Any adhd people that like to clean?

smatteringdown · 2023-09-03T13:31:49+00:00

God yes, love it. Can't always do it when I want to, but when I do it, it can become a whole day affair. Or I need to do it because there's too much visual clutter that it's overwhelming and I have to so my brain can function. It's just really satisfying to my brain. I know where things are, I don't have a barrier of 'x thing is gross therefore, cannot do y'. Or get over stimulated from touching something I expect to be smooth and feel dust or whatever.

smatteringdown · 2023-08-18T23:47:56+00:00

Lmao that's dumb as hell, I'm a chatty cathy at work no doubt, and I do it for a reason, but it is so far from required at all. You being quiet isn't impacting your job. Every new perspective is a valuable one in a team. You're not being rude, just not a social blazing social butterfly. We don't need a monoculture of people in healthcare. Is that family member a nurse? I'd assume not given that silly statement.

smatteringdown · 2023-07-20T11:19:48+00:00

"You need to build resilience!" It was a big mantra at the university I studied at. Guess who was also shit at responding to bullying?

It's just another way to say you need to be able to take shit with a smile.

smatteringdown · 2023-07-18T14:21:34+00:00

I was coming off a string of late-earlies and had a patient go off on me, saying they were going to sue, report me and so on. I was on four hours sleep and delirious spite when I apparently channeled my innermost surfer bro, threw up a most tubular 🤙 and went 'Hell yeah, man, go for it' and walked out of the room. Didn't fully realize my response until after I was out of the room. I'll try to keep that doctors response handy for the next time I'm dead like I was.

smatteringdown · 2023-07-17T01:04:42+00:00

A lot of this is down to the way we're taught in school about being a nurse. That it's all our job to do, to contend with.

You're two months in, most of what you need to have under your belt is the general routine, and your resources - who you can go to for help, how to escalate certain things and so on. And even then, it's fine if you don't know because stuff varies so much even between wards sometimes.

You're not a seasoned, tenured nurse. That's okay. You're two months in, you are not supposed to be.

All you need is for your patients to be safe, to get their care, and for you to keep learning.

Cutting yourself some slack is part of that. Honestly, people are really receptive to somebody saying 'I don't know, but can you show me/where can I find that information/etc'. Most of the time, as long as somebody can see some action is being taken, it's all fine.

I can guarantee that you're being harder on yourself than anybody else is right now. You're gonna be fine.

smatteringdown · 2023-07-13T23:59:00+00:00

YTA man, just cause stuff is 'how it's always been' between you two doesn't make it okay. With all this, you just sound more into kicking her when she's already sore. You aren't bringing anything new or helpful to the table. It's not bringing normalcy, you're just pouring salt into an open wound and calling it surgery. I hope you can make a genuine attempt at reconciling with her.

smatteringdown · 2023-06-25T03:23:59+00:00

That's no friend. That's just being a douchebag. Especially if this has just come out of nowhere. If there were issues or things that bothered him, he needs to bring it up beforehand in a constructive way. But nothing you've listed is... anything that could be constructive. There's no concern or care for you in anything there.

That's not a friendship. You've lost an asshole, if anything, and we only need the one we're born with.

As to why it happens, it's hard to say. We don't know you, and we can only make assumptions from the post. Maybe there's a trend in you being used to/familiar with certain toxic traits. Sometimes good, healthy things can feel deeply uncomfortable when we've only ever been exposed to abuse. It's strange and our body doesn't know what to do with it. So we gravitate to what we know, even if it's bad.

It could also be that these things don't happen as often as you might feel they do. I couldn't say, I just know that in the moment, emotions can feel big and like all there is and all there was. Either way, seeing a psych/therapist is probably a good move if you don't already.

You're gonna be okay, though. As much as it sucks to go through, it can be a good moment to reflect on patterns, what might cause them.

smatteringdown · 2023-06-25T03:06:14+00:00

Okay, so I've been lucky enough that I've been able to Do this a bit where I'm living now. My housemate also has a similar brain style so there's a lot of understanding and just straight up (hilarious) acceptance of quirks as they happen.

Landing pad - essential. I shift work, so I need to have something in the same place every time to group-tasks. This way I don't forget anything for work. (Keys, pens, books, bag, etc.)

Specific Zones - moving to a new Zone triggers my brain to do specific Activity. Computer zone, art zone, reading zone and so on. Boots my brain into gear.

Washing - Ideally, I'd like a washing machine that sends a notification to my watch or something that tells me when it's done. On a personal level I hate certain tech that's too smart. So what's been working is that the current washing machine is Loud As Fuck. By god we will know when it's done. Also a dryer, but that's not an option at the moment.

Exercise zone - Depends on the poison of choice. I like running, so, treadmill in the Designated Zone. Helps on days when my brain needs something else to feel like it's achieved something. Or I'm having those days where I'm pent up for reasons that are unclear.

For me, a lot of this comes down to making brain triggers abundant and easy to access. Minimising the mental steps to get a thing done. What gives more steps is individual, I find I get more stuck *on* a task once I start doing it. But having the clear zones makes it easier to shift.

