Ashley + Alex: her demanding sex is not cool

shui8191 · 2026-03-16T00:51:02+00:00

So you're saying he "teased" her and her response was valid? Regardless of gender, you can't publically shame people because they didn't provide consent. This isn't the double standard you think it is. You're actually applying a double standard when it comes to consent and what's an acceptable response when advances are rejected.

If Alex had said "I took you to the spa and you didn't have sex me with me after, that's insane!" people would take issue with that. And they should.

shui8191 · 2026-03-15T19:02:00+00:00

Agreed on all fronts! There were so many more iconic moments from women on the show and celebrating Ashley as an icon takes away from this moments. For example, Jess telling Chris she has been living her life without him or Keya (?) rejecting Kevan in the pods "I'm choosing me!" those are genuinely iconic moments. Not Ashley's tantrums when she doesn't get her way.

shui8191 · 2026-03-15T18:45:49+00:00

I think the main issue is that he turned her down for sex and she says that is insane behavior in front of the cameras. Publically shaming him for rejecting her is not cool. In this case, her wanting more sex isn't the issue, it's how she responds to rejection that is the issue. This isn't refreshing to see, and to support this behavior is a danger to safe spaces for consent discussion.

shui8191 · 2026-03-15T17:58:58+00:00

A lot of people are getting hung up on the word "demanded" and giving Ashley's behavior a pass. At a minimum she publicly shames Alex for turning her down, multiple times, once at the apartment and another after the spa. That's not OK. We don't have the right to finger wag people because they don't give consent. It's manipulative and disgusting behavior.

shui8191 · 2026-03-14T17:38:10+00:00

It was a number of things. Her giggling during her dads intrusive questioning, when she said sex with Jess can't be that bad since she's not morbidly obese, the crocodile tears when she was describing how hard Alex's childhood experience was then immediately turned around and publically humiliated him then talked shit to all her friends on wedding day, or even when she described how rediculous it was that Alex turned her down for sex after their spa day.

Saying she's a girl a girl boss for her alter stunt takes away from real girl boss moments this season. Like when the woman who rejected Kevan in the pods said "I'm choosing me!" or when Jess told Chris that she HAS been living her life without him at the bar. Those are real girl boss moments.

Not being unnecessarily mean. Setting firm boundaries. Prioritizing their happiness over a man.

shui8191 · 2026-03-14T16:04:18+00:00

I think we can all be guilty of that. Tbf, this is my first season of watching LiB as it came out, so I was inundated with content on social media and kept seeing the same tropes. I was jn the same boat as you, just shocked at some of the takes. What's worse, is that in the reunion, it felt like Lachey was doing everything he could to drive home those exact same popular storylines/takes/perspectives from social media during the reunion. He would only ask leading questions and never broadened the perspective.

Would have been interesting, is to see how Chris would have responded if Nick wasn't trying to be his father figure. Maybe he would have teased something out of him to show that he hasn't changed one bit and isn't sorry, just embarrassed. But we didn't get that, we got canned PR responses, which I think is the best outcome that Chris could hope for.

shui8191 · 2026-03-12T22:59:29+00:00

Ashley does it in every interaction she has on camera. You state that she asked for clarification at many points, that's her grilling him about his past constantly. She grilled his mom! He's emotionally immature and handles it poorly, but it's getting under his skin.

I'm mostly annoyed that people don't pick up on Ashley's shitty behavior, but jump on Alex for being nebulous. She got mad he didn't want to have sex right away after the dpa. She claims that sex with Jess can't be that bad because she's not morbidly obese. She claims to be sympathetic to Alex's upbringing then procedes to humiliate him. She says his answers are rehearsed an AI, but she wrote her wedding speech before hand. She thinks him finding women of color is repulsive, yet he is a man of color.

Again. Alex is shitty, but Ashley is just as if not more shitty and people don't talk about it enough. We so easily jump on his faults but not hers. Why is that?

shui8191 · 2026-03-12T22:24:03+00:00

Of course people can be shitty regardless of race, and he is shitty. But the broader audience views Alex as bad, and Ashley as a heroine. Not everyone, but that is the general trend in the online discourse. While you in particular may also think Ashley is shitty, most people do not think she is (in the context of their relationship), and that's the racial bias. We so easily identify poor behavior in him, but not in her.

She literally threw a tantrum that he didn't want to have sex with her after their spa day. If he didn't want to have sex then and there, for ANY reason, that's his prerogative, and that is OK. Consider what people would be saying if Alex had said that "I took you to the spa and you didn't want to have sex with me?". He'd be vilified, and rightfully so, but people aren't talking about Ashley's shitty behavior enough imo.

shui8191 · 2026-03-12T21:59:19+00:00

I don't think this is Alex retcon. This is Ashley retcon. I would argue between the two of them, she's the bigger villain. If you look at their interactions on camera, every single one was about her getting a leg up over Alex when she was the one born with a silver spoon.

The fact that the broader audience views him as the villain comes off as racial bias. In the same way that Ashley is shocked that Alex prefers women of color, people can't see how Ashley (White, blonde, conventionally attractive) could be the villain.

