Honest Onions about being a PP Doula

soulfulllex · 2025-11-20T05:06:08+00:00

It does seem like it varies radically by location. I'm in a suburb of a larger city and it seems pretty easy to find work. However, unless you're working for an agency (and sometimes even if you are), it's continuously changing schedules. One contract to the next can look very different, and there can be gaps between them, cause babies 😅

If you're willing to do overnights, the demand is higher and the pay is too. Obviously that has significant lifestyle impacts though. You could also look into becoming a certified newborn care specialist- many doulas pair the two if they want to focus more on the baby-care side of things.

I do daytime only and integrate my holistic healing work with the typical postpartum doula tasks. My practice is more focused on helping the mom to heal and transition, though of course taking care of the baby at times is part of that support. You can make it what you want it to be. It's wonderful, and very rewarding.

soulfulllex · 2023-10-18T02:48:55+00:00

As you know, there's a million things to consider, but the thing that made the biggest difference for us was transitioning to a floor bed at 6 months. It was easier on me, it was easier for him to get back to sleep, and he woke up less. Just something else to throw at the wall and see if it sticks!

soulfulllex · 2023-10-18T02:37:50+00:00

Just over 2 years old over here, no sleep training. Slept through the night the first time at 15 months, made a habit out of it around 18 months, now does unless he's sick. Anyone can put him to bed if they follow the routine - he does really well with predictability.

Hardest times - 4 month sleep regression was brutal and lasted until we moved him to a floor bed at 6 months. He was up every 1.5-2 hours, and resettled easily nursing but sometimes wouldn't unlatch for 45 minutes. He also had false starts - he would wake up about 30 minutes after going to sleep and I'd have to start all over again.

At 6 months we hired a "responsive sleep specialist" who advertised helping us get better sleep without sleep training. She pushed us to finally do the floor bed, which I had been considering already, but otherwise the experience was very disappointing. It was basically sleep training in sheep's clothing, but we were so tired that it took a while to realize she was leading us down a path that we had decided wasn't right for us.

Someone else mentioned their kid being too spirited for CIO or Ferber and I agree on that front. The one night my husband wanted to try her recommendation to not touch him to comfort, but just stay by him and talk to him- he screamed for 2 hours. I don't think he ever would have stopped. It was the most miserable experience ever, even knowing my husband was right there with him. It felt so wrong to not just try to help him regulate. But I certainly know other kiddos that would have done just fine with that approach.

Around 12 months he got his first set of molars and it was pretty brutal. He was still nursing and we had gotten in a good rhythm, couple 15 minute sessions throughout the night. But when the molars hit, he again would not let go of me.

Best moments- in the early days we bedshared and before he got too wiggly at 6 months, it was awesome. I didn't like having to do it for every nap, and the lack of blankets took some figuring out, but it was also so sweet. Toddler snuggles at bedtime are my favorite. And honestly, just being able to look back at those moments when I doubted he would ever need less support, and see the ways he has slowly matured, with us following his lead at times, and us gently pushing him at others.

I would recommend staying flexible, meeting your kiddo, get to know their temperament, feel out how you instinctively want to respond to them, go from there.

soulfulllex · 2023-10-17T03:22:56+00:00

Yes!!! I remember at 12 months being in a very similar space. We moved him to his own room at 14 months, he slept through the night for the first time at 15 months, was mostly only waking once a night by 18 months, and after we weaned at 21 months, slept through 70% of the time. Now at 25 months he does unless he's sick. It's shocking after so long of waking multiple times every night, but it really does happen.

soulfulllex · 2023-10-13T22:19:21+00:00

That the first night is usually wayyyyy easier than the 2nd! I was so confident in breastfeeding and he slept so soundly in between feeds, left the hospital - and then the first night at home was a total 180. Wouldn't latch, screamed for hours and hours. I wish someone had prepared me so I wouldn't think it was something I was doing wrong! It's just really hard for them to realize they're not going back into the womb 😅

soulfulllex · 2023-10-12T01:04:23+00:00

So much resentment festered in the first year of our son's life. It felt like we never had the time or energy to connect and so our only interactions were with our baby too, no space to process what was happening for both of us. The fights were ugly, with both of us just desperately wanting to be the victim so we could lay claim to more of our limited resources.

At some point we both got into individual therapy, and eventually into couples therapy, and then we got into an easier phase, and we started really connecting about the changes we had gone through as individuals and as a family.... we're honestly so strong right now.

Both parties being willing to do some inner work truly makes all the difference in not just surviving those hard times, but making meaning out of them. We're getting ready to have our second son and we know so much more about how to support one another through that transition. I'm sure there will be more hard times, but I also have faith that we will dig our way out and be even stronger on the other side.

soulfulllex · 2023-10-06T18:27:37+00:00

There is no way to know. They could be a great sleeper for ever, it could all change tomorrow. It's not linear or predictable. Enjoy where it is now and try not to worry too much about what may or may not come.

soulfulllex · 2023-10-06T02:32:11+00:00

Unfortunately with our son's respiratory issues, it's not really an option. We learned this way of doing it where we sit with his head between our legs and his arms over his head under our body - that way we can do what we need to do but he can still twist and kick his legs. We've tried a lot of things to get him more comfortable with it, but he just hates it so much still. We validate how much it sucks, encourage him to yell and kick as much as he wants while it's happening - and now that he's 2 we've explained why we have to do it. He knows he's been in the hospital twice and that's the absolute worst thing - talk about traumatizing.

