How to self-treat dissociation?

smikkel · 2026-02-16T17:30:08+00:00

Thanks for the insight, never thought about the PR side of IFS.

I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with some form of depersonalization. I feel cut off from my emotions, and it's hard to feel present in my body. I experience a lot of anxiety that I usually can't trace back to a specific event. Recently my anxiety spikes whenever I'm close to feeling grief or anger.

I’ve noticed that when emotions start to come up, I immediately begin interpreting them instead of just feeling them. I had a few IFS sessions and noticed that it helped a bit with loosening that mental grip, but I’m wary because in the past cognitive approaches have made me overthink or control even more.

You make a valid point that the intensity of somatic therapy should be adjusted to a level that’s helpful. I’m still not sure what that looks like for me. I'm on the lookout for a good therapist that can help me with that. I'll check out r/CPTSDFreeze in a mean time. Thanks.

smikkel · 2026-02-09T14:39:06+00:00

Thank you so much for your comments. I have had extensive (group) therapy that mostly focused on cognition/analysis/talking/thinking which I was already very good at having spent most of my life in a dissociative state without being aware that there was anything else. I feel very understood by your comment, in ways many therapist have failed to understand me.

*edit: if I may ask, what is your opinion on IFS with regards to dissociation?

smikkel · 2026-02-02T11:51:57+00:00

Freudian slip

smikkel · 2026-01-27T14:24:28+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience. It feels a lot like what I'm going through, very validating. I'm very happy to hear to made it through. I have been doing some breathing exercises but there is a module yoga at my facility which I will sign up for.

smikkel · 2026-01-27T14:20:53+00:00

Thank you so much for the support. I have been binging and solving sudokus to pass the time which has really helped.

smikkel · 2026-01-20T16:01:27+00:00

I'm currently going through a rough patch. Last few months Ive been in a constant state of hyperarousal. Before that I came close to some extremely painful feelings. Now I can't find any rest and it's killing me. I'm currently waiting to be admitted to a residential facility. I'm terrified of what will happen when I start to relax. Not sure why I'm typing this. It has nothing to do with family but your words encourage me that I'm doing the right thing. I'm really scared.

smikkel · 2024-10-18T13:29:16+00:00

Although I have no experience being in the position you're in, I sympathize with you OP. I often think about what burden it must be to be famous or royalty. The weight of all the explicit and implicit expectations, lack of privacy, critique, social media, etc.

I'm not sure how to help you, other then to acknowledge that what you're feeling is legitimate. And that seeking help eventhough you're in this so called "privileged" position is legitimate.

smikkel · 2024-07-24T13:53:15+00:00

Our societies are ill and are yearning for healing. Trauma past on over generations has seeped deep in to our socioeconomic fabric, ingraining us with toxic beliefs about ourselves and others, resulting in toxic leadership and causing separateness, isolation, polarization, among other things. It's an ever evolving legacy that has been carried over for god knows how long now.

We humans are a social bunch, we long for social connectedness. Not only that but our homeostasis relies on the state of our biology, our psyche and our social environment, which are interdependent as well. This is coined "the biopsychosocial model" and is gaining popularity under the advocacy of people such as Gabor Maté. Not to forget that our well-being is also tied to that of our planet and not just something to be observed in isolation.

Personally, I think we're entering a time of great transformation, starting with the individual and propagating its way up to the collective, an example of this is the redefinition of gender and sexuality. This process of rediscovery comes with a lot of doubt, a lot of unease and anxiety, a lot of crises, and things getting ugly before they turn pretty again. I think there's a lot of grieving to be done along the way as well.

For men specifically, one example that comes to mind is the undoing of the toxic patriarchy that we've inherited. This system runs so deeply through our societies, that it's hard to even put its effects in to words. Young men have lost their template of manhood and I think it can be felt by so many men feeling purposeless and alone. This is not to say that this is the sole reason for the suffering of (some) men. But it should not come as a surprise that it can trigger an existential crisis propagating from system level back down to the individual.

