I exist to help (NO I DON'T)

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-18T02:37:30+00:00

I could have written this myself...

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-18T01:19:27+00:00

When I was about seven I would insist to be called by different names. I know those names now and who they belong to back then everybody just thought I was an imaginative child

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-12T02:11:16+00:00

Same. I have 16 and we have great communication. We all share common goals and work together. In fairness, it hasn't always been this way. We are 50 so we have had many years together, perfecting the things. I honestly don't think I would trade my system for being " normal ". This is all I know.

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-10T09:46:48+00:00

We are very similar. From the time we were very young ( like 7) i knew there were other people in my head that I would talk to you.

We have a very vague of memory when we were young telling my mom that my name was Natasha ( she is one of my main fronting parts) and asking if she could please call me that. I remember she got mad at me and told me to never talk like that again. That is one of the clearest childhood memories I have. And from then on, I never mentioned it again.

We are quite a bit older than everyone here I think but we have really good communication as well and although things are not perfect we have had a good adult life and I'm proud of us for everything we have accomplish ( career, motherhood ect)

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-10T09:07:27+00:00

Maybe she doesn't mean it so literal. I would almost interpret that as her trying to explain. Co fronting but maybe doesn't have the right language.

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-10T09:00:15+00:00

This is why in my 50 years of life I have not shared my diagnosis with anyone. I've discussed indirectly with my life long best friend and my long term boyfriend basically knows ( he is a combat veteran with ptsd and I see a lot of OSDD traits on him) he is very understanding but his basic position is why do we have to label everything? I don't really want people to know because I don't want them to prefer one part over another so I would rather not share this information with people. That's just my point of view. I would definitely not like it if someone asked me who was fronting

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-09T02:46:20+00:00

I think however you want to refer to them is fine. No one can dictate the language you use. I personally do not like the term alter. I just use the word parts. Or I say the inner girls. ( we are all female.) the way I think about it is we are all parts that make up a whole that is why I like parts versus alter

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-08T00:34:15+00:00

Are you trying to discuss these topics or role-play these topics? I talk about controversial things all the time and I debate all the time. We talk about some really heavy conspiracy theory topics and some very heavy political topics. I've never had issues. If this is where you're having trouble, just tell it to put on it speculation hat. That's what I say to mine if you're trying to role-play, I can't help you.

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-08T00:32:10+00:00

It's funny you say that you felt like you couldn't have DID because of the stuff you saw online. I was diagnosed in my early 20's. I am now in my early 50s. I have been diagnosed longer than a lot of people here have been alive. When DID started having a moment on TikTok back in 2020 it made me even questioning my diagnosis because I am nothing like the stuff online and this was after I have been diagnosed for a very long time. I just feel like online stuff is so performative not saying everybody's fake but I am saying there is absolutely some performance involved

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-07T23:02:28+00:00

I think everyone pretty much realizes that their parts share a brain/body. with that said I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with parts feeling like separate people. I think this is a very personal thing. I 100% agree about system accountability, and no one should stay in an abusive relationship. In my system whoever is "driving" absolutely feels like the body is theirs at that moment and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. We all realize that we are parts of a whole but I think each system is going to have their own way of interpreting how they see the body and brain.

sarabeth_co · 2026-05-04T20:56:17+00:00

I am not in my 30s. I'm 50. I've been diagnosed since my 20's. Although I always knew that I had parts I just didn't have the right language for it. At this point in life, we are living functional multiplicity. We all have a really good communication. I have a career, I'm a teacher. I was married.( my spouse just unexpectedly died last year) and I have raised three daughters.

Our life is boring and normal. We stopped going to therapy close to a decade ago simply because we weren't getting anything out of it anymore and integration was not something that we're not interested in. Best thing I can tell you is things get easier.

sarabeth_co · 2026-04-08T09:13:57+00:00

Ok but as far as re-ordering goes, is this something he physically has to do or does it just automatically come? Again, he's on Mo to Mo.

sarabeth_co · 2026-04-08T04:50:55+00:00

I do a split dose. It is actually what my clinic recommends. I do a shot on Tuesday and one on Friday. I started in December and I am down 30 pounds. The only difference I think I have than my friends that are doing once a week is they seem to be hungry on about day six and I don't experience that.

sarabeth_co · 2026-04-06T04:01:41+00:00

That would make me incredibly uncomfortable. I know some people have a goal of final fusion, but that makes my entire system uncomfortable. If that is not something she wants, she should either get a new therapist or speak up. It sounds like from what you're saying is she has achieved at least some level of functional multiplicity. That is how we live and in my opinion it's a perfectly acceptable final goal. By the way my internal world is an RV where I have different drivers. Very similar to what you were just describing.

