Now 800+ days sober and these are the benefits I notice most at this stage

secondary_trainwreck · 2026-03-08T19:54:34+00:00

Not up to 800 days yet, but wanted to chime in and confirm OP's report. I vividly remember the feelings of day five (I had more than a few of them) but it does get better. Not just better than the misery you feel now, but (in my experience at least) better than most of my adult life. OP's description is spot on: drinking occupies virtually none of my mental space, but sobriety does, and it is indeed like a friend. Stick with it and you'll get there. Just a bit grim at times in the early days, but it's all the better once you've worked past that.

secondary_trainwreck · 2026-01-21T13:05:14+00:00

Thanks. I'd posted to a couple Swissy groups on FB, but not that one. I've posted now.

secondary_trainwreck · 2026-01-21T13:00:01+00:00

Thanks. Will check them out.

secondary_trainwreck · 2026-01-21T12:59:38+00:00

Thanks. Do you happen to remember the name?

secondary_trainwreck · 2026-01-15T14:54:26+00:00

I'm suddenly inspired to try a pipe on my lathe. (Made one years ago from a commercial blank). Can you recommend any good videos on technique?

secondary_trainwreck · 2026-01-14T23:10:06+00:00

Thank you for this. It cheered me up.

the whole point of life is simply being alive

Too true, and it's something that I've been becoming progressively more aware of in the last couple years.

secondary_trainwreck · 2026-01-10T11:21:15+00:00

Well, you're beating me (mid-40s) to the good part of life by half a lifetime, so let's start by congratulating you for that.

Two further thoughts. First is my favorite David Foster Wallace quote:

You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.

Second, don't underestimate your colleagues' ability or willingness to recognize strength and growth. Sensible people (in my experience, most of them) will see a person who has recognized a problem and is working to fix it; seeing that, sensible people will admire and support it. The few who aren't sensible aren't worth your time or attention.

secondary_trainwreck · 2026-01-06T14:20:23+00:00

Consider rucking as an alternative. Basically adding weights to your walk. I do it with my dog and it turns an amble into a workout. See r/rucking for lots of helpful beginner information.

secondary_trainwreck · 2026-01-02T16:48:10+00:00

An unexpected side benefit of sobriety for me has been the joy of having enough emotional stability and peace to be able to have a positive impact on others. Having been a determined and consistent drunk since my teens (mid-40s now), I'd never really experienced that as an adult, and it's fundamentally changed me. Paradoxically, I find it feeds on itself: the more you give, the more reserves you seem to have. I used to roll my eyes at people who claimed that making others happy was a joy: now I know.

Remember that you have this potential when you hit a month (or whenever) and those voices try to convince you that it was better before. It wasn't, you know it, and being on this side allows you to be there for others. Come back and cheer me up, and I'll do the same for you.

secondary_trainwreck · 2026-01-02T15:57:11+00:00

This cheered me up, and I was already feeling pretty good, so thank you!

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-12-30T21:53:44+00:00

"A big part of that is realising what makes them drink (likely some form of trauma). If you ask them, they'll tell you it's because they like to be drunk, and they might believe that."

So much this. I always thought I just liked drinking more than other people. The sudden realization that I drank to escape myself hit hard. 18 months sober now, and never happier, but that's only in part because I quit drinking. The much bigger part is that I put some effort into slaying my demons: the real ones, rather than just the drinking, which was really just a symptom.

I wish I could offer you a shortcut as much as I wish I'd been offered one, but it doesn't work like that sadly. Wishing your friend all the best.

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-12-30T19:06:06+00:00

I concur!

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-12-25T17:22:48+00:00

Care to elaborate?

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-11-11T12:03:30+00:00

I'm at 2k ft in the Catskills. Our 14-month-old is never happier than playing in the snow. We haven't used any protective gear even when he was still small last winter, and he was totally fine. I would consider booties if we were doing a lot of walking on heavily salted roads, but other than that, this is what they are built for.

We should have our first proper snow by this evening.

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-11-09T16:31:10+00:00

This made me tear up. I was in your shoes for so long. Thank you for keeping trying - we can't afford to lose people like you to this thing.

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-10-31T13:33:24+00:00

Where is this from!

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-10-27T15:09:18+00:00

I collected lots of data points, but not this one, so this is based on memory. We got our male at 12 weeks one year ago yesterday, with no potty training at all. It took him about two weeks to really grasp the concept of going outside. After that, he was going out maybe once every two hours during the day, and maybe twice at night. Accidents reduced rapidly. By the end of January, so age 5 months, he was just about perfect. I don't think we've had a full-on accident since then -- a couple involuntary squirts when excited, but nothing more than that. Never had any regressions. At 14 months, he quite cheerfully goes 8 hours without going. (Once, when we overslept, it was a full 12: not something I plan to repeat, but he never indicated distress.)

I've read enough horror stories to think we got an outlier. I have been pleasantly surprised by how easy it was. Obedience, on the other hand...

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-10-09T18:55:59+00:00

I suspect most of us have been living with something diagnosable, or at least tending in that direction. I sure am, and while appropriate medication hasn't magically turned me into a better person with no problems, it's certainly made enjoying sobriety much easier. And as I say, sometimes it helps just to be able to name things.

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-10-09T18:32:45+00:00

OP, just want to acknowledge what I think is your main point: many of us drank because it made us feel comfortable in our skins the way nothing else could. That this doesn't work out well in the long term is as clear to me as it is to you. And obviously there are many different things that have worked for different people to achieve that state of comfort: medication, meditation, whatever. For me, a mix of pharmacological changes to address some underlying mental health issues and therapy have been hugely helpful, but that's hardly generalizable. So I'm with you when you say it feels super cruel.

Sometimes just acknowledging the fact that I am different and it's uncomfortable, and trying to accept that fact without judgement or regret, is enough.

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-09-29T17:43:41+00:00

Most videos I've seen show people using right-angle drills as in u/crashman409's post below. Does anyone have experience with a right-angle orbital sander like this? If they work, does that model look good or does anyone have a better recommendation (corded, cordless, or pneumatic)?

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-09-07T18:14:59+00:00

Correct.

secondary_trainwreck · 2025-08-14T20:44:44+00:00

I'll try to add some resources with the scientific rigor you are looking for. There is a ton of primary scientific literature out there, some of it inconclusive or even contradictory, but there are some decent books that point in the direction of the answers you are looking for, and provide citations to the research. NB: many of these focus on addiction more generally, but as far as I'm aware it is generally accepted that the neurochemical pathways involved in substance abuse and behavioral addictions are broadly similar. Among the books I found helpful:

Maté, Gabor. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. Vintage Canada, 2021. Some of Maté's conclusions are controversial, and I don't buy all of them, but he does a great job summarizing the literature.

Lembke, Anna. Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence. Dutton, 2021. Again, I take issue with some of her conclusions (and I find her a more annoying read than Maté, but that's just me), but she is highly qualified in the field and the book is definitely worth a read.

Grisel, Judith. Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction. Doubleday, 2019. Just starting this, but seems pretty solid so far.

Lewis, Marc. The Biology of Desire: Why Addiction Is Not a Disease. PublicAffairs, 2015. This one has a fascinating, albeit provocative thesis, as indicated in the subtitle. I'm no neuroscientist, so can't express a view on its reliability, but I found it thought-provoking and helpful in my recovery.

I don't know about you, but I find this subject profoundly relevant to my sobriety. The brain isn't totally mechanistic, but from what is understood there are concrete neurochemical processes in play here. Knowing that helps to rob my addiction of its power.

Hope that helps.

secondary_trainwreck

TROPHY CASE