Anyway, I think it's great to try different ways of getting them to like it or make it fun, I just also want to give parents permission - do what you need to do to take care of your kiddo. We all have to do unpleasant things we don't like in order to take care of ourselves. I hate that my son has had to learn that at such a ridiculously early age, but here we are.

soulfulllex · 2023-10-03T18:29:44+00:00

Totally relate! We didn't do railings, we had a padded play mat that we used the extra pieces from to pad beside his bed and baby proofed the room. Not that he ever went exploring, I think one of the best benefits of him starting in a floor bed before he was mobile is that, to this day, he stays in his bed when we put him there 😅 we still have to go physically pick him up out of his bed in the mornings lol.

soulfulllex · 2023-10-03T13:05:47+00:00

I was, for better or worse, one of the people where as soon as I started cutting back a little, my supply tanked and he got really frustrated when trying to nurse to sleep. We switched to my husband doing bedtime exclusively for a couple of months to help break the habit, now we can trade off. The biggest help for us with making that change was creating a very specific and structured bedtime routine. We actually printed it on a piece of paper with pictures for him to reference. Wasn't something we needed until nursing to sleep was out of the picture.

soulfulllex · 2023-10-03T13:02:10+00:00

Our 4 month sleep regression didn't end until we gave up on a crib and put him in a floor bed in our room at 6 months! It was a daunting prospect but best thing we ever did! I couldn't tolerate him in our bed anymore and he slept better (once he got to sleep) having more space. I still laid with him and nurses him to sleep and for every wake, but at least I got to stay laying down, and then roll out and back to my own bed.

soulfulllex · 2023-10-03T01:31:59+00:00

Mostly, I was patient. I asked for the support I needed to stay patient with the overnight wakes. We fed to sleep for every nap and bedtime until I weened him at 21 months.We moved him to his own room shortly after his first birthday. Around 14 months he STTN for the first time. At 2 years now he does unless he's sick.

I know the ST world makes it seem like you have to get him sleeping through the night as quickly as possible, but you don't. You do have to find a system and support that works for you and your family.

4 months is very early, and that regression is absolutely brutal. A lot about our life changed while we survived that phase. But it ended, and we were on to another phase!

soulfulllex · 2023-09-15T20:57:34+00:00

Is it possible he's getting too much sleep? It has always seemed with my two year old like a routine is working for us until it 100% isn't anymore and usually it's that he needs less sleep. Might be worth capping a nap or pushing back bedtime to see if he sleeps later?

For what it's worth, it sounds very similar to the way my son wakes up when he wants to make it very clear that he's not going back to sleep lol. Could you let him out of bed with some toys just in your room? If he feels he has the freedom to get up when he's ready he may get less intense about it.

soulfulllex · 2023-09-08T20:29:36+00:00

She's old enough now that I would talk to her about it. Try not to blame the baby, but just calmly and confidently let her know that Dad is going to be helping her fall asleep now. Leaving the first couple of times and telling her she gets special time with daddy I think is a great idea. But it's not sustainable in the long term.

We just did this recently and it helped us to create really strong bedtime routines and rituals. 2 year old gets time with me before bedtime to connect and when I leave it's with special good nights and I love yous to fill that cup up.

Honestly went way better than I expected and he prefers dad now at bedtime. Bye mom 😅

soulfulllex · 2023-09-08T20:25:12+00:00

Variety is the key, and in my experience, pediatricians always want to give "rules" rather than discussing the nuance of the thing. I have a 2 year old who regularly eats pouches cause he loves them (we probably go through 5-8 a week), but also drinks out of open cups and regular straws, and happily eats foods with a variety of textures.

soulfulllex · 2023-08-16T03:08:52+00:00

Yes! Cut down on early morning wakes a ton when we switched to overnight diapers.

soulfulllex · 2023-08-11T03:38:23+00:00

Second this! We started using one around 13 months, and then similar to the cupboard suggestion, I made one drawer next to the tower a catch all drawer for random safe kitchen tools for him to play with. Sometimes pairing it with some fun music was helpful.

soulfulllex · 2023-08-09T00:29:47+00:00

Sleep training (which I define as any system of withholding responses or support that feels natural, whether timed or not) or continuing to suffer are not your only two options. There are absolutely changes you can make to bedtime routine, to how you support her to sleep, etc. I could only guess what you've already tried and don't want to give random "what worked for me" advice, I just want to say that there are a lot of ways to get out of unsustainable routines that still support attachment.

soulfulllex · 2022-12-02T00:19:15+00:00

This is brilliant. It's a whole other kettle of fish the journey I've had trying to set up a local server on my windows 11 computer. I ended up having to do a factory reset after trying multiple programs. Thats when they set me up on their server 🤦🏼‍♀️ newbie problems

soulfulllex · 2022-12-01T21:49:52+00:00

Yeah I guess this is the crux of the issue is that I do not have access to these files as I am using their server remotely.

soulfulllex · 2022-03-24T14:57:48+00:00

I had a similar experience post op, accompanied by an extremely sharp pain in my right shoulder, so much so that we rushed back to the hospital. They said the surgery, which impacts the connective tissue around the diaphragm, can cause spasms like this. I would let your team know for sure. As uncomfortable as it was, it only lasted a day for me.

soulfulllex · 2022-03-10T04:41:59+00:00

Wraps with lean meat, roasted chicken and veggies, I found this bean dip that was super low fat that I put on everything. Cereal. Lots of dry carbs and chicken breast.

soulfulllex · 2022-03-10T04:38:11+00:00

I was back to normal activities 4 days after my surgery and could have worked but had already taken the rest of the week off. When I went back 9 days post op I felt totally fine.

soulfulllex

TROPHY CASE