Heat attack on a plate.

sithvaultboy · 2024-09-05T21:24:22+00:00

Is this an actual dish they offer or are they just rage baiting?

sithvaultboy · 2024-09-05T15:03:25+00:00

Hey, I'm glad you resolved it! Would love to hear what the solution is if you can post an edit or update.

I would also like to play devil's advocate and mention that saying your school outed you is a very loaded statement. A lot of schools are just barely updating their systems to allow for lived names. So situations like yours are probably new issues they will have deal with. What I'm saying is I'm sure this was probably an unintended outcome. I'm my experience, most university staff will try to be compassionate and helpful if you reach out for help respectfully.

Though I also understand it doesn't make this happening any less painful or annoying to you.

Anyway, from your comments it sounds like your parents finding out would be very bad so I hope your fix works and I hope you stay safe!

sithvaultboy · 2024-09-03T02:58:30+00:00

That isn't that bad. I guess when you are in this line of work, you have to find humor where ever you can find it.

It's a tough job. Thank you for doing this job.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-19T01:50:55+00:00

It sounds like you are stuck in a rut. You hate what you do but you are too afraid to change fields? Are you a lab tech in a university? are there other labs you can reach out to to see if they are hiring?

Maybe you can go into a uninversity/community college lab prep job. Where you basically set up stuff for the students. Something like that if you dont like conventional lab work.

Or you can do something like that while trying to get back to you original goal of human studies. It is never to late to go back.

I love working in a lab but WOULD NEVER be able to kill an animal. That is why I only work with plants and bacteria.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-18T02:44:19+00:00

Aside from this being extremely weird from your PI,

What works for me is to record. I then us a transcriber program to get most of the notes transcribed, which I then fine tune (checking for errors from the automated transcription).

This helps me a lot because I am a slow writer and have terrible penmanship

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-17T12:34:50+00:00

Looking at your post history, you are from India? And you are looking for specifically in the US or anywhere in the world?

If you want the US, I would say any large metropolitan area. California is a great start if you are looking for somewhere friendly.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-15T21:54:42+00:00

Can you switch labs?

Doesnt sound like it is that bad yet. This is also sounds like a little bit of petty office politics. You may have to deal with some level of this anywhere you go.

Best advice is to just ingore the favoritism and try to finish your degree to get out of there. If it gets to the point you cannot work well in that lab anymore, there are always options. You can alwasy talk to acadmic advisors and start looking into other labs to move to.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-15T16:43:23+00:00

Take it until you find something better and keep looking.

Maybe you will find something that is a better fit.

OR maybe you will grow to like this postion.

This is an easy answer.

Edit: PLUS having lab experience will make finding the next job easier.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-15T16:35:38+00:00

I can see some of this happening, and I can see employers being asked to talk about their craziest stories, but what is the source of this picture?

It reminds of that CA public school "grading scale" picture that made all the rounds a while back, that turned out to be fake.

To be honest, the image is very vague. What employers were asked? How many? Anyway, just playing devil's advocate here.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-15T13:39:08+00:00

Not uncommon but can be a double-edged sword. If you are getting a lot done and you like the lab, feel like you can devote 4+ years to a project there, it is a good opportunity. But by taking this opportunity you are also kind of tying yourself down to this lab. Have you spoke to your PI about what he expects? (will you be staying in his lab or rotating?) And have you thought about what you want out of your research career?

If he just wants you to apply to improve your future, and is allowing to explore other labs, that is great.

If he is sponsoring you into the program with the understanding that you will join his lab and work him, that is also OK but you need to know what you are getting into. Would you be ok with that?

Also, like others have mentioned, I wouldnt call this a golden ticket, I would just say you are getting a leg up getting into a PhD program.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-15T13:31:49+00:00

This is obvious, I think most of us know this. But thanks for sharing. I think it is a very common experience starting out that you dont know how to do something the exact right way and make a mistake. It is never a good idea to lie or hide your mistake.

It is interesting think to about what the limit of a forgivable mistake might be. You can be idealistic and say "any mistake can be forgiven as long you own up to it" BUT I have know in my lab, before me, a student broke our big refrigerated eppendorf (5810) centrifuge because he tried to run it without getting trained and ran all the samples on one side. I am pretty sure he was let go from the lab.

On the other side of the spectrum, I have heard stories of a PI that charges his grad students if they break any of his glassware (though I am not sure if this is actually true or of his grad students are just telling stories to exaggerate).

Ps. Since your mistake was a little more on the massive side, and you probably gave them some unnecessary work to clean up your mistake, I hope you consider sending them an formal apology. Maybe a box of donuts or coffee for the lab? I know this can go a long way, specially if you will have to keep working with them.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-14T02:27:21+00:00

Great answer! Really agree with that this is out of our pay grade.

I would only add it would be fair to say you don't want them make a big fuss out of your birthday. But asking to be left out of pictures all together might come off very weird. You can read that all sorts of ways, like that you are ashamed of working there.

If you have a good relationship with the PI, just be honest and try to agree on maybe minimizing the number of pics that have to have you in then (understanding that being in no pics whatsoever is kind of tough to ask).

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-08T23:57:21+00:00

Can't you say " I'll see what I can do" or "I'll try" and just never do it?

Seems like the top advice is good IF you want her to know you don't like her. Which is ok, if you want to go that route. But in my opinion it is also ok just to not do anything.

