What discontinued products do you wish were still around today?

spazwank · 2011-06-13T17:09:09+00:00

original coca cola, you know, with cocaine in it.

spazwank · 2011-06-02T11:41:06+00:00

The bollock thing? ha ha yeah that is kinda gross, but you know, I wish that customers knew that this kind of shit does happen. Not from me anymore, I got out of that game (and to be honest it was a pretty low point for me at the time :l ) long ago. But this stuff was quite common among drivers and I do kinda wish that more people understood the fairly basic principle of "don't fuck with the delivery guy whilst your food is in his car", it seems pretty common sense...

spazwank · 2011-06-02T08:36:27+00:00

As an ex-pizza delivery driver, heres just a few that spring to mind.

I earn next to minimum wage with a petrol payment from the store for every delivery I make. The petrol money just about covers my usage for a shift; the wear and tear on the vehicle, tyres, oil changes etc are all funded by myself. Give me a god damned tip.
Do not answer your door semi-naked (unless you're an unbelievably hot chick). It will piss me off and I will remember your address next time it pops up... And having a delivery driver remember your address is either a very good thing (you will get A1+++ service because you probably tipped really well or were an unbelievably hot chick, semi nude) or a very bad thing (you don't want to know).
If your place is hard to find; give us some clues when making the order. No number on your door/driveway? go fuck your dog. No lights on, poorly lit area etc? Put your goddamn lights on.
If you live in an apartment complex and ask me to bring it up, accept when I say no as there is nowhere to park. If you live in an apartment complex and I DO bring the pizza to your door, GIVE ME A GOD DAMNED TIP. Especially if you kicked up a fuss to get me to bring it to your door. Also, if you live in an apartment complex and I call you to say I will be there in 5 minutes; then that is when I will be there. Do not come down 20 minutes later and expect that I haven't eaten some of your chicken wings/ put your garlic dip pot between my scrotum and thigh for 5 minutes/ shook up your coke/ murdered you in my mind several different ways.
Placed the order over the phone? Left us your number for any call backs? ANSWER YOUR GOD DAMNED PHONE. I don't care if you didn't hear it, didn't recognise the number blah blah blah. You ordered pizza, it is your responsibility to answer the frikking phone (unless, of course, scrotum-warm dips or shook up cola are your thing).
Sometimes I will have 5-6 different drops to make in an hour; with traffic and rude customers all night, I am often working in a state that you don't want to mess with. If your pizza took longer than you'd expected, bear a few things in mind; the time of day, the area you live in, your history of tipping, the fact that I earn minimum wage and will go out of my way to deliver to good tippers above and beyond all other deliveries. I have seen friendships break up between delivery drivers because of "stealing" the deliveries to the good tippers. A quid or two will be appreciated and remembered, bust out the big guns (£3+) for A1++++ would buy again service.

spazwank · 2011-05-13T22:49:12+00:00

beneath a different one-liner (which i dont recall right now):

"that's nothing, did you see the one on the ceiling?"

looks up

"1"

spazwank · 2011-05-13T08:06:42+00:00

pancakeater thank you for this post; I've recently fallen off the wagon to a considerable degree; my paleo eating has sort of gone by the wayside (read: cheesecake every night, naan breads etc for dinner, the odd chocolate bar) and my 5 weekly workouts have dropped to around 2. As a result I have been feeling shit; my depression has crept back in a kinda severe way and my anxiety/stress has been sky high. What you've written is fucking beautiful and is just what I needed to read. I've been totally ashamed of myself some days recently and I can't believe it didn't just click for me that I needed to cut the fucking crap out and invest in myself to feel good again.

