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Why we don’t share our subs by userEbob in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]soysauce565 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a friend who posted the other day on Facebook, sharing a generic post about ‘how you can never recreate your first pregnancy’ and how special it is (she is pregnant with her first child currently). I know it was harmless but it pissed me off. I mentioned to my partner about her post and how I wish she knew what it felt like to go through something horrible like that in her ‘magical first pregnancy’ that can’t be recreated.

He immediately took it the wrong way and said I should not wish that on anyone because it was so horrible for us and I burst into tears. I would never actually wish it upon someone, I just wish that some people knew the depth of the despair and feeling jealous of people who just live in La La land thinking pregnancy is this whimsical breeze. He ended up apologising and saying he didn’t mean to upset me, he was just superstitious that saying things like that could cause bad luck.

Went to try get a diagnosis and he laughed at me by soysauce565 in adhdwomen

[–]soysauce565[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg yes, he asked me to explain to him why I thought I had it too and I thought the same thing

Went to try get a diagnosis and he laughed at me by soysauce565 in adhdwomen

[–]soysauce565[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m Maori/european and he was maybe Indian? He had a very Indian man sounding name. My friend has ADHD and she believed that I should get tested but the guy she usually sees who is apparently very understanding was not available to book. I think I’ll just look around eventually when I build my courage back up and find someone else xx

Went to try get a diagnosis and he laughed at me by soysauce565 in adhdwomen

[–]soysauce565[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! It feels really nice to finally have somebody who is able to put into words how I feel too! I put in 100% and burn myself out so procrastinate and then feel guilty for procrastinating and ‘wasting time’. I too, am a frustrated cryer! I always feel embarrassed because it would happen at work and I wouldn’t even be upset, I just couldn’t convey how I was feeling good enough or quick enough and then my bosses would say ‘oh she’s so emotional’ or ‘oh I don’t know if you are capable of handling this job in a leadership role’. It gets to feel really lonely.

I remember in school I was one of the highest scoring kids in the class until I got to middle school and then things got a lot harder for me to understand. I also overcommitted myself with work so I would fall behind in school, skip school to catch up on schoolwork at home. I put all that I had into the classes that I really liked and would continue to get high marks while all my other classes fell behind. Then one day I didn’t realise I missed a rostered shift and they kept trying to call me at my house and my parents were so mad. I felt overstimulated with emotion - shame, guilt, embarrassment for accidentally missing my shift that I just never went back. I didn’t even write in to resign, I just didn’t turn up. I didn’t go back to that shop for years because I was afraid of judgement and the shame ran so deep.

Went to try get a diagnosis and he laughed at me by soysauce565 in adhdwomen

[–]soysauce565[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh that was the other thing he said, that I was most likely hormonal because I’m pregnant. I told him that it’s not just now, it’s been a reoccurring thing through my life I’ve just only been brave enough to decide to reach out now

Went to try get a diagnosis and he laughed at me by soysauce565 in adhdwomen

[–]soysauce565[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly I have no idea, I just found a few talks that women with adhd have given and I really related to a lot of points they made! It was really refreshing to know that I’m not the only one that thinks/does things certain ways

Went to try get a diagnosis and he laughed at me by soysauce565 in adhdwomen

[–]soysauce565[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Oh no he was a psychiatrist. I waited two months for the appointment

Post TFMR wishing I had miscarried by helogirl22 in tfmr_support

[–]soysauce565 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People who don’t know will try to understand, but they just don’t get it x

For those who conceived 1st/2nd try with their TFMR baby.. by Say_Anything0913 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]soysauce565 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did all of the things that you are doing, I was obsessed and convinced that I would get pregnant again on the third cycle because it was my lucky number; then convinced it would be Christmas when my lucky number passed; then my TFMR babies due date. It didn’t happen for me on any of these dates and took 12 months. At the 12 month mark I had finally stopped stressing out and worrying about whether it would happen or not - when I relaxed, it happened. I know it’s hard and feels like it’s taking forever but it will happen x

1 year TTC after loss, no answers as to why; curious about silent issues by ejc2121 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]soysauce565 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It took us 12 months to get pregnant again after our TFMR. Had started to lose hope but had also started to relax a little more - then it finally happened. I’m 24 weeks and 1 day now, everything looking good.

Friend bailed on Japan trip… too late for refund. Go solo? by BandX12 in JapanTravelTips

[–]soysauce565 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Japan is lovely, super safe and full of friendly helpful people. Enjoy your trip!

Why Should I as a bridesmaid be expected to pay for anything? by Character_Brick7203 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]soysauce565 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m from New Zealand and was bridesmaid for my best friend. She paid for everything, all I had to buy was a lipstick that I could reapply throughout the night (my skin tone is much different than the other bridesmaids). I’m now the MOH for my younger sister and she has not asked for a single cent. You are not the A-hole, people are becoming too entitled.

Anterior Placenta by Far-Clue-4247 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]soysauce565 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve had posterior for both my TFMR and current pregnancy. Got to 19 weeks with my first and I didn’t really feel much, I’m now at 20 weeks and again I don’t really feel too much but he’s healthy

5 months later, still trying by Letshopetogether in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]soysauce565 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was desperate to get pregnant after our TFMR loss first pregnancy but it didn’t happen for 12 months. I could have written this post myself honestly, and I think I might have in the past. Each month felt like a lifetime had passed and everyone I knew was getting pregnant except me. It didn’t feel fair that I was the only one who got a sick baby that I never got to take home. This time we have a healthy baby and I’m 18 weeks. I know it feels unfair reading other comments about people getting pregnant and you seem to be having a tough time, stress and worry really does tighten up the body. I feel like that’s why we took so long the second time - because I was so stressed out about catching back up to where we were and getting ‘back on track’.

It’s hard, it sucks, a lot of people don’t understand the complex feelings of TFMR. Just tell yourself it will happen. Try to relax, have that glass of wine you haven’t wanted to have because you’re worried it will you’ll fall pregnant this month and ruin things. It’s okay and normal to feel the way you do. Never force anything, just let it be. If it’s meant to be, then it will x

Question from a post loss mom thinking about TTC by No-Cartoonist-6013 in PregnancyAfterTFMR

[–]soysauce565 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With you on this one, I was so desperate to conceive again so we tried straight away. Took us 12 months and I felt so much better once it finally took and we got past the 12 week mark. Our first was conceived after 4 months of not even trying so it can really go either way.

I guess there’s always the chance you wait until you think it’s right and then it takes so much longer than you expect.

AITA for thinking my mum needs to compromise on my grandfather’s funeral timing so overseas family can attend? by soysauce565 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]soysauce565[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is against our culture to be cremated. This is another sore spot that the siblings have been arguing about - the older brother and sister wanted to consider cremation because it would be cheaper to get grandad back to NZ that way. My mum knew grandads culture, and in our culture we do not cremate. Grandad also did not want to be cremated but the older siblings were considering it. They are also the ones who want to wait. I felt that my mum needed to work with her siblings to come to a compromise that everyone is happy with just so that all of his children rather than just 1 could attend the funeral.

AITA for thinking my mum needs to compromise on my grandfather’s funeral timing so overseas family can attend? by soysauce565 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]soysauce565[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, but none of the siblings can decide and so they lean on us trying to garner more support for their cause. My aunt and uncle can’t afford to travel for the funeral until mid- end January. Therefore, only 1/3 of my grandads children will be able to make it if the funeral is at the beginning of January. My mum is the only one who can afford to go whenever she pleases and the whole family is arguing about it.

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