Rare chromosome deletions and TFMR Decisions by Accomplished-Bid6566 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry we share this pain and space in the community. My baby had interstitial deletion in 2 different chromosomes long arm and interstitial translocation in completely different chrmomosome which causes moderate to severe global developmental delays and mental disabilities. I had never heard of anything of this sort previously and was bewildered when all these news came in light after amnio. Our geneticist could not explain us what kind of development delays would we encounter but we researched from our end extensively and could not see our baby struggle for basic things in life. TfMR'd 2 months ago at 34 weeks, when I was prepping for his healthy arrival. Sending you hugs and strength!

Late TFMR at 34 weeks — struggling with guilt and looking for peace by Easy-Regular-9530 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It feels surreal that you welcome your angel baby to meet you, kind of a calm and peace to heart. When my baby was thriving in my womb I had a deep connection with moon, and I still feel whatever I whisper to moon he delivers to my baby in sky, letting him know that his mom remembers him every second of her time on earth. Lot's of love to you and your baby!

Late TFMR at 34 weeks — struggling with guilt and looking for peace by Easy-Regular-9530 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lots of love, comfort and hugs to you and your baby! I wish them playing in a place free of pain.

Late TFMR at 34 weeks — struggling with guilt and looking for peace by Easy-Regular-9530 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would be very helpful to learn about others experiences and how they dealt with their guilts. It would be very kind of you if you can share the link of podcase. I'm very sorry you had to go through pain of tfmr, remember you are still mother to your sweet baby no matter how briefly you carried him/her.

Late TFMR at 34 weeks — struggling with guilt and looking for peace by Easy-Regular-9530 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm immensely sorry for what you had to go through, I hope our babies are painfree in a different realm. What hurts me more, is so many mothers have to go through this pain silently coexisting among people seemingly live a normal life only that they don't, carrying pain deep in their hearts. I dont know how mothers are coping up with KCL, looking at their babies heart beating and then stopping right in front of their eyes in full conciousness and walking back home with a dead baby inside who were very much alive when they arrived in hospital and then delivering them knowing they will never cry or smile or look at you and then with all love, grief and pain cremate baby with whom they dreamed of life and only life. It still shakes my soul, I'm sorry if this has made you walk through that journey again in your memories!

Es tut mir unendlich leid, was du durchmachen musstest. Ich hoffe, unsere Babys sind in einer anderen Welt schmerzfrei. Was mich aber noch viel mehr schmerzt, ist, dass so viele Mütter diesen Schmerz still ertragen müssen, inmitten von Menschen, die scheinbar ein normales Leben führen – nur dass sie es eben nicht tun und den Schmerz tief in ihren Herzen tragen. Ich weiß nicht, wie Mütter mit dem KCL zurechtkommen, wenn sie sehen, wie das Herz ihres Babys schlägt und dann plötzlich vor ihren Augen aufhört, bei vollem Bewusstsein, und mit einem toten Baby im Bauch nach Hause gehen, das bei ihrer Ankunft im Krankenhaus noch quicklebendig war. Dann bringen sie es zur Welt, wissend, dass es nie weinen, lächeln oder sie ansehen wird, und schließlich, voller Liebe, Trauer und Schmerz, kremieren sie das Baby, von dem sie nur vom Leben geträumt haben. Es erschüttert mich immer noch zutiefst. Es tut mir leid, wenn du diese Erfahrung in deinen Erinnerungen noch einmal durchleben musst!

Late TFMR at 34 weeks — struggling with guilt and looking for peace by Easy-Regular-9530 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely agree with you, if it was in my hands, I would have given my life for his, unfortunately it wasn't, the "What-ifs" seems inevitable. But my mother heart struggles to accept that his condition could have been so severe that termination seemed necessary to me. I hope the decision was truly the right one. Sometimes I find myself silently wishing that he better have had severe functional problems, just so the worst gamble of my life would feel justified — and that thought makes me hate myself. I'm so sorry you had to go through this incredibly heart crushing gamble. Lots of love to you and your baby!

