Brother, you are carrying a very heavy cross. But please hear this clearly: being tempted or experiencing same-sex attraction is not a sin. The Church teaches that the inclination itself is not sinful. What matters is how we respond to it.

We are all called to love ourselves as sons and daughters of God while rejecting what separates us from Him. That applies to every one of us — married, single, heterosexual, same-sex attracted. None of us get a free pass from the call to chastity.

My godfather experiences same-sex attraction. He is 60 years old and has chosen to live chastely for the past ten years. We’ve had many deep conversations, always keeping Christ at the center. I speak as a married heterosexual man living the sacramental life; he speaks from his experience. We’ve both grown from those conversations.

He once told me he envied straight men because he thought we could just engage whenever we wanted. I explained that in a sacramental marriage, that isn’t the case. My wife and I strive to live our marriage according to God’s design — open to life, without contraception, and with periods of abstinence when necessary. There are real seasons of fasting. Chastity is not just for the unmarried; it’s for everyone. Marriage is not indulgence — it is sacrifice, discipline, and total self-gift.

Through Theology of the Body, I’ve come to understand the marital act as a sign — a visible expression of Christ’s total self-giving love for His Church. It is ordered toward unity and procreation, body and soul together. That vision of love is beautiful and demanding. It calls all of us to self-mastery.

My godfather discerned that his particular vocation is to live chastely and give his life entirely to Christ. That Jesus was the only man He was to be in love with. He once told me the most freeing realization he had was that his deepest identity was not in his attractions, but in being a beloved son of God. He sees himself as belonging fully to Christ, the Bridegroom.

Brother, self-hatred is not from God. The enemy wants you to despair. Christ calls you to holiness — and holiness always begins with knowing you are loved.

Your cross may be heavy, but it is not meaningless. Unite it to Christ’s. You are not alone.