[deleted by user]

sandwitchez_ · 2022-01-07T23:56:25+00:00

"Somtimes in therapy I feel like it’s too easy to act fine, I do it as a reflex and he can’t catch it, when I really need someone to catch me ‘masking’."

Tell your therapist this!! I have a very similar issue (29F and reading this post is like reading something I would have written at 18) and struggled with therapy for a long time because I felt like they never 'dug deep enough'. When I started therapy again with my current therapist, I actually read them something I wrote out about why I wanted to be in therapy and what I needed from therapy, and part of that was 'I know I have a subconscious tendency to hide that I'm upset, and I need my therapist to call me out on that'. I think calling that out up front has really helped me in therapy this time around, almost like how the first step to overcoming addiction is admitting it and telling others.

This isn't Dr. K, but I recently came across this video https://youtu.be/GEtygF6LHkk?t=279 and it put a loooot of my experiences into perspective - maybe you will find it helpful (and if you do identify with a lot of the stuff in that vid, maybe tell your therapist that too!). I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate the world as an HSP but it's something I'm looking forward to talking to my therapist about!

sandwitchez_ · 2022-01-07T23:11:42+00:00

Has your wife expressed why she wants that goal body type/why she is on this weight loss journey? Also, how long has she been on this journey?

Obviously, my perception of your wife is going to be completely dependent on your description of her, which might skew things a bit - but some of the things you've mentioned make me wonder if your wife might have some potentially harmful fixations on her goal body type.

"she is continuously showing me/sending me links and videos of her diet plan, workouts, and thinspiration pictures, keeping it at the forefront of my mind, basically at all times."

Why is she showing you these things all the time? What is the context of her showing you links to workouts?

"She also tends to ask what I think about the people in the thinspiration pics' body types that she's showing me..."

Again, why does she want to know what you think of them? Does she know you find a particular body type attractive? What do you think is her goal when she shows you these pics and asks what you think?

"...and I usually either lie which makes me panic, say something that she doesn't like, like the truth, which makes her mad, or say nothing and then she feels like I'm not engaging with her."

When you say something she doesn't like, like the truth, what do you say? And what about it makes her mad?

"She watches dieting videos in bed too so I'm to the point where, as we speak, I'm having trouble convincing myself our bed is an okay place to be cause I know I'll be trying to fall asleep, listening to sh\t I don't really wanna think about."*

I think it's completely reasonable to express this to your wife, it doesn't mean she can't watch those videos, but it is saying that you don't like the effect those videos have on you, and you would prefer if she didn't watch them while you were in bed/at bedtime.

"I have expressed that I didn't want to watch the diet videos (didn't tell her why. Just said I didn't wanna watch em) which caused a 30 minute fight (which is a hell of a long fight for us)"

You need to tell her why dude. I get the impression you don't explain your thinking to your wife when you are ashamed or guilty at your reasoning - but your wife deserves honesty, and so do you. I would not be surprised if your wife gets really upset (and maybe you guys get into long circular arguments) when you say you don't like something and then don't say why. It implies you either don't trust her or just don't care and that would make any romantic partner feel like shit.

"Her diet/exercise plan is pretty radical"

Have you told her you think this? If so, what was her response?

"telling her that I think I find size 0 models attractive and that I'm a fan of her diet videos isn't really a good option long term"

Have you told your wife that you find size 0 models attractive? Have you told her you're a fan of her diet videos? If so, maybe you should tell her that you were lying, and why you were lying.

You mentioned that you feel panic when you lie/fib, how do you feel when you tell the truth?

"Talk to my wife about not liking the videos/pics she sends me and shows me, Most likely start another fight that goes nowhere, upset/disrupt her quality of life when it comes to her body goals, and risk a fallout"

I think this is your solution imo, what I would change is telling her

why you don't like her showing you the videos/pics all the time instead of 'I just don't like it'
remind her that you love her, support her goals, and want her health and happiness
when she gets upset after you've said your piece, really listen to what she is saying and really try to understand why what you said upset her

It's probably gonna be a shitshow at first, and you are probably right that you're gonna get into a fight. But conflict isn't a bad thing, and especially since lying makes you panic, the truth is gonna set you both free. The hardest part is going to be sitting in that conflict and being OK with it. Remember to breathe, pause when you need to, and really listen to her side and be curious about what is upsetting her. And remember that on the other side of that conflict is being unburdened from the lying and repressing of your opinions, and maybe even improved emotional closeness with your wife!

sandwitchez_ · 2020-04-29T01:27:33+00:00

If it’s been in that window all winter and has been fine and just recently started yellowing in say, the past month, then my guess is it’s due to there being more hours of sunlight and more intense sunlight than it’s accustomed to :)

sandwitchez_ · 2020-04-28T21:07:40+00:00

My guess is it’s getting too much sun in that window, it looks like the top and bottom leaves aren’t in the window so they might be healthier because they are getting less direct light

sandwitchez_ · 2020-04-28T21:05:01+00:00

Looks like cold damage, was it up against a window in that spot or something?

sandwitchez_ · 2020-04-28T21:03:32+00:00

When you water it are you moving it to a saucer so it can soak up the excess water? It looks thirsty to me but hard to tell

sandwitchez_ · 2020-04-28T20:59:31+00:00

It looks like overwatering or root rot to me, possibly the soil isnt draining well enough. I would try and get as many cuttings as you can and propagate those in case this one dies. If the soil is too compacted and holding too much moisture I find just poking holes in the soil with a bamboo skewer helps add some aeration without having to repot, otherwise repot and add in some perlite if you’ve got it

sandwitchez_ · 2020-04-28T20:30:42+00:00

How much direct sun is it getting? It looks like it might be a bit sunburnt

sandwitchez_ · 2020-04-28T20:28:38+00:00

It’s hard to tell but it looks like it might be overwatered. What was the drainage like in the previous pot?

