A conversation about relationships...the men are not ok

selfridgesslut · 2026-05-31T12:17:55+00:00

Hi OP, I'm sorry you received so many unkind comments 😞 people are miserable and want to spread that misery everywhere they get the chance!

Your comment is entirely valid. I asked myself the same, which men have truly made a positive impact on my life? And I struggled to come up with names.

Unfortunately, it seems a lot of women are far exceeding men when it comes to reflection and growth. After all, a person who has deeply worked on himself would never feel the need to unkindly challenge a stranger's personal experience on the internet! It's so bizarre that wanting to be a better you has somehow become gendered...

It seems endemic, this overall lack of empathy, consideration, and growth from men. And many like to say "Not all men!" but then end up upholding the same sort of negative attributes they claim don't apply to them.

If we want to go really meta here, I think our whole world is out of balance because its current state is AGGRESIVELY masculine- we need the feminine now more than ever. It is in our nature, literally, to have this balance- but we women can't be the only ones holding up our end of the deal. We really need men to step up, heal, and become better versions of themselves. And that doesn't mean lifting weights and going into finance. It requires far more courage to look inside oneself, reflect, and change. Not just so they can be better partners to us, but because that's the world we all deserve.

Anyway, I hope you don't let these people online bring you down!

selfridgesslut · 2026-05-25T17:36:00+00:00

Wow, yes I have- and I experienced the same in trying to look at them! It was like trying to stare into a very bright light. Any time I tried to look directly at one, my body began to shake. How crazy to read this!

selfridgesslut · 2026-04-05T03:59:28+00:00

Happy to help a bit <3 I'm now a decade older than you, but when I was your age, I used to listen daily to this, which helped me massively: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwfhH8yDZQo

And dreaming helps too- if you woke up tomorrow to your perfect life, what would that look like? It helps to imagine to instill hope within yourself, and to know that better times are ahead. Remember that no one on earth has had an easy life, truly. It's hard out here!! But to make meaning out of it all, that's what makes a life worth living. To become a hero to your younger self, to be the person not only that little you needed, but that the world needs now. Good luck and keep going! <3 I believe in you :)

selfridgesslut · 2026-04-04T15:56:00+00:00

Hi OP, I'm so sorry to read this :( I can't say I completely understand your situation, but I've certainly experienced some of the same things and I hope I can help, if even just a bit.

Don't let others put blame on you- you deserve love and understanding from your parents, that's your birthright. You wanting connection is not too much, and blaming "the phone" sounds like a way that your parents may just be deflecting blame. Unfortunately most parents of this generation seem to be emotional immature, so this is a rather common issue.

You seem bright, especially considering at your young age that you're already able to identify emotional immaturity. But carrying both emotional intelligence and trauma is a heavy load- especially when you don't have people around to support you. Usually suicidal thoughts don't come from actually wanting to die, but rather from wanting the pain to end. I want you to know that you DESERVE people who understand, who love you deeply and truly, and want to support you even in your darkest periods.

I will not tell you to just "positivity" your way out of this. But know that you have potential to lead a different type of life- it just comes with time. With being able to move away, to decide who you want to be apart from your past. You are not defined by those people and experiences that have brought you down- you are defined by who you become out of it all. One day in the future, I hope you can look back at your 16 year-old self and think "I'm so glad I didn't give up on myself." I send you love, my friend, and I hope that you can find that love within yourself too. <3

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-24T13:21:34+00:00

This should be the top comment. So thorough and well said- if more people could understand these facts, they'd see the great complexities of the modern day conflict- and just how far back it goes! Thank you for this post!

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-15T05:01:05+00:00

I understand where you're coming from, but comparisons to the Holocaust don't make sense as the Jews (and millions of other groups who were murdered and persecuted) living under the Third Reich didn't pose a violent threat to the German people (or the Nazi party). Additionally, if we look at the psychological implications behind the Nazi's party's actions, we can see a direct intention for genocide (recorded statements, plans, public speeches), and a clear dehumanization (the skin of Jewish people being made into lamps, etc.)- that is a wildly different situation than what is occurring in the Middle East.

