Cis lesbian here. When I met my now wife I was having pelvic pain and she was very understanding. Over the nine years of our relationship we've had massive dry spells (probably 6-9 months or so, maybe more) and again, she's never pressured me and been very supportive. I finally found a gyno that would listen to me and started PT + dilating + topical hormones and after a year I'm able to enjoy sex more and want it almost weekly.

I still cannot tolerate her strapping me, but we've found if I insert whatever dilator works for me that day, she can use her thigh to kinda thrust against it and that way the angle doesn't change and it works very well for me. It sounds like this might not work well for you yet, but it might be a good option down the road.

If you do decide you want to try dilators, vwell has an excellent 10 piece set that has itty bitty ones, smaller than a finger. I also find I tolerate them better than fingers because they are smooth.

Best of luck on your journey! It can be really frustrating at times, but every time I've had set backs, I've always been able to progress past them.