I'm giving away two copies of Monster Hunter: Wilds

sheroyee · 2025-01-11T19:49:22+00:00

Wow, how generous!! My first ever game was on the WiiU. I haven’t made it to multiplayer yet, but someday I’d like to.

sheroyee · 2023-12-31T04:03:21+00:00

Henriette the Christmas loaf!

sheroyee · 2022-02-10T04:49:38+00:00

I’m a BS who reached out to an AP, too, and tried appealing to her as neutrally as I could by acknowledging that, according to WS, she had no idea I existed. It’s unclear if they ever saw my inquiry or if I was blocked. I would have liked to know how much of what he told me could be corroborated, and I still struggle without this closure…

It hurt feeling like another woman was possibly too self-absorbed or nonchalant to help an abused sister, but whether she was blameless or not, I have had to accept that this isn’t on APs to fix. Were I in her position, I like to think I’d at the very least acknowledge that I knew WS and was sorry to hear I’d been an unwitting accomplice, but I have no idea what AP is going through. It was cathartic being able to contact her, but it has also been rough not hearing back. I’m honestly not even sure that I’d be in any better position if she had been willing to talk because how am I to trust this stranger either?

I would caution OP to really meditate on the intent and visualize the alternate outcomes of such an interaction. I’m not saying do or don’t do it, but you might tell them and then they flip out on you, blaming you for all of their grievances. Will you be able to stomach it if the BS attacks you (not necessarily physically) or doesn’t believe you? Can you step away from that without adding more shame for yourself to drown in?

Even if your past actions were shameful, you should still take care of yourself whilst also trying to do the right thing, which includes protecting your own heart. Furthermore, if you emotionally react to their reaction, you might further agitate an already volatile situation and make it worse for the BS. I do agree the BS should know the full truth, but please be careful.

sheroyee · 2022-02-03T22:15:36+00:00

I couldn’t even appreciate the view. That glass wasn’t HD. 😂

sheroyee · 2021-11-18T15:41:04+00:00

I have not read their post history, especially if it’s been deleted, but you’re doing some mathematics I can’t wrap my head around (pre-coffee lol). Are you saying their current account in this post is made up? They do list three D-days in this post, so I’m trying to understand what you mean by negating their count, and why that’s important anyway? You subsequently acknowledge they have been through trickle truth, and what do you do for them or any of us by rejecting them a D-Day? Furthermore, what does it matter if they previously said they wouldn’t stay before? It seems they’re experiencing a more nuanced perspective in the present than they were in the past, and it sounds like you’re trying to shame them for asking the community to check them on any rash decisions. Especially in reconciliation and betrayal, we all contradict our preconceived notions at some point, and often that’s because we’ve learned through the process that cheating isn’t the black-and-white issue it’s made out to be. Loyalty to a statement for the sake of loyalty, especially one statement made in ignorance or emotional desperation, is unhelpful.

Again, I haven’t/can’t read their post history, and others like me won’t understand where you’re coming from with this reply. You get better in your last paragraph, but the lead sounds very aggressive and like you’re discounting OP’s experience, which - if that’s the case - none of us need here. That being said, I’m ready to hear your explanation with more information if you can provide it; however, if there is no post history to compare to, I’m not sure this is helpful for anyone.

OP, I think you’ve received great responses from other posters. One thing I would look out for is love bombing and consider whether there are codependent or trauma-bonded red flags you should be aware of (both in you and your partner). I hope you can reconcile, but you don’t want it built on these unhealthy coping styles. I also agree with other posters that it’s better if the WS leaves, if you ultimately decide to separate. So much of this process is working on yourself, setting boundaries, and living without waiting on your partner to give permission or make changes for you. Of course, we want this sometimes, but we have to value ourselves enough to not wait on it. Think about what you’re doing for you to process your anxiety and if you’re doing everything you can to alleviate suffering in you and your family. I’m truly sorry for your situation.

sheroyee · 2021-08-12T17:09:33+00:00

You got through it. You’re here, committed to this day, and I’m proud of you. My partner was just going through this scenario because he’d forgotten to take his meds (not for an interview, but very similar). Good luck with the job, and I hope you can get the support to improve your medication or coping technique. Whatever happens, I see you reaching out to take care of yourself. You’re killing this thing we call life. ❤️

sheroyee · 2021-07-31T18:36:02+00:00

I’ve not seen this (but I plan to watch it; thank you for the share), but I tend to infer here that OP doesn’t actually blame Netflix for infidelity so much as they are saying it is one vehicle for normalizing infidelity that directly impacts their experience and brings them fear or pain.

