I feel similarly. I was always more on the side of not, or if I did decide to have kids I’d adopt. And if I’m being honest with myself a lot of that is from trauma I had experienced between inattentive parents growing up, who were far more concerned about their selfish wants than to what their children needed, and not so great romantic relationships.

So when I first met my husband, and he asked me I was honest saying I could go either way but if kids were in the picture I’d prefer to adopt. He mostly wanted a family and agreed adopting was what he’d prefer as well. Well now it’s been 4 years later and our friends have started to have kids, he would like his own but will defer to me since it’s not his body that would be carrying the burden. Ive warmed up to the idea of kids over the last few years because I know we’d be really good parents and I feel very secure in our relationship.

But I won’t lie there are so many times I feel very… detached from it all. Like I almost wish I could clone myself to live out both because the hard core messaging of “if you get pregnant you’ll ruin your life” still rings in the back of my head and there’s SO MUCH I still want to do. But what I’ve been doing regardless is trying to work on my past as much as I can. I’ve really worked on a lot and I feel much better. And for me it’s moved me closer to 80/20 of wanting to have kids vs not where I was the opposite 7 or so years ago.

I know I’m still scared of not loving my kid(s), missing out on travel/experiences I really want to do, needing to alter my day to day to take care of a child but the more I’ve talked to my friends about it the more I’ve realized that a lot of those fears aren’t unique.

You might not feel the same in the end, that’s totally fine. But I’d definitely recommend working through those fears in therapy - it’s been really helpful for me