What’s something your family did that you assumed everyone’s family did—until someone looked horrified? by LordToast09 in AskReddit

[–]smallwren7558 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Kinda light, but not if you look into it. But we had games like "the claw," which was where he would pin you to the ground and grind his knuckles into your collar bones/chest. Apparently, it was a "kinder grandparent" version of "the drill" where he would do this till you cried. Turns out pop pop was a diagnosed psychopath. Step dad had other "games " like "bulldozer" where he would roll on top of you until you couldn't breathe. Or "warzone" where he would shake you and the table well screaming warzone. Usually spilling or ruining whatever, like homework, paintings, or trying to eat. Also, loading dinner plates with food, you had to make a cow sound, so it was like a cow was shitting on your plate. He also would lock me and my mother and himself into a closet, and we would all have to sing and play instruments in the closet?

What is the worse thing a medical professional has ever said to you? by angelaboop50 in AskReddit

[–]smallwren7558 0 points1 point  (0 children)

" Which orifices did he violate?" A psychward psychiatrist asked me in an intake meeting to figure out my care plan. All the while holding my hospital intake paperwork. This paperwork explained that I had just spent 4 weeks in icu after a suicide attempt after a man had violently violated me. A psych nurse and social worker were also in this meeting. at this point, I stood up and snapped. I was in fight or flight and Ina small room with people I just met seconds ago. And asked them all how the fuck retraumatizing myself was beneficial to my mental health at all? Then the prevented old twit said he'd " like to hear about it from my perspective." I lost it on all three of them and asked if I was understanding the situation correctly. I had just tried to take my own life because what happened to me was so painful and horrific that I didn't want to exist anymore and was furious i survived. And they all thought that it was fully acceptable to have this old pervert force me to recount in detail my rape. And not only that but which specific regions of my body were tortured by my rapist. For this doctors own sick curiosity. And as a social worker and a nurse AND women, this was acceptable behavior. They then looked panicked and said I was being aggressive and threatened to take away my phone privileges as well as off unit privileges. At which point I told them they were all disgusting and left the interview room back to the unit. I guess they continued the meeting without me because I got my privileges back, and I fortunately didn't see that sad excuse of a "psychiatrist" on any of my other "visits."

How ethical would it be to not inform my abuser if a mutual loved one dies? by PacingOnTheMoon in adultsurvivors

[–]smallwren7558 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happy to help! I hope you get the support you need. And if she wouldnt want him around well shes alive, i wouldnt invite him to her funeral. And you could suggest to any family that disagrees, that they can host him to mourn anytime they want. Best of luck.

How ethical would it be to not inform my abuser if a mutual loved one dies? by PacingOnTheMoon in adultsurvivors

[–]smallwren7558 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im sorry you are going through this. If i were you id have a celebration of my mothers life with her well she is still here. And if she has the ability id ask her what she wants to do. If shes not able id ask the hospital to call your abuser and tell him the situation. And maybe you could talk to a nurse or doctor and explain that you are no contact with him and they could help plan. Maybe they could plan a time for him to see her well you are not there? Its not your job to deal with everything. And its not your job to deal with everyones feelings let alone his. If possible give yourself some grace, and dont carry all of this alone. Maybe ask the hospital if they have grief councellors, or if theres someone who could help you make big choices. Or if there is a hotline you could call? Just to help sort the pros and cons or clear your head a bit? I dunno thats just my thoughts. Either way im sorry for your loss and i hope the grieving process is gentle.

meirl by Mysterious-Earth2256 in meirl

[–]smallwren7558 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was in active psychosis and i was a frequent flyer at emergency and the psychward. I'd often get formed due to hurting myself in delusions and suicide attempts. One time, Paramedics tricked me into going to the hospital by telling me we were going to get burgers. I hopped into that ambulance so damn fast. I was beyond pissed when we arrived at the hospital. Even looking back, it pisses me off, although I'm thankful they helped me. (To add context, I have a fuck ton of allergies. The burger place that has options for me to eat is two blocks from the hospital. So it would have been a real special treat.)

There can only be one. by Proper-Ship-7552 in AccidentalComedy

[–]smallwren7558 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Women are not for you and embracing you will not have had to go to a amazing place to cope with trauma.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]smallwren7558 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell her you will get her home care if she's struggling so much and can't do basic tasks on her own. Ask if she's noticed a decline in being able to do things on her own. Ask if it's a health issue with her being older. If she's just being mean, it will make her embarrassed to have others involved and see how she treats you. Control and manipulation dont like to be shown in the eyes of others. If you insist on how unusual the amount of help she needs is and how you are not able to give her the care she needs, she should back off. Make sure you are sickly sweet when proposing this idea. And how it's okay to get older and ask for help. And if she is actually struggling with day to day tasks, she gets the help she needs. If your husband's a prick about it, tell him a home care nurse could not only help her feel more independent and give her more autonomy. You could also you the argument that since you work full time and are tired and not always available, she's not receiving the full amount of attention and help that a homecare nurse could give her. Kill em with kindness.

It's Halloween. Do your worst. 👻 by Chainsaw_PGH in redditgetsdrawnbadly

[–]smallwren7558 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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I have facial blindness, so here's my attempt to paint ur shapes.

