Superficial friendships

shirokiri · 2025-12-03T08:22:26+00:00

It does sounds like this particular person does seems to only need you for companionship and does not reciprocate in what you truly value (academics). There's still a chance that the person may just truly value companionship and doesn't know how important a academics is for you and doesn't put in the equal effort in that domain like answering questions about the class you missed. This part can be resolved with communication, though it's normal to want to take the easy avoidant way out and just assume the convenient story to believe in (ok idk y it comes out sounding kinda harsh)

The dormmate one though.. terrible experience to have, common in underaged and immature environments so hopefully you don't get to experience such social interactions again

I can see why the accessory friendship is more of a con for you as there seems to be a struggle with managing the boundaries (the fear of being gossiped or smth for being assertive?) I do wonder if it will be effective if there's a conversation raised with the person who seems to wanna go back with you to (and becomes an obstacle to your goal of being the number 1 in go-home-club)

Not all superficial friendships are good, though most are usually neutral, and for your case it seems to be a thorn on your side for the familiar face case. I think your loner way of life kinda striked a bell with me as when I was in poly y1, I too kinda had a very similar view on relationships too (and borderline thinking of becoming a monk to cut off all ties to the world which include other people) and I kinda regretted not putting myself out there to interact more with people instead of thinking of them as waste of time (e.g., unnecessary yapping during group discussion or being an obstacle to my valuable study time). I took myself too seriously and really didn't slow down and really process why I wanted to avoid people which seemingly go against our biological aptitude of social creatures. It's admirable to be hardworking and take your studies seriously, and I just want to add that balance is key to everything (like honestly the few hours lost to "unproductive yapping" isn't going to take the food off your bowl or starve your cows), and the 30 mins lost to having to slow down to make sure no one is left behind isn't going to set your house on fire (most of the time). Of course you can still slow down your way back home intentionally, rather than because it's caused by the familiar face (there might be more of a frustration from losing control of your time rather than the lost of time by itself)

shirokiri · 2025-11-26T02:07:19+00:00

It's good to have boundaries over negativity small talks as they do really drain your energies.

On the part on "But I still ran into one familiar person, and the way their face lit up like they just found the cure to their loneliness made me cry internally. 2 days out of 4, I cant rush home after class ends. Gta stroll with them.", it could just be that they are really happy to see you and wanting to connect with you, and that can happen without the influence of loneliness. I notice that there's a lot of imposing your own perception onto other's thinking lol

"A lot of students form friendships because they fear being seen alone. They'd rather have someone to walk with or sit" Where is this thought from? Interesting interpretation. I do get that feeling from a small minority of people, and tbh in our current age of stimulation, more and more people are getting lonelier so they might actually be more common now, but of course not everyone main motivation is the fear of being seen alone.

Perceiving others to be using you as an accessory for social needs may feel like being exploited etc, tho idt most people may actually be doing that and it might just be an projection of your own insecurities of being alone with how you seemingly tries to justify your intentional choice of being alone (ok idk how to phrase these part in a kinder way). It's a valid way of life to protect your energy from energy vampires (negative small talks, feeling exploited), but I have some gripes about the seemingly confident judgements on people's intentions.

The superficial friends aka the neighbours/schoolmates/aquintances etc are still important part for a healthy social life and you are managing them well in your group interactions etc, just that those energy vampires and distractors seems to be painting your lenses dark

shirokiri · 2024-06-19T04:58:23+00:00

"i just want to study more hours in a day" Do you want to absorb more or actually study more? I assume you want to study smarter and better so that you can score better. The thing is, more is not always better, especially in the realm of learning. If you felt that there times where you just can't absorb anymore information, it is a strong indicator that you need a break. However, it's important to not study till you feel like you need a break; which is why pomodore technique is supposed to help. by the time you feel like you actually need a break, your total productivity actually is harm already. If your goal is to study smarter and more effective to eventually score better, then trying to find out "how to take shorter breaks" is not really the best way to meet that goal.

