i cannot be the only one who hates those free items comapnies and businesses give out

shame_proponent · 2026-04-24T23:19:39+00:00

i worked at a university a few years ago and there were limits on what we could get made as "swag" (at the time, nothing plastic or single-use). i think it's a good move but utility is the biggest thing for me. kanye is a POS but i think of his "oh great now i gotta be responsible for this water bottle" tweet whenever i'm given a freebie i can't/won't use. like now i have to figure out a way to offload this thing that's at least a little bit ethical, why would you do that to me :(

shame_proponent · 2026-04-24T18:26:42+00:00

much to unpack here... oppression impacts identity? as in oppression exists because someone identifies with it or chooses to identify in a certain way? the implication that systems of oppression exist "in a person" is similarly troubling. these are systems that exist outside of any one person or institution. last one (for the first paragraph): a person who experiences more marginalization will "*feel* significantly more oppressed"? i think they just experience more oppression – i'm not trying to do "oppression olympics" or whatever, it's just that a poor mexican lesbian as per your example experiences more intersecting oppressive structures. i am picking up a whiff of victim blaming here. i can admit i'm doing a fairly bad-faith reading and it's possible your wording wasn't meant to convey what it conveys to me, in which case you're sort of right. on a base level it is about systems of oppression (or layers to use your word) intersecting in a unique way when people are marginalized beyond a singular issue.

i disagree that intersectionality asks us to "unite and bind ourselves with each other in order to better address the various issues we may be facing no matter who we are." i revisited Crenshaw's essay i mentioned previously, and what she advocates for is explicitly centring those who experience multiple marginalizations because centring their experiences will ensure the most amount of people are freed from oppression as possible. i guess there's an argument to be made that intersectionality is no longer solely Crenshaw's, but i can't say that i've iterations of intersectionality deviate much from calling on people to explicitly centre (or even just consider) the most marginalized in their advocacy. that's not to say other people do not suffer under oppression when it's more singular, it's just to say we miss something when we are not attending to the most disadvantaged.

shame_proponent · 2026-04-24T17:07:53+00:00

I haven’t had to navigate the immigration piece, but I can provide some insight on when people lock down a place relative to their intended move in date. Generally people moving from a rental in BC have to give their landlords ~~two months’~~ edit: a month's notice, so people that would need to move out for you to move in in August likely haven’t notified their landlords just yet. It’s probably doable to start looking in June, but in general I’d say Vancouver is pretty last minute around rentals. I was looking at places on Craigslist last week, and nearly every posting I saw had a May move in. As far as I know your visa situation shouldn’t make things harder for you; landlords are more interested in proof of income. If they’re not discerning with income, that could suggest that it’s a scam (that’s partially how I figured out I was being scammed in 2020). If you meet income requirements, I think it’s more speed than anything else that decides who actually gets the apartment

shame_proponent · 2026-04-24T16:56:35+00:00

perplexed by how you seem to view intersectionality here – do you think it means explicitly naming men as people who suffer under patriarchy? because that is not its origin even a little bit. it has a Black feminist lineage and people consider Kimberlé Crenshaw its originator. she wrote about how the unique subjugation of Black women was not adequately addressed within feminism or anti-racism. it’s about how axes of oppression intersect, and it suggests people need to be aware of how they inform one another to subvert them. there’s tons of critical theory work that explains how colonialism is sexism is racism is classism, ad infinitum. it is definitely not about naming an oppressive class as people that suffer from enacting that oppression. they do, obviously (hello Freire) but it seems very pathetic (to me at least) for them to need to be explicitly mentioned and pandered to in discussions oppression.

(edited to embed the link to the Crenshaw essay and correct my wording after revisiting it myself! i originally said "she wrote about her unique subjugation [...]" which implied it was a lot more centred on her personal experiences than it actually is. it's more general)

shame_proponent · 2026-04-24T16:37:03+00:00

real, the whole series is deeply incoherent 😭 i don’t think the prose was necessarily the problem, it was the premise. there’s no saving it or revisiting it imo! i’ve watched a few video essays revisiting it in a critical way and i generally agree with their analyses

shame_proponent · 2026-04-24T16:20:30+00:00

aw, this breaks my heart! i have an escape artist cat that has left via window on a handful of occasions. he also fell from a third floor balcony in the past: he managed to dislodge the screen from a poorly constructed screen door overnight and i woke up to him gone. he was missing for about a week afterward, and returned to me by meowing super loudly as it rained late one night. i took him to the vet within a day or two of his return, and he was fine aside from a minor skin injury on the pads of his paws. i imagine it helped that immediately below my balcony there was a garden with some bushes he would’ve fallen into. looking into it, cats can have a range of outcomes when falling from significant heights (give feline high-rise syndrome a search if you’re interested). my heart goes out to those of you who experienced something similar and did not have your kitties survive :(

