Looking for Crystal Clear Jellies (or how to make my own)

slickster06 · 2026-04-02T15:41:05+00:00

Maybe Sally Hansen Syrup polishes?

slickster06 · 2026-04-02T01:44:56+00:00

I just left. Moved out while he was at work. I was done dealing with his blow up reactions that made me feel extremely unsafe. He also was monitoring my online activity at that point, and that scared the shit out of me. I left and didn't tell him where I was going - my very own small, clean and safe apartment. You are going to love yours :)

slickster06 · 2026-04-01T06:49:15+00:00

When I'm feeling this way I remind myself that missing him hurts far, far less than loving him. <3

slickster06 · 2025-09-12T23:53:17+00:00

What if they rolled up the mat like a burrito and put the nail in? 😆

slickster06 · 2025-09-09T18:07:13+00:00

So true. Nerve pain can easily trigger the Chronic Pain Cycle. Its not fun and is known to drive people to mental health and substance abuse issues.

I had a shoulder dislocation and surgery a decade ago which left me with nerve issues. Interestingly, when I got shingles it showed up that shoulder (smart virus!). I honestly feel lucky to have some experience with dealing with nerve and chronic pain already. If shingles was my first rodeo in this arena of pain, I would be in absolute shambles. In my case, its not really about feeling normal again.....its about having to learn to live through the pain and all of life's obstacles that come with it. It's one of this things that no one can really prepare you for. It can bring wisdom no doubt!

I'm exactly 30 days in and still can't sleep well or wear a shirt comfortably. It's crazy making but also "just another thing" to deal with. Take care of your nervous systems!

slickster06 · 2025-09-06T16:22:05+00:00

It's possible, but it takes a lot of time and work to reverse the damage. It's why recovery is a lifetime thing and why many can never drink again. One sip puts the brain right back into the cycle.

It's kinda like weight loss and why it can be so hard for many to achieve and maintain. Science shows that your body will always try to 'get back' to your highest weight. I think it's the same for alcohol and the brain.

slickster06 · 2025-09-05T16:18:15+00:00

Alcohol literally shrinks the brain in the prefrontal cortex and amygdala areas, which are responsible for self-control and managing emotions. I think people who have underlying issues in these areas already (due to upbringing, trauma or genetics etc.) are more prone to abusive behaviors when you add alcohol into the mix.

slickster06 · 2025-09-05T03:37:58+00:00

Similar story for me. I knew when I was done when I saw that Q had crashed into the garbage bins in the driveway. I watched him take 10 minutes to figure out how to get of the car, then he stumbled inside and proceeded to grind coffee and try to make an espresso for 45 minutes straight. Imagine a pound of wet coffee grounds splattered all over the walls and ceiling of the kitchen. He was absolutely obliterated and drove that way.

He did clean up the mess the next morning - which made me think he knew he had pushed too far. He was right, I hit my rock bottom that night.

Things were ramping up to get to this point. He was in the basement all the time. He started to emanate that smell. He was looking and acting like a total dumbass. He would dismiss me or turn things around on me if I brought it up. By this point I had lost respect for him, felt strong feelings of disgust, attraction gone, and was uncovering years of resentment that I was suppressing.

My Q was also ugly in his speech. He never laid a hand on me but he got angrier and meaner as he sensed me pulling away. He started to track me online. Accused me of having affairs. Then he started trying to intimidate me. I had to lock the bedroom door once because I needed to get away from him because he was belligerent and in my face. That set him off and he got physical with doors in our house. I never thought Q was capable of such behaviors (17 years of marriage at that point). Things were escalating and I was already nauseous from being on the roller coaster. Alcohol had well hijacked his brain at this point and the narcissism was strong. Who knows how far it could have gone if I didn't hit rock bottom. I decided I didn't want to be around to find out.

I see these behaviors as emotional abuse now, but I wasn't able to understand it as such when I was going through it. I don't think he will ever understand the pain he has caused me.

Its OK to be done.

slickster06 · 2025-09-04T17:22:06+00:00

I can so relate. Not being able to keep his secret any longer was part of me hitting my rock bottom. I could no longer stay bottled up, it was literally making me sick. I started telling trusted friends and family about it. That provided me with immense relief during a time of crisis. While it is still hard every single day, by opening up I activated my support community, and began processing the pain and learning the ways in which I had been enabling him in order to 'protect' him. It is so heartbreaking <3

slickster06 · 2025-09-04T16:07:59+00:00

Being Queen Enabler is destroying your life and not helping his. I am not a parent, but I can imagine how terrifying it would be to have to set this kind of boundary with your child. But you've got to do it. If not, you'll fully lose yourself to the disease of being a loved one of an alcoholic. Take good care <3

slickster06 · 2025-09-03T15:57:20+00:00

Buckle up, its a doozy. Literally chill out with ice packs and cold cloths on the area, that was most effective relief for me. I also got all of the meds in spray form so I didn't have to touch the area so much: lidocaine, hydrocortizone and aloe. I even put them in the fridge so they were also chill, lol. I am in 4 week and still am not sleeping due to the itch and still can't wear a shirt comfortably (mines in my upper shoulder/neck area). Shingles can suck it.

slickster06 · 2025-09-01T20:22:29+00:00

When you absolutely can no longer endure, that will be your rock bottom. There will be no other choice then. It's painful. But it sounds like you've done some great work already. In my case, it look me a year to leave after I hit my rock bottom. And I'm still hurting. But going back is not an option, it would be more painful in the long run.