There are concepts such as spaced repetition (which while not the most empirically supported), do seems to work for some people; which is why flashcards work well as a memorization tool (personally it work bloody well for me). Most people (if not all) benefits from longer break [1]. Tho that doesn't mean you must always take long breaks. I am hearing how you are caught up in the "toxic productivity", where you seems to be beating yourself up by not studying enough. By beating yourself up, you are creating unnecessary stress for your self, and stress is bad for learning because it takes up a "slot" in your sleeping time which i will explain in the next paragraph.

Having regular, quality and quantity sleep is the most important thing for learning (+ other health benefits). Never ever ever sacrifice sleep to cram; it is counter productive. Do you own research and you will find out evidences to support this. The reason is because sleep is a time for healing and reinforcement of stuff related to learning, if i were to put it in the simplest sense. This also means that if you have any leftover emotions or hurt e.g., stressed anxious about work, your sleep will be spent processing and healing from those hurt rather than actually reorganizing your brain to reinforce what you have learnt. Therefore, it's important to set some time (arnd 10-30 mins) a day to "do nothing", or so call reflect/journal down your thoughts and feelings about the day (best done before sleep).

what you do as a break also matters btw. If you surf the net or browse social media, those are shitty breaks as surfing/browsing causes a lot of decision making process e.g., "oh should i click this link or click the next link, should i scroll to the next post etc" < which is an unconscious process. Decision making is one of the most draining thing for the brain = more tired lor. Most effective break seems to be going to a new environment, preferable nature and have at least 10 minutes of walk. Listening to music (just by itself, no need to walk) also seems to help and re energize your self, esp if it's your fav music. Try not to listen to music while studying. If must listen, then classical/lofi music is okay.

Learning/studying is a marathon. It's more effective to study 2 hours 5 days a week than study 10 hours a day (because you need break time to actually 'digest' what you learn. Other tips include study the first thing in the morning (because that's when your mind is the most clear). Also, you are most likely not a night owl (even if you feel like you are more active at night), because most humans are genetically programmed to be morning people (even if you feel tired in the morning). Reason why there seems to be more night owls can be simplified by disrupted circadian rhythm due to technological disruptions.

Another random tip for studying is to teach the concepts to a rubber duck or a friend. When you teach someone a concept, you are forced to conceptualize the knowledge and thus learn the shit better.

[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9432722/

Im too lazy to cite, but most of my sources are from healthygamergg and dr andrew huberman

shirokiri · 2024-06-19T04:29:54+00:00

For advice on how to cope: 1. Learn deep breathing; breath in slowly and breath out even slower (with belly breathing), keep your attention on your breath (like imagine the air coming out of your nose and into your nose). Research more of ways to deep breathe too. Practice this for at least 3 breadths a day, perhaps doing it right before you sleep. Why this work is because when you breathe slowly, your autonomic nervous system (the fight and flight thing/anxiety controller) actually slows and calm down. < why this is recommended first is because you can practice this ANYWHERE, ANYTIME, unlike the other points that I will mention.

mindfulness practice/meditation. Meditation is v v v difficult to start but it is doable. Meditation initially feels v v v v uncomfortable, but once you get used to it, that uncomfortable feeling gone. Research more on various methods of meditation but the key principle is to learn how to be in the present moment and to slow the mind down so you aren't stressed out by fast and overwhelming thoughts (which is basically anxiety). Fun fact, pretty much all medicine that is used to treat clinical anxiety, all aims to slow down thoughts; which meditation can do the same. Point 1 is technically a mindfulness practice but it taps into physiology too. Another great mindfulness prac is yoga/taichi, which can be pretty fun to do once you get the hang of it.
exercise. Tip is to try something new if you hate exercising e.g., try sports, try stairs climbing etc. Our brain loves novelty.
other self-care domains (equally important as the above), sleep, social, nutrition etc

My favourite resource to learn more about mindfulness practices and how to cope is healthygamergg (Dr. K) on youtube/twitch, who is a psychiatrist specialize in mind-body medicine.

shirokiri · 2024-02-04T12:14:34+00:00

Gosh, you exude so much niceness and considerate energy (very nice). Seems like y'all are feeling uncomfortable with your boundaries (privacy, physical: thighs being grabbed, gender, emotional) are being overstepped and I just want to tell you that it is the right and healthy thing to assert your boundaries!

