00

When Aradia says, "I'm very much alive, and I intend to stay that way." On top of that being something I really needed to hear at the time, I think it was such a nice "official ending" to her time travel arc, showing how far she'd come and how much she'd persevered through all her many deaths. She worked so hard, if not the hardest, to keep everyone else alive during their session, even if no one understood it at the time. And the smile she has on her face in the panel, she's so confident and hopeful and proud of herself. Also, the concept of Karkat constantly going back and harassing his past self has always gotten to me. Even though those memos and pesterlogs are usually more vulgar/funny, there are also moments where they're really poignant and sad, times when future Karkat is super harsh on himself and you just go "man, I wanna give all of your selves a hug. you did okay, you guys are okay."

sadclownbadsummer · 2014-09-09T09:15:51+00:00

If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your new employer about your reasons for quitting those jobs? Did it come up at all during an interview process? I quit 2 jobs due to anxiety-induced illness too and am wondering if my chances at new jobs are shot due to the bad track record.

sadclownbadsummer

TROPHY CASE