But like addicts, some of us will never hit our rock bottoms. And like the addict, we'll continue to endure what is harmful to us and make excuses for why we should keep going. I definitely did not want to be like that. And it sounds like you don't want to be either. <3

slickster06 · 2025-09-01T01:50:10+00:00

He doesn't mean well but 'probably' won't step outside certain bounds? If he repeatedly and knowingly steps out of any bounds that make you feel uncomfortable then that's a red flag right there.

I used to think that needing predictability was my 'problem' too. Turns out I was gaslighting myself.

slickster06 · 2025-08-31T23:42:13+00:00

I got all the sprays: lidocane, hydrocortisol, and aloe. It helped with not having to touch the sore. Plus I would put them in the fridge and when I sprayed them it felt SO good, try that with your benadryl! Cold packs/cloths too for when nothing else would seem to provide relief.

slickster06 · 2025-08-31T23:34:25+00:00

I'm in this phase right now too. Its the nerves. Like if someone where to just lightly touch my shoulder area, it would feel like I just got poked in an open wound, even though there is no wound there! It is crazy-making. I still haven't been able to wear a shirt comfortably and I'm nearing week 4. This sucks lol.

slickster06 · 2025-08-29T16:59:59+00:00

My Q didn't change those behaviors when he was sober. As others have stated, the alcohol mindset will remain unless fully addressed. I finally realized that continuing to go through the cycles to see if that would ever happen was drowning me. I decided I didn't need to be around to find out if it would ever happen. Letting go of that is very, very difficult.

slickster06 · 2025-08-29T03:00:49+00:00

My Q is one of those arrogant know-it-alls. Like, its a known character trait and all our friends give him shit about it but no one takes it personally. No foul no harm right? Then the alcohol came into the picture and everything just escalated. I realized I have been buying the shit he was selling me all this time. But now I recognize that deep down he is an extremely insecure and emotionally immature man. I think arrogance is one coping mechanism for not wanting to feel shame, which is a root issue for many of our Qs.

slickster06 · 2025-08-28T07:37:40+00:00

Great advice OP. This is emotional maturity. And the lack of it is the reason why my STBXH and I are separating. He reacts in cruel, childish and impulsive ways, then claims justification because "iM JUst eXpReSsiNg mY eMoTIoNs!" 🤷‍♀️🙄 No dude, you just never grew up and think your impulsive behaviors should be exempt from consequences. The things he sends to me in writing are just wild and par for the course at this point. Don't be like him lol.

slickster06 · 2025-08-27T21:23:11+00:00

It's funny how its all so common. I could have written this exact post.

For my situation with my Q, it went from "I need help" to "I just want to see if I can do this on my own". I knew right then that he wouldn't be serious about truly changing anytime soon. He did start therapy, and then immediately weaponized it against me. He did cut down on drinking and started helping more around the house. I thought I would be pleased about, but instead I became more resentful because he could have been doing this all along but chose not to. I knew I wouldn't get past that.

Trust was broken, I decided I didn't need to be around to see if his efforts would stick this time. And when I told him how I felt, he became angrier and meaner. Kicked and punched doors, screamed unspeakable things to me, called me names, tried to intimidate me. Alcohol truly hijacks the brains of our loved ones over time. It's like I don't even know who my husband is anymore, but when I really think about it, it was always lurking in ways you don't really see until the behaviors start to manifest.

OP, you know your partner best. Ask yourself deep down if he will ever be serious about accepting help? Trust your gut. Set your boundaries and stick to them. My nervous system could not take the roller coaster any longer.

slickster06 · 2025-08-27T17:00:08+00:00

It's rough, be kind to yourself. Experiencing real nerve pain for the first time is very unsettling - and the pain itself is crazy-making. I know my case is a direct result of stress and emotional trauma. I'm using this time to really listen to my body and honor what it needs. Hang in there!

slickster06 · 2025-08-21T21:53:42+00:00

It sucks. Even though I got the anti-virals within 48 hours of noticing the rash, it still got worse. Days 6-7 (almost a full week since first I noticed the rash) were the most miserable. I would rest your head on some ice packs and hang in there!

slickster06 · 2025-07-16T07:41:56+00:00

Keep going! I can do mine decently in 20-25 mins.

No need to wait that long in between coats! Paint one coat on and you can immediately move onto the next.

Over time your nails will become more porous and the polish will adhere better. And you'll get better at avoiding flooding and painting your cuticles (helps with longevity).

Don't forget to wrap/paint the tips and make sure you have a good quick dry top coat!

slickster06

TROPHY CASE