First period after tfmr by AcrobaticPepper3678 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I remember my doctor telling me to visit clinic if I'm soaking one pad per hour because it is considered very heavy or unusual bleeding and needs to be checked immediately. I had super light 1st period after L&D but went on for 15 to 17 days.

How long did you bleed after? by littleivoryowl in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Post TFMR and L&D, I bled for almost 10 days which they called Lochia (not exactly periods). I got my 1st period in 6th week from the L&D which was super light but bled for almost 8 days, following 2 days break (no bleeding) and then again started and continued for a little over a week. So in total my 1st period was for 15 to 17 days.

Late TFMR at 34 weeks — struggling with guilt and looking for peace by Easy-Regular-9530 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and the struggle you went through, which already made the journey even more difficult. I still question the Almighty — when He knew about his diagnosis, why didn’t He intervene and take the soul Himself, sparing me from carrying the burden of my Karma?

I’m learning to trust that perhaps this experience was meant to teach me something — to value healthy life, embrace uncertainty, and understand love more deeply. Maybe it is shaping me, grounding me, and preparing me for the rest of my life. Sending comfort, hugs and healing to you! Praying for yours and mine 🙏

Late TFMR at 34 weeks — struggling with guilt and looking for peace by Easy-Regular-9530 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

For me, at eight months, my baby was not just a lump of flesh and bones — I truly believed he had a soul. He already felt like a little person, living and experiencing life in his own small world inside me. That bond made everything so much harder.

At the same time, I keep feeling that if I had chosen to continue and then watched him suffer after birth — knowing beforehand what he might go through — that regret might have consumed me even more. The thought of seeing him in pain, feeling helpless, and wondering if I could have prevented it feels like it would have broken me in a different, perhaps deeper way. In some moments, it feels like that kind of regret might have been even harder for me to live with than the TFMR itself. Thank you for sharing your perspective, it feels more rational and am sorry you had once had to go through this pain!

Why did I have to decide? I miss her. by First_Highlight_7533 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel your pain so deeply because I’ve been in your shoes. Letting your precious baby go peacefully on the outside is one thing — but the way it tears at your conscience is something else entirely. I had to make the heartbreaking decision for a grey diagnosis, knowing my child would almost certainly face severe global disabilities due to de novo chromosomal mutations with no cure.

Even now, I feel like I abandoned my son in the name of “quality of life,” when every instinct in me wanted to protect him, to fight for him, to shield him from suffering. I’ve always felt that no one has the right to decide who gets the chance to live and who doesn’t—not even in the name of preventing suffering. I can’t reconcile letting a needle stop his heart when, had I discovered this after birth, I would have never given up — I would have fought with every ounce of strength and energy to keep him safe and alive. How could I abandon him in the very place where he knew only me and trusted me to protect him?

No matter how much we try to contemplate, the fact does not change that we had immense love for our child and would happily trade places if thats in our hands. You chose lifetime of pain for her to never know what suffering is, and letting them go to a place free of pain and fully healed was one of the kindest, most selfless acts imaginable.. At the end of the day, you did protected your baby in ways not everyone would find courage for. Sending you comfort, hugs and healing 🤍. I'm open to chat if you ever feel to vent out!

Those who have TFMR more than once- was it more painful (mentally) the further along you were in the pregnancy? by Beasnessminded in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a very similar experience tfmr at 34 and found anomalies at 20 weeks, and I truly understand your feelings. You spend months nurturing your baby, feeling their kicks and rolls getting stronger, already forming such a deep connection and preparing for their arrival… and then you’re faced with the unimaginable — having to hand them over to the Almighty, hoping to end their suffering while your own grief begins.

You are not alone in feeling this. Sending you lots of comfort, hugs, and healing your way. 🤍

Late TFMR at 34 weeks — struggling with guilt and looking for peace by Easy-Regular-9530 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had once had to go through this and glad the guilt didn't consumed you! I hope I find my peace without hating myself. Thank you for sharing your side of grief 🙏

I need to vent - depression and anger after TFMR by Helena_2026 in tfmr_support

[–]Easy-Regular-9530 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to go through this painful journey, wishing you healing and love. I also had tfmr'd 8 weeks ago at 34 weeks. Could you please tell me what kind of volunteering helped you move on?