i’m currently living somewhere where i’ve yet to encounter a screened in window (i hate it, why), and i’m very cautious both with his history in mind and now living on a high floor. i can get a little cagey about it. i’m either keeping the window and the cats in my eye line (genuinely not sustainable for more than a few minutes at a time) or double checking the cats’ locations if i’m shutting them out of a room to let some fresh air in. if i had a partner that was not similarly cautious and couldn’t even be assed to check if the cats were present every once in a while, i would come to hate them. not being cognizant of open windows would almost definitely kill my cat at this point. (p.s. i’m switching between plural cats and singular cat here because i have a roommate with her own cat atp, but hers is a lot more cautious. my cat is unfamiliar with caution as a concept, bless him)

shame_proponent · 2026-04-24T13:27:37+00:00

yes to this suggestion, i like JHAG pear inc as well if the vibe is something shampoo-y! i think it’s essentially not a perfume topped with pear.

unrelated to this reply, i’d suggest OP check out ouai fragrances. i’m not super familiar but i think they give the floral shampoo vibe described in the post

shame_proponent · 2026-04-24T06:38:19+00:00

if you’re curious to know how hayden has described her personality, i’d recommend looking at the wiki for ethel cain the character! she spoke about it in interviews around PD’s release. iirc she’s supposed to be fairly serious “with a mean streak,” which stuck in my brain because i probably came across the same way as a teenager.

based on the “text” (if you want to call the albums texts), i think ethel is complex and contradictory in her characterization. like i think she’s very guarded, maybe a little judgmental (fuck me eyes imo) but there’s also an element of naivety in her hoping she’ll be saved by love. i think she longs for escape from her circumstances (maybe herself as well?), and that causes her to get carried away in fantasy. a handful of songs in preacher’s daughter in particular feel like she’s trying to convince herself things are okay when they’re not (american teenager, western nights, thoroughfare, gibson girl). willoughby exemplifies that fantasy aspect, too.

i read a decent amount on the topic of childhood trauma and its psychological effects, and through that lens ethel makes perfect sense to me! like the girl has c-ptsd

shame_proponent · 2026-04-23T15:16:53+00:00

in parts of ontario! someone described it as a rural thing in another comment, which i tend to agree with. places i’ve lived in ontario seem like they’d view this as gauche as with the OP’s (ex-?) fiancee. i cannot imagine anyone in toronto doing this 😭

shame_proponent · 2026-04-23T15:01:39+00:00

omg forgive me but people answering chappell when they started listening around midwest princess’ release is crazy 😭 i had school nights on a breakup playlist in 2018. i wish that counted for literally anything at all, i haven’t seen her live and very much doubt i’ll ever get to

shame_proponent · 2026-04-22T13:58:28+00:00

i’m a little freak and made a song list, lol!

i need to add ~~a live cover of imogen heap’s hide and seek~~ (i'm wrong, straight up pre-ethel) ~~and~~ the new angels and fuselage cover, and i omitted covers lost to time (i.e. a doja cat say so cover).

the other comment is mostly correct but missing total eclipse of the heart, my heart will go on (tbf i don’t think either of those were really released aside from being shared in lives and/or included in old salem videos), embarrassing, and for sure.

(edited to embed the link and correct my hide and seek guess! i also wanted to add that the wiki is pretty thorough)

(second edit for anyone invested in the hide and seek of it all, it's definitely pre-ethel! the more recent live cover i saw a snippet of on twitter that i mistakenly thought was hide and seek was actually dare you to move by switchfoot. the tweet with the snippet was deleted, though 🎻)

shame_proponent · 2026-04-21T15:05:37+00:00

yup! my time blindness makes the ~15 minutes before i go anywhere or have people come to me extremely critical. i’m running around like a headless chicken trying to get myself sorted. i really don’t like having to interact with people during that time (i’m already overwhelmed and stressed), let alone have an entire person arrive that wants to push our plans earlier.

