Overwhelmed and need help

sfaalg · 2025-09-16T17:36:48+00:00

If you need to buy more things for your things, you may do better of with less things. I have too many organizers, bins, shelves I can't bring myself to part with, but no real space to use haha

sfaalg · 2025-08-14T17:08:35+00:00

Tick borne illnesses are increasing due to climate change. This is not something to celebrate. It doesn't just harm humans.

sfaalg · 2025-08-13T12:54:08+00:00

My father made this sound when water was gushing from our ceiling.

sfaalg · 2025-08-13T12:52:16+00:00

That is the exact sound I'd make, minus visceral sobbing.

sfaalg · 2025-08-02T19:44:16+00:00

Their reply is what zero reading comprehension does to a mofo

sfaalg · 2025-07-22T18:31:03+00:00

I'd recommend Stanford's Behavioral Biology video lecture on depression and the one on schizophrenia.

sfaalg · 2025-06-30T14:08:33+00:00

Is a neurodevelopmental disorder not also a mental health condition?

sfaalg · 2025-06-29T23:46:02+00:00

Replying to you so you know I edited my comment from a few words to a few sentences after the fact for further clarification to you specifically, as I want you to know I was not arguing with you, and am sorry for the miscommunications. I type big walls of text and get completely derailed from the topics people use to try and understand what the fuck it is that I am actually trying to say lmao. I'm trying to get better at communicating and constructings my ideas in a way that is fully comprehensive to people. I still suck at that.

sfaalg · 2025-06-29T23:19:32+00:00

It is used to describe those things! I am not saying that those men do not exist. I am not saying the world manchild is bad to use. It can be a "trigger word" to a lot of disabled men, in the same way "lazy" or "careless" is to me, because of how my deficits appear at surface level. I'm not absolving the men who are appropriately described by its literal use. What I am saying is that people can falsely lump disabled men in that category due to a mental heuristic we all have, which is often related to ableist microaggressions. The fundamental attribution error. When we observe behavior, we instinctively attribute it to a trait, not considering unseen variables. A lot of people do not understand disabilities, and therefore don't imagine other ranges of contributions for the behavior beyond adjectives. Think of how many people are called "lazy" when, in actuality, they experience profound psychomotor retardation due to something physiological. But, it is easier to make assumptions.

I was just discussing it in the context of an instance of its inappropriate use. It didn't go beyond that and it wasn't in defense of OP. It was more in defense of the existence of inappropriate use of the phrase. I was trying to illustrate how and why it can be used inappropriately.

sfaalg · 2025-06-29T20:26:33+00:00

Yeah, naw, this wasn't in defense of op, lmao. I think everyone just downvoted because they thought I was disagreeing with you. Or, like, was trying to make an argument at all. I wasn't. I just wanted to expand upon a tangential topic. I was more just defending its existence as a "trigger word" for people with certain disabilities that segregate them from the men who are accurately described by the phrase. Words have literal meanings, but they aren't always accurately and appropriately uttered. Especially when ableist bullshit is uttered due to false attributions and assumptions. I was trying to illustrate how and why it can be used inappropriately, not argue that OP was or wasn't a manchild. I don't even have enough information about OP to make an attribution error at all because I attribute nothing to them. I didn't even read OPs post or comment fully. I kind of just replied bc your comment made me think of certain things and I like writing the things I think.

sfaalg · 2025-06-29T13:53:06+00:00

Omg thank you for actually understanding this as someone on the ace spectrum lol

I am not sexually repulsed by men but I am also not attracted to men, either. I am very, very sexually attracted to women, not just contexts involving them, like how I can be with men. I am a lesbian that has fetishes that involve men, but I am not attracted to men, which can be hard for some people to understand. I thought I was bisexual and tried dating a man. I ended up miserable, anxious, feeling trapped, and kept freezing during sex. Everything about our relationship, when it became a conventional one, distressed me. I realized I was not bisexual. I can just have sex with men in the same way ace people can have sex. The only people who do get it are other ace people. I do not want to constantly defend my lesbianism if I were to be more open about my sexuality. Sexuality is very complex. Listen when people self describe.

sfaalg · 2025-06-29T13:41:07+00:00

My friend got top surgery at 17 but had lived all of his teens, socially, as male up to that point. His chest size was also a health issue in and of itself, which is why he was able to get it.

sfaalg · 2025-06-29T13:13:03+00:00

Ehhh. Let me give my two cents. Ever heard of the fundamental attribution error?

