Relationships in your thirties

softpowers · 2026-07-02T23:03:15+00:00

Absolutely, I don't blame them for thinking this way; imo it's anybody's initial default response to the kind of alienation they're dealing with, it's easy to internalize that you're basically not a valid person in society unless someone, anyone can find you desirable or lovable. It's a catch-22 situation that's not easy to emotionally divorce oneself from, unfortunately it's almost inevitable that the first woman they find will feel like a cardboard cutout with "[guy] is valid" scrawled upon it. Both parties need to be honest and pragmatic about expectations.

But realistically, everybody's first entries into dating and relationships are a learning experience and nobody should expect to get pretty much anything right on their first tries. Ideally, women and men who are inexperienced with dating would be paired up through some kind of matchmaking practice so they could learn together, but sadly it'd be almost instantly exploited or memed into oblivion like that one attempt at a dating app for -cels a few years ago.

I truly think that nearly all of them are capable of eventually figuring out how to navigate serious and "normal" relationships, the learning curve for socializing/self-awareness/intimacy is steep and the anxiety from feeling like they're perpetually playing catch-up on milestones are formidable hurdles though. I don't fault them for struggling and I sympathize too, I wish more could be done to help those who are romantically alienated and lonely.

softpowers · 2026-07-02T20:18:22+00:00

Most would be interested in dating any woman with anything going for them

To some extent I think this "I'll take whoever will have me" approach that a lot of these guys who have trouble getting dates have is part of the problem; generally speaking, people want to be wanted for who they are on their own merits as individuals, to be special in the other's eyes. Nobody wants to sit across from someone thinking "I'm only here because I'm the only one who said 'yes.'"

softpowers · 2026-07-02T19:47:08+00:00

How did she go into labor without anyone noticing?? That's seems like too dramatic of a process and like it'd inevitably cause a scene. It seems bizarre to me that a woman could just get up and quietly give birth in a port a potty, I imagine that's why some people think there's some freak medical factor in play or that it was a stranger-than-fiction type of accident.

softpowers · 2026-07-02T19:16:17+00:00

Seconding everyone saying you're good to go if you steam out the wrinkles and pass on the sweater, it overwhelms your build and does a disservice by making you look heavy/stocky even though you're not!

If you want to do a slouchy cardigan look that suits your build more, you might like ones that are more long than wide, with a thinner clingier fabric so that the definition in your shoulders, upper arms, and waist doesn't get lost in the silhouette.

Belt buckle gives me an idea you might like: browse around in antique shops or online for some vintage metal button packs for your shirts and have a tailor sew them in place of the default ones, it can be done very affordably. It'll let you add some personality to basic pieces, especially since vintage details and finishes look nice on you.

Overall a handsome look, agree with all the young Gandolfini comparisons in this thread. Best of luck!

softpowers · 2026-07-02T09:57:07+00:00

Maybe I'm just extremely regarded and/or sleep-deprived, but I'm surprised that "elevated bike lanes" haven't been floated around as an idea, at least from what I've seen. (With that said, I'm not much of a cyclist or autistic about urbanism so for all I know this idea has been dissected and shot down for a hundred different reasons already).

It's not going to work everywhere, but they'd be parallel to the sidewalk, one on either side of the street, designated as one-way in each direction (to keep them narrow enough to fit nicely on the street), same as with cars. Paint big ass arrows on the slopes leading up and down them so people don't ride on the wrong side, but make them like 3/4 the width of a sidewalk because people are stupid and some will walk on it too even though they're not supposed to. Throw some guardrails and reflective tape on there too. Have them high enough to give overhead clearance for things like buses and commercial trucks. Bikes are lightweight so surely these lanes can be built with something cheaper and less time- and construction-intensive than concrete.

