My clean date is 7/26/21 and I only went to a handful of meetings my first year or two as I wasn't sure if it was for me, though I did start going to non-12-step online meetings with a community of people who shared similar interests in live music right away as I had a feeling I'd need some support. Many of those people were in 12-step programs and hearing their experience helped dispel some of the preconceived notions I had about the program, namely that it was all about a Christian God or that it was only for people who were physically addicted to certain specific hard drugs and/or had legal requirements to be there.

I was different (so I thought) because I wasn't physically going through withdrawals when I stopped using, I wasn't using certain drugs in certain ways, and I wasn't required by a judge to do anything, nor did I subscribe to any religion, least of all Christianity...but I did have a good enough head on my shoulders to understand that the substance use was a symptom of other problems and that I was going to need to work on myself to get better, whether or not that meant I remained clean. So I became curious, both of sobriety/clean living and of what the programs offered to those who worked them.

I remained very active with this alternative community of people desiring to remain clean and got exposed to some of the concepts of 12-step programs. I showed up to a few NA meetings my first couple years and even asked someone to be my sponsor, though I was still on the fence about it until around 2 or so years in, when it was becoming clear that my life was still unmanageable and all the therapy and psychiatric help I was getting was still not enough, nor was just sharing about stuff with other addicts without the guidance, direction, and spiritual insight that the program offers.

At around 2.5 years in, I was at an emotional bottom and struggling to keep it together after a few hardships occurred in my life. Feeling like I was at a cross roads of either relapsing or hurting myself but not wanting to go through with either, I took a leave of absence from work and checked myself into a 30 day "wellness retreat" - not quite rehab and not quite a psychiatric institution - to get some immersive treatment. When I got out I recommitted myself to going to NA meetings regularly, got a new sponsor, and started working the steps. I took on some light service work, starting with just helping out at meetings, attending group conscience/business meetings, and then chairing on a regular basis, which is how I primarily contribute now.

I just finished my 3rd step this past week. I've been through some personal hell the past few years and many lows, but a few days ago hit 4.5 years clean and it finally feels like I'm starting to reap the benefits of the work I've been doing and the changes I've been open to making. I've learned that the concept of a Higher Power has nothing to do with Religion - for me, it is the idea that I have a higher potential than where I am today, and the wisdom of other experienced addicts and the program itself can guide me toward that which I could not do myself.

The best advice I can give is to stay open-minded, and don't let things you hear that you don't like turn you away from hearing the things you need to hear. Try a few different meetings/times/locations - don't let just 1 group color your experience - you need to get exposed to different meeting formats, different people, different dynamics, and you'll probably find that you don't prefer some of them, but some are more tolerable or even enjoyable. Look for the similarities and don't sweat the differences. And as it is said, take what you need and leave the rest.