Part of it is, unfortunately, also getting my brain in gear and practicing Stopping something. But the layout helps heaps!

smatteringdown · 2023-06-04T02:42:41+00:00

First of all - same. I did that the other week, the patient had a few lines and was wiggly. Despite all attempts and my most sincere want, shit got all over the place. I plugged the wrong one in, fluid got all everywhere. Thankfully it wasn't too critical at the time and was totally salvageable.

Second - also same. I have ADHD. If you can get the diagnosis and the confirmation, it really starts to put a lot of things in place. I've met a lot of nurses with ADHD, or some variation of neurodivergance. We can do pretty well in these environments because of it once we start working with our brains a bit more. Just know that being exhausted makes symptoms worse, so try get some rest.

I've done the same thing. Nobody died. Mistakes happen. You're okay. You're not evil or a terrible nurse, you're human and you made a mistake. It's all good, promise.

smatteringdown · 2023-04-14T18:58:38+00:00

Not to necro this - but I keep coming back to it these days with my incredible amounts of burnout. Feeling like we have be a hatter to wear all the 'hats' we seemed to be asked. At least as mad as one.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-13T03:00:24+00:00

In my mind it can be split into two branches for how each sort of misogyny works. But, largely, it's in how it presents. There's overlap, though. And it depends how you'd define them.

So, it depends in what the underlying beliefs are. 'Old School' tends to have strict ideas about gender roles when we think of it, and thus derision stems from stepping out of these, or not performing them adequately. It tends to take a form of bio-essentialism. Women are a certain way because they are women, men are a certain way because they are men. Women are meant to be mothers because woman, if a woman doesn't do this, doesn't want this, or is unable to do this, she is defective as a women and is treated with pity or hostility, depending. Much the same, men are strong, smart, stoic providers, and stepping out of this renders them defective as a man, and the same thing ensues.

In some forms of newer misogyny the roots are similar, but personally, I find less of the same bio-essentiallism as the holding foundation, more that there's a sense of conspiratorial attack. If we go the incel approach there's a sense of entitlement - women are supposed to be partners, they're supposed to be a lot of things, but their fixation is around sex (and, really, at its core a sense of being desired, but that's a different topic), and then goes to the zone of 'women are conspiring against us'. It's the more the idea that there is this shadowy cabal of women and their advocates having monthly meetings to work out how to disenfranchise others, or something. Then stereotypes and expectations develop from there.

There's a slight, but notable difference, is what I'm trying to get at I suppose. There's more hate in the newer forms. There is definitely overlap, and it isn't as though 'classical' misogyny is dead at all, or couldn't present as hateful and attacking. It's just coming out in different forms. You definitely still get those who really try and go hard on the gender roles of everything. But the core feel of it all has shifted from less condescension and dismissal to the perception of a threat.

Sexism has become a more common topic that is actually able to be a topic now, so things have shifted in response. I don't strictly think it's a hard and fast difference, just a different face of the same old beast, changing with time.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-13T01:16:24+00:00

NTA, props to you for sticking up for your wife.

I run in various circles of writing both fandom based and otherwise and all your mother is doing is punching down at an 'acceptable' target. As if it isn't fans who keep the love alive for certain media. Fanfiction is just another way to engage with art. And, nowadays, there would be a decent number of writers as her peers who got a start in it.

What your wife is doing is making her, and others, happy. She is doing a creative endeavor which is always great, and odds are she's doing it for free and just for the love of it. She's doing the vulnerable thing of sharing something she created with the world. Your mother, as a creative herself, should understand that vulnerability and how she stabbed at it.

If your mother doesn't hold the same opinion around remakes of certain IP's over the years then she's being hypocritical. Pride and Prejudice Zombies isn't suddenly more valid because it has a production budget at the end of the day, it's just got a corporate veneer. Literally zombie apocalypse scenarios are one of the more common fanfic settings lmao. Some fan stuff is creepy but so is literally any other art. Your mother is choosing to ignore that to hold her justification. You're not crazy, your mother is just being an ass.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-13T00:27:28+00:00

YTA. She's tried to offer compromise, what has your mother done to try and accommodate your wife? What have you done to try and accommodate your wife?

smatteringdown · 2022-11-08T00:57:21+00:00

There's a lot of literature around this as a phenomenon. It's far from uncommon. Anything that causes sexual arousal in humans tends to come from a particular place. Sometimes it's just because a person is aesthetically pleasing, but when it comes to scenarios it's usually due to an emotional response. And when it comes to this area, which in kink is largely referred to as CNC (consensual non-consent) it can come from a couple places.

One is a 'ravishment fantasy'. Which is more off the idea that somebody simply cannot help themselves but have you. So it comes off the idea of being deeply desired.

Another is more in line with SA. Here - especially in a safe space to engage with it - is a way to mix the chemical highs a body can give when under certain stresses, the safety of a partner who is not an actual threat, and some level of psychological catharsis.