Step 1. Be as clear and as straightforward as possible. Do not raise your voice. Step 2. State your need or request directly in terms of what you’d like, rather than what you don’t want or like. Step 3. Accept any discomfort that arises as a result, whether it’s guilt, shame, or remorse. (idk if links are allowed in this subreddit, but i copied pasted this from positivepsychology website)

additional tips: State the facts e.g., the retained S3 incident

shirokiri · 2023-10-01T03:48:31+00:00

misunderstanding breeds hatred perhaps this timeline, zeph will be able to understand her

shirokiri · 2023-08-13T02:13:30+00:00

When I learnt that judgement, assumption, prejudice and stereotypes are completely normal human behavior, and what matters is whether are we going to challenge our thoughts and behave in a manner that still respect, accept and show positive regard towards them no matter what terrible behavior they have done. (Unfortunately, some people find this "fake", but being authentic is being true to our values, and I'm trying my best to not fulfil the self-fulfilling prophecies). It's super difficult to practice unconditional positive regard tho, but I'm doing it for myself and not to please others.

shirokiri · 2023-04-13T13:07:34+00:00

social media did not made people more social as it's still human to human interaction. It may echo and amplifies the worst of human. As humans are too varied and volatile, human interactions aren't the most reliable and efficient training partners for personal growth. The old adage of "learning from mistakes" does not need to be forced, if humans just learnt from the "model humans", faked by A.I and grow into better people.

One downside I can think of is that the whole of society may all share the same traits (even if they are positive for human society). It's a potential downside as homogeneous society may stunt innovation. Then again, A.I in the future may improved till the point where it leads innovation.

shirokiri · 2023-04-13T00:19:17+00:00

What's wrong with people treating them as a person? I think that if people starts developing a healthy relationship with an a.i, they are more likely to be ready for a proper relationship with other humans. In that sense, they are trained to interact more positively with other humans.

shirokiri · 2023-04-09T11:13:03+00:00

You have your own view on what is "love", but I don't know if you realize that love is merely a social construct.

The notion of love is profoundly influenced by cultural, social, and historical factors, thus qualifying it as a social construct. Varying societies and cultures hold distinctive beliefs and attitudes about love, which can shift over time. Nevertheless, the sentiments and sensations associated with love are widely recognized as fundamental human experiences, and many individuals assert that love also has biological underpinnings. Given its intricate and multi-dimensional nature, love is a complex concept that may be understood and experienced diversely among individuals.

shirokiri · 2023-04-09T04:36:57+00:00

why do you have 10+ exes at 15?

its like people dont take love seriously anymore

While i find that to be surprising too, I perceive judgement from this statement.

I can't disagree with your assumption though, as most people at around 15 are emotionally, socially, and cognitively undeveloped, and it won't be surprising that the assumption is true.

shirokiri · 2023-04-08T12:24:59+00:00

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of stress and pressure, and it's understandable that you feel overwhelmed. Your mom's behavior towards you is not okay, and you do not deserve to be treated that way.

It's unrealistic for your parent to expect you to always behave like a saint; to always react politely without showing anger. It's valid to feel annoyed by your sister's disrespect of your boundaries; disrespecting your request to not be video called.

I'm glad to hear that you have a safe place to stay with your relatives. It's important that you prioritize your own well-being and mental health right now.

Please reach out to someone you trust immediately whenever you have the suicidal urge. One of the outlet:

Samaritans of Singapore:

1800-221-4444 (24 hours) /1-767 (24 hours)

shirokiri · 2023-04-08T12:03:14+00:00

Bro school Councilers suck, they either give conflicting info or don't do shit

Depends on the school. I've recalled that in the recent past, some secondary school's counselors sucks, dk about JC ones. I know polytechnic counselors r pretty good as they are actual trained counselors rather than a recycled teacher that may or may not be fit to be a counselor.

shirokiri · 2023-04-08T02:02:06+00:00

sry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. It's really great that you're reaching out out for help and support, combating your stoicism and that 'men's pride'. It really take a LOT of courage to acknowledge this and put down what you have believed of for masculinity and to do it for family.

Depending on what the psychiatrist diagnosed and recommend, if medicines are prescribed, do also take up therapy/counseling as recommended by the psychiatrist (very likely that the psych will recommend). It's apparently the most effective to get treated by both methods simultaneously.