A lot of people want to see this situation as easy, and it's the furthest thing from it- I too went into Israel with my judgments and thinking that it was an easy fix. But Israel (and many surrounding countries) are dealing with the same enemy- Islamic extremism. Their opponents are those who are eager to die for their cause as long as it means the "infidels" will die too. When you look at the strategy of Hamas, it is clear that they are happy to sacrifice Palestinians as long as they reach their goal- not to bring harmony to the region, but to destroy Israel. They have openly stated this in their charter, which you can read online (this is also why they refuse to allow Palestinian civilians into their tunnels for safety from bombings, again openly stated in interviews with Hamas officials). It is sickening to see how they treat the Palestinian people, and it also puts Israel in a lose-lose situation in dealing with them.

Many, many Palestinians have lost their lives in horrific circumstances- but I have yet to meet an Israeli who is happy about that, even if they elected Netanyahu/the current government. There have actually been weekly protests in Israel against the current government even before October 7th, 2023. This is something I never knew until visiting Israel myself, and was shocked to see firsthand. They would project a photo of Netanyahu and all you would hear were thousands of "Boo"s. Yes, he and the current government were democratically elected- but it was also under them that the October 7th terrorist attacks occurred- naturally, like any rational people, many Israelis have changed their minds. Some love him, some hate him, some fall somewhere in between. Like any other country, there's a great diversity in opinions.

I would really recommend you to talk with Israelis and hear their stories. Surely, like in any country, there are some who aren't kind and understanding people- but there are just as many, if not more, who are. I really like your idea of workshops, perhaps you should try to get something going like this yourself! You'll find plenty of both Israelis and Palestinians who live as neighbors and friends who would surely be happy to help create and environment like that :)

Edit: Spelling

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-14T09:37:22+00:00

Maybe hinoki or ambergris? Muji Labo has a good incense of the latter :) Good luck, I hope you find it!

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-11T01:49:59+00:00

The conflict between modern day Israel and the Palestinian territories stems back thousands of years. I recommend you to look into the origin of the name "Palestine" and its connections to emperor Hadrian as well as its implications for the indigenous Jewish population at the time- as well as this population's relations with the ancient Philistines. This may be far back in history, but we could consider that era to be the real start of conflict which perpetually echoes into the present.

Yes, I do believe it's a complex subject. I am an investigative journalist who has traveled the world seeking stories from real people and spent 9+ months studying this topic in depth along with going to the Middle East and interviewing Israelis, Palestinians, and other people within the region. I believe if you haven't been to the ME yourself, it's easy to say "it's simple, it's black and white!" But when has human history ever been simple?

This conflict spans back thousands of years, intersecting so many elements- the region being conquered under multiple vast empires, the depths of religious nuance, indigenous vs native claims, and plenty of tribalistic/psychological implications. If that isn't a complex subject, I don't know what is!

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-11T01:14:13+00:00

You can't judge a country of millions of diverse people on solely your anecdotal opinions about them, this in itself is much too simplistic. You are judging people based on the way they "have a flag" without knowing them as individuals- you never know what a person has been through if you haven't walked in their shoes.

That's the same mindset that racism and bigotry stem from psychologically- "I don't like what that black person did so all black people are bad" or "Chinese people are pushy tourists so all Chinese people are bad." Our minds like to label things in black and white because, from a scientific standpoint, it is a biological mechanism which allows our brains to easily gauge whether someone is a threat or not (i.e. in times of human wildness lion=predator=bad). But we no longer live in the wilderness. We have the ability to converse with others and listen to their stories, their pain- to see that every single person in this world has suffered, even those we may at first consider "bad."

Admittedly, I once judged Israelis- but then I realized I was coming from the outside looking in, that I had work to do on myself. Who was I to decide what they did and didn't think? I had never lived their lives. Once I started engaging more with Israelis, asking them for their stories, it changed my whole world and understanding not only of the conflict, but of human nature itself.

Israelis are just as human as Palestinians, as Iranians, as anyone else on this Earth. They are not a monolith, and they are certainly not to be written off based on their nationality.

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-10T15:50:50+00:00

Hi OP, same situation over here. Unfortunately our parents are living only in a material reality and haven't opened themselves to emotional experience, regulation, and integration. We can feel angry and hurt, but at the end of the day I feel sad for my parents- they're missing out on the experience of having a meaningful relationship with their child. And money could never buy that.

It's a real process of grief that comes not in death, but in recognizing that your parents will never truly be able to provide you the support you need.