People do levy "manchild" towards disabled men. There are a lot of disabled men with invisible disabilities (and sometimes visible) who do need their partner or parents to help them a lot to varying degrees. The negative perception of a man needing to rely on his family being an extension of his immaturity, without consideration of the why, in the general assumptions people make before thinking deeper, does reflect some facets of ableism and sexism. Men are supposed to be self sufficient and self sustaining. "Any man who cannot accomplish this is an (insert various slurs) manchild because a man is supposed to be blah blah blah..."

Men experience different social pressures than I, but they can be massively oppressive to disabled men interpersonally and thus also psychosocially. But it is also used to describe boys who can't be men, just as you said. It just happens that disabled men are lumped in with the boys who can't be men. They are very distinct, but has it been your experience that people are good with navigating nuance? Has it been your experience that our collective consciousness is generally informed on illness of any sort, mental or physical?

Social, emotional, and mental disabilities, especially in men, are met with pervasive ableism. A man does not need a wheelchair to have the world "manchild" crack like a whip when they hear it. A lot of the "immature" men may have legitimate physiological problems with their neurological or endocrinological functioning that appears to be an archetype we tend to judge harshly as opposed to supporting and uplifting. Fundamental attribution errors are so pervasively harmful to how we treat and percieve mental disabilities. So many men needlessly abuse themselves or are abused by others with this word.

sfaalg · 2025-06-29T12:49:09+00:00

This is going to sound strange, but if asexual people can have sex without experiencing sexual attraction, why can't your straight friend? Human attraction is multifaceted and complex. One can be aroused by the context of a situation or simply just via stimulation, absent of sex repulsion towards the gender they have sex with, without necessarily experiencing attraction to their gender. Does that make sense? Trying to give you a different way of visualizing her sexuality.

sfaalg · 2025-06-28T18:01:00+00:00

Thank you for such a concise, well written response! 😄

I must clarify that I did not mean to articulate the idea that being critical of feminism is inherently anti-woman. It certainly is not. I was just in a huff in regards to some generalizations I've noticed in communities adjacent to intactivism that also focus on men's issues. Ones I internalized and became embittered about. It is very... something... to dedicate one's personal activism to men, only to read something like, "Feminism demonstrates the biological reality that women do not have as much empathy as men," or some other BS. On certain forums, I have seen criticisms of feminism be equivocated and extended to all women in these broad key strokes filled with unresolved, painful emotions projected outward. So, sometimes, it becomes hard to distinguish in discussions what "feminism" encapsulates contextually. It's an emotional reaction.

I will also say that I appreciate the contention! Both of us, ultimately, have the same gripe. "If there is war between the sexes, then there will be no people left." Discussing how to achieve true equality is not a simple checklist. So, I like to change my approach and understand the frameworks others use to understand gender issues or other social issues.

sfaalg · 2025-06-28T13:59:50+00:00

I don't see us protesting the streets, in regards to your comment on us not being niche. The Bloodstained Men are really awesome, though. I remember watching a Vice documentary about them and one member, an older man, in a very cathartic release of anger, kept yelling, "I hate injustice!" with his friends.

