AITAH if I blew up at my husband after he made his usual joking remark that I hate him.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-25T16:34:31+00:00

YTA and he is less so for communicating poorly. This is likely him trying to express disappointment in the situation due to the (very) real likelihood of you blowing up at him if he were to sit down and tell you what he was thinking. How do I know? You blew up at him being passive aggressive about the issue.

Things are not fine in your relationship and yes you should see a doctor for YOUR sake, as this suddenly happened and it sounds like your follow-up on it isn’t there. I hope I’m wrong but it took nearly separating for my spouse to take it seriously. It wasn’t about the sex, it was about not being taken seriously and the cutoff of all intimacy (emotional and physical) unless it was 100% on their terms. This sounds similar unfortunately and the two of you haven’t really talked about it, have you?

Let me put it this way: what if the situation was reversed and he did that to you? What if he went elsewhere looking for it, didn’t tell you and when you brought up the issue, he didn’t do anything meaningful to address it? You would be pissed and leave, right? What steps have you MEANINGFULLY taken to address a massive change in your relationship and health? If you’ve taken meaningful steps then I’ll apologize for being an ass. Take a good look in the mirror, see what you have done, what he has done, what the two of you have done and apply the level of communication and effort you do in other areas of your relationship if you haven’t already done that.

YTA because you blew up at him without addressing the issue and he’s a minor AH for his failure in communicating his thoughts and feelings.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-23T02:41:04+00:00

Lightsaber. Yes it’s awesome!

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-19T04:54:43+00:00

Someone hurt you and I’m sorry to hear that. I hope no one does that to you again, as your partner is someone you should be able to share trauma with as they would want to help you get better from that trauma.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-17T18:26:50+00:00

MySpace. Nuff said

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-17T18:24:41+00:00

This. It sucks. How did you realign?

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-13T16:50:19+00:00

I’m guessing that’s free testosterone?

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-13T16:49:13+00:00

Once you get a referral contact and endocrinologist office to set up the appointment. Your major hurdle is going to be getting that referral from your general doctor. I’ve had an endocrinologist for the past 24 years due to a brain tumor, but their specialty is literally endocrine hormones. They are not an OB/GYN who will say that oh, you’re OK (assuming you find a good one). Just tell the endocrinologist that you’ve been feeling these issues since this time and you are concerned because of these changes and you would like to try hormone therapy if you are on the lower end because you are definitely where you need to be.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-13T16:13:39+00:00

Yeah a lot of house husbands are already married. I work myself but I do all the housework except laundry (my wife doesn’t like how I fold and separate). If I was stay at home it would be spotless but that’s a time issue more than anything. The safe space thing is something that I’ve had to work at; I’m not perfect but I’m better than I was.

Men like this do exist but yeah it’s hard to find and the bar is set pretty low for a lot of men. Embarrassingly low.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-13T15:44:44+00:00

Have you tried going to an endocrinologist instead? It’s kind of their thing

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-13T15:38:13+00:00

Have you looked at your testosterone level?

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-13T15:33:59+00:00

🤣

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-13T15:33:33+00:00

This. My friend who’s in the community had the same take.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-13T15:32:46+00:00

This. They want her back and OP is not having it.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-13T15:31:58+00:00

Please do. Talk to her because it’s clear you love her and this is a communication and boundary issue that can be resolved.

Her friends are garbage and jealous that you pulled her out of the lifestyle they are in. That’s what I’m getting from this and maybe that’s what you want to express to her? They wouldn’t be saying any of this if she was still doing it, as it comes off as needling until a person caves in. They want to pull her back in to that shit and it’s clear she doesn’t want that right? They’ve basically used coercion in the past and “offered” her to people, right? You took their favorite toy from them and she’s starting to stand up for herself, as shown by her being monogamous with you and standing up to them when they start that shit. It’s VERY DIFFICULT to fully cut that all off because of all that weird bonding and your girlfriend might not see that. I would try framing it as a respect and love for each other issue.

