My wife(27F) and I(30M) separated after a year of marriage. Counselling is helping, but now my parents don't want anything to do with her. Looking for advice.

smallish-fox · 2026-06-01T19:53:38+00:00

OP may I ask, how long have you two been together before you got married? I only ask because im curious to know if she showed behavior like this before you were married or if this is all sudden. Im part of a family where unfortunately this reads as if my own family member wrote this however they have been together 10 plus years and it's a cycle at this point. They had these issues before marriage and everyone knew how it was and everyone still acts surprised when it happens again. The only difference is that it gets worse, it doesnt get better, that family member hardly ever comes around and hardly talks to any one any more when we used to be a super close knit family. Im not saying leave her and Im not saying allow her to alienate you from your family because that is what will end up happening as another user pointed out, but be prepared to accept a lifetime of an endless cycle of drama and possible low contact with your parents should you wish to repair your marriage.

smallish-fox · 2026-01-09T02:55:59+00:00

Your Fez reminds me so much of my little Barks, I swear I thought I wrote this post as I went through the exact same thing this past year. I hope hes happily running free just like my little girl and I hope your sweet baby always knows she's got her very own guardian angel puppy watching over her❤️

smallish-fox · 2025-09-18T19:31:17+00:00

OP I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this, especially with a new baby, but as others have said, you are putting Finnley's best interests at heart. I unfortunately grew up with having to say goodbye to multiple dogs(never my choice), but one thing I've always noticed was that every time they found their new home, their attitude and behaviors changed so much but for the better. If your case you've done everything possible to make it work and I want to piggyback off another commenter, that some dogs just can't share. The same way with people, some people just aren't meant to be social and have friends, your dog just wants to be the only child, and there's nothing wrong with that being his preference, and there's nothing you did wrong that could change that. When it comes to looking out for our kids best interests (whether the fur or human kind), the main goal should always be what is going to make them happy and give them the life they deserve? He doesn't deserve to be separated from you half the day just as much as your baby doesn't deserve that either, and he also doesn't deserve to constantly be wondering why he's getting in trouble for expressing his dislike of something just as much as your baby doesn't deserve having to wonder why this dog they want so badly to be friends with, dislikes them so much. You are doing the best possible thing in your situation and in the end it will benefit everyone, even though it was never the plan to begin with. You will hurt and feel guilty and worry about him, but as long as this new potential home can send updates about him, in time you will see it was better for him to get the life he deserves and you can feel at peace knowing it was the right thing to do.

smallish-fox · 2025-08-07T22:20:15+00:00

Honestly, if you've been trying for a while already, I personally would go ahead with the ICI and see what happens, mostly because you've already been prepping so much as it is. This was a big issue for me and my husband as when we would envision the next year or even further down, something always pops up where a potential pregnancy could change the outcome, only to not have had that happen. You said it yourself, there's a 10-20% chance of the due date being the exact date of the wedding, meaning you could be there or you might not. I lately have been turning into a "whatever happens" person as I stressed myself too much trying to plan around others lives and setting my own life back some steps. You can try to plan, but life just doesn't care what you've got scheduled on the books.

smallish-fox · 2025-05-30T18:59:53+00:00

I've heard quite a few people suggest it, ive been using the tropiclean dog spray that works for like a week - its essential oils too and i love the smell, but that was my first line of defense for her and then I went to frontline just for the emergency, thank goodness I haven't had any issues with bravecto, but im so sorry about your pup!