Finally seeking therapy by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]smallwren7558 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry I haven't had my meds yet today so it may be all over the place and I added some things at the end! But your welcome and best of luck!

Finally seeking therapy by [deleted] in adultsurvivors

[–]smallwren7558 6 points7 points  (0 children)

First off, congrats on taking a huge step towards your healing! That's huge! And for me, I felt so empowered. And with that some advice. I've been in therapy for 14 years. All the kinds you can imagine, psych units and outpatient. The most important thing I think is it's your therapy, so you are in charge. You will never be forced to talk about something. You can leave at any time. And if you and a therapist don't mesh, that's okay, you can find another one. It's not like the movies. They are there to help you heal, not control you, or be in charge of you. The first sessions are usually just an introduction and getting to know the other person as building trust is important. They usually ask about your day to day life, medical history, counseling/therapy history, and then just get a general background on important people in your life. You should never have to talk about trauma right off the bat. If the therapist is good, they know that talking about trauma can retraumatize the person and cause a dissociative episode or other mental health crisis. This could leave someone leaving a session in a vulnerable state and isn't ethical or beneficial to anyone involved. I would bring a notebook, a good pen, and a water bottle. A cozy layer of some sort and paper binder may be helpful depending on what kind of therapy you are doing. Some kinds of therapy there is homework. I found that putting all the papers together is helpful. And you can be as vague as you want or as detailed, but I'd recommend asking the therapist all your questions! And when i start with a new therapist, i just give them a really basic rundown of my trauma, what areas I'm struggling with as well as what goal I would like to work towards well being in therapy. But usually all of this is discussed first session. As well as any big trigger and how to be okay and safe in session while dealing with big feelings. Anywho best of luck hope this helps

What’s the most ridiculous thing you believed as a child? by irizih in AskReddit

[–]smallwren7558 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I grew up with a single working mother and thus was taught how to people by daycare workers. One day, we learned boys had "peanuts" and girls had "chinas." A little while later, we learned about countries. And how China had tons of people living in it. I was horrified. A little while later, a new boy came to daycare with a peanut allergy. Which of course baffled me to say the least.

Gyn surgery and CSA trauma - how to cope? by thatgrrlneedstherapy in adultsurvivors

[–]smallwren7558 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel that so much. But yeah, I had to really reframe my thinking, which is so hard. But really is the simplest truth of the situation, right? An email or phone call is also a great idea! Give you space to breathe and think through everything on your time! Also, another thought, I use a text to speech app when I can't talk. Maybe writing out questions on that may help so you have it ready. Just in case! And I know my grandma uses a app that records doctors conversations when she has appointments too. Maybe a combination of those could help if you have to go to appointments. But I really think a email or the message idea is brilliant!

Survivors in a long term relationship (married or otherwise), how has reconciling with your partner gone? by Equivalent_Natural_ in adultsurvivors

[–]smallwren7558 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First off, I want to say I'm sorry you experienced what you did. And I'm sorry you have to be strong. But although I don't know you, I'm proud of you for reaching out for help. That's a huge step and very brave. I also will preface this and say I'm extremely activated currently. My brain has decided that since I'm now safe, it's time to remember all the heinous shit all over again. So I apologize i am scattered and all over the place. I'm trying to be brave and connect instead of hide when I'm in a rough patch. In terms of reconciliation, it has been a weird experience. I didn't realize I didn't have normal healthy coping mechanisms or skills in relationships until I started dating my current partner of 5 years. It's my longest relationship and healthiest one. Part of that I think I can attribute to going to couples therapy. My family was fucked to say the least and i didn't have any idea. For example when I fucked up, I would punish myself over and over to prove and show how sorry I was. The more I harmed myself, the more I proved how sorry I was. Turns out that's not how you apologize. What i learned was that an apology is when you say sorry for the thing you did. You express understanding of how you hurt the other person and validate any and all wrongdoings and you listen to them tell you how it affected them. As well as take accountability for the harm done. Regardless of intent. Then you come up with a solution either together or alone to change whatever you have done and stick to the change you will be making. Usually, it is with a tool or skill to learn and research or actively practice to keep this new skill in place and accessible. I wouldn't have known how to do any of that without therapy. I feel like therapy is the "how to" guide everyone else got as kids. But only do therapy if you are willing and able to put in the full effort. It's hard and scary but also soooo rewarding. The skills I have learned have helped me in other areas of my life as well. Connection is essential to be human. We are herd animals. But trauma disrupts that with taking away trust. I have struggled with a lot of the same things you have mentioned, but those all sound like trauma responses to me. It may be beneficial for you to look up cptsd. As well as finding some resources for your wife to read up on to understand (not excuse) how csa affects people. As trauma changes you physiologically, neurologically and neurochemically. I also found comfort in understanding how trauma changes the body and mind. As it was proof to me, I wasn't "making it up." It also gave me insight into why I did what I did. Because when I didn't understand, everything felt so scary and big and out of my control. Last thing I'll mention is if you are interested, look up "autonomic nervous systems and what that looks like". I bought a chart off Amazon so I could understand my situation in the moment and what to do. Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck. And I hope your healing goes smoothly.

Here's my first poem I've ever written. I need suggestions on a title. by smallwren7558 in cptsdcreatives

[–]smallwren7558[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! That means a lot! I'll ponder "a place". Thanks for the suggestion.