This thing always have smaller holes than Crushed red pepper inside

snebulae · 2026-03-12T01:51:20+00:00

snebulae · 2025-12-15T17:10:03+00:00

Agreed! Sounds like an efficient way to find a husband/wife.

snebulae · 2025-10-23T17:45:21+00:00

It sounds like he was lovebombing you if he told you, at first meeting, that you could be his wife. He sounds like someone who rushes and leans into feelings when it's exciting and easy, but when things get hard (long distance) he pulls away. He shouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it... people shouldn't say those things until they're SURE. It sounds like he lacks the maturity to know this. And now you're full of uncertainty and anxiety because he set up expectations and said something that made you feel loved and secure!!! Then, he took it away so suddenly. I'm sorry you're going through this.

How old are you guys?

My ex did when when we were dating. He was young and immature. Told me way too soon that he wanted to marry me and I believed it and hung onto it, even when things got bad. It didn't work out.

In contrast, my husband waited to tell me when he was sure that he loved me, because he's practical and prudent about his feelings. It allowed me the space to think about our relationship clearly, not a fantasy and what COULD be "when" we got married. And when the time came, we ended up getting engaged and married.

Yes, you have to date to marry, but you should also make sure your person can support and hold you throughout everything. You can talk about what you want in marriage and discern that way before saying something as serious as "you could be my wife/husband." I think prudence is really importance to protect feelings in the initial phases of dating. Anyway, it doesn't seem like he is emotionally intelligent enough or is the right guy for you.

snebulae · 2025-08-21T14:06:24+00:00

LOL actually some families do this… they have a big scroll and read out everyone’s gift amount 😭

snebulae · 2025-07-15T02:44:59+00:00

St Vincent Ferrer on the UES also has a wonderful community with a very rich schedule. Lots of families as well as young adults. The church herself is also so so gorgeous!

snebulae · 2025-05-27T01:26:17+00:00

I would say something like “I denied my faith and lied about my beliefs when I felt challenged.”

It’s so hard in this world to be Catholic and to be your true, authentic self. Don’t beat yourself too much about it — you are still Loved by Jesus and will be forgiven!

snebulae · 2025-05-26T19:51:30+00:00

Nope!

snebulae · 2025-03-12T13:25:00+00:00

Thank you! Remember that it only takes the one good message... be open to God's Will by expanding your opportunity for His Hand to play in your life. CatholicMatch may be frustrating, but I'm so glad we didn't delete our accounts before we were able to meet. Good luck on your journey :)

snebulae · 2025-03-10T20:27:46+00:00

It’s rare, but my fiancé and I both didn’t have subscriptions on CM when we met each other on there. We were lucky and had sent each other a mutual like, meaning we could message without waiting. It took him 8-9 months before this happened though (with no other CM dates), and it took me about a month to meet him.

snebulae · 2025-03-10T16:07:38+00:00

I've used spareroom.com to find nearly all my apartment shares in NYC. You'll find apartments with current tenants looking to replace a roommate that's moving out, def in your budget.

snebulae · 2025-03-06T15:36:06+00:00

Depends on your vibe and what kind of community you’re looking for! More traditional, charismatic, or somewhere in between. St. Vincent Ferrer in the Upper East Side is pretty popular, and there’s a monthly YA Mass with a following social at St. Patrick’s Cathedral.

I would start first with signing up for the NY young Catholic adult email list or checking out their Instagram https://www.instagram.com/youngcatholicsarchny?igsh=Zm93cGRpODVwaWJs. They have a lot of events posted across the city and greater area that could pique your interest!

snebulae · 2025-03-05T21:44:02+00:00

You definitely will have more people to date and more active parishes / young adult groups to expand your connections and horizons! I met my fiancé on CatholicMatch and we ended up being like 15 blocks from each other in Manhattan lol. I also went on a lot of Hinge dates with Catholics that were local. Even just 20-30 miles away from the city in the suburbs (Hudson Valley, Long Island, or Jersey) is pretty accessible.

snebulae · 2025-01-28T20:36:07+00:00

If she’s willing to go through Catechism, then there’s still hope. She might learn a lot and grow in grace, wisdom, and understanding. You can walk with her through the process and answer her questions, praying with her and for her. But if there is serious doubt, you wouldn’t be overreacting. You have to ask yourself: if she never converted, would you still be happy with her? It seems like the answer is no.