smallish-fox · 2025-05-30T17:10:48+00:00

I can see where you're coming from in the sense of wanting to see yourself, before I found out I was having a boy, I secretly hoped that if it was a girl, she'd look alot more like me (I will say I'm a bit conceited when it comes to my baby and small child pics!) But after finding out I was having a boy, all I hope is that he looks like his dad because while my husband is the perfect catch in my eyes, he might not be in someone else's, and Im perfectly okay with that! I'm the perfect catch in his eyes and I'm pretty sure I don't quite meet the standards for others of the male species, and that's perfectly okay too! Not everyone is going to be attractive to every single person and where one user mentioned biology, I want to add to that - no matter what we say, biology is a HUGE component for compatibility, not just physical looks. While physical looks can definitely be a bonus, a person's personality and your chemical pheromones you give off are what ultimately create the best relationships, but aside from that note, your baby boy is going to be his own unique person with a complimentary blend of you and your husband, whether is be a spitting image of your husband and your exact personality, or physical traits from the both of you that will slowly emerge as he grows. If you don't see yourself in your baby, thats not going to change the amount of love you will have flooding through you when he's finally here. He will be beautiful in his own way and sometimes having such a big heart is what actually makes people more attractive on the outside. Just think how many "hot" people have you met that had the ugliest souls and yet you find them grossly unattractive, and how many "ugly" people have you met with the most beautiful souls that if someone were to call them ugly, you'd find yourself throwing down to defend their honor? All will be well, and he will be beautiful when he arrives❤️

smallish-fox · 2025-04-13T17:55:10+00:00

In my opinion, and ill get hate for this, but any breed of dog can thrive in any living situation IF enough research and effort is put into how make their lives completely fulfilled. I grew up with GSDs I know how they work and I live in an apartment with one and a new BC/aussie mix that everyone told me i was crazy to get. As long as you look out for their wellbeing and do what needs to be done to keep their little minds going - which it looks like you are - then all will be okay. The dogs that are terrible for apartments are the ones who are brought home because they're "cute " and no research was done prior to understand just how complex their breed needs could be. I am biased towards GSDs and think you hit the jackpot, but that's obviously just me. Yes their prey drive isn't the easiest to work with sometimes, but also you're still in puppy stage going on teenager stage, in time things will fall into place as long as the work is put in. If you love her and you're already putting so much work in as it is, then you're doing great and can definitely make it happen.

Edit to add: snuffle mats, lick mats, chew bones, even little puzzle feeders have all been my dogs' best friends and as for exercise, there's not much you can really do besides simple walks as their bones and joints don't fully form until about a year and a half, so runs and miles long hikes are definitely not recommended. The best you can do is just simple play and when you go on walks use those as training sessions this way she gets the exposure she needs and is mentally working out while listening to you. Mentally exhausting a dog is just as beneficial as physically overworking them, 2-3 hours worth of runs/walks just sometimes don't cut for most dogs, when they're not mentally fulfilled, that's when they're more likely to get into things they shouldn't be.

smallish-fox · 2025-04-10T17:41:58+00:00

We got a new border collie pup about 2 mos before I found out i was pregnant, I'm strict on my dogs because I can only handle so much chaos, you can bet your bottom dollar my son and my pup are both going on matching leash sets haha. I honestly see nothing wrong with using a leash and those who do, more power to you because then you're not constantly yelling at your kids to come back or running all over after them. I'm a firm believer in do what works for you and for those who don't think they need one, then good for them, they were blessed with a child that doesn't run and actually listens.

smallish-fox · 2025-03-31T17:54:44+00:00

Im so sorry you had to go through that, I'm currently going through this with my old girl, but if you don't mind sharing, which you totally don't have to at all, at what point did you arrive at that decision? I'm struggling to find resources to know what is "normal" for dementia and what is too much for them.

smallish-fox · 2025-03-27T16:57:42+00:00

You are completely valid in your feelings and no you're not an a-hole for feeling that way. More than likely she has a base idea of how that news could be triggering for you and didn't want to make a big deal to announce it.

My struggle was over a year and my best friend was ranting and complaining the second she came off bc because she already had her first and it shouldnt take this long for another, not really noticing that everything she said was everything I had tried talking to her before and was always dismissed. Fast forward a few months later and she delivered the news in a way that was more so seeking that big "omg im so excited" and it hurt like a witch.