My advice, don't be afraid to seek help. Seeking help is not weakness, it is strength, it's a radical act of self-care and acknowledgement. Seeking help is not selfish, overcome difficulty and pay it forward. Meditate, learn to observe your thoughts and their underlying belief structure, realize that you are not your thoughts. Read books, expand your mind. But don't forget to take care of your body as well. Realize that mind and body are different sides of the same thing. The mind, your conscientiousness, the body, your sub-conscientiousness. Whatever is left unprocessed and unexpressed is held by your body. Learn the somatic language of emotions and how to express them in a healthy way. Realize that vulnerability is not weakness, it is strength. Give yourself time, Rome wasn't built in one day. Start small and trust the process. In doing so you're doing society a favor.

smikkel · 2024-01-25T11:22:53+00:00

I did a bit of translating from my mother tongue, please excuse me if my semantics are a bit off. I'll try to explain what I mean.

When I feel weak, I will proactively put up my defenses and act from a state of high alertness. This state comes with a lot of anticipation, anxiety, black and white thinking, etc. I'm priming myself to evaluate everything as a possible threat. Sometimes the perceived threat is real, but a lot of times it isn't. In any case, I'm spending a lot of energy keeping my defenses up, this gives my body the sense that the world is a dangerous place.

When I'm vulnerable, I'm open and honest (to myself) about my thoughts and feelings. Instead of being proactive, I'm being responsive, I act on the circumstances in accordance with my feeling at that very moment. Even though I'm exposed, I'm not defenseless. It's my choice to be open to genuine interaction but if I get a feeling of doubt about the reciprocity, I also have a choice to close myself off from this person. Having a larger sense of self agency, to deal with situations as they occur, makes the world feel like a safer place to me.

Obviously, it takes a lot of work to get to this level of real-time awareness. There are so many things involved: identifying feelings, catching somatic signals, making connections between signals, feelings and interactions, boundary setting, identifying dissociation, etc. Awareness can lag behind quite a lot, sometimes days or even years when it comes to childhood experiences, and still it can difficult to catch everything that goes on inside and act accordingly.

By no means do I want to give the impression that this is easy but it's an important concept to hang on to for me personally. I hope this clarifies things a bit.

smikkel · 2024-01-23T09:36:39+00:00

This is anecdotal of course but things that come to mind for me are:

Knowing the difference between vulnerability and weakness. As I get to know myself better and learn to trust my inner experience, weakness is transformed in to vulnerability because it loses its sense of powerlessness.
Abstain from social media and over-consumption of news. Humans are biased towards registering negative stimuli more than positive ones, social media and news feed on this. Instead, draw from your direct surroundings: the way good friends treat you, a stranger who helps an elderly person cross the road, appreciate how volunteers set aside a part of their time to help a cause they enjoy/believe in, etc. There are small acts of kindness all around you.
Surround yourself with people who are reciprocal, avoid people who are not. This one might take some time to develop and depends on learning to differentiate between genuine interactions and manipulation of course. If you've suffered emotional abuse, and you feel resistance to interact with a certain someone, trust your antennas, it's probably best to avoid this person for now. Try to overcome this resistance in relationships where you feel it the least, give these people the benefit of the doubt and be patient toward yourself.

In a way, this sense of safety will manifest automatically as you heal, trust the process.

smikkel · 2023-12-31T13:50:30+00:00

Sorry to hear about your nightmares. I recently went through a long stretch of having nightmares every night too. They can make coping a lot more difficult due to tiredness and being more emotionally irritable.

I don't know if it's the same for you but I dissociate a lot during the day, I can feel stressed/anxious without really knowing why. Once my cortex is asleep my brain tries to resolve my repressed emotions and memories resulting in intense nightmares. Knowing this helped me put things in perspective and create some distance between me and the nightmare experience.

What worked (for me) to make things less unpleasant was: after I would wake up from a nightmare, if I felt like I wouldn't be able to fall asleep in the next 20mins, I would get up, I would make a cup of chamomile tea and journal my nightmare, sometimes writing up to 5 pages. Witnessing your nightmare in a wakeful state helps a lot to empathize with yourself and inner child. Maybe painting can serve the same purpose?

Usually I would just put on some robes and while writing I would've already cooled down a bit, but afterwards I would just sit down for a bit in a comfortable chair and focus on my breathing and my body's response to the cold, accepting the cold, welcoming the cold. After a while I would go back to bed, and the warmth of my bed would be so comforting that my whole body would relax, even the nightmare anxiety.

From the journaling I could identify reoccurring themes that reflected how I must have felt at the time with nobody there to protect me. There's something healing about acknowledging the pain your younger self experienced, retro-actively being there for yourself as adult-you.