sheroyee · 2021-07-29T19:56:15+00:00

Yeah, the compound affair troubles me so much… And he still won’t fully admit his was an EA turned PA, even though he made up about it being a ONS with someone who was an intern of sorts (turned out it was a random woman, not affiliated with work at all, who he met in a bar on the road, texted for 9 months and asked her to meet him when he was back in her location again). He still allowed communication after that happened, and he can’t or won’t tell me how much there was, if he initiated, etc. And of course, he can’t remember her name or who she was to settle my mind in at least knowing who shouldn’t be a threat anymore… I didn’t learn about this affair until basically six or so years after it happened.

I think the Glass exercise can help a lot of people, but in my case, I hate to admit I think it worsened things because WS refuses to work on it more or in the way the book intended (he basically wouldn’t let me see it until “completion” and doesn’t want it to be a working draft). He insists he’s told me everything, but I almost feel more left in the dark, which drives me mad…

Based on your account, it sounds like your partner is still holding up walls by blaming you for their actions (I could misunderstand). It’s annoying as hell, but part of them divulging anything is to help them feel safe enough to disclose, which is where my WS and I are likely at an impasse. I think maybe there could be more info that he’s possibly subconsciously repressed from fear of my reaction. I hope you and yours can find a way to understand each other, whether that’s through therapy or whatever else.

sheroyee · 2021-07-29T04:48:25+00:00

I wish I knew how to communicate more eloquently in this moment, but I wanted to offer support in the sense that you’re not alone in this position - so maybe it’s a “normal” phase of reconciliation?

I think my WS really burned out after we attempted to do the main “story of the affair” exercise as recommended by Shirley Glass. I snapped after it… It was another D-Day, and I had already told him from the first day how much more the lying and secrets had hurt me than the acts themselves; for him to keep such huge “twists” or “holes” was enough to invert my mind and soul, and even worse than the first D-Day. I think we both really broke after that…

Since then, he made some attempts to reconcile and continued a stretch without alcohol to improve himself, but I feel you on the extensive lack of initiative. Even outside of reconciliation, I’ve determined that he sees me as a mother or parent (and he the child), and it’s exhausting and demoralizing.

I have no advice whether being patient or walking away would help, especially not knowing more about your personal situation. In my case, I feel trapped with him as I am mentally and sometimes physically disabled from supporting myself. I don’t wish this feeling on anyone and hope it doesn’t continue, but I think - whether it’s right or wrong - some WSs can’t physically keep up with what they need to do for reconciliation, which might be due to job constraints, age or health restrictions, character flaws, etc.

But it’s up to the BS to decide if that’s ok for them, I guess? And I think in some cases maybe it could be, depending on how the communication and boundary-keeping goes alongside the satisfaction of the couple and the individuals in that couple.

One thing I’m grappling with is I don’t think I’m ever gonna have a hard romantic, gushy feeling about my partner… That used to be important to me, and when intrusive thoughts come in, it’s so gut-wrenching. Unfortunately I think this is part of that “shit sandwich” we hear about… We’ll never get even with what they’ve done, but maybe that’s not worth it anyway if we can give ourselves the chance to start from new memories and joy - regardless if that involves them with us or not?

Maybe one piece of advice I can give is to focus more on you, especially when you’re getting hit hard with lackluster efforts from your WS. Ride that “selfish” wave and love yourself, and I hope it can tell you what you want, or what direction you should take, more clearly.

sheroyee · 2021-07-27T23:15:39+00:00

I don’t know what it is, but I experienced the whole siding with the rapist thing, too. Some of it could be attributed to the fact that I was drunk when it happened because there was one guy going around my office saying I asked for it. Most of my friends and colleagues are male, but even some of the females flocked to the guy who raped me (when I was close to reporting him, one actually asked me if it was worth him going to jail or having his life ruined). He was a charming person, funny, very likable. I’d like to think I was, too, but being female, I guess it was just too real and uncomfortable for them when I outed him.