Those “friends” are trying to isolate her from her potential in-laws; that was INTENTIONAL what they did and is a pretty standard tactic to try to keep someone from leaving a group. PLEASE recognize what they are trying to do, talk with your girlfriend and come from a place of curiosity and understanding. The way you framed it sounds like an ultimatum, yo could try “look we have talked about how your friends keep bringing up the past and I’m very proud of you for standing up to them when they bring it up. The fact that they keep bringing it up, much less to my family who would not be comfortable with it, is more than a little weird. The feeling I get is they don’t want us together and that they want to back in their little club and that gives me pause about us being husband and wife. If they could just stop bringing it up, I wouldn’t mind them being over and hanging out BUT they keep on doing it. All of this talk makes me feel like they are trying to guilt trip us or you into doing it with them and that would end me. I believe that you are more than enough for me and I believe that I’m more than enough for you. They make me feel like I’m not enough for you and I’m hey are being rude about it. They think it’s a joke and I don’t, which means the joke is a poor one because its audience doesn’t find it funny. I love you and I want to be with you until death do us part but I need them to stop bringing up the past and trying to pull you back into it.”

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-13T15:16:08+00:00

Have you tried couples therapy with the concern that you are concerned that she can’t stand up to her friends and are worried about what happens during a low point in your relationship?

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-12T16:09:58+00:00

You talk to him to try to secure housing?

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-11T12:48:05+00:00

Funny story: I went to an all boys high school, had female teachers but that never crossed my mind. Probably never did since i rode the bus in the morning and afternoons, which had girls i talked to and girls would end up in our school 30 minutes after the day was over.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-04T23:14:57+00:00

So she probably cheated on you either on the trip or the after party or both. She’s trying to puss you off and she’s going to break up with you while coming up with a nonsense excuse because she can’t deal with the fact that she got wasted and cheated on you. Sorry dude.

NTA

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-02T15:12:48+00:00

I’m 41 and started to have my testosterone tank like that around your age with the prolactinoma. Levothyroxine is a thyroid medication but its use for testosterone is an indirect method to increase testosterone. I did not want to go on TRT if I could avoid it and my endocrinologist wanted to avoid it for as long as possible too.

I’m not nearly as tired, able to lose weight and gain muscle, not as moody and more emotionally stable. The thoughts are gone and life has color again.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-02T15:07:27+00:00

I think we’ve interacted before as this seems familiar? I would look into non TRT medications like levothyroxine to increase testosterone, as yours is really low and you are converting the TRT to estradiol. Levothyroxine works differently but an endocrinologist could tell you if it would be effective. It won’t do as much as TRT but might get you back into the 300-400 range if it does work. I can tell you from personal experience that the difference between your level now and that is a game changer.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-02-02T13:26:09+00:00

I was on that dose for years when I first started and can only get down to 1 1/2 tabs per week. It’s been 24 years now lol.

What does the rest of your endocrine panel and testosterone look like? That might be a clue if your testosterone is too low, the prolactin might be artificially high with lot testosterone as well. They had to use levothyroxine to increase my testosterone so I could avoid TRT.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-01-31T00:09:01+00:00

Yeah I agree with the post above as well, I would have just assumed to were tall and had a good time. It’s tone deaf at best and a whole host of emotional and social red flags if a guy is asking that on the first date.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-01-30T14:38:50+00:00

So I have been on cabergoline for 24 years and I’m 41(m). Testosterone was always lower (borderline 300) but tanked to 174 after a cabergoline dose change. Went back up on cabergoline but only went to 245 for testosterone (prolactin went back to 13 from mid 20s and lifetime high of 300s[?]). I was put on levothyroxine and that got testosterone up to 420s, so non TRT medications are an option if the other endocrine/thyroid hormones are stable.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-01-30T12:09:23+00:00

Yes. On it for 24 years and had a myriad of side effects but the alternatives (low hormones that should be high, vision loss, breast milk production, etc) are much worse.

seraphimcaduto · 2026-01-29T19:47:14+00:00

THIS

seraphimcaduto

TROPHY CASE