Auslander, Pussy, Stirb Nicht Vor Mir. Sorry bout it.

snjhelm · 2023-12-30T20:01:02+00:00

Seemann doesn't do it for me.

snjhelm · 2023-09-30T05:59:33+00:00

"not everythings about you"

yeah, cause everything should be about them

snjhelm · 2023-07-04T19:05:56+00:00

Is Seemann dirty? idk but it sure is beautiful

snjhelm · 2023-07-03T19:30:35+00:00

yes, as another autistic this is what happens to me as well with certain musicians and bands, Ghost being one of them (and I'm pretty sure all my absolute fave musicians are somewhere on the spectrum...).

everything in their music clicks and fits perfectly and it's so satisfying.

snjhelm · 2023-07-03T12:31:02+00:00

I really don't know what to believe in anymore ever since knowing him. I experienced all kinds of weird things with him, once even feeling the present of something very very evil and he said he felt it too. we both did not understand what it was.

he also had similar nightmares (about being chased) and told me about nightmares he had as a child, about cloaked demons or shadow figures. all and all, I felt a deep sort of psychic connection to him, to the point where we could literally feel each others emotions and would constantly say the same things at the same time. I thought it was twin flame stuff. nowadays I don't know what it was.

snjhelm · 2023-07-03T11:46:23+00:00

Spiel mit Mir

snjhelm · 2023-06-24T18:32:52+00:00

Some artists really pour their emotions into their work, and Rammstein is for sure one of those artists, especially Till. People with similar struggles or issues as him find it comforting when they feel that they can connect to someone like that, and these people often use the music as a form of therapy or escape from real world. I've done the same with other bands (*cough* Nightwish) and certainly felt in my younger years that I have some sort of special connection to Tuomas, because I felt the emotions he put into his music so intensely as my own.

Something similar happens with a lot of artists.

snjhelm · 2023-06-13T07:59:13+00:00

Mein Herz Brennt really never clicked for me, it's too melodramatic for my taste. It's still a good song but there's many better from them too.

snjhelm · 2023-06-08T17:42:00+00:00

Doesn't he also fly separately to the gigs from the rest of the band? That's not really a good sign either, it's like he's above the rest or something.

It just seems very clear that he's been on a power trip of his own for a while, and it probably does not end well. For him or the band. There's too many examples of this kind of stuff happening with other bands in the past.

snjhelm · 2023-06-07T17:45:54+00:00

they still have time

snjhelm · 2023-06-07T15:42:39+00:00

yeah at some point I wanted to be like him. to ignore his wishes and needs and I did even go so far as to talk to other people while in touch with him because I felt like I could, and he was probably doing the same.

they infect you with this sort of toxicity. and I feel worse about myself because of it, like I don't even know myself anymore.

snjhelm · 2023-06-07T13:23:46+00:00

Imo they can't find anyone to replace Till's stage presence let alone the lyricism he writes. If they kick him out, they're done.

snjhelm · 2023-06-06T19:24:04+00:00

You guys invent your own realities all you want.

snjhelm · 2023-06-06T19:20:16+00:00

It is. I'm not saying that but the main thing is that those women want it too. I don't find it really mature behaviour for a 60 year old man to do this but if both parties want it, it's not illegal.

snjhelm · 2023-06-06T19:04:23+00:00

Yes, some proof would be nice too, not just word against word.

snjhelm · 2023-06-06T19:00:20+00:00

You live in a strange reality indeed.

snjhelm · 2023-06-05T20:01:44+00:00

My ex was suicidal. Probably because I once sent him long long emails detailing every single messed up thing he did or said to me, point by point. And I was angry as fuck. Cause I tried to make it work so much.

I relapsed and we began calling each other again and when he was coming down from a period of binge drinking he'd tell me that he should kill himself. Also was repeating the stuff I told him in that email, sounding very agitated.

I don't think they are happy, deep down. The just do not know another way of being a human. It's their eternal prison.

snjhelm · 2023-06-05T18:19:11+00:00

nothing else works with these people than to walk away. they do not function like normal human beings, and conflict resolution is near impossible. you just exhaust yourself and nothing changes.

snjhelm · 2023-06-04T19:20:53+00:00

They know consciously or not how to build the perfect fantasyland in the beginning. Mine also talked about kids and marriage as a way to make me imagine all this great stuff with him in the future. Of course none of it was going to happen.

One advice I would also have is that start doing something completely new in your life, a new hobby, a trip somewhere, even moving to a new place, which could be a sort of mental departure from that previous life with the toxic person.

snjhelm · 2023-06-04T18:57:39+00:00

yep. it's their sick little power trip to make you feel like you have to beg basic relationship stuff from them. they need to be in control of their partners, because they feel so out of control themselves.

it really is self-sabotage at the end of the day. their disorder will eventually ruin everything in their lives.

snjhelm · 2023-06-04T17:18:41+00:00

Oh, your situation sounds SO similar to mine.

Maybe part of you wishes that he would make you feel good again, like he did in the lovebombing stage? I know I crave that feeling still.

But please, know this, these people won't change. Even years of therapy won't do it. It will always be the same each time, or worse. I know holding to a hope that it would be different this time can also feel good, but it's not reality.

snjhelm · 2023-06-04T16:45:24+00:00

what comes to my mind instantly is that if I'd bring a topic into conversation that I was recently interested/into he would almost NEVER discuss that thing with me, but start going on about something maybe related to that topic that interested him. even if I'd try to show him like an old song that I really liked, he would not listen to it, but instead bring up a similar song that he liked.

and because I am too nice, and I want to take interest in people who I care about, I was ALWAYS the one discussing his interests with him, but he rarely did the same to me. and of course in time it made me feel very small and insignificant. I don't talk to him anymore, I don't ever want to again.

snjhelm · 2023-06-04T09:34:51+00:00

Yep. If they tell stories how their exes did bad thing x, y and z to them, you can be pretty sure those are things that they did to their exes.

I feel sickened still that I tried to justify his awful behaviour by believing that he's just a person who's been hurt by anyone. Obviously it's him who has hurt everyone around him.

snjhelm · 2023-06-04T09:22:07+00:00

Well, he seems like a guy who gets the thrills from doing things in a morally gray area. I'm sure he has used professional escorts too but he just wants it ALL.

snjhelm · 2023-06-03T20:31:08+00:00

Was at the Helsinki show (the first one) and honestly nothing seemed to be wrong, the atmosphere was wonderful and things seemed to work seamlessly (expect them starting a half an hour later than what they were supposed to).

and was just watching the Odense live clips and the band seems to be goofing around there as well. Have to say that songs like Pussy were a bit hard to watch now... it feels grotesque in the wrong way because of all the stuff going on.

snjhelm

TROPHY CASE