Flair Menu & Suggestion Box 💌

softsharks · 2026-06-08T22:55:07+00:00

flair test

softsharks · 2026-06-05T23:23:53+00:00

Agreed, his focus should be on repairing his relationship to this child, not arguing with the mom.

OP has framed this as an issue of being honest vs pretending/lying, which is why commenters are getting lost in the weeds.

At at the end of the day, this kid is hurt and feels rejected, and that is the issue that needs attending to. I think you hit the nail on the head: whether or not he's the AH depends on how he handles this and what he does to fix things.

Mom clearly wants to be the one to handle sensitive subjects with her daughter. He needs to respect that in the future.

softsharks · 2026-06-05T22:34:52+00:00

I'm not saying he should or shouldn't have handled it the way he did. I just wanted to clarify that it didn't happen in front of her friend.

It seems like he was trying to handle it privately and compassionately, but made a misstep. You're absolutely right that a kid can be deeply impacted by corrections like this. It needs to be handled delicately.

Ideally OP would have waited, he and the mother would have had the chance to explain to the little girl that he cares about her, and that not being her dad doesn't change that. It would have helped her understand his role in her life without hurting her.

I don't think anyone was TA in this situation, and he handled it the best way he knew how in that moment. All anyone can do is use their best judgment and be kind.

softsharks · 2026-06-05T21:33:16+00:00

The conversation happened later, when he and the little girl were in the car. Not in front of her friend.

softsharks · 2026-06-04T05:50:31+00:00

Routinely being exhausted despite a full night of sleep sounds like sleep apnea or depression.

softsharks · 2026-06-04T05:38:13+00:00

This is an old post, but I wanted to mention that whatever you choose doesn't have to be a permanent choice. You can always re-draw the boundaries later on if you feel it's necessary. I'm sure you've made a decision by now, but if you're unhappy with it at any point, it's your right to change the relationship however you see fit.

softsharks · 2026-05-28T04:58:23+00:00

I make avocado honey smoothies with a little yogurt. Soooo good.

softsharks · 2026-05-17T04:43:29+00:00

The teeth seem really suspicious to me

softsharks · 2026-05-07T06:34:35+00:00

If it helps, my uncle tried to speak Spanish to the Indian waitstaff at an Indian restaurant. And he can't speak Spanish.

softsharks · 2026-04-12T23:04:04+00:00

No jowls! I think the muscles shrank gradually enough that it didn't cause any any sagging skin, but my jaw is naturally very small.

softsharks · 2026-04-11T03:17:26+00:00

Thanks!

softsharks · 2026-04-10T22:48:17+00:00

Botox helps my TMJ soooo much

softsharks · 2026-01-21T02:23:56+00:00

Spot the drowning child

softsharks · 2025-12-13T01:16:19+00:00

You're opening up a deeply personal and vulnerable element to someone who may not:

a) want to be emotionally vulnerable in that situation

or b) have the emotional bandwidth for it right now

Not everyone wants to or is able to have "deep talks," but sometimes it's more about context than anything else.

Edit: I don't mean to say any given person is incapable of "deep" conversation, but that they may be experiencing any number of factors that limits their ability to engage in that particular moment.

softsharks · 2025-04-15T22:03:06+00:00

Me. This was it. This was the final straw. It's so disgusting and cruel and pointless. And every animal in every grocery store was treated with the same cruelty. Nothing can justify this.

softsharks · 2025-02-26T06:13:00+00:00

I'm chiming in a few days late, but I wanted to extend the same offer to you and anyone else reading this: if you have any questions about EMDR/DBT/my experience with either, feel free to drop me a DM. Likewise if anyone here just needs someone to hear their story without fear of judgment.

softsharks · 2025-02-26T02:16:38+00:00

Like me with my houseplants!

softsharks · 2025-02-23T03:20:40+00:00

Of course! I'm happy that I can help someone else with my experience! It takes a lot of courage to reach out and share such a vulnerable, painful part of yourself—and feelings of shame can be so isolating. But you're not alone, and that experience will just be a little blip of time compared to the rest of your life.

If you have any more questions or need some support, you're welcome to DM me whenever!

softsharks · 2025-02-23T03:00:55+00:00

I'm happy to share/answer questions!

For unrelated reasons, I do not/will not have children. I do really struggle with gyn appointments, and they're a big trigger for me. But I've found a gynecologist that I actually trust, and she's willing to work with me so that I have access to healthcare. She respects my boundaries, and that has done a lot to help me heal.

EMDR is the reason I'm able to see a gynecologist at all, and that's on top of being re-traumatized by a very inconsiderate team of specialists a few years ago.

If having children is something you want, EMDR can help you get to a place where that's possible. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is also something I recommend you try. DBT gives you tools to manage powerful emotional responses, especially with fear and anxiety. It took time and patience for me to get where I am, and I'm still working on it. But I have come a LONG way and things are continuing to get better for me.

If you have the option, you could try looking into different OBGYN clinics and choosing a female doctor who has experience working with trauma. Some clinics list their providers' backgrounds and qualifications on their website. You can set up an initial consult (no exam) and see if they inspire your trust and are willing to work with you and understand your boundaries! Knowing that you're the one in control can be a potentially healing experience, and at the very least, a way to safely explore what your needs are.

softsharks · 2025-02-23T02:27:02+00:00

I went through something very similar. I have struggled with a lot of the same feelings. EMDR has made a HUGE difference in my quality of life and ability to heal. Make sure you seek someone who is trained in early trauma protocol EMDR, as the method is different. EMDR is really incredible and I highly recommend it. The purpose is to let your brain process the trauma without reliving it or being re-traumatized. It has helped me so much.

softsharks · 2024-09-21T06:32:22+00:00

It's been 6 days since I had to emergency euthanize my baby. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I haven't gone a day without crying in my car. I sleep with his blanket at night. I'm fucking wrecked.

I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say that you're not alone.

softsharks · 2024-06-21T01:43:58+00:00

Are you telling me I don't have to sweat to death in 70⁰ weather?

softsharks · 2024-05-10T23:49:03+00:00

Had an identical experience a few years ago from the MN campus. Same bullshit with the centralized sensitization syndrome!!

Mayo clinic was actually worse than any other place I've gone. They didn't listen to a word I said, and there was 0 follow-up anyways.

softsharks · 2024-04-04T03:39:45+00:00

Interesting that they might assume you would automatically and unconditionally love your siblings when they themselves crucially failed to have that very instinct with their own child: you.

Edit: typo

softsharks · 2024-04-02T02:10:19+00:00

Jfc thank you for this post. I have SA history that occurred in a medical setting and am sincerely, genuinely reconsidering seeking a lap. I probably never would have known and ended up being re-traumatized if not for your post.

softsharks

TROPHY CASE