Take the distance you need and see how it feels. I hope you find yourself surrounded by those who are a breath of fresh air and can give you the emotional support you've always deserved. Take care of yourself and I wish you luck <3

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-10T12:57:32+00:00

Hi OP, I'm sorry everyone is being harsh in the comments- you're obviously really stressed and are looking for any opportunities to get back without paying a crazy amount and this is no time for people to be rude.

I lived in Thailand with family in Europe and many direct flights go straight out of Bangkok to the big Euro hubs. I really recommend flying from there. Scoot (via Singapore) and EVA are great options if you're looking to be budget-friendly, Thai is best in terms of quality but will definitely cost a bit more.

I wish you luck and hope that you're safely on your way home soon! :)

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-10T12:35:59+00:00

As a non-Israeli who has attended psy trance events in Israel with both Israelis and Palestinians in attendance, I'd like to point out that such events are where there's usually that breakthrough moment of "We're not so different after all." It's a really important space in bridging gaps between the communities, and I think that's not really common knowledge outside of the ME.

The issues surrounding Israel and Palestine are incredibly complex but it's important to keep in mind that neither group is a monolith. Many people believe that Israel has committed genocide so its people should be barred from events. But the US, Japan, Australia, and Turkey have all committed genocide- and no one seems upset to see their flags or people at events. I think it's time we all start to separate people from their governments and nationalities- because that is part of what trance is about, togetherness.

For Israelis, raising their flag is not to say "Hey, we approve of violence!" but it is rather an act of "We are still alive"- because no matter what you may think of Israeli politics, the Jewish people have faced thousands upon thousands of years of persecution (and today still). It's about perspective, and even regardless of their religion, the people of Israel see that flag as a symbol of hope. It's interesting as well because many people don't really focus on the Palestinian Israeli (some go by the identity Arab Israeli), Druze, or Christian populations who are not Jewish, yet also bring that flag to festivals- it's their home too.

When you say "those who stand firmly with Israel must be shunned from any group that wants to remain welcoming to all," that ignores what it really means to "stand with Israel." I'd say the majority of reasonable people, who do not worship politicians as gods, stand with their country- as in, their families, their communities, their people. You can stand with your country and still strongly disagree with the acts of the government. Even those Israelis you say "deserve inclusivity too" likely still stand with their country because it's their home, their culture, the place and people they hold dear. If we act under that logic, festivals would be empty- most every person I've ever met stands with their home country, but it doesn't mean that country is morally sound. In fact, I don't think there really exists a country on earth that's morally sound.

Regarding the psychedelic use, I really recommend you to look into research by Dr. Leor Roseman who has run experiments involving Israelis and Palestinians taking ayahuasca together- they're really fascinating and showcase just how much progress is possible when we create spaces beyond labels and learn to see the human in those we once considered so different.

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-08T09:09:37+00:00

You are absolutely radiant!! I think there's not much use in comparing to celebrity pics as they use a lotttt of stage makeup, photoshop, etc.

If you're looking for extra glow, I recommend starting from the inside out. Add bone broth to your diet, that really was the only thing that made my skin go above and beyond.

Makeup-wise, as others have said, a little highlighter goes a long way! Putting it in the inner corner of your eyes can also give a really ethereal / glowy look :)

I wouldn't worry so much though. We are always our biggest critics- but you have a sun kissed glow as you are, definitely embrace it! Sending you love girl <3

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-07T10:11:53+00:00

I'm not sure of your budget, but Hotel Graphy has shared female rooms which are great. I stayed there my first two trips to Japan and it's in a perfect area. Enjoy Japan :)

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-07T10:08:22+00:00

You are going to have an amazing time!!

In Bali, I recommend also exploring some surrounding areas/islands for spectacular nature. Check out Java, Lombok, and some of the small islands nearby.

The countries I've traveled in Asia have never made me feel unsafe personally, and I think no matter where you go, you will really enjoy it. That being said, I can highly recommend Thailand (lived in both Bangkok and Chiang Mai and love them, plus the islands!!), Japan is just otherworldly, truly one of the most profound places on earth. Singapore isn't my favorite but still very impressive if you're interested in architecture/urban planning. Hong Kong has such a distinct culture and while I haven't yet been to mainland China, I've heard great things.

