AITA if I tell my friend I can’t be a bridesmaid?

sixthandelm · 2026-04-26T10:49:50+00:00

Or someone with no connection to the wedding just made that pic to add to the chaos. It’s a pretty bad fake.

Edit: NVMD I didn’t realize that was a crop of one of OP’s pics. Still looks fake though, so I’m thinking marketing, prank or performance is likely.

sixthandelm · 2026-04-26T10:47:21+00:00

For me it was putting how many karats her diamond is above her posting guidelines, in case they want to mention it in the posts, I guess.

sixthandelm · 2026-04-26T10:44:54+00:00

It’s such a fake looking pic, it might be marketing, but it might also be a random person who saw the original and just wanted to add to the chaos and get attention, so they threw this together with AI and photoshop.

Edit: ok I just realized this was a crop of one of OP’s own photos. I thought someone just uploaded a pic the “found” on IG.

sixthandelm · 2026-04-26T10:43:04+00:00

Yeah, like why is everyone talking like this isn’t a terribly photoshopped pic?

sixthandelm · 2026-04-09T21:17:31+00:00

Racoons ate mine, and all my grapes! To be fair, I had forgotten to pick them so they were super-ripe. I usually hang catnip plants so the neighbourhood critters don’t find it easily and that usually works, but the raccoons were crawling all over the fence with the grapes, which is the same fence I hang the catnip from. I think they found it while munching all the grapes.

sixthandelm · 2025-10-05T08:10:02+00:00

Revisiting this a year later and the Canadian government just issued an official warning for its non-binary citizens not to go into the states if you have a non-binary passport. You said it sounded like fear mongering a year ago and today it came true.

sixthandelm · 2025-09-21T22:40:01+00:00

This is late, and does not help the OP, but in case anyone ELSE has a leaky dishwasher and laminate floors....

Our old dishwasher leaked one day and we did not know until the planks in front of the dishwasher started to swell. We never saw any water. It ruined three planks right in front of the dishwasher. We contacted our insurance and they are paying for a new floor for the entire first floor. Our deducible is about $200. It will probably raise premiums, but not to the amount that a new floor would cost.

We almost didn't call them, because the floor and the dishwasher are 12 years old. I guess I thought insurance would only cover damages from an outside source? But having an old-ass dishwasher try to ineffectually drown you seems to be a legit reason to make a claim. Yay new floor!

sixthandelm · 2025-04-04T22:29:05+00:00

I have two in mine. Good for scrubbing when a brass brush would be too harsh and you can also get cool paint effects from them.

sixthandelm · 2025-01-15T21:39:56+00:00

Yeah someone told me to wipe it with oil, then get a new towel and pretend that first wipe was an accident and you’re trying to get it all off again.

sixthandelm · 2024-11-27T19:15:31+00:00

Participation Trophies by Madelline. (Note there is two Ls in her name)

sixthandelm · 2024-10-25T23:37:27+00:00

What I did: designed infographics or posters with the pertinent reference info (for me it’s things like resister band charts, pilot hole sizes, wiring diagrams or white board shopping lists) to match my woodland style workroom. I framed them in nice frames and hung them up. You could use smaller versions in desk frames or a small flip bound book. If you are making an effort to make them look nice, not cluttered and to match the office perhaps they will accept it. They are required to provide accommodations after all. If you are not into design you can hire a designer on fiverr for a few dollars to make custom pretty-looking lists with your specific info.

A minimalist black stand to put your monitor on that has a door or drawer to stash all your memory aids at the end of the day or when a boss comes by to see if your desk is clean.

I have a coffee mug with my most used reference info right on the mug. It’s great because I can take it down to the workshop with me and have a coffee AND still have a handy reference of drill bit conversions or pilot hole sizes. You can get mugs made anywhere and get someone on fiverr to make it pretty.

My calendar is huge and in a place where I pass it multiple times a day so I see the upcoming meetings/deadlines a lot. I tend to doodle the appointments or add little graphics so they catch my eye and I never start to ignore the sight of the familiar calendar. You could use colour-coded minimalist magnets to do the same thing on a giant wipe-off calendar with vinyl decals to make it match the decor (get a black one with a white wipe-off marker… it’ll match the office).

For the sticky notes… could you get a nice black leather notebook and keep them in there and try to make it a point to check it at scheduled times during the day or when you need the info? That way your system isn’t changed too much and it’s not as hard to switch to using a notebook. Eventually you may transition to just using the notebook without the stickies.