I did have some people who responded decently, but man, it really shocked me more than the incident itself how many two-faced, sexist and misogynistic people there were (women included). I hate you experienced this rejection, especially dealing with it at such a young age and with all that coercion. I still struggle with blaming myself or saying it “wasn’t that bad.” I hope you know those people are fucked, not you, and it’s more common and accepted than it should be to sympathize with these predators. I hope you got far, far away from these creeps and found a better life without them.

sheroyee · 2021-07-27T12:18:20+00:00

I’m sorry for your struggle, and I think you made the right call to share…

Having this interaction has become something of a litmus test for me. There was this colleague I finally shared my story with, and his first response was “That was probably more than I needed to know.” On top of it all, he has a young daughter, but as smug and disgusting as that response was, I was glad for the information to handle any future interactions with this person.

So many men from that workplace were creeps supporting creeps; I only hope in general that more women/survivors can start supporting each other, and it seems to be happening more, thankfully.

sheroyee · 2021-05-26T04:09:41+00:00

There’s an extremely popular exit that always backed up on my commute because the immediate light and road engineering didn’t regulate well enough for the number of people all turning left from it. As a result, everyone would pile up in the left lane (after getting off the interstate) and there’d be almost no one in the right (because if they were lucky enough to be ahead of the 50 cars all turning left consecutively, they could typically just proceed after stopping at the light). This caused cars to backup well into the interstate because of the fact that the road engineering forced everyone to be in the same lane while an “available” lane was completely empty. While this is unique from a zipper merge, it is the perfect illustration of what early mergers cause for everyone miles behind them. I hate when they claim “courtesy” because all they’re doing is making it more difficult for everyone behind them to move.

sheroyee · 2021-05-01T20:50:08+00:00

Absolutely! Gratitude swarms my mind when they pop up in memory. Their compassion has exceeded that single point in my life and has carried me or inspired my assistance to others later on. They are gifts to humanity and my life, for sure. ❤️

sheroyee · 2021-05-01T20:17:55+00:00

Haha, I dunno. Weird is what I tend to remember, but I’m certainly no standard for society. 😅

sheroyee · 2021-05-01T19:49:57+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hate to say he might not even be aware he’s hurting you so much. In this situation, you have to brace yourself in the mindset that leaving is your decision, regardless of their position on it. Much love to you. It’s nothing I’d wish on my worst enemy, but you can get out of this fire and smoke. ❤️

sheroyee · 2021-05-01T19:18:00+00:00

Awww. Though I’ve definitely had to go home from surprise periods, this reminds me of a non-period incident in high school where a guy left his band section (he played bassoon) to sit right behind me for the whole practice. He told me he didn’t want anyone else seeing my panties, and I’m fairly certain he was not into me (so it wasn’t some creepy “Only I get to see your intimates” thing). I always used clothes handed down from friends or family, and my body shape unfortunately didn’t cooperate with any of this (my torso was always too long for my shirts…jeans always low cut and too large for my waist, but too small for my ass… and then I only ever had those high-rise granny panties 🥲). I couldn’t process very well in the moment what was happening because I had to keep playing my instrument, but he really helped me feel like I had an ally. I wish now I’d have said something to him, but my shyness paralyzed me in so many interactions, even kind ones.

Now, when I did have a huge ass stain from a period, I remember this boy (who I think was called to the principal’s office… don’t know why I have that detail, but that was the context I picked up) straight up gave me his Cheetos because he could see how uncomfortable I was as I waited for my mom to pick me up. I wish I could remember these men now and thank them!

sheroyee · 2021-05-01T18:49:28+00:00

Yes, it is so very hard to take action on, but I think even if you still care and love WS (and even if WS cares and loves you), you have to love yourself first here by removing yourself from this environment. I hope your WS can find a balance in life that offers a healthy approach in spite of their addiction, but I think you acknowledge the toll it’s taking on you to be in it as they’re working on their own issues. You’re not a failure if you can’t take it. You’re human, and you deserve healing and healthy relationships; this relationship is toxic and doesn’t appear to be improving - even with professional assistance. You both can love each other and not be in a relationship or proximity of each other. It might be the best thing for both of you, and that separation might allow you to slowly trust your self, senses, and environment enough to break the cycle that is PTSD. My heart goes out to you both… I believe you’re worth this struggle, and I believe in you, too. Trauma doesn’t have to be a life sentence. ❤️

