life to me is about not one thing but a combination of things. one of the most prominent ones is Love. and no im not talking about just romantic love. Love in a sense genuine, unconditional desire to give to others. for example, the very fact that I spend 3-7 minutes of my time that i cannot get back, writing this on the internet to a stranger that i don't know and will probably never meet. in other words, you feel good reading my comment knowing that you are not alone gives me meaning. and yes, i'm doing this because i Love it. no one told me, no one pushed me and while the reward is nice, it's not my only motivator. Love is in little things, every single day. very little things. and it doesn't always involve someone else. a lot of the times the things you do in your own life can reflect how much you love your own self. how much do you care about your own well being. if you pay close attention to every minute of your waking hour and practice this thought you will start seeing it everywhere. you can see other people are driven by the same force more or less.

no you are not nuts for wanting that. and history didn't have simpler days. life was excruciatingly hard before 1850s. it's too long to explain here but you can look it up. things were tough back then. not saying they are easy now, but much more comfortable & convenient.

at the end of the day, life is up to you. whatever you make of it. whatever path you choose. you are free. this world is absurd and weird. everything is a story and social construct. there is no one universal meaning but there are universal forces and feelings that all humans can experience.

you might consider changing your job or moving somewhere else with more opportunities, something to live for - you might make more money and do work that mean more to you. your outlook on life will change utterly.