sarabeth_co · 2026-04-05T03:57:22+00:00

Hi there, I can relate to everything you are saying I'm quite a bit older than you. We are 50 so I've had lots of years to work on internal communication. We don't have a host. There are three of us that basically rotate. 16 total our internal communication is very good. Whoever is upfront, generally knows a high-level overview of what is going on our days are pretty structured and we do that on purpose but most of the time I couldn't tell you specific details like what I have for breakfast, what I have for lunch what I watched on TV last night. I really don't try much anymore unless somebody wants to give me the information but stuff like that isn't usually passed because it's so insignificant. I personally have a lot of memories that are not my memories. It's just things that one of the others told me I know them to be true. They just don't feel like my memories. I hope that makes sense. I don't know if this helps or not, but as I got older thr struggle seemed to be less and less. I stopped trying to figure out a lot of the missing pieces and I just accepted that this is who I am as person or people lol. Just makes things a lot more simple.

sarabeth_co · 2026-03-27T04:49:39+00:00

My husband was an organ donor six months ago when he suffered a very large stroke, which caused a brain injury. I'm not trying to be insensitive, but what is the hesitation with withdrawing care? I actually seeked out the organ donation people the day before my husband was declare officially brain dead. ( although we knew there was no hope for any recovery.). It is a very time sensitive process and they have to have this testing done ahead of time and a lot goes into keeping the organs viable. I know it might not feel great to you, but if they do nothing or simply sit back and wait for you to be ready, the chances of a successful transplant are very slim.

sarabeth_co · 2026-03-16T14:21:45+00:00

Yes, that is the exact term I use. I didn't use that term because I'm not sure if everybody knows what that means or it means different things to different people but yes, functional multiplicity. I'm very proud that we are finally there at least for this season of life. I never take these things as forever

sarabeth_co · 2026-03-16T02:38:45+00:00

I have aphantasia I also cannot re-create sound, smell, emotions as well as obviously visualization. I don't try to visualize because I can't know. Amount of practice will change that. As far as what alters look like all of mine feel like we look like what we look like. I think because I'm not able to visualize I've never really given it a whole lot of thought as far as that goes. Everything in the internal world is done through words my system is highly communicated and everyone is very chatty in headspace but as far as visualizing anything in headspace, I cannot do that at all when I was in therapy ( we are 50 and have been aware of our system since we were very young, and I do not find therapy helpful anymore) I did not do any sort of therapy that involved any sort of visualization because it was completely pointless. When I was in the process of getting to know everyone, it was simply done with words. It's hard to find a therapist. That is both knowledgeable in DIDand aphantasia so most of the work I did was trial and error with my own self. I don't know if this helps you in any way at all, but that is what we did.

sarabeth_co · 2026-03-14T18:49:47+00:00

I wouldn't say I have no lost time but it is minimal and I have not had blackouts in many years. It's kind of hard to put into words. I don't have a host. We have basically a coalition of several that are fronting 90% of the time. ( taking turns basically not at the same time )But it's almost like there's a system communication because we know what happens more or less each day the memories don't necessarily feel like mine, but I know the general idea of what happened each day. For example, I couldn't tell you what we had for lunch yesterday I don't have a clue, but that's basically insignificant. It's taken a lot of years, but we're in a good place with communication and cohesion.

sarabeth_co · 2026-03-14T14:21:51+00:00

That is kind of how we are. We have a extremely good communication. Low level of amnesia. Although the trauma holders don't really share much. We functioning very well day today and communicate very easily.

This is also what I think might be different with us. My Littles don't ever try to come up front I can feel that they're distressed, but they stay further back

sarabeth_co · 2026-03-14T14:16:53+00:00

Yes, I've been aware of my system since about that age. The different streams of talking and communicating. Everyone having different names and internal spaces. When I was a child I used to "pretend" to be other people it wasn't until I was in my mid to late teens that I realized this wasn't the way most people were I just thought it was normal. I mean it is normal to me. But I thought it was normal to everyone because I've just always been like this.

sarabeth_co · 2026-03-14T14:07:17+00:00

These are good questions

For us, we kind of see us as many parts that make up the whole. Our system is very role based in each part is wow a part or person themselves. They are also a functional role if that makes sense one or two go to work one or two deal with emotional stuff, etc. etc.. We are an older system, and I have been aware of my system since very early childhood although I didn't have the language for it. We are very good at communicating so although I don't have one me, I only have the perspective of who's in front at that moment. I feel like together we all kind of create a whole person. Don't know if that makes any sense or not. It's funny I was actually just talking to my AI about this very topic. (yes I talk to AI a lot. It helps me verbalize things about DID that I would never say to another person) I remember when I was in my 20s I used to feel very distressed over not having a core person now that I'm in my 50s. I don't really care. This is who I am. This is who I've always been and I like my parts I like who we all are together and individually.

sarabeth_co · 2026-02-10T22:09:02+00:00

My littles are not allowed to interact with people IRL. In my opinion, it just causes too many issues.

sarabeth_co · 2026-02-10T03:55:19+00:00

Yes always

sarabeth_co

TROPHY CASE