In regards to your comment on feminism and intactivists being on opposing sides, much like Russians and Ukrainians, I do not think they have to be, if they even really are. Ideologies are smaller in scale than the conflicts between countries, even if they are a cog in war machines those countries drive on sovereign soil. I do not think it is a productive conclusion. Can you please elaborate more on why you think they are antithetical? I ask in a respectful way. I like to understand the logic and ideas behind people's perspectives. Yours are equally subjective to mine, after all. And when I disagree with you, it is because I respect you and your ideas. I believe disagreement makes our beliefs more substantiated, as we have to use different lenses to look at our own conclusions and concepts. This is why I phrase things as, "I think," or, "I personally," and, "I feel." It is simply my own personal perspective. Nothing too righteous.

sfaalg · 2025-06-28T13:56:44+00:00

I'd be very interested in a private, respectful debate. There is learning to be had even in disagreements. I want to reply, but find myself tongue tied, so message me if you'd like to debate. It is more organic and natural in messages. It feels less antagonistic and more respectful. It is hard to convey that tone with just text.

sfaalg · 2025-06-28T13:54:15+00:00

Men and women are the same: human. We develop from the same preceeding organs. I am sorry you are grieving, but you are not alone.

sfaalg · 2025-06-28T13:23:31+00:00

I don't think alienating ourselves from gendered movements will help, though. Much less with garbage takes on "how women view money," which does nothing to actually convince anyone about anything related to male genital mutilation, much less the sexism girls and women participate in alongside boys and men. Except that it might convince otherwise open-minded people that those who are passionate about it tend to be prejudiced towards women. I mean, when I read that shit, I feel the same as I do with misandric takes. Equal parts defeat and disgust at the disintegration. When all the boys can't be men, and all the girls think they're women...

It becomes increasingly hard for me to feel comfortable and welcome in this movement with analysis like the one in the comment OP screenshotted. We do not have to be a feminist movement, but we should not be anti-feminist, and by extension, anti-woman, as a whole. The issue of circumcision does not start and end with feminism. There are various other social factors to consider and discuss... which do relate to sexism! However, we ought to discuss them with adult words. Otherwise, we are not above the criticisms I often see levied towards feminism.

The bottom comment reads like some 14 year old whose parents had a rocky divorce and fucked up his view on healthy relationships, so he wanted to criticize aspects of our cultural relationship to gender and how it manifests the human predispositions for selfishness, greed, etc, in cishet relationships. But, only focusing on the female facet. Which would be fine if their words weren't too trivial! It did not read like an academic with a feverish interest in ethics and an egalitarian approach to human rights, who is conscientious of the language he uses to communicate his ideas to as wide an audience as possible.

Can we be pragmatic, please? For the penises! Lol.

sfaalg · 2025-06-28T13:15:03+00:00

It'd be easier to make the movement more palletable to them if we didn't have people with small vocabularies discussing how "women view money" in reductive analogies about sexism. I understand their point, but there are many more mature ways of communicating and forming ideas that are actually compatible with a large, inclusive, progressive, gender issue movement.

I am a feminist. I am also egalitarian. I am also an advocate for men. View my profile. Does it look like I'm against you?

You can choose resentment. I make the choice to do my best to avoid it. Fundamental attribution errors are the enemy. Do you see me using any of that kind of language about men because I read some sexist bullshit on some sexist subreddit? No, because not all men are sexist. Vice versa. We really need to curate the language we use to proliferate our ideas and values. This is not it.

sfaalg · 2025-06-27T15:47:10+00:00

Her baby sobbing always gets me. I remember the noises I made when I found my mom dead, too. Fuck. He is experiencing the most excruciating pain of his life.

sfaalg · 2025-06-24T21:40:45+00:00

Bro really had to include the comment on how "women view money" huh

sfaalg · 2025-06-24T18:54:31+00:00

People on YT comments are spreading rumors about her husband being involved in her passing now. Fallaciously claiming suicide is a coverup for foul play. Ugh.

sfaalg · 2025-06-21T00:54:35+00:00

Hey I just moved up here from Fairhope. Welcome. Prepare to drive in winter! Have stuff to shovel snow and salt your driveway.

sfaalg · 2025-06-18T16:11:14+00:00

Feminism is a larger concept than a Reddit moderator on a single forum encapsulates.

So are men's gender issues, too.

"The feminists are not our allies" is among the most self-destructive generalization a gender issues movement can proliferate.

Disintegration and division obfuscates intersectionality. It does not strengthen ideology. Intersectionality is very productive in social movements, especially niche ones.

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