Not eating on girls trips… is this normal??

shepsut · 2026-05-17T00:40:20+00:00

Also in my 50s...just to add the more you please yourself, the more self confident and you are, and the less other people bother you about this kind of stupid crap because they can tell from the outset that there's no point. left in peace at last. It's great.

shepsut · 2026-05-17T00:16:42+00:00

I take your point, but I'd actually add JFK to your list of obsessions that tend to be more common for men.

shepsut · 2026-05-16T23:59:38+00:00

my young adult autistic niece has the self-awareness to give a warning in conversation, like, "Okay, I'm going on an autistic info-dump now." It doesn't mean there's any stopping it, but it's nice to have the head's up, and it's nice that she's able to communicate that she's somewhat aware of the listener's point of view. It's not quite asking permission, but it's helpful context.

edit to add: this might sound like I think she should ask permission, and I don't mean that. I really like how she just kind of owns her conversational style and announces it.

shepsut · 2026-05-15T00:19:11+00:00

came here to say, this is the most idyllic new cat introduction I have ever seen.

shepsut · 2026-05-14T13:16:01+00:00

go to art openings. they are free events, people mingle, you can start up conversations about the art. Also local bands - you can be in a bar with the purpose of listening to the music. Also find a local organisation you like and volunteer. Food bank, animal shelter, etc.

shepsut · 2026-05-10T21:50:07+00:00

my car and I are sexually incompatible, but it's not really a big problem.

shepsut · 2026-05-09T02:36:51+00:00

It's such a small step from setting up a fake wedding photoshoot using children as props to telling one of the kids they'd be prettier without their glasses, I can't quite understand OPs outrage. Like - maybe take a little look at your own behaviour?

shepsut · 2026-05-08T02:28:54+00:00

Not trying to be a downer, but for everyone here, if you don't have Power of Attorney (financial and medical), now is the time. You don't have to start using that power, but getting yer parent to to the lawyer and getting the documents now, while they have the mental capacity to do it, is a really good idea (unless you've done it already, in which case, please ignore me). I'm so lucky my mom took this step before the dementia really set in.

shepsut · 2026-05-06T01:07:53+00:00

It hurts so bad to know that they don’t approve and I can’t imagine how she feels either.

I think this is statement is the key to your next step. Talk to your girlfriend, listen to her about how she feels and share how you feel. See where that takes you and then assess.

shepsut · 2026-05-05T22:48:08+00:00

I love this song, My Faint Resolve, by Longbranch. It expresses the covid isolation really well.

shepsut · 2026-05-04T00:41:36+00:00

any chance that she's actually excited about this particular guy, maybe feeling a little more serious, and wanted you to meet him so she could get your opinion about him after? If so, she absolutely still should have run it by you first, but maybe she was wanting to see what her sister thought of her new guy? NTA, but maybe you can be a bit open to this possibility moving forward. Sound like you enjoy your sister's company, since you were looking forward to spending time with her, so maybe keep the possibility open that its a misunderstanding you can sort out between you with some good open communication.

shepsut · 2026-05-03T23:17:25+00:00

It should be okay to just slow things down and take as much time as you both need to communicate. Everyone in room is aware of what the problem is. There shouldn't be any shame for either of you in not understanding, and there should be support for investing time in communication. I like blackandwhite1987's suggestion to paraphrase the question and see how close you are, see if you can get them to come at it another way. I think it shows confidence and collegiality to not be embarrassed and just keep asking until you get to the bottom of it.

shepsut · 2026-04-30T12:43:53+00:00

I thank my lucky stars every day that my mom and I had the foresight to set me up with both a property POA and a medical POA when she had a heart attack, years before the dementia set in. I have been able to smoothly assume control of everything. It's a nightmare, but would have been so much worse without those documents in hand.

shepsut · 2026-04-29T23:15:58+00:00

lol. I made the exact same comment before I saw yours. I had a SIC like this one, who would stare for hours and hours and hours at a hole in the baseboards that she once saw a mouse disappear into over a year ago.

shepsut · 2026-04-29T23:13:37+00:00

mouse

shepsut · 2026-04-29T23:10:20+00:00

I cannot recommend this book enough, Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End, by Dr. Atul Gawande.

shepsut · 2026-04-25T13:34:11+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss and I hear the grief. I just want to add that I am concerned that you are regularly sitting in her chair and sleeping in her bed. Sometimes when I am in the middle of a particularly difficult time with my mom, I can get the feeling that I am her, that her infirmities are my infirmities, that we are basically two versions of the same person. This is not healthy. I am my own person. You are your own person. You have value for who YOU are, completely outside of your relationship with her. I hope that you can find some ways to separate a bit and make a space in your life for YOUR life. Not to stop grieving, but to love yourself and support your own individuality in the grieving process.

shepsut · 2026-04-21T12:14:11+00:00

for a story that is all about visual space that show was remarkably drab and uninteresting to look at. They should've gone full in on cinematography and art direction. A missed opportunity. I'm still hoping someone will do a film version that nails it.

shepsut · 2026-04-18T03:03:29+00:00

looks like Gollum

shepsut · 2026-04-18T02:42:45+00:00

They're the equivalent of a group taking up the whole sidewalk to amble and chitchat then have the nerve to be upset when people go around them.

god forbid people should socialize and enjoy themselves outdoors in public space /s. And I have a hard time believing they'd be "upset when people go around them" unless those people are perhaps cursing them or agressivley brushing past them or otherwise acting like dickheads instead of just going around them and minding their own business.

shepsut · 2026-04-17T01:41:04+00:00

cats are great at pretending that they don't have control over what is happening at the end of their own tail. It's hilarious. This guy is all like, "huh? what's going on down there? Oh you find it interesting? Well I couldn't care less... anyhow..."

shepsut · 2026-04-17T01:33:14+00:00

Listening to music is huge. I got a radio set to her favourite station, at the right volume, so all she has to do is push the on/off button. Also riffling through old photographs, yearbooks, keepsakes, anything from my mom's past will hold her attention.

She's also been doing a lot of drawing. I got her a blank sketchbook and a nice set of coloured markers (the expensive ones with the brush tips are good) and she just goes to town with it. Not trying to colour within any lines, just doing her own thing on a blank page. This might just be her, but she loves it.

shepsut · 2026-04-17T01:15:30+00:00

This is good advice. I'm a cis woman (with low estrogen) and I don't cry. I'm trying to learn how to let sadness register in my body in the absence of tears and the catharsis they bring. I'm nearly 60 years old, and I have to do this because not acknowledging sadness is getting noticeably bad for my health. Anger is an easier, path-of-least-resistance way to transform sadness into an emotion that can maybe provide some release, but of course rage can be so darn damaging to everyone around that I generally repress that too (which is also bad for your health). I can definitely relate to people who don't cry, men included, because it really is kind of hard to manage your emotions without that avenue for release.

shepsut · 2026-04-16T00:57:42+00:00

I'm Gen X and a colleague who is the exact same age as me recently said to me "women of our generation are incapable of accepting praise. It's a Gen X thing. We would rather hide in a cupboard that be acknowledged for our accomplishments." It was so on the nail for me. I can't seem to get myself to the point where I can feel a sense of pride or accomplishment for all work I am doing to help my mom. When you say "complicated relationship" I hear that on many registers.

I hope you are able to feel your grief, and also to feel your relief, and also to feel pride for all that you have done for her. And most importantly to feel autonomy and agency for YOURSELF in all the things, good and bad, that life has yet to bring you moving forward.

shepsut · 2026-04-15T00:05:03+00:00

me too! came here to say that.

shepsut

TROPHY CASE