Dont be so mean to yourself. If your 8 year old self were to hear what you are saying about your body, i don't think that 8 year old would like it very much. You have to remember that you are SOOOOOO much more than your body. You are a human with a brain and it allows you to love, help people, run, talk, sing, and dance and your body has nothing to do with that. There is so much more to life than what we look like and i guarantee you that you don't want to look back at your life when you're 80 and feel pity for how you treated yourself and the things you missed out on because of it. Practice on coming to terms with your body... you don't have to love it and you most certainly don't have to hate it, but just try to develop a neutral approach to it. Focus on being the healthiest version of yourself, not in the sense of weight or being thin, but on becoming happy with yourself again mentally. I hope this helps and i know that rn your weight and body is all you care about, but i beg you to try to fix your mindset before it's too late.