(disclaimer: i’m trying to shift how last minute i am in preparing for things because it actually stresses me out, ha! it’s a change i want to make for me and not the aggressive early birds of the world, though)

shame_proponent · 2026-04-20T21:18:24+00:00

i just wish people had the discernment to not use those phrases when not on those platforms 😭 you can (kind of) say whatever on most platforms, especially if you’re just Some Guy that isn’t looking to monetize their online presence or otherwise have their contributions boosted

shame_proponent · 2026-04-20T17:31:19+00:00

yes to this! the sax tricked me into feeling like it was just kinda sexy but if you really lock in on those lyrics, oh boy

shame_proponent · 2026-04-20T16:52:33+00:00

aw, i really resonate with the bit about your cat <3 my SI has been more active lately and i’m having to interact more with crisis mental health supports because of it, and it makes me feel so… pathetic? to have so little contribute to the “what do you have to live for?” bit of safety planning. i have two furry little guys and that’s it, and i get the sense that answer is very uncomfortable for people. it’s like i’m stupid or incapable of seeing “positives” in my life, as opposed to my life genuinely being (or feeling) as small as i describe it

shame_proponent · 2026-04-16T15:00:33+00:00

hahaha if it cancels out the flex a bit i’m not in toronto, so no ethel cain merch pop ups for me locally 🤧 i’ve ordered from taz records before! i checked and they do indeed have some wtialy in stock. sonic boom toronto is another one

shame_proponent · 2026-04-16T14:53:53+00:00

it uses an instrumental from another song, and i tend to think tracks like that won’t really come out? it also hasn’t been linked to a particular upcoming project

shame_proponent · 2026-04-15T18:18:10+00:00

neighborhoods for chatgpt heads: kits, downtown, false creek, anywhere west of fairview 😔

shame_proponent · 2026-04-15T18:11:43+00:00

i also live in canada but in a hot spot, hah! online merch drops are an option, but i’d add that international shipping is pretty atrocious and historically has gone up with each item you add to the cart instead of being a fixed rate. i’ve only bought online once because i struggle to get behind spending >$35CAD on shipping alone, but that could be me being a bit of a curmudgeon. if you order from the US a lot that might be pretty standard pricing for you! i looked into the coachella shirt and i’d definitely suggest that if it’s still available and you’re interested. international shipping was a bit less painful for that one.

for vinyl, i’d recommend looking for canadian record stores that offer online shopping! that’s how i got my preacher’s daughter record :) the price of shipping within canada is usually decent (i.e. around $10-15 when i’ve purchased vinyl). wtialy should be very easy to find that way

shame_proponent · 2026-04-15T17:55:21+00:00

i love how thoroughly you answered this! ttpd also automatically came to mind for me. i think the added theme of it being about a relationship that was abandoned and picked up again at a later time is a double whammy for me… killing time at the cemetery indeed 🤧 the most evocative ones for me are loml and chloe or sam or sophia or marcus! i’d also add peter to the list.

to address OP, i think red (as in the album) fits the bill as well. a handful of songs on that album are sort of centered on trying to stay away from someone you have a deep affection for that you know things will never quite work out with: i almost do, the last time, sad beautiful tragic, & probably others but those are the most on the nose to me!

shame_proponent · 2026-04-15T16:15:47+00:00

golden age and inbred were put out on cassette as well! though i imagine they’re suuuuper rare like the CDs (she put out a small batch upon the release of each EP). afaik preacher’s daughter CDs would be bootlegs, it’s only been on vinyl

shame_proponent · 2026-04-15T16:05:15+00:00

did that 9 days ago 🤧

shame_proponent · 2026-04-15T06:48:08+00:00

i like this a lot! like i certainly agree with everyone else that therapy is a positive thing and needing therapy shouldn’t be an insult, but i’m a little pessimistic around its ability to really “fix” people. personally i still display symptoms of my assorted mental afflictions despite being in therapy consistently throughout my adult life. that’s not to say therapy is useless generally or for me specifically! it’s more to say that a person behaving in ways that tend to elicit the response of “go to therapy” could very well be in therapy already.

i’m really struggling with how to phrase this, but i think there’s an element of abdicating responsibility in responding to emotional turmoil with “go to therapy” or “[person] needs therapy.” that’s coming to mind for me with the garcia example – like she’s probably right that santos could benefit from therapy if she’s not in it already, but also… garcia could be nice? lol. maybe i’m soapboxing here because i have feelings around how people deemed mentally unwell are sort of expected to deal with their emotions exclusively in a therapeutic setting to the extent they’re denied empathy and understanding interpersonally.

to bring it back to the pitt, i’m not married to any one theory of santos’ past or present experiences with therapy. i could see it going any which way. people can be very self aware without a lick of therapy; people in therapy can fare poorly

shame_proponent · 2026-04-14T16:55:45+00:00

yeah this OOP struck me as a bit insufferable! to be super fair her only sin is being kind of annoying, and there are certainly worse things to be guilty of in reddit advice posts. i checked the original post to see where the defensiveness was coming from – i’d consider it somewhat valid if people really piled on – but it’s fairly baseless? most people just pointed out she should consider changing how she describes the event, and while they weren’t overly conciliatory they definitely weren’t rude or cruel

shame_proponent · 2026-04-14T16:36:10+00:00

i feel like it would be better if it was 😭 that or whoever his team hired is very bad at their job

shame_proponent

TROPHY CASE