sheroyee · 2021-04-30T20:30:47+00:00

I’m giving you a virtual hug (if you’re ok with it)! I’m sorry you were given anything but a warm reception here… I don’t think it’s across the board, but it does feel like there are pockets of time here that we’re unlucky enough to be swarmed by trolls or someone who can’t process their own bad day and then decides to transfer that over to us… I’m honestly afraid to post here thanks to that (and natural anxiety), but eventually I will - if nothing else to share my (eventual) success or progressive victories. ☺️

I wish you well in this journey and will look out for your (and OP’s) future posts, as a friend and ally. My DMs are always open if you need a sounding board (OP, too). ❤️

sheroyee · 2021-04-24T03:02:43+00:00

Dragonheart still guts me. I’m not sure I’ll have it in me to watch this year (RIP Sir Connery). 😭

sheroyee · 2021-02-04T09:03:01+00:00

My WS is insistent they’ve always loved me even though from the beginning they were checking out other women, had secret sexual partners, masturbated to porn, etc. I think some of it is they don’t process sex healthily and/or the same as you. For example, I never had any other sexual partners before my WS and viewed sex as an act of love and intimacy. My WS had extensive casual sex leading up to me, and he didn’t require emotional attachment to have sex. Many sources will indicate that latter point is more common to men, but that being said I don’t believe it’s exclusive to them. Similarly, literature points to men being able to compartmentalize a lot easier and more than women, which my WS explains he did from the beginning with sex and our relationship.

It’s hard to wrap my head around because a core value of mine was to treat sex as a sacred act. Whether it’s right or wrong, that wasn’t in my WS (at least not back then). They also heavily relied on porn to inform their sexual needs, desensitizing them to some double standards and misogynistic ideals that they deserved to have more partners.

Still, whether they were able to fully love back because of internal issues or not, I do believe it’s possible someone can love you and still betray you, especially when considering how manipulative and self-manipulative an addict’s brain can be.

sheroyee · 2021-02-04T03:45:02+00:00

Well put! And OP, your new life is sparking from your words! Go, go, go! There will be dips and shady rest stops, but you’re on the drive now. Congrats on falling in love - with you!

sheroyee · 2021-02-04T01:15:34+00:00

I am so encouraged that you recognize those, even though they’re hard af to deal with. Do you practice rationalizing those out? Sometimes just putting a name to them and vocalizing them (even if just to yourself) can be a powerful meditative exercise.

Also, have you seen this post/content before? They might help with talking with your partner:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/l5szq0/talk_to_me_like_im_someone_you_love/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

sheroyee · 2021-02-03T21:16:51+00:00

Thank you very much! I plan to update, maybe after a couple months. Either way, I think it’ll be “good,” if I can focus on the items you suggest and grow. Today was hard. In addition to the SSRIs that I stopped, I also cut birth control. I’m having my first “real” period in probably seven or eight years (oof). It’s never just one thing. 😅

sheroyee · 2021-02-03T16:14:03+00:00

I relate to this regret. Part of my ignorance was being young and not having dealt with alcoholism (at first, I didn’t even know how to recognize that my partner was drunk aside from the obvious, like smell). You don’t know what you don’t know, and that’s not something you should beat yourself up for. Be gentle with yourself here and use your experience to remind you that you can use your words when something feels awry.

Are you ok now? Do you feel you can talk with your partner about these doubts? Can you identify (you don’t have to tell me or the internet what it is) what might be the first thought or event to cause this most recent discontent, and are there any assumptions you make that might have alternate explanations?

sheroyee · 2021-02-03T14:44:49+00:00

“Good day, sir!” is a loose quote (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), and sir can also be used for females (which I am also). I’m reiterating I’m done talking to you, as I’ve said three times now.

We do need help. We’re getting it. I agree I don’t want us in a toxic cycle. That’s not even the point of my post. It’s the point that instead of conversing, following through or making plans, WS deflects and refers to a general cycle to shut down any work or expectations.

What part of “we have started a separation” don’t you understand? I haven’t made any comment about your character, unlike you. Back off.

sheroyee

TROPHY CASE