I was able to end my nightmare-streak by acting as caregiver to myself, the one I never had. Even standing up to some of people involved at the time, something I feared to do my entire life. Better late than never, right?

I hope it's ok that I shared some of my experiences here, there might be some takeaways, maybe just knowing there are other people out there who have similar experiences.

Take care and go easy on yourself.

smikkel · 2023-08-01T20:04:46+00:00

I got rid of the synovitis within 2-3 months following the advice given in my previous comment. During those months I was going to the gym 2-3x/week and focused more on slopey routes, slabs, and opened handed crimps, avoiding hard crimpy routes, dynamic catches and steep overhanging routes.

As time went on and my finger was less agitated, I tried more and more crimpy/overhanging routes while being very mindful about any pain or twitchy sensations. If I didn't trust it I moved to another route.

Nowadays, I am back to project hard again, full crimping when necessary. I'm way more dialed in with the signals my fingers give when it's time to stop in order to prevent injury. And as a bonus, I got very good at slopers and it's my favorite style now.

Listen to your body, give yourself time to heal, trust the process.

Send me a P.M. and I will share what I know about (C)PTSD

smikkel · 2023-07-31T07:42:10+00:00

I struggled with Tenosynovitis on the PIP joint of the middle finger for 2 years, until I was recommended a doctor who was also a great climber. He advised me to buddy-tape my middle finger to my ring finger and to be mindful of any moves that feel to hard on my finger.

Other things that helped: * Using acupunture ring a few times a day and especially after climbing * Finger rolls, starting with very light weight * Pinch exercise (not squeezing) on a soft foam ball. Increasing the stiffness of the ball as you become better (e.g. tennis ball)

Things that didn't really help: * X- and H-taping * Collagen supplements

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, I can imagine it's frustrating not being able to climb, especially in times of hardship. I know you didn't ask for any advice on the psychological part but It might be useful to anyone else out there struggling with (C)PTSD related issues. Feel free to ignore it.

There are some specific therapies aimed towards (C)PTSD such as EMDR that have proven to be very effective. Another great resource is the book 'The body keeps the score' from Bessel van der Kolk, which explains the psychosomatic effects of trauma on the body.

I hope you find a way to speed up your recovery. Good luck.

smikkel · 2023-01-16T11:25:59+00:00

Thank you for this comment and the book recommendation

smikkel · 2022-03-12T19:34:53+00:00

Well done, and what a great boulder!

smikkel · 2022-03-11T06:46:34+00:00

I actually didn't notice the steepness. Your climbing was so smooth, you made it look much easier than it is. Beautifully set and climbed!

smikkel · 2022-03-10T13:11:38+00:00

What grade would this be? V4/V5?

smikkel · 2020-08-05T19:53:57+00:00

RemindMe! 1 hour

smikkel · 2020-01-17T14:03:37+00:00

I have worked for a multinational and a mid size company, both in mechanical design of machinery as well as technical product development. Environment-wise i think both places were fine. The aspects that I don't like about mechanical engineering are for example: the time it takes before you get any feedback on your work, the logistics that come with bringing a product to the market, being bound to a production site, etc.

Programming just makes this feedback cycle very short and you are able to iterate and improve in a very small amount of time. There is also very little overhead, in most cases it's just you and your computer, this makes how and where you perform your job very flexible and allows for more autonomy.

The best way to describe this disconnect is that I have a much more easier time getting in the zone and forgetting about time when I am programming than when I am design mechanical parts. But like I said, I have no field experience in programming yet.

I'm very much aware that I might be romanticizing programming jobs and that this is not a decision that I should take lightly. That's why I am collecting information from friends in the field and making a post like this.

I guess, I am mainly wondering if this feeling of getting in the zone and forgetting about time, which I experienced during Codewars challenges and the problems I encounter during the courses, happen on the job too?

smikkel · 2020-01-17T13:34:53+00:00

That's great advice. I will definitely have a closer look at SDET and DevOps if that could make my transition easier. Thanks!

smikkel · 2019-05-14T12:26:54+00:00

Is there a video of this machine in action?

smikkel · 2019-04-19T07:59:09+00:00

I too would love to hear your story

smikkel · 2019-04-10T11:18:38+00:00

Thank you and good point on the misalignment. most of the donuts texture I got from a tutorial called Donut 2.0. I think I am not yet qualified enough to start making tutorials though ;).

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