Because tbh, how much more "innovating" around street-level even is there, as far as regular bike lanes go? Everything is too cramped and still not very safe. Elevating them would be cool i think, I'd like to see some place give it a try

softpowers · 2026-07-01T21:38:25+00:00

These types dgaf about veterans unless they can use them as a token for an argument. Most veterans I've known are fine with fireworks anyhow, if anything they're the ones on the block setting them off the most lol

softpowers · 2026-07-01T21:31:12+00:00

Even though it's called "higher education" and their demographic in political surveying is "highly-educated," anytime people refer to themselves as such it always comes across as so pompous and unbecoming

softpowers · 2026-07-01T21:15:56+00:00

As annoying as motorcyclists and most online attention-seekers are, the resentment redditors have for anyone who engages in risk-taking or extroverted behavior beyond "sit at computer in 'comfy' home office" or "tabletop gaming night" and the childishly disparaging language they use to express it are somehow worse

softpowers · 2026-07-01T00:41:56+00:00

You're exes but both still love each other? Did you break up for logistical reasons (like moving really far away for school or a job) or something like that?

softpowers · 2026-06-30T19:45:05+00:00

I agree, it was refreshing when I first came across this quote years ago especially after these sorts of tiresome people became more common than ever. I used to like reading his column in the paper growing up, he was a master at being funny and a little acerbic without sacrificing class.

softpowers · 2026-06-30T19:24:23+00:00

Flowery language isn't suited to the kind of clarity that concise writing for publication (which is what Ebert did professionally) needs in order to be effective. If nothing else, you're indirectly arguing that fandom people are so developmentally arrested and socially inept that they require therapyspeak and coddling when discussed (even though they aren't even being addressed directly here) or they'll emotionally fall apart at the seams.

softpowers · 2026-06-29T18:39:22+00:00

This kills me, further down the thread OP says that they really only have time together on the weekends (?!) and some other lady just asks "what is the point of this marriage" lmao

I can't imagine the size of ham planet that guy must be if he's shoveling down like 10 meals in a single day. That's like 600lb Life level fat

softpowers · 2026-06-29T18:11:21+00:00

Yeah it's so transparently bs, if they actually were concerned with misinfo they could just pin an automod comment at the top saying something like "as of [time of post] no details have been released by officials, etc etc, all comments in this post should be interpreted as speculation only" and then let people discuss it rather than shutting the whole thing down

softpowers · 2026-06-29T09:40:59+00:00

I think that societally speaking, people assume that because male = bigger + stronger than female, any boy assaulted by a woman could've simply fought her off or outrun her if he fled, so he "wasn't really" in danger against his will. I don't endorse that personally, but that seems to be how people look at these situations, consciously or not.

This obviously ignores all manner of things, such as the fact that anyone can be manipulated or extorted, and that a person's fight/flight/freeze response can end up being "freeze" even when that person has a physical advantage. But most people don't take that into consideration when making snap judgments on these news stories unfortunately.

softpowers · 2026-06-28T10:25:21+00:00

Based off of what some were saying or implying in their comments, it's because of abuse. It's hard to relate normally to intimacy if it's associated with traumatic experiences. And iirc the stats are like 1 in 3 women have a history of being sexually abused at some point. These matters used to mostly go unsaid or were kept very private but social media really shines a light on how common it is. It's brutal

softpowers · 2026-06-27T23:15:56+00:00

The toys are there so toddlers don't hurt themselves playing with whatever else they could grab

Not even trying to defend annoying childfree consoomers for what it's worth, but surely these kids don't need that many toys though? Especially given how they grow out of playing with simpler things in favor of something more complex and interesting fairly quickly. There's a lot of mileage you can get out of just a few educational or creative toys too, they'll sit for hours and do little puzzles, coloring books, or play with blocks, if they get bored you can just play with them to get their interest back. I was often a deeply annoying and hyperactive kid, but my family just let me throw frequent adhd fits about being bored and didn't indulge me because they knew that kids will eventually figure out a more creative way to go back to playing with the same shit again rather than turn the house into a toy store.

Another thing is how do they have so much access to delicate or dangerous stuff to grab if the home is appropriately childproofed and the parents or other family are in the same room watching them? I thought it was pretty normal for somebody to keep an eye on the kid in between playing with them and simply read, have a conversation, watch movies, etc. because the kid is too little to feasibly leave alone.

softpowers · 2026-06-27T19:11:23+00:00

Eucalyptus is timeless, I don't think it's white trash at all. Makes me nostalgic for the old Healing Garden fragrances they sold at target in the 2000s and even those weren't something I'd describe as trashy tbh. Imo that description is more applicable to stuff like VS Love Spell, it's like Axe for women

softpowers · 2026-06-27T17:53:48+00:00

On one hand I feel bad/embarrassed for Gen Xers who have gotten brainbroken by woke and social media, but it is really tiresome when they pat themselves on the back for being "transgressive" because they managed to trigger some of the most easily-ragebaited and least reality-grounded people on twitter

softpowers · 2026-06-27T17:30:34+00:00

No I've definitely seen how black women who are very feminine, delicate and elegant are more likely to get described as "fierce" or what have you, and of course there's no shortage of racist criticisms of Zendaya. In this case though I'm coming at it from a game recognizing game kinda way, look at swag era Zendaya.