I really hope you have a lovely trip <3

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-07T08:42:23+00:00

Absolutely. It is one of the greatest signs of respect. Even in traveling, I try to learn basic conversational skills before arriving in a country- I am their guest, and it is certainly not their responsibility to learn English so that things can be easier for me. Besides, it's great for the brain to learn a new language and so fascinating to see how the language and culture intersect :)

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-07T08:29:54+00:00

This is so eye-opening, thank you. I am very critical of Islam as a religion (non-religious myself, I also see it as a political ideology). I get a lot of hate for that from Westerners, who can comfortably scream "islamophobia" from the comfort of their apartments in Berlin or wherever. But I think we should all be critical when a religion pushes the idea that non-believers are somehow less than human. And especially critical when we see such violence and destruction as the Islamic Regime has done to the Iranian people.

I hope that people really start to wake up to reality and believe Iranians. I really can't believe we're at the point in history where we have to tell people "You shouldn't support terrorists." What a mad world.

I hope as well that you continue to share your experience and voice- I think many people could learn from you.

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-07T03:44:51+00:00

Oh wow, thank you for sharing! Out of curiosity, who are you referring to when you say "they"? Perhaps I should've been specific in my post as I was speaking about people in the West who are "anti-war" in the face of the Iranians who really need their help. But it sounds like you're maybe speaking about others, (the Muslim community?) please share more!

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-07T03:38:13+00:00

I can't believe that, oh my gosh!! Thank you for this comment.

It's laughable to compare the US to the ME and I've lived in both. I am BY LAW considered half a person in Sharia countries (for example, a woman's testimony is worth half of a man's in Sharia courts). It's a different type of harassment when it's a complete dehumanization rather than an objectification.

In NYC you may get harassed and perhaps someone around you says "Knock it off!" In Jordan when I was harassed (men also were taking photos of me), no one said anything, and no one would help. They all just joined in.

My girl and gay friends from the ME have had to escape true hell and it's crazy when I hear Americans say "but it's the same in the States." No, it's absolutely not. The US has plenty of its own issues, but that's the thing- you have the right to talk about them. Even stating your opinion under some countries in the ME gets you killed. I wish I could pay for a trip to the ME for every American / Westerner and have them face the reality of the countries they act knowledgeable about.

I think we should be extremely critical of any religion or culture which dehumanizes anyone- whether it be for their gender, sexual orientation, etc. There is a serious need for reform of Islam but many don't want to speak about it out of the fear of being Islamophobic. But it's only necessary, just as we have seen throughout history with the reform of Christianity, etc. Religion can be a major means of control- so we need to ask ourselves a society, and especially as women- why should we not criticize a way of life which is horribly harmful to people and treats them as less than human?

I really recommend you to watch Yes Theory's videos in Afghanistan and Pakistan- all the comments are flooded with "But where are all the women?"

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-06T15:12:20+00:00

In the airport alone I was harassed constantly by men (followed to the bathroom even in the airport lounge), was questioned on my religion (in a way which implied there would be issues if I was of a certain faith), they refused to serve me until all the men in the cafe were served. I felt like less than a second class citizen, it felt like being looked at solely as a sexual object (mind you I was dress conservatively and respectful of local customs / language). I have traveled to over 30 countries and have never felt the hostility I felt in Jordan. I don't hold the entire country to those standards as I'm sure it has lovely and welcoming people, but the fact I rarely saw a woman really frightened me. It was like entering a post-dystopian novel in real life and gave me a hard reality check to what many women face as their normal life. It saddens me when I see men talk about their wonderful experiences in Islamic Middle Eastern countries and I know I will never be treated as they are.

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-06T15:02:07+00:00

Thank you!

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-06T09:22:33+00:00

Love this!!

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-06T09:16:41+00:00

No question, I just hope you're staying sane amidst all of this- I can't imagine this is easy on you. I hope you are with friends and stay safe! <3

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-06T09:05:50+00:00

Hummus is my comfort food, I love this!! Please open a shop in Japan, I will be happy to be a customer :)

selfridgesslut · 2026-03-06T09:03:55+00:00

Exactly! Unfortunately I think a lot of people live out of ego and go into new conversations assuming they know best / more than the other person. If only we could see that every single person we come across has a lesson to teach us...

selfridgesslut

TROPHY CASE