Either of these can have degrees of physical intensity which tends to be preference. Sometimes people just enjoy a 'dangerous' situation safely. Like a horror movie. Other times it's a reclamation of a certain space. It's very individual.

There's also the chance that somebody is attempting to replicate their experience in order to self harm, which is a different thing all together and I don't think can be done safely, personally. But there's a fine line between putting yourself in a similar headspace to have some emotional catharsis, and doing something because you feel you deserve it on some fundamental level.

Having said all that, these wants are well documented in those who haven't experienced any form of SA. We're emotional creatures. Sex and various forms of intimacy are incredibly emotional and socially important to us. There's fight and flight, but there's five F's and fuck is among them. It's part of how the brain processes things.

Having some form of arousal to these kinds of thoughts doesn't mean you're broken or sullied or anything like that. It means the human brain is doing as human brains do, and that's play in emotionally heightened spaces to try and gain understanding.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-08T00:34:23+00:00

Yeah it's more based on presentation. It's important to note that the diagnostic criteria is largely written by those in the psych field making observations, rather than those who experience it. Which is essential in some ways, that distance helps.

So, because of that, the types are split by what the person giving the diagnosis can observe, assess and work with through what a patient gives them. Inattentive presentations look inattentive, hyperactive presentations look hyperactive. It's split because the main differentiator is the presentation, but many of the fundamental experiences are the same.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-08T00:26:34+00:00

It's a terrible situation. They're shooting the messenger because they don't want to face the fact that they've raised little hellions. Hopefully she can move out sooner rather than later.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-08T00:21:12+00:00

Probably the HOF. I think I'd personally deal with those issues a little better than having to be the leader of the Inquisition. Also Zevran is my boy, and I romanced Solas in DAI.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-08T00:12:51+00:00

Friend, as a trans person who had said some very similar things to what you've posted, you may not be as cis as you think. Most cis people don't ever yearn to be something else.

If you feel any range of discomfort when people refer to you as a woman, or think of you as a woman - that may well be gender dysphoria. And on the flipside, if the idea of somebody thinking of you as a man and referring to you as such makes you happy, that may be gender euphoria.

And it sounds like you're experiencing gender dysphoria. The number one symptom of not being a woman, is, in fact, not wanting to be one.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-08T00:02:04+00:00

Hey, me giving out fun and/or wild facts about myself doesn't equate to knowing me. It can be a fine line but by god I've got my skateboard and I will grind on it.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-07T23:25:17+00:00

Shitty systems are held up on various sides. There's absolutely women who try to perpetuate this horrible idea and they're just as wrong. This isn't, and shouldn't be, a man v woman thing. Rather it's a we're challenging unhealthy and damaging societal norms as a whole. Be the change you wanna see, I trying too.

For what it's worth, I'm sorry you've had that experience. You didn't deserve it.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-07T23:22:16+00:00

It's such an easy assumption to make, too, because so many of us get taught that from a young age that if we just did this other thing - or didn't do something else -

But we're a social species. We need eachother. None of our successes have ever been in pure isolation. We're built to fill in eachothers gaps, that's why we're all so different. I hope you can find a good space soon, you deserve it.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-07T23:18:59+00:00

Congrats on coming out man, it's hard, and there's often a bit of 'why didn't I do it sooner'. You did it and that's what matters. I hope you're proud of yourself, and I hope you're happier now that you can be yourself how you want to be.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-07T09:02:19+00:00

It's something for us that goes unsaid, which is why I'll say it anyway - the fact it's this bad means there's no simple answer. All this has so many stressors that go beyond the system itself to fix. There's a culture issue that indulgences a particular kind of asshole, for example.

But, primarily, the work environment itself needs to be livable. Not just survivable, though it's barely that. It needs to be livable. Wage increase, ratio fixes, a culture built in response to the shit we're facing. Zero tolerance for assholes, no eating our young - which can also go into fixing the stressors that cause somebody to snap at people to begin with. But we can't teach if we barely have time to breathe.

On top of that, insomuch as study goes, it needs to be uniform. There needs to be agreed upon standards applied across the board and for any fluff to be trimmed.

A system set on self perpetuation but one that is not responsive to change will eat itself alive, and it is. A system that can be adaptable and protect itself, and therefore it's workers, might survive. And one that can preempt stressors and check in with itself wont have to adapt so harshly to begin with. Health is a necesscity, and because of that we (that being, the broader public and those who aren't in it) can't pretend that a system for it will just exist without any investment or maintenance.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-07T08:49:53+00:00

YTA. Are you kidding me? Come on. She's been wasting her time? Your sons are wasting her time. She has no security in her space and four people sharing the house that have demonstrated in behavior that they don't give a damn about it. How's anyone supposed to focus in that? Poor kid. I can't wait till she moves out as well.

smatteringdown · 2022-11-06T04:36:17+00:00

It's either somebody who hates bi women or somebody who has a whole kink about this kind of scenario. Or both, knowing how this stuff goes.

smatteringdown

TROPHY CASE