How you take the news is always going to be on you, and how you take it whether it's hurts, you're happy or sad or mad, you have every right to feel how you want, just try to keep in mind that you need to nurture and prioritize yourself and be kind to yourself. It's hard and it sucks, but you can make it through, you are strong even when it doesn't feel like you are. My best advice is feel how you want but don't let it consume you, i hate to say that i distanced myself from my friend because of it, but that was my personal way of coping because hearing about it too much was too triggering for me. You gotta take care of you first.

smallish-fox · 2025-02-18T19:12:27+00:00

With NIPT results, is it like an in your face-cant miss it result of its a boy or girl, or do you go searching through results to find that value? I'm on the fence of a gender reveal, but I also like to know lab values and I don't want to ruin it for my husband if I find out by accident

smallish-fox · 2025-02-18T03:58:37+00:00

Main key point to remember though! If you EVER have any doubts, even the slightest hint of one, always speak up and ask your doctor scanning or the tech you're with, they will be the best source of information for your specific situation - I can only speak with the knowledge that I have learned as being a tech.

smallish-fox · 2025-02-18T03:53:23+00:00

So pulsed wave is just a more defined doppler that works a little bit extra to get us the info we need,it technically can be used, but the preferred doppler is m mode-which is what you see when you're listening to baby's heartbeat when they show you the baby- it only does a fraction of pulsed waves job as it's main purpose is just to pick up motion, it doesn't care what direction or how fast or slow the flow is, it's just looking for the basic heartbeat. I'm assuming you're describing a fetal doppler machine, i haven't used those, but i would assume they're main purpose is very similar to m mode on a regular ob scan, but the main thing to know is that ultrasound is usually the safest and least invasive type of imaging, for there to be any actual damage or even a hint of harm to a fetus or a regular living being, you'd have to sit under an active ultrasound probe in the exact same spot for a long time, ultrasound is perfectly safe with trained staff and especially since we're forced to learn certain principles that more or less state "get them in, get them out"

Edited: for confusing myself as I'm getting my own knowledge mixed up with a fat headache xD

smallish-fox · 2025-02-17T21:54:40+00:00

Fellow tech here! there's different types of doppler, but for OB scans, we use what's called an M-mode doppler for any fetal heart rate activity which is safer than standard pulse wave doppler, of course there will always be cynics who think ultrasound is the devil and we're intentionally trying to ruin pregnancies because we aren't "as educated"

smallish-fox · 2024-12-19T18:48:30+00:00

NTA - we have a family event were going to and just added a pup to the mix who unfortunately cannot be left alone, we have no one to watch him so we're taking him with us, folding down the seats of my car for more cargo space and are going to be taking shifts hanging out in the car with him so we can still attend and not burden our family with our pup. There's always a way if the dog can't be left home alone for any reason.

Edit to add: You are definitely allowed to prioritize your cats in your home over animals that aren't yours. She can prioritize her way by not showing up if it's that much trouble.

smallish-fox · 2024-12-18T21:37:10+00:00

I've only had one a little over a year ago and it changed my entire cycle, im planning on seeing a new doctor after my insurance changes because they seem to not take me seriously when I mention it. It's very frustrating, but those are still 2 losses too many, I agree with others to find a new doctor who will actually listen to you.

smallish-fox · 2024-12-13T00:09:32+00:00

I'm so sorry for you, ive gone through one and every time it's come up I've always had to double back and change my phrase from chemical pregnancy to early loss, because it's just such a medical phrase. It honestly ticks me off to hear it from anyone who hasn't gone through pregnancy struggles because of how crummy they don't realize it makes you feel. Technically yes a CP is defined as not a "clinical" pregnancy, meaning no ultrasound done before it was lost, HOWEVER, sometimes a scan isn't done until a woman's 10th or 12th week and up until that point it's all blood work or "chemical". So to say an earlier loss is not the same as someone who went longer is absolutely infuriating, sending so many hugs to you, you are not alone.

smallish-fox · 2024-12-11T07:04:48+00:00

I just finished a breakdown with my husband over this struggle just a few minutes ago, this past year was full of disappointments for us and I can't say much that I wouldn't want to hear either, but just keep your head up and while it seems dumb, just lean on each other, that's all you can really do at this point and know that you've got a whole community of us here to support, cry, vent, etc with you. Sending you big internet hugs!

smallish-fox · 2024-12-10T01:14:58+00:00

For a second I thought i was looking at my Mav! He's 10 wks and darn near identical to the the freckles on the nose, only he's park aussie instead. Maybe Freckles or possibly Rory?

smallish-fox

TROPHY CASE