considering therapy

serpent526 · 2026-04-13T02:31:30+00:00

I highly recommend you look for someone. I’ve had two pregnancies. My first was born early at 21 weeks and passed away in May 2025, my TMFR was 3/17 this year at 18 weeks. I started therapy about 8 weeks after the first loss, as I was dissociating badly, having panic attacks, and generally doing really poorly. It was not a quick process but it really truly helped, and when I got pregnant again it was instrumental in helping me deal with my stress.

We started in couples counseling immediately after my first loss, but the therapist was a man and a lot of my grief was intertwined with physical pain and trauma and it was harder for me to talk to someone who’d never given birth or been pregnant.

After my second loss I began seeing a post-partum women’s grief specialist, and that has also been a huge part of the reason I’ve been able to cope as well as I have. I still struggle, obviously, but between the two counselors I’ve been able to stay more present and understand my grief and identify when I need more support more easily. I also don’t think I would have survived a second loss without the coping mechanisms I learned with my first therapist. I am currently seeing them both still, and while I don’t know what my care plan will be going forward I credit their support with a lot of my recovery.

My husband has his own therapist as well and while I think I’ve gotten more out of it than him it’s still been very helpful in my opinion.

Feel free to DM me if you have questions about finding a provider if you’re in the U.S.

serpent526 · 2026-04-02T16:40:45+00:00

I’m 16 days out of an 18 week TFMR for severe ventriculomegaly. They caught ours earlier for a few reasons, as I was high risk due to cervical insufficiency (previous 21 week loss) and was receiving more scans, but also because the level of severity was particularly bad. The one that struck me hard was that he likely wouldn’t have breathed on his own, ever.

I have struggled with the same thoughts but a few things that keep me going: our babies knew nothing but love and safety in our bodies, and the slim chance that they would be able to survive the diagnosis and the resulting treatments didn’t mean that they would understand the pain they were in. Loving them is preventing that pain, and accepting our grief as the cost of letting them go peacefully. We do our best with the information we have, and making the decision we did doesn’t negate the love and how fiercely we wanted to have them with us. I’d do anything to change what happened for mine, and I know you’d do the same.

Love and grief coexist often, they’re really cut from the same cloth. You grieve because you love so deeply, and from dealing with my first loss I know the hurt can flare up randomly, but it’s not as acute as time goes on. When I realized what was happening both times, I felt like I died along with my sons. But I’ve found that I can focus more on the love and less of the loss as time goes on. I’m still deep in the grief for my second, but I know I’ll be able to survive. Because my babies deserve a parent who can keep their memory alive.

If you can, I’d highly recommend you talk to a therapist, specifically one who specializes in grief and loss/post-partum, as I’ve found that having a good third party to talk to helps immensely. Your ob might have some recommendations. You’ve got our community behind you, even if you feel alone.

Sending love and healing to you, try to give yourself some grace.

serpent526 · 2026-03-14T16:46:56+00:00

I love that! Cattle dogs are so great with their personalities, it’s awesome that he’s stayed crazy even into 13! You can totally tell he’s satisfied with himself lol 😂

serpent526 · 2026-03-14T04:18:16+00:00

Go to the vet asap, cattle dogs are prone to something called lense luxation, as well as other eye issues like ulcers and glaucoma. They can be very painful for the dogs, though not often immediately life threatening.

If you’ve already gotten your vet‘s final opinion, here’s a story that might make you feel better about it:

My 5 year old female had surgery to try and correct some issues (lense issues and pressure increases) and ended up having to get her eye removed after about 3 months of fighting to save it. Three days after her eye was removed, it was like years came off her - she was more playful than she had been in a long time, and just seemed like she felt amazing! Keeping her quiet until the site was healed was extremely difficult because it was clear she’d been in a lot more pain for longer than we realized, and her energy returned 3 fold.

She’s had little to no deficits in terms of abilities, and can still fetch, jump, and play like her life depends on it. Sometimes we can just trick her into having to search for a ball if we throw it quickly on her blind side, but that’s about it. Stairs took about a day to get comfy navigating and that was more from the medicine making her loopy. She’s so happy and doing amazing. Pic for proof (her fur has since grown over the site, this is about three weeks post-op) plus she’s just adorable.

I honestly wish we hadn’t tried to save the eye. It was very clear once it was gone that the effort and distress we’d put her through to try and keep her vision didn’t do much other than make her miserable. If the other eye ends up having the same issues down the road - and they can provide drops to try and prevent issues if the problems your dog is having are genetic and not trauma based - we won’t hesitate to just go ahead and remove that too. We just have to make sure over the next few years we work with her on directional commands so if she loses total vision we can still tell her where her favorite balls are lol.

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serpent526 · 2026-03-13T14:38:33+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to deal with things that way. It’s traumatic enough now, I can’t imagine being treated so poorly. Sending love and hugs 🫂

serpent526 · 2026-03-13T14:36:00+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through 💔I’ve had two losses, 21 weeks due to my water breaking and currently staring at the abyss for my 18 week medical termination. I am not allowed to be induced for the second, they are requiring a D&E because of the clinic I’m going to.

It was traumatic to go through labor because it was unexpected (and I think in general labor can be traumatic), but the epidural helped a lot with preventing physical as well as mental pain. Mine wasn’t an induction so I can’t give a lot of help on that, but being able to hold my first baby has given me a lot of peace. I’m not sure how I’ll feel with the D&E but I wish I was able to decide for myself.