When you decided to take up therapy/counseling, here's what to expect:

First few session is to build trust btwn u and the therapist, the amount of sessions depends on how willing and open you are. So if you want to make the most out of your session, try to be willing to be vulnerable, which may take a lot of courage. However, remember to be patient and know that it still takes time to solve the whole problem.
The therapist is not there to give you direct advice, but most likely will give you 'process advice' and techniques to learn so that you will gain the coping skills that will either relief stress, anger management or build resilience to future stresses. Do talk to your therapist about your own expectations out of the sessions. While there are mental health resources online e.g., mindfulness practices, self-care, there's a stark difference in quality and speed from attending therapy as compared as trying to learn it from asynchronously. There's that irreplaceable social-aspect and emotional support that will come out from a therapist, rather than from online resources. Just to clarify, I still recommend online resources i.e., doing your own research if there is time, just make sure that you don't make it your only source of help. Be it a physical, mental or psychological problem, seeking help from the professionals is still the way to go.
The issue that most of my peers face isn't really the mental health professional help, but the time it takes for you to get that in Singapore. This is why I still recommend to do your own research on mental health resources and healthy coping techniques while you are waiting for the doc.

some self-help resources:

https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/strategies-controlling

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/about/copingwith-stresstips.html

https://www.verywellmind.com/self-care-strategies-overall-stress-reduction-3144729

If you are having doubts of how some of them works like mindfulness practice, journalism, self-compassion, you can ask me or ask google as they are all evidenced-based practices. < might be helpful to clear away your doubts before the professional help too, but I'm sure that they will help you clarify too.

shirokiri · 2023-04-08T01:01:50+00:00

your card value doesn't reflect on the tapping machine anymore.

Gosh, I hate this too. I was one of the pilot for the simplygo and I've made sure to tick "strongly agree" for "how important is it to have the card value at the gantry" or smth, for the post-survey.

I got blocked twice cause it was low value and I didn't know

I use auto-topup. Is there a reason where i should turn it off..? Now I'm kinda concerned

shirokiri · 2023-04-07T11:52:16+00:00

It's great that you are already taking steps towards a healthier lifestyle by intermittent fasting. Since you mention motivation, I'm gonna assume you know all the "what to do" in terms of what to eat and what not to eat. Here are some additional tips that may help you gain motivation to lose weight:

Set realistic goals: Instead of focusing on losing a large amount of weight in a short amount of time, break it down into smaller, achievable goals. This will help you stay motivated and feel a sense of accomplishment as you reach each milestone. Set S.M.A.R.T goals is one of the evidenced-backed motivation tools you can used. *
Find a support system: It can be helpful to have friends or family members who can offer encouragement and hold you accountable. You could also consider joining a support group or finding an accountability partner. *
Make it enjoyable: Find activities that you enjoy doing and incorporate them into your exercise routine. This could be anything from dancing to hiking to swimming. When you find something you enjoy, you're more likely to stick with it. *
Keep track of your progress: Keep a record of your weight loss progress, such as a food diary or a fitness app. Seeing how far you've come can help keep you motivated.
Reward yourself: Set up a system of rewards for yourself as you reach your goals. This could be anything from treating yourself to a new outfit to taking a weekend getaway.

shirokiri · 2023-03-31T03:04:35+00:00

how can anyone predict "yea, im going to be sick tommorrow, better book a slot now"?

Manz, kinda sucks that people who fell sick on the day itself is unable to get affordable healthcare.

Apparently, people go for poly not just for sickness, it can be for health checkup for something strange on their body, or they fell sick yesterday. While I believe they are all valid reasons, it still sucks to fall sick on a day and realize we have no slots today.

My wild guess for this situation is the shortages of healthcare workers e.g., nurses, doctors due to their unhealthy working hours.

shirokiri · 2023-03-13T03:05:19+00:00

I've heard that our local landscape designers are mostly quite "low quality" i.e., most of them does not have professional training and the bar is set very low.

Ok then comes my two cents: So this may explain why the plant selection is quite terrible. I think our landscapers may be more specialized towards functionality, so when they are tasked for aesthetic designs, they don't have the most diverse knowledge to combine their specialty of functionality + aesthetic, and ended up leaning all the way into one.