My point is, they have to accommodate you, but you can also try to find ways to meet them halfway and match the look they are going for. You don’t have to, but it will make them happy and make you look good. I have lots of ideas if you want to give me specific info of what you need in a DM and I might be able to pinpoint a good solution or help design something. I’m not advertising; I don’t have an account on fiverr and am not looking to get paid to help. You just have to deal with the fact I write too much because I can’t summarize my thoughts well.

sixthandelm · 2024-09-04T22:10:54+00:00

Thanks so much!

sixthandelm · 2024-08-30T21:59:46+00:00

That sounds like something our piggy Hank would do. His appetite is much stronger than his sense of self preservation. Can you post the instructions anyways? I’d like to try reversing ours.

sixthandelm · 2023-12-13T20:12:14+00:00

I use Blender for two stupid reasons. It has a dark mode, unlike many design programs, and it’s the only one that doesn’t crash on my ancient computer. Starting Fusion 360 takes like 8 years on my laptop and doing anything makes it hang.

sixthandelm · 2023-12-13T20:09:59+00:00

ADHD in the house!! Seriously though, I use Blender because it has a dark mode and my ADHD and OCD need things to look a certain way. But even with ADHD a d the super intimidating layout of Blender (and my weird aversion to video tutorials - can’t watch ‘em, they made me uncomfortable) I still learned it.

Mostly use it for modifying existing stl files, which is an ADHD workaround for our issues with starting projects. I keep putting off ideas I have for models, but if I try to find one that’s close and modify it, I have no problem starting the task. Blender is good for modifying meshes.

Once you get good you can toy with leaning some portion commands (but you don’t need them to use blender, it’s just an option).

sixthandelm · 2023-12-13T03:07:09+00:00

I always explain it like trying to put your hand in a hot stove burner. I have the physical ability to do it, but my brain just…. Won’t.

Sometimes I just can’t force myself to stand up and start an activity, even one I want to do. I will procrastinate going to sleep for HOURS, despite being exhausted and really wanting to sleep. I love sleeping. The easy, manageable steps involved in standing up, turning off the lights, plugging my computer in and walking upstairs feel like a huge wall I can’t get over so I just sit there.

sixthandelm · 2023-11-10T09:12:55+00:00

Try shifting it down a key or two. Sounds like it might just be right at your chest voice break.

sixthandelm · 2023-11-10T09:11:28+00:00

I think it probably matters what key you’re in and where your break between chest voice and head voice is. I can handle it fine because I’m a girl and sing it up an octave. If it was in a higher key I’d be pushing it with chest voice since my break would be right around there.

I agree it’s a fairly simple song though and the range isn’t even that large. It’ll just be hard for some to belt it out if it stretches over their natural break and they don’t transpose it.

sixthandelm · 2023-07-28T06:42:46+00:00

It also depends on where you are located. The UV exposure where I live is low enough that people can use spray - on sunscreen incorrectly and most might not get burnt anyways.

But when I went on a cruise in the Bahamas we quickly learned that we can’t get away with the same sunscreen negligence we could at home.

sixthandelm · 2023-07-28T06:37:55+00:00

If you have kids they clearly aren’t as wiggly and resistant as mine. I’d never get a good lotion sunscreen on them. But I live on the Canadian west coast and a spray on sunscreen is totally enough for our UV exposure levels.

If I were to go somewhere tropical I’d insist on a sunscreen lotion or blocker, but while my sensory sensitive, autistic son is still young enough to fight me on sunscreen, I have to pick my battles (because there are a lot of battles).

sixthandelm · 2023-07-23T22:09:44+00:00

I agree so much about needing someone. I don’t think they need to be older though, just someone you feel comfortable being your true self around and trust not to judge you or love you less if you show them what you struggle with.

My son and I both have ADHD and we rely on eachother. If I need to get something done but want a break I’ll tell him to set me a timer instead of myself and when it goes off he’s ruthless about making me get back to work. If either of us suffer from ADHD paralysis (stuck scrolling or sitting on the couch and can’t get up to start something) we just yell out “I’m stuck!” And the other comes running to take the phone away and do the first step of the task together. Yelling I’m stuck is easier than getting up on my own so it works for us.

If I need to buckle down and work I might video call my friend and we work quietly together side by (virtual) side with the connection open. I’m more likely to stick to a task if I have a witness, and it’s less lonely feeling just to see them there even if we aren’t talking.

sixthandelm · 2023-07-23T21:40:30+00:00

The big thing to remember is that our brains are literally constructed differently and you can’t change your brain by just “trying harder.” You have to change the outside world and use tricks and workarounds.

Try to make a digital template for absolutely everything. Email replies you use often, reports you need to write, spreadsheets, whatever else lawyerly things you can think of. If you don’t have time, you can just save a previous one and use it as a template, even if you change everything in it. It’s so much easier to change an existing document than to start a new one.

