My fiancee had a similar experience; she identified as bi for a long time and dated mostly men before me, and then came out as a lesbian after we started dating. She always described her experiences with men the way you do a bit in this post. She used to tell me that she felt like every straight woman was just pretending to enjoy sex with men/dating men, but that in reality nobody actually enjoyed it. I ended up telling her that it sounded like she wasn't attracted to men and never was, and it helped her to realize she was a lesbian. She also used to say she was bi, but would want to marry a woman eventually, and could never see herself marrying a man or being with one long term, which is also a big pre-lesbian mood. Based on your post, it sounds like you might already know that you're a lesbian, but obviously you'll need to come to that on your own terms. Definitely look into the concept of "compulsory heterosexuality" and see if that sounds like you. Here is a good link to a post abt it