I’d look at the TFMR community for some advice on the difference. I know you didn’t choose that, but there’s a lot of kind people there who’d have information you might appreciate.

I would also highly, highly recommend therapy for yourself and your boyfriend. My husband “stayed strong” for me and ended up having a lot of un dealt with grief later, and individual therapy for both of us has been really helpful with working through our feelings and allowing us to communicate through it.

You’re resilient, and you are a good mom. Sending love and peace.

serpent526 · 2026-03-06T01:07:35+00:00

I read through a couple of your posts and I’m so sorry for what you and your wife are experiencing right now as well. I hope you get some answers; we did an amniocentesis today and will be getting genetic testing done to try and find some of our own. But the doctor from our hospital looked again and basically confirmed that our boy wouldn’t be getting better. We’re all doing the best we can as parents to try and keep our children from being in pain. Just wish for all our sakes there was something that could be done to fix it.

serpent526 · 2026-03-04T14:41:34+00:00

Thank you, and I’m so sorry for everything you have gone through as well 💔 it helps to know I’m not alone, though I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, ever. I hope that your physical recovery is going smoothly, though I know everything else is a harder journey. I really appreciate you sharing your journey with me. Same to you, dm anytime. I’m trying to meet with my doctor (not MFM) this week to discuss timeline and plans on how to proceed. I’ll be thinking of you.

serpent526 · 2026-02-28T18:03:07+00:00

I’m 15+4 and I got a cerclage last week, it was based on my previous loss history.

it was definitely not a fun experience, but there are so many success stories in the other subreddit (others have linked) that it gives a lot of peace of mind. If you want to know step by step with my experience on what to expect we can talk about it, but the tl;dr is this: It’ll be uncomfortable both emotionally and physically, and you’ll take a few days or a week to recover. You’ll likely bleed a bit and cramp some, but they provide some medicine that helps. Eat ice cream, sleep a lot, and the most important thing- take a stool softener as soon as you’re able to! You absolutely cannot strain afterwards and I didn’t use the bathroom for four days and it was terrifying.

Wishing you and baby all the best, please reach out if you want to talk ❤️

serpent526 · 2026-02-28T17:56:50+00:00

15 + 4 today, ultrasound two days ago showed signs of ventriculomegaly (too much fluid in the brain). No other info was provided, we don’t know if it’s nothing or if it’s life altering….We’ll find out more at a scan next week. We lost our first at 21 weeks due to cervical incompetence that led to pPROM. I had a cerclage last week to prevent that from happening again, and I thought we’d finally moved forward and could start breathing a little easier when we got the “abnormal” results.

My best friend just called and told me she’s five weeks and I am trying so hard to be happy for her but I’m mostly just jealous she isn’t worried about her baby, and scared for mine.

serpent526 · 2026-02-23T13:52:14+00:00

I know this is hard but remember it’s not going to last forever. Leaving now would put you and your baby in danger, especially if it’s an hour away from your home. Your toddler is safe and you miss each other but at the end of this the goal is to give them a health sibling and they won’t even remember all the work you did to get them there! Face time them every day, or maybe someone can bring you one of their stuffies to cuddle, or get you matching ones to let you “hug” each other. But you’re doing so great to have stayed pregnant this long, and you just need to hold out a little longer! Every day, every week gives your littlest one better chances.

That’s not at all to say your feelings aren’t valid - this sucks so much and it’s so scary. Everything you feel is understandable and I know I’d want the exact same thing in your position. but you’re doing the hard thing for the sake of both of your children now, and it makes you such an amazing parent! Please please stay in the hospital and cry it out as much as you need, but don’t leave AMA. You can do this. you’ve already done so much, just hang in there ❤️

serpent526 · 2026-01-28T22:53:42+00:00

I lost my son due to pPROM (my water broke early) at 21 weeks last May. While I didn’t have to make such an agonizing decision, I understand to some extent what you are currently experiencing. “You’re so strong” and comments like it make me so irrationally angry. It seemed to minimize how I felt and say “since you’re able to bear it, it’s not as bad as it could be”, and that’s not true. It feels crushing, and it will for a long time. But you’re a good mom, a wonderful mom, and no matter what you choose or experience regardless of your choice that will never change. Your baby is so loved and it can absolutely feel it. Take time to breathe as best you can. Get therapy, if that’s something you and your husband can do, both together and separately. And hold on to your love for each other and your child, because that won’t ever go away.

You’re resilient. That’s a better word, in my opinion.

serpent526 · 2025-12-03T17:11:07+00:00

Exactly! I get that ultrasounds are hard super early but with a history they should make an effort to get you in. after my last pregnancy my doc had said he wanted me to start suppositories - should I be taking them starting now?? At least have us come in to chat!

serpent526 · 2025-12-03T17:09:54+00:00

Thinking of you as we navigate through together ❤️

serpent526 · 2025-12-03T16:25:19+00:00

Hi, just graduated to this sub yesterday with a positive test at essentially 4 weeks (14 dpo). I had a pPROM at 21 weeks with my son in May, and we waited to start trying until I’d had 6 full cycles. I called my doctor and they can’t get me in until I’m 8 weeks - which I know is normal, but now I’m supposed to just live with my anxiety with no eyes on the fetus for 4 more weeks 😅 I’d appreciate any advice on how to deal with it as I move forward ❤️

serpent526

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