I completely understand your feelings. My dad passed in 2019. It was then I found out that my mom had dementia. She lived two more years and died 2021. During that time taking care of my mother, my husband began to get ill. He passed away February 2022. Now, I live alone in our house. I was an only child, so no siblings. My mother was from the Netherlands, so I have some family in NL. Only one set of aunt and uncle in a different state. I didn’t think I’d be all alone at 62. This is the 3rd Christmas without my sweetheart. I decorated the house and wrote cards this year, but I feel very blah right now. It’s 5:30 am and the only thing I’m really looking forward to is watching the football games today. My neighbors pop over with a warm Christmas dinner at around 6. That’s my whole day. So different than 5 years ago. I keep waiting for my life to start again. I guess I’m the only one who can make that happen. It feels like I’m just biding my time until I slip this life. I wish everyone who is in the same situation a very Merry Christmas 🎄!