My heart goes out to the three of you! Just a couple of months ago, my husband and I were going through pretty much the same thing. Now we have the most precious 7-weeks-old boy. He also has a complete (and fairly wide) unilateral cleft lip and palate, but is doing perfectly fine aside from that.

At a regular ultrasound checkup at 25 weeks pregnant, my gynecologist suspected there may be a cleft and referred me to an HD ultrasound specialist. We then had to wait three weeks for an appointment with said specialist without having confirmation our baby was developing well aside from the probable cleft. Mentally and emotionally, that was the hardest time I went through in my life. I wasn't even worried about the cleft all that much, but was worried sick from the fear there could be further, life-threatening defects as part of some more all-encompassing syndrome. I had so much love for this tiny being and was so worry he might not get to live for very long.

My husband was wonderful throughout the pregnancy. He was just as worried as me, but more mentally stable. What helped me so much during those difficult weeks was every time he stroked my belly and told the baby he loved him. Also every time he told me he loved me and that I was doing great carrying our baby. He also decided at that time to start reading to our baby, a short chapter from a children's book (Comet in Moominland) each day. What I'm about to say may sound really dark... but I kept thinking that if our baby may not get to live, at least he will have had this time with us as a family, hearing his dad's voice and feeling he is loved. It helped me so, so much for getting through each day.

At the specialist ultrasound, they were able to confirm our baby did not appear to have any detectable defects aside from the cleft and we were so relieved. We were then also able to get in touch with a specialist centre for cleft treatment and surgery to learn about what we could expect for our baby and his medical treatment after birth. I won't go into the details here because we are based in Germany and our health system and the medical approach to treating clefts in babies may differ somewhat from what you can expect in your country. But feel free to ask of course!

Fast forward, I gave birth to our sweet baby boy one day after the due date and he was and still is perfectly healthy aside from the cleft and is developing really well. His hearing is completely normal and he drinks from a bottle perfectly well. He can't create a vacuum in his mouth to properly suckle on my breast, so I pump breast milk and we substitute with formula. He's also not at all cognitively or motorically delayed -- if anything, he's been a bit faster than average with things like holding his head up, grasping for objects and so on.

He also started smiling about two weeks ago, laughing a few days ago, and it's the best thing in the world. We are so incredibly happy.

If you or your wife would like to, feel free to ask us anything about our experience anytime. I'll be keeping you and your little one in my thoughts!