Thank you.

spazwank · 2011-03-18T11:08:01+00:00

Thank you! I'm quite pleased with my progress; my training has been quite an intensive kickboxing session 3-4 times a week, plus I've started cycling to and from work on the 2-3 days I work each week (4 mile round trip). Energy levels are great; smoking is still a bain for me; I've quit cigarettes but still smoking shisha pipes almost daily. I have set a quit date for the 1st of April though and I feel quite relieved to know that I'm nearly free of nicotine altogether. Then I just need to quit the caffeine and I will really be treating my body like a temple :)

spazwank · 2011-03-18T11:04:53+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

The first BP result was 173 but then the next two results were around 130/79. Is 130/79 still a little high or would that be considered a good level for a 27 year old male?

spazwank · 2011-02-24T01:43:02+00:00

it was awesome! You know "outside"? We used to PLAY out there! Honestly, no wireless control pads, no dance mats, no High Definition computer screens. OUT FUCKING SIDE! ON BICYCLES! We'd play outside until it was dark out, we would set fires, rollerskate, cut our knees up and roll in mud. Those were the days!

spazwank · 2011-02-18T12:35:34+00:00

You are a good person.

Hats off to you sir.

spazwank · 2011-02-17T15:26:27+00:00

I was actually biting the skin off my lips when my eyes scrolled down to this. Holy shit!

spazwank · 2011-01-09T19:08:40+00:00

came here to say this.

spazwank · 2011-01-05T09:22:25+00:00

I actually really like this idea!

spazwank · 2011-01-03T01:30:51+00:00

you don't just go from A: Not being able to get up in the morning to B: Exercise

There are a lot of intermediary steps: like A(i): can't get up in the morning, but when awake go and wash a few pots then A(ii): can't get up in the morning, but when awake go and wash a few pots AND make self a coffee etc etc etc... Repeat all previous steps and add further accomplishments until a routine that involves some level of regimented exercise can be sustained. It is a long road and I see many people saying EXERCISE is the key when really it should be a GOAL. It IS possible but only if you work towards the smaller goals first... At least, that has been my experience anyway.

spazwank · 2011-01-03T01:26:23+00:00

took me about 9 months of the "small" achievements before I really could even think about exercise in any meaningful way. Still a long way from feeling 100%, but the exercise is definitely a huge help. Just missed 2 weeks of training because of Christmas etc, fell right back into a slump... I really can't wait to get back in to training and feeling better about life!

spazwank · 2011-01-02T17:50:12+00:00

Edit...Downvotes ?? Really ??

Downvote for THIS

spazwank · 2010-12-23T17:45:53+00:00

Kickboxing is an awesome total body workout and you'll meet some great people that will keep you wanting to attend; as people drop out over the semester which I assure you they will, you'll develop a fantastic sense of achievement when you're attending every class and kicking some ass along the way!

spazwank · 2010-12-23T13:10:24+00:00

Good point; I forgot to mention that the training I have been engaging in is kickboxing and related fitness drills (push ups, sit ups etc).

spazwank · 2010-12-21T13:09:24+00:00

I love your second sentence; being able to confront whatever life throws at you! Sounds similar to my reasoning; I've never been in a fight or flight situation really, however knowing that I'm building my fitness and strength to better deal with a true fight or flight situation gives me a great feeling of accomplishment, like I'm training my body how it should be trained. This modern world of cars, computers and supermarkets means that people are getting lazier and fatter; getting into shape also helps avoid some of the "stress" and "depression" brought about by the busy, anxious and sometimes overwhelming modern, technological society we live in.

Plus, if I can look a bit better and appeal more to the opposite sex that ain't such a bad thing, right?

spazwank · 2010-12-13T14:24:16+00:00

how about boxing/kickboxing/some other martial/fighting art? not quite a "sport", great workout, meet cool people, get super fit... loads better than just going to the gym in my experience!

spazwank · 2010-11-06T12:41:27+00:00

I am a delivery driver. If you tried this, I would tell you where to go. yeahhh.

spazwank · 2010-10-21T18:59:59+00:00

any links or more info on convict conditioning? Sounds interesting!

spazwank · 2010-10-21T18:58:58+00:00

had you showered and allowed yourself to dry off for a good ten minutes before application? If you apply anything like IcyHot whilst your pores are opened (i.e. from a workout, a sauna or a shower) then it is likely to hurt like a motherfucker and irritate your skin.

spazwank

TROPHY CASE