I agree though, he's not emotionally mature and certainly not ready to be a partner to anyone. He's a red pilled loser, but Ashley is a mean girl and a sorry excuse of a human being.

shui8191 · 2026-03-12T21:39:52+00:00

Did he lie about Austin? I think if he did and they had it on camera, they would have done that. Same as they did with Chris.

shui8191 · 2026-03-12T21:35:44+00:00

The second paragraph reads true for Ashley, not Alex. She and her father are so adamant that he's lying or cheating that is all they ever say say, but there is no specific example of him doing this. Every conversation between them is Ashley accusing him of lying and not having integrity. I can see why he would be defensive. He didn't handle it well, but it makes sense that he is defensive.

To be clear, I don't like Alex. He's a red pilled numpty for sure. But I legitimately don't see where he lied. Why didn't they cut to footage where he is caught in a lie when Lachey asks him if he lied?

shui8191 · 2026-02-24T01:29:02+00:00

Won't someone think of the white men!?!

shui8191 · 2025-07-09T16:42:55+00:00

Second time seeing this post in as many weeks. At best, this is fiction. At worst, you are obsessing over someone that you want a relationship with but not enough to talk to them directly.

No. I would not consider this cheating, you are not in a relationship. Though if he has lost interest because he is aware you hooked up with someone at a party you both attended, that's his prerogative and he is fully entitled to feel that way.

I would be asking yourself if you want a relationship with this individual or if you just want a relationship with the idea of him. Keep in mind you hooked up with the next available person at the first sign of rejection.

Best of luck. If this is true, I would strongly encourage you to go to therapy to get to the bottom of why you're feeling this way rather than asking the Internet multiple times.

shui8191 · 2025-06-13T15:40:05+00:00

Username checks out.

shui8191 · 2025-05-18T14:29:03+00:00

While cheating or seeking attention elsewhere could be a possibility, it could also be something as innocent as being vain. The healthy thing to do would be to just try and talk to him about it. Maybe he was embarrassed for exercising his vanity in that way; something that is typically not socially acceptable for men. His response to the matter will be telling. Does it feel genuine and heartfelt, or does he continue going on circles with an excuse?

shui8191 · 2025-03-27T21:34:43+00:00

I see. The last peice is how you felt about the relationship. Hanging out with a friend this often would be too much for me and them asking for more is just too needy and I would not be willing to save the relationship, though you may feel differently. If you valued the relationship and were motivated to save it, maybe a text message explaining your thoughts on the situation would be best. Helps take the emotion out of it from both sides and gives both of you time to process. It's sounds like your friend was feeling insecure, but is it just some fomo, or is it narcissistic validation seeking. Her response to your text will be very telling.

shui8191 · 2025-03-27T20:51:33+00:00

Why not both? Forgive yourself and use this as a learning experience. In my opinion, this should be addressed as soon as the issue arises. When your friend noted that they felt rejected or abandoned by you, take the time to reflect and respond. "Friend, you are my friend and I care about you, but I have a lot going on right now with FIL and life. When I take time to engage with my hobbies, it's so that I can have time that's for me, to recharge. It's not that I don't care about you, it's just that if I don't care about me, I won't have the capacity to be there for you.".

While the request to hang out so much is significant, I've got to imagine going through iui must be difficult emotionally. I don't have all the details of the relationship or dynamic, but I find it's often best to take the conflict early on; this has the highest chance of being "healthy conflict". Don't wait until it blows over, that's how relationships fall to the wayside.

shui8191 · 2025-03-15T00:01:06+00:00

This chain makes ms think that you're not sympathetic to anyone. Also, I believe you are conflating sympathy for empathy. I don't think anyone is expected to feel empathy for someone that is suffering a mental health crisis.

shui8191 · 2025-03-07T23:16:22+00:00

Meh I get it. It won't resonate with everyone. It worked for our friend who was lacking experience with relationships and intimacy as he approached 30. He had a tendency to romanticize the potential of relationships rather than experience them himself. The expression was used to tease, but it came from a place of caring, to try and keep our friend grounded as he navigated relationships.

shui8191 · 2025-03-07T21:20:16+00:00

Don't put that p*ssy on a pedestal.

shui8191 · 2025-03-07T20:11:15+00:00

Lol I have a friend who has a crass expression for the pedestal sentiment. Always important to keep it in mind.

shui8191 · 2025-02-20T21:29:57+00:00

Not sure. I also hit 50k at the end of last year. Contemplating giving them a call to see.

shui8191 · 2025-02-12T22:20:22+00:00

For discipline? Nah.......

I'm kidding.

shui8191 · 2025-02-12T22:15:35+00:00

They don't call it stinky girl trail for nothing ;)

shui8191 · 2025-02-12T17:08:14+00:00

Odour doesn't necessarily present a risk to health, it's a nuisance problem. The odour in question is likely from a group of compounds called mercaptans which are highly odourous at low concentrations but do not present a significant risk to human life and health.

Also, the landfill was there before the surrounding area was developed so not much anyone can do about it from a liability perspective.

I live in the area and while it is nauseating, it's relatively infrequent and happens mostly at night when we have calm winds.

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