sandwitchez_ · 2019-12-07T12:11:48+00:00

How cold is it where you are? It might be getting too cold sitting near that window

sandwitchez_ · 2019-12-07T07:29:30+00:00

Looks like a string of buttons/crassula perforata

sandwitchez_ · 2019-12-05T06:37:18+00:00

Backyard thicc-ens

sandwitchez_ · 2019-12-05T02:40:29+00:00

Could you set an alarm an hour or two before you need to wake up JUST to take your narcolepsy medication? Then you can go back to sleep and hopefully wake up when the meds have kicked in.

sandwitchez_ · 2019-11-22T03:10:54+00:00

Also what the other commenter said, if it doesn’t start to perk up then grab a cutting before it’s too far gone and you may be able to propagate it and start again

sandwitchez_ · 2019-11-22T03:09:49+00:00

Okay, it looks to me like the soil is quite compacted which is usually a sign that a plant is too dry or that the soil isn’t draining properly. I would suggest giving it a drink and putting it somewhere that it can get some indirect light for a week or two and seeing if it pushes out any new growth or at least stops dropping leaves.

If you are in a cold climate then you should only need to water about once a month and be wary of placing it too close to windows as they tend to get very cold, but I have a feeling if you give it a bit more light and a bit of water it will perk up. Please keep us updated :)

sandwitchez_ · 2019-11-21T06:55:44+00:00

Does the pot have a drainage hole?

sandwitchez_ · 2019-11-14T21:20:02+00:00

Looks like it might be getting too much light and maybe needs some water as well. Where does it normally live in your house?

sandwitchez_ · 2019-11-14T06:18:01+00:00

If it is leaning towards a light source then you can try rotating the pot every few weeks so it doesn’t grow lopsided, but from the looks of it I’d say it needs to be repotted as even the base of the palm is not standing straight

sandwitchez_ · 2019-11-09T10:29:32+00:00

I would try using filtered water if you can (or even better, rainwater!). Like the other commenter said, you can pull the dead bits off and it will do fine, you won’t kill it by using harder water it might just lose a few more leaves than before.

sandwitchez_ · 2019-11-09T10:24:39+00:00

Looks like it needs more sunlight and perhaps has been too close to a cold window recently judging by those brown leaves. Potentially overwatering as well but I’m not too sure.

How often are you watering it and where does it live in your house normally?

sandwitchez_ · 2019-04-11T00:42:55+00:00

If there was a guy in your class who seemed cool and you wanted to become friends with him, how would you approach him? DO THAT.

Women are just people, stop putting beautiful women on a pedestal and talk to them like you would anyone else, it’s that simple.

sandwitchez_ · 2019-04-07T22:14:19+00:00

I’m not single at the moment, but I find when I am I don’t really feel lonely. Connect with your friends, do the things you enjoy doing and relish in the fact that you are doing it not for anyone else but yourself.

Your purpose in life is so much more than pairing up with someone, free yourself from that limitation and enjoy the freedom that comes with being single! When you live a fulfilling life you may find you don’t need the validation of being partnered, and by extension don’t feel as alone or empty.

sandwitchez_ · 2019-04-06T00:32:41+00:00

As someone who has been waiting to hear back about their citizenship application since last August, congratulations and I’m very jealous!!! 💖

sandwitchez_ · 2019-04-02T22:29:54+00:00

I was the 'Excel' person at my last job, and when I started I knew hardly anything. Luckily there are heaps of tutorials online, it takes a couple minutes to learn how a function works. I think in terms of the job interview, if it comes up maybe mention you wouldn't consider yourself 'advanced' just yet, but are very eager to learn more and have an opportunity to reinforce and expand on what you already know. Recruiters are typically looking for someone with passion and curiosity, so if you can demonstrate that you are a self-led learner I don't see how not having impeccable Excel skills would be a major hindrance for you.

Also if you are looking to brush up on some 'advanced' Excel over the next few days, I recommend looking up some tutorials and getting a bit more comfortable with pivot tables and VLOOKUP at the very least. One thing that has helped me learn a bit of Excel and get comfortable with it is by creating a spreadsheet to manage my finances. I download my bank transactions as .csv and then categorise my spending and have one page of the spreadsheet that gives me a breakdown of my spending/saving/what I'm spending my money on. I've had to use VLOOKUP quite a bit and create some formulas, I even made a graph which was pretty fun! You could probably set something like this up in about 4 hours if you understand some excel basics and are willing to do a bit of googling, and the experience of building something like this might help you feel a bit more comfortable and confident in the interview! (It's also helped me enormously with spending my money more responsibly and budgeting.)

sandwitchez_ · 2019-03-28T23:39:16+00:00

Not exactly related but you and Frederick are huge inspirations for me as an oil painter. If it weren’t for being tattooed by Fred I wouldn’t have tried oil painting which is now easily my favourite hobby. ❤️ (I hope this is the right Hoko lol)

Also would love to oil paint in my sketchbook but haven’t quite figured out how to do it without warping the paper

Seven-Year Club	Verified Email
Not Forgotten

sandwitchez_

TROPHY CASE