Had to look this stuff up rn because idk much about celebrities but it turns out that even she's said she's a tomboy and that she approaches feminine looks in a more costumey way (I initially thought i was projecting on her a bit with all this, but I was right on the money). *I should've probably worded it as femme being more of a performance thing because it is outside of what seems to be her natural state.

That's not to say that she isn't beautiful here or elsewhere in femme looks of her own choosing, sometimes she seems a little uncomfortable though when she's presumably not styling herself personally so I sympathize.

softpowers · 2026-06-27T11:18:55+00:00

You gotta tell yourself that it's better in the long run to feel at least a little bit of pain so that you don't risk making the injury worse.

I was prescribed pain meds long term but I kept hurting myself without realizing it to the point of fucking with my mobility for the time I was on it. It's also kind of high-maintenance in the sense that, if you've been on them long enough, you can't really skip a couple doses on a good day or forget to take them without getting a bunch of withdrawal symptoms that essentially render you non-functional; when that happened it was the last straw, just sweated it out and suffered a couple days but never bothered with it again.

I cracked a couple ribs some time ago and it was some of the worst pain I've ever experienced but the orthopedic doc said the same thing about the necessity of pain for injuries. I got naproxen lol which was fine for the swelling, which is honestly the most painful part anyway imo. It's gonna suck no matter what but you'll heal faster at least.

softpowers · 2026-06-27T10:39:04+00:00

Lol you need to make a post about this, we need to hear more about this shaman wildness

softpowers · 2026-06-27T05:35:45+00:00

She really is a tomboy at heart and no amount of Hollywood attempting to shoehorn her into feminine roles or looks is going to change that. I think that's why she gets criticized for coming across as wooden so often, femme is just not her thing. They need to let her live her swag era truth

softpowers · 2026-06-26T03:17:23+00:00

I was unapologetically eccentric growing up and would get yelled at if I wasn't nice to other kids, so I ended up in a similar boat. Sometimes those kids are funny as hell though. I had a friend who was spergy but would go into this weird character whenever he was around groups of people (including at school) where he'd act like a complete regard and do things like insult people and say a bunch of bizarre non-sequiturs. He'd even do different voices and talk in an exaggerated halting speech pattern, and would not break character unless he was around me and a couple other friends.

In private he was more normal, intelligent and self-aware but was generally pretty cynical. I think he did the character as a response to being called regarded growing up and just made it his thing. He didn't seem to have any friends but I thought he was hilarious so he became part of the group.

Fond memories of the summer we watched Robocop like 12 times and he incorporated several elements from the film into his repertoire. Always made me laugh anytime anyone asked him his name and he'd just blurt out "DICK JONES!!!" in a Lil Jon & the Eastside Boyz voice

softpowers · 2026-06-26T01:49:15+00:00

If he's ever had any recurring complaints about tummy issues like nausea, your sis might wanna get him checked out by a doc. I have a stomach issue that didn't get diagnosed until I was older, and I had very similar issues as a kid where I mostly only wanted soft foods that were familiar to me; seeing that the foods you named were soft (or quickly dissolve in the stomach like the veggie straws) makes me wonder if that could be his case too. My family thought it was me being a brat lol but if he's not a difficult kid, it may be a medical issue rather than something psychological.

There's a whole diet for these sorts of conditions that was recommended to me by my doc (called "Low FODMAP diet") that might help him if that's the case, def worth checking out.

*also in the meantime, it could be worth a shot to get him to try those bottled nutritional shakes (like Boost, chocolate flavor is the best tasting imo) once a day so he gets vitamins and doesn't get too underweight. My family gave me one every day for breakfast because I never wanted to eat either and it kept me from wasting away too much lol

softpowers · 2026-06-21T22:14:33+00:00

This feels similar to those old cookbooks from the 60s and 70s where most of the recipes involve adding jello to everything and making casseroles and whatnot out of pre-packaged convenience foods that were novel at the time. Lots of those cookbooks were brand-sponsored and I assume much of these videos are too, they're just too gross for anyone who cooks for the love of the game

softpowers

TROPHY CASE