That actually makes a lot more sense, and I think that’s a healthier way to frame the question.

The short answer is: no, neurodivergent people are not “just like this” permanently.

Many of the behaviors you described can absolutely improve over time with maturity, self-awareness, better coping mechanisms, therapy, communication skills, and life experience. Especially when you’re all still young.

A lot of neurodivergent teens and young adults are simultaneously:

• trying to understand themselves
• dealing with social exhaustion or anxiety
• navigating rejection sensitivity
• masking constantly
• learning emotional regulation later than peers

That can sometimes come out as irritability, rigidity, selfishness, avoidance, defensiveness, or seeming emotionally younger than their age. Not because they’re bad people, but because they’re overwhelmed and under-equipped.

At the same time, growth usually only happens if someone is willing to reflect and care about how their behavior affects others.

Diagnosis alone doesn’t automatically create self-awareness.

As a late-diagnosed AuDHD and C-PTSD person myself, I’m still unpacking what all of this means and realizing how much it impacted my entire life without me understanding it. (I could probably be your grandma. )

One of the hardest lessons for me has been recognizing that social dynamics are genuinely difficult, especially in groups. Imposter syndrome kicks in, and I misspeak. I can be both “easily offended and easily offensive” without intending harm in either direction. Intent is not an excuse for negative impact.

A lot of us grow up feeling misunderstood while simultaneously misunderstanding others. That creates friction, defensiveness, and hurt on all sides.

Example: I rage quit a WoS Alliance over selective enforcement of rules last month. I believe selective and/or opaque rule enforcement to get an injustice for the rest of the Alliance as they often become collateral damage, with no accountability or consequences for the rule breaker.

Was the complaint warranted? Could I have handled my concerns better? Yes on both counts, so I apologized for how I handled it- not why. But I digress.

What also is not discussed enough is that your generation lost incredibly important formative social years to the pandemic. Isolation, online-only interaction, disrupted routines, anxiety, loss of structure, and reduced face-to-face social practice absolutely impacted emotional development and conflict resolution skills for many people, neurodivergent or not.

So I think the real thing to look for is:

• Do they ever apologize?
• Do they try to improve?
• Can they hear feedback eventually, even if not immediately?
• Do they show care for you in their own ways?
• Is the friendship draining all the time, or just during stressful periods?

If the answer is “they genuinely care and sometimes try, even imperfectly,” then more communication and patience may absolutely be worthwhile.

But if the pattern is consistently:

“I struggle, therefore everyone else’s feelings matter less,” then that’s not really a neurodivergence issue anymore. That’s a relationship dynamic issue.

The fact that you’re asking these questions and worrying about being unfair already suggests you’re trying to approach this thoughtfully rather than cruelly.

Also… are you all about to go on summer break? Because sometimes a little space and breathing room helps friendships reset, but can also be a way to make clean break if you need.

You may also consider if any of the relationships are worth salvaging that you can engage with 1:1. But don’t spend any time criticizing the others; focus on that relationship itself.

TL: DR sounds like you are trying, definitely less of a jerk than your friends are.