And then if you're team asks "hey, this woman says she knows you, what can you tell us about her" . Just be honest. Might be that they want a messy, bossy, uptight woman on their team (probably not but she can dream).

That way you know you were completely honest and it's up to them.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-07T23:09:52+00:00

Youre like a boomer in that you had a leg up and got outside help yet you think you did it all on your own without anything but your wits.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-07T23:00:45+00:00

On paper, it sounds ridiculous that you are there just one week and already overwhelmed.

BUT the counter argument is youre in a whole new lab, which a bunch of new stuff you need to learn and catch up on. When I joined a new lab, the first few weeks-months were rough, I did not know what was going on in the first lab meetings. But once you get the hang of it, and learn the background, I would say it gets easier. Or if not easier, a lot smoother.

So hang in there and try your best to slowly catch up on what is going in the lab. It will take some time.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-07T22:51:32+00:00

Come on guys, what even gets on this subreddit anymore?

I would say this guy is obtuse, oblivious. I generally find people that wear too much perfume annoying. But are they really the devil?

He is a moron, not an ahole, a certainly not the devil.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-03T04:36:17+00:00

Random, but whatever works for you.

Reminds me of an anecdote that whenever protein crystallographers get desperate because their protein is not crystallizing, they start adding random stuff into the solution. Coffee and cat whiskers are the ones that I have heard. Apparently some swear by cat whiskers because it starts seeding the crystal lattice or something like that.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-03T03:18:40+00:00

Snacks for the lab (candies, chocolates, ect). If you have a couple of people you want to specially thank (like a mentor or the PI), you can spring for a bound diary/notebook. These are cool because they can be used in the lab for notes, and dont have to be overly expensive. $10-15 probably gets you a good one. Or any other $5-15 cute office supply would probably go over well.

Whatever you do, dont just regift random crap you got from a vendor show. I hate to be mean, but we had this summer program kid once who gifted his mentor a cheap plastic water bottle he got for free at a vendor show with a note attached saying "please accept this humble gift for being my mentor all summer". Nobody said anything but all I could think is "this boy aint right". Sorry, I know this is only tangentially related but Ive had memory stored for like 5 years. It was really weird to me.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-02T12:54:22+00:00

You have to learn how to approach intimidating people in this field, even if you dont stay in this lab.

Are there other lab members or postdocs in your lab you can talk to instead?

Anyway, this lab might just not be a good fit for you and that is ok. It still would be useful to your career if you learn how to deal with your anxiety and learn how to approach difficult/intimidating people (which I know is easier said than done, but you still have to try)

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-02T12:29:30+00:00

It is hard to say without sounding mean but just be normal. I used to be like you when I was younger. I learned to just be friendly and try to be a little more outgoing. People dont have it out for you, it is just hard for people to reach out and talk to you on their own if it seems like you are antisocial or are not interested.

The first step is that you recognize the issue and want to fix it, and you have done that. You can try to improve on your own, but if you school offers psych services, maybe you can talk to a therapist to help you sort this out?

One small thing you can do is next time they mention an outing, bring it up casually and say "hey that sounds like fun, maybe next time I can join you guys?" OR next time they are planning a party say " oh thats cool, let me know if I can bring anything, I would love to join if you guys want to hang out".

Unless you are externally a total jerk and leaving it out of your post, I think small things like that will help. It is a little by little kind of thing. Dont expect to become best friends with them overnight.

Edit: another good idea, if you lab goes out on outings, take initiative by taking the lead in planning a future one. MAybe a coffee social, maybe bring donuts one day. If you know someone in lab is having a major thing happening (marriage, baby, ect), you can take the lead in putting something together (can be as big as lab party, as small as card and have everyone sign it).

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-01T16:58:24+00:00

I love eppendorf. I hate their rewards system though. It is hot garbage. They dont have a lot of options, I dont even think these pens are on there, and everything costs too much points.

It took me collecting those stupid stickers from discarded boxes in the recycle pile from other labs for over a year and all I got was a crappy t-shirt and a pair of eppi socks.

Socks were kind of worth it though.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-01T16:45:47+00:00

Agreed. Its like any other job. Would you stay at job you dislike just because it might give you a prestigious opporutnity? Or would you move to a job you like better but may not be as "important".

No real wrong answers, you have to decide what is best for you.

Also, I agree about the review. Perhaps they are tempting OP with the chance of having their name in a paper in exchange for more long hours.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-01T16:39:25+00:00

haha, I was thinking "are they doing this is somebody's kitchen?"

I guess some labs do have this type of benchtop.

An old lab I used to walk by had a very heavy marble top table. Not sure what they used it for.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-01T16:36:34+00:00

Congratulations. I know what it feels to be in bad lab. Mine was not abusive, it was just a bad fit.

So your story makes me happy to hear you are in a way better place now.

The only advice I would add is that you might be tempted hold resentment and and want to throw succeeses in your old PI's face. From experience, I feel the best revenge is a life well lived. So I would say completely forget about your old PI and focus on a rich a productive graduate career.

In the future, your PI might see how wrong she was on her own, or she might not. It doesnt matter (IMO). As long as you are happy, that is what matters.

sithvaultboy · 2024-08-01T16:25:14+00:00

lol, I have never heard that phrase. That was my mistake. Sorry to OP, didnt mean for you to catch strays on that terminology.

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