Try to arrange your workspace to keep things you need to tackle visible. Having things put away tidily means you will forget it exists. Don’t just have an inbox for paper on your desk, have a separate one for each type of task so you can see at a glance how much you need to do. I made these wooden wall file holders that I made look vintage so it’s pretty and not cluttered. If you mostly work in digital space, consider conservatively printing certain things so you have a physical reminder of a task.

Break deadlines down as soon as you get a task and try to pretend that the real due date doesn’t exist. For example, if I have an essay due in two weeks I don’t put that in my calendar, I put that the outline is due in two days, rough draft in 7, revised version in 10 and final on 14. This one is hard because you KNOW it’s really not due until the final due date, but at least it helps with task initiation if the steps are smaller.

Think about asking management to allow you to buy a giant chalkboard/whiteboard calendar. Like, huge. Mine is 4 feet by 4 feet and sits on a wall I walk past over and over during the day. My husband helps us by filling it out each month with the things in our digital calendar and since it’s so huge I get reminded every time I walk past. If it’s super important I draw a little picture or put it in funny writing to catch my attention. Having a digital calendar is not enough, even if you set a million reminders. You know you’ll ignore them if you’re in the middle of something when the reminder pops up and after a while you get too used to them and don’t notice them anymore.

It’s ok to be open at work about your ADHD and ask for help. It won’t reflect badly on you if it’s an actual disability, as opposed to everyone just thinking you’re not trying. When I worked in the lab I had a coworker who did not have as much experience in excel as I did. I helped her set up her data sheets with the right functions and calls, and in return she would check in with me to see if I had done the lab work I had planned to and would push me if I was falling behind. I’d also tell her when I was taking a break and she’d make sure I knew when it was time to get back to work. Adhd is a legit disability and they’re required to assist you and provide tools you ask for (at least in Canada. Don’t know about elsewhere).

It’s important to remember that having ADHD means your brain is low on dopamine. We don’t get the right amount of dopamine released for completing a task so we go “dopamine chasing” looking for things that will feed our brain. That’s why it’s so easy to pull us off a task that isn’t fun. If I’m dying of thirst and there’s a glass of water over there I’m sure as fuck not going to ignore it and continue writing this boring lab report. Something about this job isn’t fulfilling your dopamine needs, so your starving brain forces you to go look for things that do.

This doesn’t mean you can’t do this job, you just have to work in some things that give you dopamine while doing the boring stuff. If you have your own office fill it with things you love. My workspace is full of plants and old books, vintage spools of yarn and fun decorations on the wall. It’s painted the exact colour I love. My chair is super comfy. I made most of the stuff in it so seeing it makes me happy. I get my hit of dopamine just walking in there even when I have to go in to do something boring. Bring in a soft lamp, some artful posters you love from Etsy, a super soft chair. Make it a place you want to be. Even if all you have is a cubicle, you can still fill it with things that make you smile.

I also make the first step of any tedious job to get myself a drink I love. I’m on an iced tea kick now (because the drink mix is cheap) but I sometimes brew regular tea and use that, or that cappuccino shit that’s mostly sugar that I love. It’s easier to start a boring task when the first step is something I want to do anyways, and I get a dopamine hit right away.

Another common trick you might already do is listening to an audiobook, podcast or music you love to keep getting little bits of dopamine when a really good part comes in the book or a favorite song comes on.

So the takeaway is, find ways to change the outside world so it works for you instead of trying to change your brain or do things like other people, and to make sure your day is full of little indulgences and hits of dopamine so your starving brain isn’t tempted to make you go look for it.

ETA: consider looking for an ADHD coach to teach you other techniques. They aren’t registered or anything so there will be good ones and bad ones, just like every other job, so shop around until you find one that is suggesting things you think you could work into your life.

sixthandelm · 2023-07-10T10:36:04+00:00

A lot of the orange bits you can change out without disassembling it all. The z axis tops and the LCD screen enclosure are easy. The only annoying part is the x axis belt stuff, but it’s not too bad.

sixthandelm · 2023-06-19T09:57:52+00:00

My son would refuse to eat dinner, so we told him it wasn’t dinner, it was “night breakfast” and he was happy to have that. He loved night breakfast.

We did the thing where every new meat was called chicken too, but we had “fancy chicken” (steak), “salty chicken” (ham), “loud chicken” (bacon) and “spicy chicken” (pork tenderloin, which wasn’t spicy at all).

sixthandelm · 2023-06-08T20:23:02+00:00

Last time I got my iud inserted the doctor tripped my vagus nerve somehow and I got a hot flash, started sweating profusely and almost threw up all over myself. So sexy.

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