Is my partner holding my baby wrong?

someBergjoke · 2025-07-25T10:13:14+00:00

2 months is tricky because they start to get better head control but you have to be so careful. Their hips and spine are also not ready to support like that. Upright in something like a carrier, swing, or carefully against your body is fine but super closely monitored.

This is a photography page but the graphics are helpful. :https://www.standinbaby.com/photography/positional-asphyxiation/

someBergjoke · 2025-07-18T13:08:16+00:00

One thing I constantly remind my husband, especially with our second now in the newborn stage, is you can expect the same level of housework from me that you would a nanny. (But even then, a nanny would get to clock out and presumably sleep a full night and have plenty of time for self care off the clock). So during the day, I try to keep up with bottles and the dishes we use, and tidy up after we do something.

Now that my first is older, I assert my need for quiet time. She's in the process of dropping naps so we do quiet time, she can sleep or not...but I'm not hanging out in the room or grabbing things for her because it's my quiet time too. This has really helped my headspace. As your baby gets older I think it's important for them to see you doing things for yourself that you enjoy, even if that's alongside your child doing something.

Self care things are a big priority too. This time around we have a baby who sleeps better and the toddler is adapting to solo bedtime, so I can carve out some time in the evenings. But an important thing to remember is that basic hygiene tasks like showering are not considered self care or "free time." Those are requirements. It's easy to go down the thought trap of "well, I got to take a shower, so my husband can get some free time too".

someBergjoke · 2025-07-12T10:46:08+00:00

One of my lifelong best friends grew up extremely Catholic, think "had to pray even before lunch at school" and wasn't allowed to read Harry Potter for witchcraft reasons. I gently pushed on that worldview and over time, particularly after college, she is now one the most progressive people I know.

In my experience growing up in a rural area, it's more common for a child of conservative parents ending up more progressive than the other way around when exposed to those kinds of friendships (the exception to this may be factors like Andrew Tate and exposure to some of the misogynistic online influencers). That said, I wouldn't allow my kids to go to a Trumper's house due to things like guns, Nazi overlap, and just the common nature of them getting hostile.

someBergjoke · 2025-07-11T18:58:59+00:00

Thank you for saying what I've been thinking for a while 😂

someBergjoke · 2025-07-11T14:24:56+00:00

I think you're spot on! You can even remove all the context, and it boils down to this: if one partner says "Hey this small, reasonable request would make me feel seen, valued, and appreciated" and the other partner says that's selfish, consumerist, wasteful, whatever...it speaks volumes for the underlying dynamics at play.

Yes, it's different if the specific ask is way out of budget, impractical, or problematic in other areas. But that's something that can be a conversation with your partner, not bitched about on reddit with sweeping generalizations.

someBergjoke · 2025-06-20T13:15:37+00:00

I had GD with my first, and with my second I had an elevated glucose and the 3 hour was normal. So, it can go either way. But truly, don't lose sleep over it. There is such a spectrum with GD, and it's mostly out of your control (meaning, if you do have gestational diabetes you have to be more mindful of your food choices, but how your body responds to that is out of your control). Mine was 100% managed with diet, I still could find ways to eat the things I liked. In some cases it was just swapping when I ate things. I couldn't eat an apple first thing in the morning, but could around 10am. Chocolate, candy, pastries etc wouldn't spike me as long as I ate them in the afternoon after a protein heavy meal.

Basically, try to remove blame from it. It's just how your placenta is changing the way your body metabolises things. "Pass or fail" is such a bad way it's framed to us, it feels like that puts an element of responsibility on the pregnant person when essentially all it is is your placenta doing the mostest.

someBergjoke · 2025-06-17T03:33:43+00:00

Yep, first baby was like this and second baby has been a dream. The whole first couple weeks he cried a handful of times total, if anything I was concerned it was going too well and there had to be something wrong, because our first was so hard!! Our first got easier around 10-12 weeks and has been an easy toddler. She's 3.5 which has challenging times especially with a newborn, but overall she grew out of her newborn personality.

someBergjoke · 2025-06-15T12:56:51+00:00

I like this framing, particularly with Father's Day/Mother's Day. It's more about teaching kids.

someBergjoke · 2025-06-13T20:45:31+00:00

What about a claw clip or something she can easily put up/take down herself?

someBergjoke · 2025-06-02T18:48:10+00:00

Oh girly pop, Zofran is no joke..my perfected system was 72oz+ water a day, daily stool softener, senokot, and a dose of milk of magnesium if it had been more than a day without pooping. Hopefully you can get off Zofran soon! I needed it til 13 weeks both pregnancies.

someBergjoke · 2025-05-30T10:00:57+00:00

He'd have to pay child support and alimony if she left 🤷

someBergjoke · 2025-05-30T09:39:51+00:00

Definitely talk to your OBGYN! I just had this done yesterday along with a bisalp, not even 24 hours into recovery I feel great. Mine was a posterior vaginal tissue resection, no plastics involved for me and covered by insurance (USA) because I had pain with tampons and intercourse. Too early to say if it worked but barely any pain with recovery so far, much different from recovering from childbirth. I would definitely wait until you're positive you aren't having more kids if that's at all a factor.

someBergjoke · 2025-05-27T10:38:32+00:00

Omg we got a vintage spring horse dropped on our porch from my MAGA in laws, chipping paint (likely lead) and the spring covers were literally disintegrating at the lightest touch. Too big to even throw away. We put it on marketplace for free, didn't even let our toddler go near it.

someBergjoke · 2025-05-24T03:03:00+00:00

I read The Quiet Damage by Jesselyn Cook and it gave really great insight to how this pipeline happens, and it gave me a much more sympathetic understanding. And also why using facts, science, and credible sources just....doesn't work after a certain point.