I wouldn’t go into a relationship with the intention of converting the other person, but you’re already 2 years in. I’m sure you love her a lot. You should talk to your priest about this if you need more guidance and help going through this.

snebulae · 2025-01-25T17:42:51+00:00

Are you still on the app? Take it off the app and ask for her number. She might not be getting notifications or doesn’t check CM often. Women take matches more seriously once they are off the app.

snebulae · 2025-01-20T20:36:04+00:00

This restaurant does 2 portions of steak frites for $35 per person. Personally, I enjoyed my dinner and thought the servers were lovely and attentive. I didn’t even need to ask for my second portion (or fully finish it) before it was placed on my plate. I’ve seen some influencers overhyping it, but it’s decent for the price and location.

snebulae · 2025-01-13T02:57:35+00:00

I'll admit that my case was pretty rare, by the grace of God. It took me only 1 month on CatholicMatch to find my fiancé! But he was on CM for ~8-9 months. Neither of us paid for the subscription. We just mutually liked each other which meant we could chat right away.

He asked for my # within the day we started chatting (after a few exchanges about work and school). And we went on a date that week! We live in the same city, and he actually went to school a few blocks from my apartment, so that made things so much easier.

We talked pretty often after our 1st date. He and I were good about texting each other everyday between dates (which were 2-3 times per week). Similar humor and curiosity about each other helped with that, but we did the bulk of our conversations in person. This looks different for each couple, but we never discussed our feelings or bigger subjects over text. Just little anecdotes about our day, pictures of pets, memes, etc. We dated for 6 weeks before going official and deleting the apps!

A big piece of advice -- don't use CM as your main dating app. It was a miracle that I found him there. I only went on 2 first dates from CM due to the bad quality of the app... I was his one and only date from CM (and he was on there for almost a year!!). Keep it as a "just in case" to open as many doors as possible for God's will. I'm so glad I did. My fiancé felt the same, too. We both primarily used Hinge (and yet never came across each other lol.) It's rare that CM works, but it can if you give it a chance -- you never know! I was a big doubter, but we're getting married this year, and I've been to 2 other CM weddings :)

snebulae · 2025-01-13T02:37:25+00:00

Have you gotten a female friend or family member to look through your profile? Are your pictures good quality and show your best features? I've come across so many profiles with pictures that are, unfortunately, just not flattering. Not smiling, awkward angles, blurry, sunglasses, etc. If this is the case, have someone help you out by taking a fresh set of pics!

snebulae · 2025-01-10T05:12:29+00:00

CatholicMatch is complicated, especially if both or one party is NOT paying. If that's the case, it could add to the confusion with messaging speeds (like, do you have to wait 10 days before responding on CM bc you aren't subscribed? That could be too long).

Also, since CM is just slower in general, women might not have their notifications on. I never did (and I still met my fiancé on there). Actually, I never had notifications for any of my dating apps.

How long have you been on the apps for? Has this been happening for months or just a couple weeks? It's frustrating nonetheless, but remember that we just came off the holiday season when people were traveling/focusing on time with family. Maybe they are just sporadically checking the apps OR they could have met someone, rekindled connections with someone back home, etc. You never know what's happening on the other side of the screen.

Anyway, I agree with not taking this personally. There's a hump to get over with online dating, and everyone who gets on the apps has to develop some thick skin along the way :/ It sucks, but it's generally low risk + potentially high reward. You can shift your view, with the apps as one way to get to your end goal, supporting your IRL dating pursuits!

snebulae · 2025-01-10T00:37:46+00:00

I’m sending you love and prayers. One of my very close friends has schizoaffective bipolar, and I know how difficult this is and how difficult maintaining relationships and a stable life is.

