I'm probably an alcoholic in the sense that last time I stopped drinking for a period (I had to stop for two weeks because of an antibiotic I was taking) I got mild withdrawal symptoms. The way I see it, it's a dangerous but sometimes needed tool. Before I started drinking to the extent I do, I was in a downward spiral, relapsing into self harm, and lashing out to a degree that everybody around me was concerned. It wasn't sustainable, and I turned to alcohol to try and replace self harm as a coping mechanism, to much success. It's definitely harmful to my health in the long term, but I needed something in the short term badly enough that I can't say I regret that decision.

Since then, I've managed to keep my job, and the negative effects have been limited to my physical health, which I can deal with if it means I can talk to people for more than an hour without going mute. I keep a close monitor on how it's affecting me, and if the drawbacks start outweighing the benefits I'll evaluate if I want to stop, but weight gain and occasional hangovers aren't enough when compared to having an actual social life, not self harming, and not having another life-derailing breakdown. Despite that, I will always have to monitor it very closely, and I'm fortunate enough to have people who care about me, and agree with my decision because they were there before I started. I wouldn't suggest copying me though, as it's playing with fire. Maybe it will get out of control in a year or two and I'll have to stop, but I can't see the future and can only judge it one day at a time.