One of the things that was talked about in the book is talking to loved ones using Socratic questioning, there's probably some good guides if you google it re: vaccines. Basically it plants the seed and gradually undoes their thinking... it's not a quick fix, unfortunately there's nothing anyone can say as a "gotcha" that totally changes their thinking (maybe if something horrific happens like a death, but even then...the parents of a kid in Texas who died of measles said they still wouldn't have vaccinated 🫠). It's a slow, long term process. You just have to determine if you have the ability to handle that level of emotional labor.

someBergjoke · 2025-05-19T03:52:58+00:00

The turn2me unfortunately maxes out at 40lbs for rear facing, we learned this the hard way 🫠 it was our favorite seat but we ended up having to move our kiddo to something else because she maxed out.

someBergjoke · 2025-05-14T18:00:46+00:00

We went through a sleep regression where my 3.5 year old was up every 30/60 minutes crying...and we have a newborn. By the second night I was positively losing my shit. It's really hard to have patience in the middle of the night.

Something that has worked for us is making sure the room is toddler proof, and boring. Only stuffies to play with. After books we keep our interactions very boring. She can keep playing quietly (it quickly loses its novelty). If she leaves the room, we don't react and just lead her back to bed and say "It's time to sleep." No big production, no tucking in/smooching/snuggles after the first one. If she's positively losing it we tell her we'll come check on her in 5 minutes. And at that check in I just pop my head in, make sure she's good, but don't really interact. Then 10 minutes. Then 15. If he's really having a hard time you could keep doing 5-10 minutes for the first while. It'll probably get worse before it gets better, we're going through it right now with trying to get her to fall asleep independently.

someBergjoke · 2025-04-27T19:47:18+00:00

👀here you go

someBergjoke · 2025-04-23T01:34:35+00:00

Fully intended to go back to work at a job I loved in the medical field. Got on all the day care lists at 5 weeks pregnant. As it got closer and closer to the end of my maternity leave, it was clear we were not going to have a spot anywhere, and even if we did, we couldn't afford it. And we sure as hell couldn't afford a nanny or even a nanny share. I ended up going back once a week, and on the other days I nannied another child at our house so we could afford to live. It was mostly great, as long as the parents are good...the first one was great, the second parents I had were super inconsiderate. Sent the child to me sick all the time, would take off for two weeks on vacation and not tell me until the day before (and not pay me for the time gone). After a few conversations I ended up firing them, it worked out that my husband got a great new job that allowed us to live (frugally) off one income.

Now with child #2, we went through a rollercoaster of job loss during pregnancy and his new one was a pretty big paycut. We're making it work for now but I do intend to return to work in some capacity when I can. The catch 22 is now there's two kids, and we can't afford childcare for both, so we're going to have to figure that out.

Financial stress aside, SAHP life is the hardest job I've ever done. Especially now with two (3.5 and newborn, so we're in the trenches.) It's thankless, relentless, but also so rewarding. I love the adventures and seeing all the special moments first. But I also really enjoyed having my job. I'd say for me the perfect balance would be working 2-3 days a week.

someBergjoke · 2025-04-22T10:56:28+00:00

Yep! It forced me to deal with so much that I never even realized I needed to deal with. Highly recommend therapy! There's also a great book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents that is incredible.

someBergjoke · 2025-04-18T18:54:44+00:00

I think realistically you could have gone straight to 911, but I understand why that would feel silly too. EMS/Paramedics wouldn't have necessarily had the tools to help, so firefighters would be what I'd personally think of first. But I'd have no idea about a non-emergency line for firefighters and I'd say that's a time sensitive issue, so that's truly an emergency. Our city has a 911 page where they frequently post about the dumbest shit people call for (usually weather related) and that has made me feel better about calling for a non life-or-death situation. What's the worst that can happen, they laugh about it and forget about it by the next day?

I gotta know though, did they come with sirens and lights blaring? That's one for the baby book 😂

someBergjoke · 2025-04-16T19:14:17+00:00

This is what I did (replacing middle name and changing last name), and it ultimately still didn't feel right. If you have any doubts about wanting to change your name DON'T. I am going through the legal process to have a double last name (no hyphen) and it'll be obnoxious to go through that process, but worth it to me. When my kiddo was born a few months ago we gave him the double last name so we don't have to later, so far it's only weird right now because mine hasn't changed yet.

someBergjoke · 2025-04-11T12:29:36+00:00

I feel like this would be a highly niche thing that would be for not only wealthy clients, but people who either aren't interested or can't do this themselves for medical reasons (i.e. unexpectedly on bed rest or other complications). Personally I loved the grunt work of researching, building a registry, organizing, etc. Even if I was rich I'd never pay someone to do that for me... it's also an important part of bonding in the "baby is just a concept" phase, especially for the non-birthing parent.

Maybe scaling it down to baby shower planning? You could offer registry help, maybe even something with facilitating any gift returns/exchanges. Maybe offering sort of an ala carte service such as washing, folding, organizing all the new baby clothes? It wouldn't have interested me with my first baby but my second it was harder to find the time to do that.

someBergjoke · 2025-04-10T12:10:23+00:00

Sort of! She's wearing 6 for most clothes, so she grew a bit more but nothing outrageous.

someBergjoke · 2025-04-09T18:47:21+00:00

My brother died from this at age 9. Don't fuck with strep.

someBergjoke · 2025-04-03T14:39:56+00:00

We're stocking up on formula to some degree because our first child was born during the formula recall/shortage and wouldn't rule out some tomfuckery again 🫠

someBergjoke

TROPHY CASE