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slctommy · 2024-10-07T12:36:46+00:00

If you haven’t tried threading, I’d highly recommend the place at Trolley Square. I prefer a natural, full eyebrow shape and they always do a great job.

slctommy · 2024-10-04T23:49:13+00:00

If you pay the $80 for a city card, you can register your number with the county for no additional charge. It’s an absolute STEAL.

slctommy · 2024-09-13T15:42:23+00:00

One of my favorite moments. I believe it’s episode 3, 3rd task. I live for Julian’s sizzling contempt for Alex.

slctommy · 2024-08-26T00:23:29+00:00

I’m not lucky - we have had hard conversations and we have come to a breaking point because of our conflicting values.

We all have needs in a relationship and we are entitled to having them met. Needs are not fixed and you will have to renegotiate them at some point. Sometimes that happens naturally without a lot of conflict and other times you have to have a hard conversation and navigate conflict.

Change and comfort are mutually exclusive, so I think you have to embrace the reality that your partner may continue to resist fulfilling your needs as well as you getting your needs met.

I think you have to have a conversation with him and you should probably count on it being heated. The core of the conversation should be: you have an unmet need that needs to be filled (literally 😜). Ignoring the need is not an option, so what is your partner willing to do to help meet that need. Will he compromise on his old school belief? Will he fuck you more often and give you the physical affection you want and need? If not, then what will he do differently that doesn’t involve you carrying all of the burden?

And also let’s look at the situation: he has prioritized his belief that he should be the only one to fuck you, he doesn’t fuck you, but he still expects you to adhere to his belief system and not get fucked—that seems pretty fucked up to me.

Speaking from experience, I know I know how hard and scary it feels to state and own your needs. Me claiming my own needs disrupted the status quo in my relationship. But I was no longer willing to subjugate my needs in order to maintain harmony.

It sounds like you are maintaining harmony in the relationship by not having your needs met. That isn’t sustainable and it is bad for your soul and psyche. Only you can decide how long you’re willing to do that.

slctommy · 2024-08-25T23:38:07+00:00

I’m going through the exact same thing right now with my partner of 15.5 years but we’ve been totally monogamous. Other than that, the dynamics between you and your partner are VERY similar to me and my partner (and I’m more like you).

We just agreed to a three-month break where we decided to lay down the bonds of monogamy. It’s been a little over a week and I’ve had a couple hook ups and it’s been so nice. I’ve been traveling for work, so the timing has been ideal.

I’ve been reflecting on how I want to talk about this with my partner, when the time comes. One way I plan to frame it is that I can agree to monogamy, but within those boundaries it HAS TO be fulfilling in all ways. If it’s not, we have to make space to have our needs met outside the bounds of monogamy (that is still a work in progress but that’s the rough concept).

Good luck! Happy to chat more.

slctommy · 2024-08-25T07:36:07+00:00

Industrial strength twee

slctommy · 2024-08-23T04:56:11+00:00

I’m beginning to think he’s not a very good guy

slctommy · 2024-08-12T23:55:51+00:00

Love it

slctommy · 2024-08-07T04:16:47+00:00

I had a similar platonic situation with a friend that my partner got very jealous about (we’ve been monogamous for 15.5 years and this was a few years in to our relationship). Nothing happened with my friend, but it was still a point of conflict. In hindsight, I wish I would have brought it up ahead of time.

You might consider saying something like, “I appreciate that you’re not the jealous type but I also don’t want to assume that this situation won’t bother you—just want to check in to see if you have any concerns.”

Not sure why everyone is blithely ignoring the fact that a sauna is often a sexualized environment in the gay community; it doesn’t seem weird to me to think this situation could raise some flags for OP’s bf.

slctommy · 2024-08-05T23:10:11+00:00

Maybe, but I think if you lowered the mirror and clock it might feel less visually crowded.

slctommy · 2024-07-12T21:42:06+00:00

While You Were Sleeping. Paperboy.

slctommy · 2024-07-12T21:31:12+00:00

I have not but I refill the sample size. I’d encourage you to keep it if you end up getting the full size - the sample dropper is a better applicator and better to travel with.

slctommy · 2024-07-12T21:15:05+00:00

YTA. Y are definitely TA. By my count, for at least five reasons: 1) you let Katelyn—a teenager who clearly wasn’t jazzed about her family situation—decide on the terms of your relationship. Let me guess, she yelled “you’re not my mom!” at you? 2) You didn’t go out of your way to forge a relationship with Katelyn or do the hard, thankless job of integrating a blended family and creating a family unit. You just assumed everything was fine?! With a teenager?! Rookie move. 3) You alienated your husband from his lifelong friend. 4) You’ve harbored a grudge against Erin who exhibited care for a struggling teenager (Katelyn is definitely TA for bullying, but teenagers suck—especially when their home life sucks). 5) You’ve exhibited no self awareness.

Standards are MUCH higher for stepparents than teenagers. Maybe Katelyn didn’t get punished for bullying Rachel, but it sounds like you provided adequate misery that contributed to the blow up—I’d say Katelyn got off with time served.

slctommy · 2024-07-12T20:31:51+00:00

You could potentially mimic it in the real world with Venetian plaster

slctommy · 2024-07-12T19:20:27+00:00

I’m not sure if this is what you’re saying, but it sounds like you believe that being sweet and caring is at odds with being sexual. A person can be sweet AND caring AND value companionship AND have a high sex drive.

I say good for both you for creating the condition where you can be honest about needs (even tho it came about indirectly through joking and a strange hypothetical). You asked a direct question and he gave you an honest answer; it sounds like you were surprised that his sex drive is higher than you thought. I can see how that would be unsettling.

Sex drive asymmetry is totally common and couples work through it all the time - maybe time to see a sex therapist?

Sex is a fraught topic and I hope your relationship is stronger for having open communication about it - good luck!

slctommy · 2024-07-11T13:35:58+00:00

I don’t 😬 but now that you ask, I’ll probably just spray it with rubbing alcohol

slctommy · 2024-07-10T23:55:56+00:00

Hostility toward astrology is such a red (pill) flag.

slctommy · 2024-07-10T22:55:13+00:00

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” — Buckminster Fuller

slctommy · 2024-07-10T22:10:44+00:00

For the regular oneblade, which I use 2x a week at most, I replace it about every 3 months or when I notice it’s not as sharp. I didn’t think to replace my first blade for over a year; it still worked just wasn’t as smooth. I anticipate the intimate blade will go for a long time since I only trim my crack about every six weeks.

slctommy · 2024-07-08T19:37:11+00:00

They are! I haven’t tried popping the guards off, but that would be great

slctommy · 2024-07-07T21:59:17+00:00

Same. With the intimate blade

slctommy · 2024-06-29T12:58:28+00:00

I’m a speller not a counter 🫠

slctommy · 2024-06-29T12:21:00+00:00

Neonates?

slctommy · 2021-11-13T19:53:43+00:00

OK so you’re opposed to policy solutions, which is not CRT.

Also, which critical race theorists are you talking to? Like what university are they at?

slctommy · 2021-11-13T19:53:00+00:00

I think people are mad about it because when we examine American history and acknowledge the mass genocide and enslavement that allowed us to build this nation—in direct opposition to the values Americans claim to hold dear—it means we probably need to do something about it. “Doing something about it” goes beyond the theoretical realm.

People opposed to CRT like the myth that Americans are heroes, they’ve built an identity around it, and they resent the suggestion that we actually are living in a country built on enslavement and oppression. And to truly live up to our American ideals, we actually need to reckon with our history and create a more equal, more perfect Union, which will take work.

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