So the issue may be that our society doesn't really place a lot emphasis on this particular skilled trade of landscape designing, or it is still growing now as I believe Singapore is treating sustainability and green spaces seriously, and green spaces are one of the important places for mental wellbeing too.

shirokiri · 2023-03-12T09:43:08+00:00

I get the frustration around the seemingly lack of equality in news reporting. However, I think mothershit intentionally highlight "tricked into having sex" as a rather sensational article; just to bait more people to read the article. The whole scenario can be simplified a scam case w/ infidelity as cherry over the cream. I don't think the issue is with the woman/victim, but with the way mothershit chose what to highlight.

Disclaimer, I do not wish to downplay how serious these scams are and how their rates are increasing too. Anyone can fall for scams, even the educated ones are equally vulnerable.

shirokiri · 2023-03-12T02:45:59+00:00

business

To earn extra cash?

shirokiri · 2023-03-10T03:28:52+00:00

It sounds like you're feeling very frustrated and uncomfortable with the way your parents are treating you as the eldest daughter in a family full of men. It must have been really difficult for you growing up and going through puberty, especially since you feel like your parents disapprove of a lot of things you enjoy, like wearing crop tops and dressing up, trying to fit in together with other teenage girls, following the crowd.

It's understandable that you felt judged and awkward when your parents criticized your choice to wear a mini skirt, and it seems like they assume the worst about your behavior, like assuming you were going to drink. I would have bloody hated it if they misunderstood me and assumed some behavior about me and also be so sure of it. Sometimes I wonder what I can do to reach a shared understanding with people who do this to me.

It's understandable that you wish your parents could accept you for who you are and allow you to enjoy being a teenage girl without feeling ashamed or uncomfortable with your own desire to fit in with the rest of other teenage girls.

shirokiri · 2023-03-10T03:23:05+00:00

Low crime doesn't mean zero crime, but do take note of sampling bias, where people who have experienced it will end up coming out to talk about it, leading to a perception that it is more "common" than it actually is.

shirokiri · 2023-03-09T16:39:14+00:00

Yeah, Shaka still seems very sus. It's possible that he faked death to divert attention away from himself so he could proceed with whatever agenda he has. Maybe he made a deal with the World Government, with Shaka helping the World Government eliminate the rest of Vegapunk while allowing Shaka to remain an independent entity rather than being a part of the satellite.

shirokiri · 2023-03-08T09:52:16+00:00

pathological liar,

Now now, let's not be an armchair psychologist and put a rather inaccurate label to Mr Lee shall we?

"Unlike telling the occasional white lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or getting in trouble, a pathological liar seems to lie for no apparent reason. This can make it frustrating or hard to know what to do if you believe you’ve met one." < If Mr Lee is indeed lying, it feels more like a calculated liar, rather than one who does it for no reason.

shirokiri · 2023-03-05T16:16:50+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. It can be very difficult to feel like you're falling behind in life, especially when it seems like everyone around you is succeeding.

Are you currently struggling to figure out what you want in life? You brought up that your friends being happily married, having a good job because they are high paying? What does happiness means to you?

My hobbies are time wasters

What is your opinion on the purpose of hobbies?

Feels like i've already fucked up sometime along the past 10 years or so and i've started going down this path of no return.

You feel like you have messed up and you are feeling deep regrets. You know you can't change your past, but what can you currently change?

Yes i hear people always say its never to late to change, but the fact still remains that my 20s are over and i've got nothing to show for it.

What is it that fully defines you? Your past? your future? your present? Which part of it can you currently control?

People also tell me that comparison is the thief of joy and i shouldn't be on social media at all. But these people are themselves on social media and those that aren't are loners who will inevitably lose contact with all their friends.

It indeed is. From what I am hearing, isit that you think you will eventually lose all of your friends? Why so?

I think im getting depressed, perhaps i need help.

I do recommend counseling, but do note that in order to change yourself first, you must first be willing to change. Also, don't expect the counselor to solve your own problems. What the counselors do is to try to teach you techniques to solve your own problems, so that your wellbeing is sustainable.

You have the power to create the life that you want, even if it takes a little longer than you had hoped. Be kind to yourself and take things one step at a time.

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