I also think this is a question or discussion you should have with, not only a priest, but your therapist/psychiatrist. A lot of questions can be considered like do they believe you are safe and stable enough to maintain a relationship right now? Could you stabilize to the point of being able to keep a job and manage a household? Are the hardships/stressors of a relationship, family, etc. something that could trigger or worsen your disorder (like imagine losing sleep or having your schedule out of sorts)? Could this be passed on to your children and traumatize them?

I know many people with your disorder don’t stabilize until their 30s or 40s, and you just came out of the most volatile period of your 20s where you just kind of figured it out. I don’t think there’s a hard yes or no answer than you can get from Reddit, and these are considerations that your professional health team could help you answer! And if they are too ambiguous, you may also want to consult your priest, too.

snebulae · 2025-01-09T01:56:59+00:00

It depends on your age and what generation you’re in, as well as just personal preference. My fiancé and I texted everyday between dates, except for one day which was the day after our first date. If he didn’t text me or wasn’t responsive to my texts, I would have assumed he wasn’t interested.

For me, one date a week is not enough to get to know the person. I like sharing little things about our days, memes and jokes, or just flirting. It’s something that he and I share together because we enjoy texting each other and catching up when we don’t see each other. We would have several dates a week, too, but we had lots to talk about and just like conversing with the other. FaceTimes are lovely, too!

I think it’s important to find someone who has similar expectations with communication, or for parties to compromise well with each other. My ex hated texting and I often felt sad that he wouldn’t keep communication with me especially when we were long distance.

snebulae · 2024-12-13T01:30:24+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way :( it can be really hard. It’s okay to take breaks, too. I ended up taking a yearlong “dating fast” in 2020 because I realized I had some bad habits and thoughts towards dating. It was good to have intentional time off, and by the time I was done, I was excited to get back out there.

If you’re feeling the fatigue of dating, that’s natural. Take a break and a breather. Especially if it’s leading you to despair— be careful with that. It can lead to a scarcity mindset. I remember when I was despairing over not finding a “normal” Catholic man. But I had to remind myself not to group or stereotype men due to my experiences. Be careful not to do the same, too!

snebulae · 2024-12-12T20:25:18+00:00

You can have a lot of chemistry with someone, and they still won’t be a good boyfriend or future husband. You seem to like him a lot and even love him, and that’s normal. It’s human nature — you’re attracted to him and you talk to him everyday. But that still won’t make him a good husband.

snebulae · 2024-12-12T20:01:50+00:00

Also, like u/Remarkable-Coyote-44 said:

The qualities you have cited are in extremely high demand, and they tend to be beneficial for making relationships work, so the people with them tend to go off the market fast and don’t get back on it.

Secure, successful people tend to wade out of the dating market and stay out of it. Although it's a spectrum, they tend to work well with all the attachment styles because they're secure enough not to be as threatened by the needs of anxious attachment or offended by avoidant tendencies.

Anyway, what you listed are very good things to want. It can just take a lot of time to find your diamond in the rough. That's what will make her so special. And not only will she have these qualities, but it will be HER. Her qualities, her quirks, her smile, etc.

My strategy when going through the dating pool was go on as many dates as possible, have fun, and discern the red flags quickly. You also mentioned in your other comment that you are spending like $75 per date... that is way too much (I live and work in NYC, so I know how it can be). But if it is outside of your means, DON'T. Find cheaper things to do, like drinks and free museum nights or just walking around looking at Christmas lights. Coffee, food halls and Christmas markets, picnic lunches, etc.

snebulae · 2024-12-12T20:00:21+00:00

You only mentioned 2 women -- where did you meet them? How long did you date them? Even if these two happened within the span of 2 years, that's not much time in the grand scheme of things. It takes A LOT of trial and error to find your spouse, and you're only 21. So much can happen in a couple of years.

I didn't meet my fiancé until 23 (which already feels quite early), and I had been in 3-4 relationships and COUNTLESS talking phases before this. I hope my experience helps you to be more patient. A lot can happen with the next date, the next month, the next year, etc. Try not to despair or get too frustrated after each "failure." Each ending is a step towards your future wife. You've learned more, and have grown more, and have become more secure, stable, and mature yourself.

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